First of all the Choreographer’s Cut stuff is ruining my ability to DVR actual new episodes, my Tuesday night does not have the room for two hours of Lifetime! Also, we are a full four minutes in to the recording and the show is just now starting after 3 different Next Week…Previously on..Coming Up on.. so I’m quite sure this will cut off before the winners are announced. There are supposed to be three minutes of commercial at the end of the show! This is so the DVR doesn’t get cut off before the end, and so everyone has a potty break before the next show starts. This is how we do it in America, Lifetime. Get with the program. /end rant
It’s time for the dreaded pyramid AKA squashing everyone’s self-esteem (except Maddie of course) right before learning a new routine. Let’s see who gets the brunt of Abby’s hormonal wrath this week… One the bottom was Mackenzie who didn’t go to the competition. I didn’t even notice that did I? Next up is Nia, her face was supposed to be envious, and it was something other than that. Um, okay.
Next up is Peyton. WHO? What? When was the last time we saw Peyton. Now I wish I had not just deleted my four thousand copies of last weeks episode. I can’t recall the last time Peyton was there. Mackenzie is last because she wasn’t there, but Peyton is above Nia who was there when Peyton hasn’t been there for WEEKS? IDGI. Am I just confused? I have a headache and maybe I am just not thinking clearly but this is the most bizarre thing in pyramid history to me. Even more bizarre is Peyton bursting into tears and walking out because Abby called her a crybaby. She calls her that all the time because she cries a lot. Peyton is 16 years old. She should be used to it by now. Her mother goes after her and Peyton is pissed because none of the mothers stood up for her. She says if Abby talked to Maddie that way then the mothers would have defended her. Um, well, Maddie never cries and is pretty much perfect so Abby would never say that. Her mother says that she (Peyton) is the one who keeps wanting to come back to ALDC when she has tried to get her to go elsewhere. I am not buying this whole scene especially now that Abby is going after her rather than continuing with pyramid. Peyton sobs and tells Abby how much she loves dancing at her studio. And back into pyramid we all go.
Next up is Chloe, Abby says nice things. To Chloe. But of course then she tells her if she were home schooled like Maddie she would be improving a lot faster. /Heavy Sigh. Chloe smiles and nods. Next is Maddie. She was perfect in every way. Amazing. A shrine should be erected in her honor and her birthday should be a national holiday. Kendall is on top of the pyramid. It’s a Christmas miracle! Kendall won the technique award and Abby liked that because Abby takes that to mean that she is doing something right. So, be thankful to Abby, Kendall that she taught you well. Aren’t you lucky.
The new fake competition is in Maryland. Finally Abby acknowledges that Peyton is back. She was brought back to take the lead in their version of Kinky Boots. Nia asks, “Isn’t Kinky Boots about drag queens?” Well yes, yes it is and none of the moms seem to have a problem with their prepubescent girls portraying adult male cross dressers. Oh wait, Holly does. Holly can always be counted on as being the sane one. The drag queen solo is called “Lift You Up.”
As for solos, they go to Maddie, Chloe and Mackenzie. It seems the sisters are competing against each other. Is this just for overalls or has Makenzie moved into a new age bracket? Mackenzie is doing one of Maddie’s old routines, Maddie is doing a tap number and Chloe has a contemporary piece. Godspeed Chloe…
Chloe’s dance is called “Follow You” because Abby says she is always following Maddie. Then she tells Mackenzie if she ever wants to catch her sister, now is the time. Because it’s clearly a Maddie, Maddie, Maddie world and well all just live it in.
The mothers hate the group dance, not because of the sexual overtones, but because of the sloppy choreography. They don’t think there is anyway it can win. Melissa agrees, but that is probably because, as Abby is telling the girls, this is the first time they have done a group dance where Maddie is not the lead.
Abby is even putting Mackenzie in the same outfit that Maddie wore when she did the same solo. Abby actually just said this to Mackenzie, who apparently just turned 9, “When Maddie dances she is like a breath of fresh air, when you dance it’s like the stuff we spray in the bathroom. There is a difference.” Abby does say in her talking head she wants Mackenzie to beat Maddie. Meanwhile, Abby has not even completed Chloe’s choreography. The other mothers don’t believe that Maddie just got her solo the day before. Abby has said many times that she doesn’t do more tap with Maddie for competitions because tap takes longer to learn a new routine. She sure does look like she knows the dance very well. Yet, Chloe, still has not been given a complete choreography to practice.
Abby just did a talking head talking about how great Chloe is and how she is a shoo-in for the win. Perhaps it was shot after Chloe wins because it didn’t seem to fit with her previous comments. #fingerscrossed There have also been several frankenbites this episode about how “this is a new competition.”
Adorable talking head by Mackenzie wearing a daisy headband where she says, “Being a drag queen is a lot of work, because you have to work it!”
Ah ha! I see now that the Peyton scene was definitely scripted. They needed a reason for the drag queens to come in. Now there is a scripted scene where the drag queens give Peyton a self-esteem boost and a make-over. Perhaps the other moms were not down with that. Then another scripted scene between Maddie and Mackenzie. This is the most scripted I have ever seen this show.
At the competition, the little clips they show of the competition looked A LOT better than the usual ones. This does not bode well for the Abby Lee Drag Queen number.
Maddie’s tap solo was perfect. She gave great face.
Mackenzie’s solo was good. It was nowhere near Maddie’s level, BECAUSE SHE IS NINE YEARS OLD. And also because after Abby coaching her to do Maddie’s face, Mackenzie smiled the entire number. The number was called, “Cry.” They even had a side by side up on the screen of Maddie doing the dance in a previous season. #scarredforlife
Chloe should win. End of discussion.
Abby says Mackenzie’s dance was good but she will never be Maddie. OMFG how many times is that in the script? No human would ever say this that many times.
Abby is already telling Peyton that if they lose it is her fault. They are all wearing wigs and the chances of one of them flipping their wig is very high. It seems the feeling of failure is already in the air. Once again, Abby wants Kalani back. It is not Peyton’s fault they are not doing a lyrical number with Kalani, for fucksake.
The group dance was the worst thing I have ever seen. I would be surprised if they make top ten. It was grossly sexually inappropriate, not just for the girls dancing but for all the little bible thumping girls in the audience. If you want to take you kid to a drag show, that’s fine for your kid. But if I were these people, if this is even a remotely real competition I would never have ALDC back. Peyton’s 16 year old ass checks literally hung out of her costume. MACKENZIE was doing the booty shake. It was all very Rocky Horror Picture Show. It was just inappropriate for this situation. Y’all may resume calling me a prude now. I will be over here clutching my pearls.
Maddie wins first, MACKENZIE wins second and Chloe wins third. Because, there is no God.
And this religious philosophy is confirmed when ALDC wins first place overall. However it sounded like they said “in our fan category” whatever that means. Was there a vote from the audience or something? So anyway, they won, and Peyton was fantastic in her role. You remember Peyton the poor girl who bore the entire responsibility for them winning? Well they won and Abby said they were great and she could not take her eyes off Mackenzie.
This show is really starting to frustrate me. I have to watch it now from the perspective of How Will Abby Fuck Over The Other Girls This Week? I bet Mackenzie is at the top of the damn pyramid next week.
Chloe was ROBBED.