I had great plans for this recap. Really, I did. But I can only work with what Bravo gives me and I am bored to death. This reunion is just awful. Since I really have nothing to say, I’m going to rely mostly on T. Kyle gifs. I had thought about doing a pyramid in the style of Abby Lee Miller, but they really didn’t give me anything to critique. I will instead simply rank the ladies performances from worst to best.
Carlton
You’re a bigot!
Carlton was barely even there. The Wiccan debate with Kyle was repetitive and awful. Bottom of the pyramid.
Yolanda
What means goad?
I thought that line was pretty funny. However, Yo seemed very uncomfortable sitting next to Joyce. It’s hard not being the prettiest girl on the couch it seems.
Joyce
You are the one calling that paparazzi! I have a show, honey. Siberia!
Next on the pyramid is Joyce. Joyce is the prettiest girl on the couch, but her skill level on the reunion battle field is not up to par. If you are allowed to stay in the competition you need to work on your insults. I know you can do it!
Brandi
My cheeks are my cheeks! You can feel them! I don’t want to have a face lift. I don’t want to end up like that girl that got fired last year! I’m not in the bathroom doing cocaine, I’m not in the car smoking pot, I like my wine!
Brandi is the opposite of Joyce in every way. Brandi, you need to work on your facial expressions. That angry sour look is annoying. You are either angry or crying. Your jab at Adrienne and the overall painful tedium of this episode are the only things that moved you up the list this far.
Lisa
So nasty. I think they were afraid of Ken in his underpants.
The Queen Bee sort of checked out on this episode. But hearing her say “underpants” was priceless.
Kim
I missed a huge chunk of my fucking life and my children’s life, so I am sorry if I missed a party or two. When have you ever heard me say I like a turtle? I don’t trust you with my shoe! I wouldn’t trust you with an old pair of socks! So I would never have said that to you!
We can always count of Kim to say totally absurd things. She definitely came through for us tonight guaranteeing her high placement on the countdown!
Kyle
You’re a liar and a hypocrite! Bonus points for not reacting to Carlton calling you a bigot. I know what a pentagram looks like because I’ve seen it on Richard Ramirez, the night stalker!
Kyle wins the night by a landslide when she compares Carlton to a serial killer and rapist! It takes years of reunion experience to come up with a line like that. You win for that kernel of corn in the pile of poo that was this show!
Best. Recap. Ever.
Agreed!
It was painful to watch… I was cringing the entire time. I liked how Andy called Brandi out on her ever-changing cheeks. Ready for this one to be over!
To me, Yolanda’s “What means goad?” line was the best of the night. When backed into a corner, always pull out the “My English is no so good” card.
*not*
I liked “no so good” better! 🙂
@Tootisie~ That is the second time that I have done that today. Not enough coffee! It truly was an accident and hopefully, I did not offend anyone. Actually, when Yolanda uttered that line, I thought of my nail guy who has lived here since the 60s and speaks perfect English, but have someone question his pricing or ask for a discount or donation and suddenly, his English is not so great anymore. 🙂
For a second, I thought she said “What means goat”?!
I think she actually meant goat.
um, huh?
On Tue, Mar 25, 2014 at 7:40 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Totally agree – Yawn Fest Part II.
Most telling question of the night was when Kim asked Lisa: “When have you ever heard me say I like a turtle?” Duh, repeatedly and just last week on reunion part I. Bless her heart, she seems to have an unhealthy obsession with LVP. Why in the world is Kim getting so much screen time? It’s not a good look for her.
Yeah. The second part was useless. Horrible non eventful. Same yelling on the same subjects. No one had a legal folder or photo under a pillow. Not even a crazy Rosie yelling from the wings.
Was Brandi talking about Adrianne or Taylor? My mind immediately went to Taylor’s fucked up face.
Kim is retarded and deluded. There is no coming back from her level if crazy. I was happy that Andy stood up for Lisa just a bit. But I don’t think it got through.
“I don’t want to end up like that girl that got fired last year!” I think she was talking about Adrienne.
Um…ok.
It could go either way for Adrienne or Taylor. Either works really. I did think that Andy stuck up for Lisa a bit and called out Brandi here and there. He definitely threw Brandi some shady with that “So you are back on your meds?” question.
On Tue, Mar 25, 2014 at 12:37 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Wish he had then said: “are you supposed to drink alcohol while on anti-depressants?” Now that would have been some SHADE we could have all stood under!
Brandi’s face gives me the heebie jeebies. Next time she freezes her face, she should smile before the needles go in. It’s as if she’d just snorted some of Yo’s lemons before the last round of injections – or maybe she was told to make the “Phaedra Screw Face”! Definite vibes of the Madame puppet, with the exception that the Madame puppet is entertaining.
I noticed that King David doesn’t attend the reunion next week. Big surprise. And calling bullshit on Gigi paying for that apartment with her own money, ahem. I wonder how Gigi’s dad feels about his daughter showing off so much skin, men from that part of the world typically aren’t into that. Perhaps he’s an exception.
Andrew finally did a decent by calling Brandi out on her two-faced reconciliation with Joyce – who nailed her with the “Ew, don’t touch me” talking head jab by Brandi after they hugged it out. I thought Joyce did better on this episode than the last one. Even liked the “yes, I understand you’re depressed, but it’s not an excuse to drag everyone down with you”. Tired of Brandi’s “oh poor me, my husband left me” bit.
Hoping they’ve saved the best for last in part 3.
OMG I died laughing at Kyle’s 1980’s serial killer reference.
TT considering the reunion was Bravo’s version of Ambien, your choice of recap style was creative & succint. 😛
Joyce mentioned Siberia so does that mean that there is a season 2?
Yes! The second season is supposed to start filming soon! I can’t wait!
On Tue, Mar 25, 2014 at 12:43 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Yolanda looks as if she is sawing wood.
Kim so needs to get over Lisa’s not coming to her daughter’s graduation party. Sounds like Lisa replied her regrets along with a gift.That’s more than kim had the decency to do for Pandora’s wedding. I think Andy showed his dislike for Brandy last night.
Kim may be sober but she’s far from being in recovery. If she was, she’d be looking to apologize for her actions not attack and judge others. Kim has very juvenile sensibilities not uncommon to those early in sobriety. I’m wondering who Lisa represents to Kim because it’s not normal for a fifty year old woman to be so obsessed with another.
I think Kim is auditioning for the lead in Single White Female 3.
Thank you! I thought the same thing.
Lisa represents everything that Kim wishes she could be: self assured, happily married, popular and wealthy.
When I heard somebody describe Kim as a ‘dry drunk’ I was baffled, having never heard that expression before. I duly looked it up and bingo! The description fits her character perfectly.
Isn’t it interesting that the ones who criticise Lisa the most are so desperate for her approval. Step forward Kim and Brandi.
Thank you! She was so angry, “I missed so much of my daughter’s life, my life!…” etc etc. Well, Kim, I have a lot of sympathy for people recovering from addiction but part of that is accepting responsibility for your behaviour whilst addicted. You attacked Ken and his wife and then got upset when he hit back.
I started watching this show a few seasons in, when it was already clear that Kim was suffering from a substance abuse issue. I put much of her behaviour down to that. Sadly, it seems that sober Kim is just as self-absorbed, petulant and entitled. I really dislike her.
I really liked Joyce in this reunion ep – she held her own and kept her dignity. Brandi is peddling her marital drama for all it is worth, I’m bored.
@ Tootsie: HA HA HA!!! THAT WAS GREAT!!! Single White Female 3 … HILARIOUS!
Clearly her anger was misplaced from her sister, who was supposed to host Kimberley’s graduation party, but instead went to England leaving Kim holding the bag. If you substitute Kathy Hilton for LVP in all of those scenes, Kim’s behavior starts to make a shred of sense.
Very interesting. That theory makes a lot of sense. Kimberly on the other had makes very little sense.
On Fri, Mar 28, 2014 at 5:26 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Thank you! I really didn’t want to sit through it and now I don’t have to. The gifs are awesome.
Seems like Carlton is so over both RHOBH and Brandi. She hardly spoke up about anything when she wasn’t directly questioned – and she didn’t back up Brandi when she and Joyce were toe to toe.
I think the bloom is off that botoxed rose for Carlton. Nice to see. Can’t imagine too many putting up with Brandi for long.
I’m glad. That love fest was nauseating. I hope Carlton moves on to other things…away from RHBH.
I loved every word in this recap!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!
When Kookoo Kim is the highlight of the reunion, I’m glad I didn’t watch.
Hmmm, am I the only one who thought Lisa was actually throwing shade at Kim when she mentioned Kim’s problem with her son Chad? If I recall correctly, didn’t one of Kim’s kids overdose and run down her street psychotic? I thought when Lisa was talking about Kim being beside herself about Chad this is what she was referencing. Possibly as payback for Kim stating Lisa cares about Ken, Pandora and Giggy while leaving out Lisa’s son Max.
Real Chicago HW, I think she was and Kim and Kyle were hustling to shut Lisa down and calling foul. I thought Lisa did it subtle and was not planning to out any specifics. As an example of having ever phoned Kim, she said she called about her son’s broken leg and found out it was “something else”. They were shouting to stop her from finishing the comment. They were afraid of the truth being spoken.
yes!! that same thought popped into my head abt kim’s son. still love me some lisa v but that was some undercover shade. i think she has had enough of kim’s nonsense. i know i have and i am just watching this crapfest on my couch every Monday night.
I did think that. I decided to leave it out of the recap since the son is not on the show so his emotional difficulties should not be fodder for blogs.
On Tue, Mar 25, 2014 at 1:54 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I thought I heard Yo say that Gigi was Sport’s Illustrated “Rookie of the Year”? (after mistakenly saying Victoria’s Secret). Did anyone else hear that?
I wanted to see Gigi’s pictures so I googled SI rookie of the year, and another model is actually rookie of the year – Gigi isn’t even in the top 5 finalists. She is a “rookie” – did I not hear Yo or Andy correctly??
I did not hear if GiGi actually won rookie of the year for SI, but Yolanda was so feverishly and constantly tweeting for people to vote for her, I stopped following her. Maybe she did win and prize was the nude photo shoot that was soon everywhere.
And you can see GiGi’s boyfriend, Cody Simpson, he is a contestant on Dancing WTS.
That young blonde guy is Gigi’s BF? He’s like 19? I remember a few weeks ago Yo was tweeting for votes for Gigi, I didn’t think she won tho’
I liked Kyle’s serial killer reference to pentagram, I am not going to give her credit that it was a spontaneous response. You know she has been hashing over that incident in her mind and mouth ever since it happened.
I am so done with Brandi, after supporting her 2 seasons as underdog. The woman is so immature and worse. I thought the idea of touching the side of her skull to prove no fillers was redic. I am not familiar with this myself, I would have poked her chubby cheek in the front. She sure lost her pretty of 2 years ago, inside and out.
Yolanda designated herself as interpreter and convo traffic cop. She is just so obnoxious. I appreciated only one subtle reference to “my lyme” this edition.
My least likable now is Kim. Just so over her crying and whining and suspiciously over the top drama. She wants a pass from everyone because she f’d up her life. She has pickeled brain cells and is over acting. Crying at the reunion still about kid off to collage, she is still unstable and should not be on TV. I recall Lisa and Ken escorting her around Paris the first day or two. Kyle and Mo were in Italy or someplace. At the time, I thought they went over and above to be so nice to her and her dirty pillow.
Kim’s daughter is one hour away in San Diego. Give me a break. Kim acts like she’s on the other side of the world and will never see her again. Kim is over-dependent on her daughter and perhaps trying to live vicariously through her because she never even finished high school. She bragged about the sorority her daughter is in. What importance does that have? My parents couldn’t have cared less about that. They wanted me to get a good education. Sorry for the rant. Kim just irritates me. She acts like a lunatic, attacks people viciously and then plays the victim. Just a PITA!
I would be so embarrassed if that was my mum slobbering on the sofa about me going off to college. Kim needs to get a life. Yolanda is just a total shit stirring bitch, and Brandi’s face is just getting ridiculous – she can hardly move her mouth.
I agree the Reunion was a snooze. It was non stop Lisa bashing.
I feel that Yolanda, Brandi and dumb Kim trying to take down Lisa back fired big time. They look petty and ridiculous.
Why does Yolanda dislike Joyce?
I just read Lisa’s blog on Bravo and I must say it was clever and funny.
Brandi – was all over the place. Lisa is fake, I love Lisa, Lisa lied, I love Lisa, now cry. If she is not on meds she needs some.
Lisa stays classy which I love.
Carlton looks so much better without a tan.
I think Yolanda doesn’t like Joyce because Joyce didn’t get with the Lisa bashing program. She’s not easily manipulated and she’s got snappy comebacks. That rattles Yolanda. Brandi has serious emotional problems. She and Kim really shouldn’t be on reality tv in this capacity. It’s not healthy for them. They are too psychologically fragile. Recast, reboot, or cancel.
I guess that’s why Yo is so nasty to Joyce. Some of the comment she says to Joyce I wish Joyce would come back with a good zinger for miss lemon face Yolanda. What a nasty mouth Yo has. I didn’t like Joyce at the start but I kind of do now. I think her happy, happy, is real, at first I thought it was put on. Now I think she is just a decent person that really tries to like everyone. Don’t care for her husband’s mouth though. He doesn’t know a whole situation and makes stupid comments. And yes the second part of this reunion was a yawn fest too.
This show needs a major re-boot the way they did with New York.
Sometimes it’s just time to call it a day. I think NY is beyond repair, major re-boot or not.
I had to stop watching because I couldn’t take Yo always chiming in to back up Brandi, but she didn’t stop Brandi when she was being childish. Yo’s face is so squished together with duck lips, I couldn’t take it. Kim has GOT TO GO. I can’t understand why she is always trying to argue and she looks like she is freezing anyway – GIRL BYE!
Superb job, as always, TT. These women hate on Lisa because they know she’s a lot smarter than they are, and it intimidates them. They can compete on superficial attributes such as looks, money, etc but they cannot compete in the brains department. Or, in this case, in the success department.
Agreed, Katie!
Why Joyce wasn’t in the Gaga video, from her blog:
“PS: Lots of you have asked me why I wasn’t at the Lady Gaga video. I LOVE GAGA! I would have loved to participate in it. They shot two days and on both days I had previous engagements. On one day I had an engagement with my charity and that for me will always come first. On the other day, I had a cover shoot that had been scheduled for a long time. The crew was booked and the photographer was flying in town to do the shoot. As much as I would have loved to cancel it and go hang out with the AMAZING LADY GAGA, I didn’t have the heart to tell them I was leaving them for the “bigger, better deal.” Hopefully there is a next one.”
Good for her for doing the right thing.
Agree with everyone here about Yo backing up Brandi, regardless of the offense. Wonder if they are “dream-teaming”? Brandi needs an ally against Lisa and Yo also seems to want to take Lisa down several pegs. A match made on reality tv.
But why does Yo disparage Lisa? Perhaps because Lisa got Mohamed in the divorce?? Yo had so many passive-aggressive comments against Lisa this season, many of them directed at Mohamed, who shot her down and made for awesome viewing. The “Hollywood friend” accusation over regrets for a finger painting party was just too much, and too stupid (Ken hit the nail on the chemically damaged platinum head!)
And I still think Yo told Brandi about Joanna’s “aroma” knowing Brandi would truth-cannon it all over the interwebs and Yo could just sit back and enjoy. And if Yo is EVER accused of instigating, she blames her Lyme brain, how convenient.
“Lisa got Mohammed in the divorce”. Great call!!
In the first season, or maybe it was the second, I could have sworn Lisa said she helped Mohammed decorate that house. And Mohammed acknowledged as much. It was the party with the camels at the door. Then last season Yolanda said she decorated that house. Interesting no? Mohammed respects Lisa but he clearly doesn’t respect Yolanda or he wouldn’t have cheated on Yolanda like he did. I think that is why Lisa bugs Yolanda. Lisa is respected. Yolanda, well, not so much.
Didn’t Joyce say she has known Mohamed from before as well? Ha, wonder if she “knew him” like Lisa, or like Joanna K! I wonder if that’s why Yo hates Joyce so much. Otherwise, I just don’t understand why Yo’s so mean to Joyce – it can’t just be that she’s mean-girling with Brandi, can it??
Remember the statement Yo said in Paris on Lisa and then denied it? Haven’t heard that come up yet I so hope it does. I would love to hear Yos
explanation on that one. The one Yo said she never said. When Lisa was truly concerned about Kim not being at the cooking class. Probably that same old excuse again old Lyme brain.
Speaking to Kim and her sober life. As a recovering alcoholic we live in recovery and act the same. Kim you are a dry drunk. If you truly work the 12 step program then it is so mean spirited to yell and call people names, to constantly make accusing flip comments, to talk behind others backs, to make it ALL ABOUT YOU AND WHAT YOU MISSED, ridiculous to pray by a trash can ( come on ) , and I can go on and on…….. What we do is always great others with compassion and kindness no matter what the situation or leave. You are closer to a drink if that is the behavior you display I’m your every day life.
Well said Congrates. I hope you do well.
So where IS Brandi doing her pot and coke if not in the car or bathroom? Hmm…
At Kim’s house.
@ tootsie: Good one! And plausible, too.
Really, despite wanting to believe Kim’s claims of sobriety, her behavior and mouth betray her. She just seems to act like a fool and spit out phraseology that she learned in rehab. You can’t hide crazy (or drunk); you keep that shiz at home under lock and key. Like respectable people.
While that may be true in CALIFORNIA… here in the south we wear our crazy like a badge of honor and set it out on the front porch. 🙂
On Tue, Mar 25, 2014 at 10:43 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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That’s right Tamara lol. Some of us in the south even find an old used couch for the front porch to make our crazy comfortable.
Kim’s attitude towards Lisa is simply explained. Jealousy and low self esteem. The same reason she fights with Mauricio. Kim can’t stand to think Kyle likes anyone one better than she likes Kim. I’d bet she is like that with anyone Kyle becomes friends with.
The reunion has been anticlimactic at best. These ladies are reaching for a storyline and air time
Do we know who is signed up for next season? Have the negotiations even started? Hopefully Lisa will be on TV somewhere so I can get my
Lisa fix. I kinda dig Carlton too, but she is not popular. I think she’s much more interesting then Kim, Yolanda and Kyle. I also have no problem with her “sex room” at all. I was hoping she would be given another year. If Lisa comes back Carlton may be her only ally.
i loved the night stalker comment. still chortling over that one.
so joyce jumps in to back lisa when lisa is attacked. too bad lisa couldnt be bothered to return the favor.
Richard Sisters <33333 on this reunion. They owned.
Just going to have to give Kim a pass on this dry-drunk accusation. As someone who helped bury a person in recovery who didn’t make it, the amount of effort and support it takes for an addict to get out of that hole is huge. Immeasurable. You keep trying until it sticks. Or it doesn’t. Maybe she’s a kook, maybe she’s behaving in the same manner that she used to excuse her drinking. But she’s is so early in her recovery, who can sit in judgement. Any one who’s worked the steps knows this.
Gonna say the same for Brandi; if 1/10th of what she says is true, she grew up with some wildly permissive & adult-level boundaries. It’s hard to find your place after that; she’ll have to own what comes out of her mouth and one day she’ll figure it out. Or not. But she’s not the devil. I suspect there’s alot about her, that she never lets on and just uses the “I was cheated on” story to deflect. Even Lisa noted how she used to always have the tough exterior — now if someone would just remind Brandi that Lexapro plus alcohol is NOT good.
YES! spk, I was thinking about that too with the Lexapro, Andy asked, she confirmed she takes it everyday. As her BFF from NYC, Kristin Taekman (sorry TT!) would say, “I’m like pretty 100% sure” you’re not supposed to drink while taking antidepressants!
I thought the best line was Kyle claiming to have only done botox. Yeah, and I’m really a chicken.
I loved that one, I’m still laughing – cause I agree!!!!!!!! Good one
Yolanda hates Lisa out of pure jealousy. Yolanda is an empty shell with a pretty face, an amazing divorce settlement, and a holograph husband. She has no talent other than good bone structure and long legs. I think the whole lyme disease is fake, frankly (apologies to real sufferers)–to get attention as she loses her youth. Lisa is a successful business woman, talented, and intelligent. She has a wonderful marriage to a really sweet funny man, a loving family, and a great sense of humor. I can understand why Yolanda wants to take her down. It’s too bad, because Lisa could teach Yolanda a lot.
lisamia;
I agree with everything you said…’cept the pretty face part.
I think Yolanda is fugly, her hair is over processed and her every day clothes out-dated and too tight.
And now I’ve already used up my shallow points for the day.
Oh yeah, she’s jealous, petty and a shit stirrer.
And I will never forgive her, Kim and Brandi for talking to precious Ken like they did. I love that sweet man. They have no soul.
lisamia: Love your term holograph husband 🙂
kaleesie: I fear I use up my shallow points way before the day is up commenting on these blogs. 🙂
Love Ken, too! Pure sugar.
I truly believe Kim has suffered brain damage due to all the years of substance abuse. I’m not being funny – I’m quite serious.
Agreed. I feel sorry for Kim, but I don’t want to watch her on TV–too depressing.
Watching her just makes me sad. I don’t get the aggresive outbursts directed at others, especially Lisa and Ken this year – that doesn’t seem to mesh with an alcoholic in recovery. That said, she’s only owned up to being an alcoholic. Me thinks she abuses other substances.
Get rid of Carlton. Just do it Andy. Just do it.
Get rid of Andy.
I am sick of Andy allowing everyone to speak except Lisa and Joyce. If you are going to be the host of the reunion be fair and unbiased. The purpose of the reunion is to let them clear the air on the petty nonsense the other 4 cast members have been bitching about all season. Andy should let Lisa and Joyce explain without interruptions.
Thank you TT! I love coming here to read your blog points and the responses are equally entertaining. I may have to read the blog first next week before tuning in to Reunion from Hell Part 3.
Did we already talk about how ugly everyone’s outfits were? Money can’t buy you fashion sense?
The Wiccan debate was the most boring part, I mean not all Wiccans are like her.