We begin with Mrs. Miller dying. For women, the loss of a mother is one of the most difficult experiences in life. It focuses your understanding on the finite nature of life and makes you reevaluate your priorities. And Abby’s priority is sucking the life force out of her dancers and belittling them at pyramid. So let’s get started!
This week the girls strutted in wearing team jackets and looking like a cohesive team. Abby says it’s okay the lost last week and that they should probably have taken the week off. Maddie cries. And it’s time for pyramid. Last week Chloe danced a routine that had all the choreographic intricacy of the hokey pokey. Thus, she came in fifth. Abby knows full well this is not Chloe’s fault, because it is part of her diabolical plan to crush Chloe’s soul. Next is Nia. Because Abby hates Nia and doesn’t work with her individually. Abby’s feedback is a dismissive, “you still have a long way to go.” That is the kind of critique she is paying the big bucks for. Next is Kalani, because Abby has to hide her obsession with Kalani from Maddie. It’s like Maddie is Abby’s wife and Kalani is the exciting new side piece. That sounded a bit wrong. It was unintentional. Plus, if she places Kalani properly on the pyramid she will have to go against Maddie, and she would likely beat her. Abby will not allow that. Abby tells Kalani, “You were beautiful in the group. You’re kind of just…there.” Next is Kendall. Mostly because she did not win her solo. Then there is the chosen one. Followed by Mackenzie, because she did a video! Did she even dance at all last week? It doesn’t matter. This pyramid has never been about the girls’ dance performance.
Abby has finally settled on a new team. There is a new Maddie, a new Chloe, etc. etc. She has someone to put in to compete against each of them. Everyone is replaceable! The new girls walk in and look pretty fierce. They too are sporting ALDC gear and look like a team. Kira immediately goes in on one of the girls, Sara and her mom who are from her hometown in Arizona. But in an amazing twist, Sara is not there to compete against Kalani, no gentle readers, she is there to humiliate Nia. Nia talks a little trash in her talking head! You go girl! Ava is up against Kendall. Jade is a seasoned competition dancer there to take on Kalani. Tia is a freckled-faced girl with pony tails with her eye on beating Mackenzie. Sarah, who is from the ALDC already is 8 and Abby wants someone in that division, so Mackenzie really has two competitors, because in some competitions it is 8 and under and in others it is 9 and under. That or she is there because her mother, Christy, and Melissa hate each other. Kamryn is going up against Chloe. Kamryn is a 7 time national champion and 14 years old.
You may have noticed that Maddie didn’t have a match up with the new girls. That is because Abby is afraid to match her up against anyone. I’m quite sure she won’t have a solo for this completion. Not only that, she has taken Maddie off the team entirely and put her on the new fake team.
Kalani and Kendall are doing a duet. Sarah and Ava are also doing a duet. They also have the two most hated Dance Moms from the new team. What a coinky dink!
Chloe is doing a lyrical solo. Kamryn is the girl that Abby puts against her. Looks like only one solo per team.
The new dance moms are a bunch of thugs. Sarah’s mom, Christy, reminds me of that Christian warrior lady on wife swap who called everyone “dark-sided!!!!” She just screamed “The Lord Rebuke You!” to Melissa? Christi? No one in particular? This is going to be awesome.
Practice for the new group’s group dance shows that Maddie will be featured. Oh of course she will. Christy Christian Warrior’s (CCW) kid is getting a lot of corrections. She’s 8 but CCW doesn’t think her kid needs any corrections despite always begging Abby for more time with her kid.
Every time, Chloe rehearses Abby plays Angry Birds on her cellphone.
All the moms except CCW go out for drinks. Of course the two groups magically end up at the same place. Nothing says good storyline like two drunk factions of dance moms! Kira almost gets physical as her inner street thug bubbles out. Kira was trash talking a child on the other team! No Bueno.
First up is the new girls duet. I was good. The choreography was good. They were mostly in sync. There was nothing particularly attention grabbing about it.
Kalani and Kendall’s duet was also good. They didn’t seem quite as in sync as they could have been. Their costumes were cool. They both gave great face. Frankly, it’s a toss-up for me.
Candy Apples Kathy is there and busts into the ALDC dance moms to be dramatic. Abby runs Kamryn’s solo with her, while Chloe runs hers alone in the corner.
Kamryn’s solo was good. Abby loved it. I had to rewind twice because my mind wandered to other things. The choreography was complex and Kamryn is a beautiful dancer, but I just couldn’t get into it.
Chloe’s dance was awesome. FINALLY she gets some choreography that allows her to shine. Plus the music was haunting and emotional and dragged you into the performance. I had chills. I think Chloe should win. Then again, Chloe is my favorite so I am a tad bit biased.
CCW mom walks into the real team’s dressing room to try to get Melissa to go into the B team’s room to pray over the team. Melissa takes a pass. CCW gets into it with Abby and calls her liar. Abby ejects CCW and her kid from the group dance. For someone who is from ALDC, CCW sure doesn’t seem to understand how Abby operates.
The dance mom from Arizona that Kira likes to taunt is puking in a trashcan because she can’t take the pressure.
The new team has a lyrical number. It was very good. I totally expect this group to take first, especially because the regular team number is not lyrical…it’s jazz or something. Each girl on this team was exceptional.
The real team started off with Chloe a bit out of her spot but she quickly corrected. Kendall lip synced a bit. These are all minor issues but it might be enough to cost them first. Holly and the girls seem to think they did great. And they did. But it wasn’t spot on perfect to me. And sadly, Chloe seemed to be a bit off for most of the dance.
Oh crap. Kendall and Kalani’s dance got third. The new team took second place. Abby is going to be pissed at all of these girls. Jill thinks Kendall and Kalani were robbed. They weren’t. They just weren’t anything to write home about.
The real team takes second. The new team takes first. I think that is how it should have gone. Of course Maddie accepts the trophy. Of course she does.
Kamryn takes third place for her solo. I guess she bored the judges too. CHLOE GOT FIRST! CHLOE GOT FIRST! THANK GOD ALMIGHTY CHLOE GOT FIRST!
My DVR cut off while Abby was explaining that her long-term goal is to have two competition teams. I have a feeling it doesn’t matter because the season is over and this was the finale. We will have to see who shows up at ALDC next season. I’d like to see that Jade girl come and give Maddie a run for her money.
Why didn’t they go to nationals this season? Or if they did go why wasn’t it filmed?
Next week: It’s the Reunion: Seeing Red and it looks like a major bitchfest.