After that USA match against Portugal, I really need a moment. But it’s time for more Atlanta nonsense. Can we just get this wedding done already? When I heard that Kandi’s wedding was going to have a “Coming to America” theme, I thought she just named it poorly. I never for a moment thought anyone, even Kandi, would make a such a spectacle of a wedding to style it after a Blaxploitation movie. But apparently she is. I sure hope they had a simple private, meaningful ceremony in Mexico, when my source said they did.
We are three days out and Kandi is getting a hair consult and a manicure. Kandi still hasn’t given Todd the prenup, if you believe the storyline. By the time Todd gets the prenup, it’s not something he needs to sign. If Kandi dies he gets nothing? If they divorce he has to be out in 30 days? All the profits from joint predictions are Kandi’s? But Kandi gets half of all Todd’s earnings? This whole thing has to be storyline because no one draws up their prenup 2 days before the wedding. Kandi had been ranting about a prenup for months now. Why didn’t she have one drawn up back then? I’m not buying this at all.
I’m going to skip over all the personal family cemetery visits if you don’t mind.
Todd, it’s not a 360 you are thinking of, it’s a 180. You’ve been hanging out with Apollo too much. Is Todd wearing light contacts in his talking heads? Todd and his groomsmen are our for drinks and onion rangs. Today was National Onion Ring Day and I didn’t have even a whiff of an onion rang.
It’s time for dueling Bachelor and Bachelorette parties. Apollo is eye raping all the whores. These are some cheap looking hookers. Peter could scrounge up something better than that? Are these Apollo’s side pieces he got on TV? What is the story here?
At the girls party they are passing out penis syringes with a shot inside. I’m pretty sure that is more ghetto than drinking sizzurp out of a red solo cup. Plus Kandi doesn’t drink! I really don’t need to see old aunt Nora simulating fellatio on my television. Mama Joyce, smartly and thankfully declined. Thank God for fast forward. I am not even looking as I fast forward. Because, it’s just nasty.
I think we are now at the rehearsal and everyone has their clothes on. Mama Joyce says that this is the first time she will be in the room with Sharon since she called her “the B-word.” Bitch, your thug ass with that trash box mouth ain’t fooling nobody. Cut that B-word shit out this instant. Own your thugginess.
In other news, the bridesmaids have yet to see a completed dress and were only fitted once in the muslim patterns. LOL at the typo. I bet Muslim patterns would be pretty. I meant muslin patterns. obvi. Muslin by the way, is named after Mosul, and Iraqi town that was recently attacked and taken by Sunni fighters. Perhaps my hormonal brain was thinking of that while I was typing. My brain sort of does its own thing lately.
Todd is hungover and hasn’t seen Kandi since the night before. Why didn’t he come home last night? Kandi just found out that Todd is not signing the prenup. This is the stupidest show ever. Are we to believe that more thought and planning went in to penis syringes and stripper selections than the damn prenup? Kandi is apparently mad at Todd for not signing the prenup. Kandi says the attorneys think they should cancel the wedding. If any of this is real, they probably should. For Todd to sign the prenup at this point he has to sign on camera to prove he was not under duress. That right there should be a red flag to Todd. Also, didn’t Kandi and Todd say they bought the house together, but now she is saying that was not his house? None of this makes sense and I am tired of talking about it.
Tonight, Andy Cohen has once again packaged WWHL as RHOA for the purposes of DVRing, just like Kandi’s actual show. So we will be hearing about these huge ratings for WWHL soon. #InflatedRatings
This whole show is stupid too. The viewer question asks whether she should get married if the prenup isn’t signed. Are we supposed to be pretending Todd and Kandi are getting married next Sunday? IDGI. Kandi said she took out the part where Todd gets nothing if she dies.
Kandi says that she and Mama Joyce go days without calling each other all the time because her mother is mad about something.
Kandi makes it seem like it is Todd’s fault things happened two days before the wedding because he didn’t get an attorney until the prenup was done.
Kandi and Ramona are housewives friends. That’s an odd pairing.
Todd’s mom is very upset about the things Mama Joyce said on the show. Sharon only knew it happened when the show aired.
Why is the wedding July 6th? What is going to happen next week?