Back in the day, Arsenio Hall had a talk show with a segment called, “Things That Make You Go Hmmmm.” Well over on my dilapidated couch last night, I was going hmmmm and saying WTF? all through Vanderpump Rules. It’s been obvious from the get go that Bravo wanted a show like The Hills. And what they got was, a show like The Hills. But, the problem is after The Hills ended most of the cast came clean that the entire show was scripted nonsense.
As long as there have been fake reality shows there have always been two groups of viewers. First, are “the normals,” people with lives who go to work and come home at night and just want to watch something mindless on TV. Any show about a bunch of fucked up people fits the bill. After a long day at the office, they want someone to point at to say, well, today sucked, but at least I am not Heidi Montag. Then there are those of us with no lives who have plenty of time to discover that in real life Lauren Conrad moved out of that house months before Heidi’s wedding! This show is total bullshit. Our joy in these shows is proving that we are not as dumb as we look, dammit! Over at the network, the excecs welcome both groups with equal Glee. For now. As social media expands, the number of “normals” is rapidly dwindling and fact finders don’t have to look far to find the truth. So how much longer will these sorts of shows last?
Let’s take a look at Vanderpump Rules Finale. First we have Tom Sandoval trying to read a text aloud with the fluency of a second grader with special needs. Of all the characters on this show, he is most in need of acting lessons. And that is saying a lot. In his “Why are you late ?” scene with his stammering and dropped shoulder routine is laughable. Making Tom the lead in this storyline was laughable. But wet tried to overlook that.
Lisa Vanderpump has gotten weirder by the episode on Vanderpump Rules this season. She went from being a busy successful business owner who was above all the juvenile drama straight to pot stirrer within the first three episodes. On the finale, she gossips to Guillermo Zapata, so she can have screen time, she orders Stassi to apologize to Kristen for something that occurred during their personal time, She berates a tearful Kristen and tries to bully her into quitting, and most all of this occurs while attending an engagement party that it is inappropriate for her to attend in the first place.
If you are going to film a scripted soap opera, you need to put some effort into blocking and special effects. For example, when Tom attacks Jax and Jax gets nary a defensive punch in, if you want to have Jax’s face bloodied, you go for a nose punch. Tom tries to explain the ketchup on Jax’s forehead on WWHL by saying that he punched Jax in the forehead rather than the nose or the mouth because he was taking it easy on him. Even dumb old Tom figured out that the ketchup was in the wrong place after seeing the episode. Sadly for Tom, who has probably never thrown a real punch in his life, he doesn’t know that if you punch someone in the forehead, most likely you are going to break your hand. And never will the forehead, spontaneously be covered in blood (or cocktail sauce) when no cut was made. Okay looking at a paused shot of Jax’s face (the things I do for you) it looks like Tom might have cut his head with a ring or something. Head wounds do bleed a lot. Maybe Jax’s blood does look like cocktail sauce. Sigh.
Lisa’s stage direction, script and acting were particularly awful last night. Generally, she makes a civilized appearance, buys a round of drinks and leaves. Last night she flew around on her broom spouting lines that would never naturally come from her mouth. Then, she gave a toast and said, “Okay, I’m going home. I suggest you all do to. come on.” This is the cue for the scripted fight scene. NOBODY was up to this scene. Lisa stands up and seems afraid to turn her back on what she knows is going to happen. She cringes as she walks away.
I just slow motioned Tom punching Jax. And he did hit him on the top of the head, coming down toward the forehead. I guess that Jax got some input on the blocking, like stay away from his nose and his face. The acting is horrible. Scheana’s scene was particularly bad. Not to be outdone, Jax gives a talking head with the music swelling about there be no coming back from this. And Stassi’s final fake cry of the season where she lists all the men who have wronged her, announces she is a good person, and bemoans…”when are good people gonna come out on top?”
I can answer that for you Stassi. When he writers make it happen. After that dramatic scene, someone off camera shouts, AND THAT’S A WRAP! And Lisa returns to the group and says, “Let’s have a drink to celebrate the end of another great season!”
You’re awesome, thank you:)
I agree, it’s all scripted soap opera. It finally hit me last night. There’s nothing wrong with soap opera, but Bravo trying to present it as reality is an insult to the viewer’s intelligence. I am disappointed in Lisa. I really liked the fact that she seemed like a driven businesswoman, but she has tarnished her image with this farce. But the icing on the cake is when we see the online tabloids “reporting” on each HW or Kardashian episode as if it was “news” that had actually happened, and as if it just happened the night before when the episode aired. That’s really Bizarre.
I’m still trying to decide which category I am in. I think I have a foot in both.
Since I spend most of my time with “both feet in my mouth”, I’m probably somewhere in the middle.
Yeah the scene where Lisa gets up was so unbelievably scripted.
I’m definitely both.
I started out as a normal, due to a health problem, I’m home alot watching tv, so I can honestly say I’m straddling the fence. Glad to see I’m not alone!
Love your name Felina, lol! I used to wonder, but now I KNOW it’s all a farce. VR= worst acting EVER!
JAX TAYLOR IS AN ABSOLUTE PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!
HE IS A COMPLETE COCK HEAD and STASSI IS A SERIOUS CUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
…..FUCK THEM BOTH, THEY GO HAND AND HAND
Sounds about right!
Nailed it.
I cannot tolerate this show and refuse to give it ratings by even thinking about watching it. In any other business establishment, these people would have been fired long ago. They are nothing special. L.A. is full of wannabe actors/servers, so why put up with all this crap. Every time it comes on, someone is screaming that someone else slept with their boyfriend. Who gives a shiz? This show is stultifyingly mind numbingly boring and I hope it is cancelled without further delay.
So, you’ll be watching Season 3 then? See you there.
Oooo, you went there. Hilarious.
Queen Tamara! I bow to you for I am not worthy to the in the presence of your genius! You were so spot-on with that analysis, you’re going to make me go back and rewatch that foolishness just to confirm your brilliance. I never expect these reality shows today to be full reality; but once upon a time I did. Last night removed the 1/10,000th of a percent of belief I had that some of this stuff is at least somewhat reality. VR was faker than the fakest RHOA ep. I don’t know where to start. Tom’s a horrible actor and an even worse crier. You could almost see the wheels in his head spinning as he tried really hard to get sad about his dog Fluffy who got run over by a tractor trailer when he was 8. Then when he called into WWHL last night, I just knew he was hooked-on-phonics reading through a script the Bravo peeps had emailed to him earlier in the day. You were so right. They were so dumb to hang this whole storyline on Tom. He did not have the chops to make it even remotely believable. Looking back on the first ep of these season, they’d been trying to build this whole infidelity storyline from jump. We all pretty much knew Kristen was going to confess in the finale; it was just a matter of where and when, and to whom. Her confession to Tom must’ve been as dramatic as paint drying on the wall.s. Otherwise, the Bravo producers wouldn’t have left that footage on the cutting room floor. And poor Lisa. I can’t even take her seriously anymore. Jiggy’s got better acting chops. When she recited her lines just before Tom & Jax’s Medieval Times Adventure premiered, she couldn’t even fill the awkward silence with anything meaningful. She this stood there looking dumb, and then turned away looking dumber. Seriously, that was a WTF moment if I ever saw one. I don’t know who’s ultimately to blame for cheapening the reality TV brand, but Bravo sure is helping usher it to a painful death.
Hi TT, I’m a retired lady who lives a comfortable life. I spend time reading the blogs among other things and I have to tell you, you my dear are one smart cookie. Just wanted to let to you know I appreciate what you do and you make me smile way down on the inside. Luv you much!!
Thank You!
On Tue, Feb 4, 2014 at 9:29 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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They did it so much better in season one. It was believable. This season it was so over the top and obvious. I’m curious what they’ll do in season three. While I may not watch it (dvr’d this season and stopped watching 3/4 way through) I’ll definitely read your blogs about it. Who am I kidding, I’ll at least watch the first half 🙂
I so wish I had seen WWHL last night – of all the lame ones I have watched, this one I had to fall asleep. Bravo repeats all of their other shows ad nauseum except for WWHL. I wanted to see Lisa’s and Jax’s body language in connection with what they were saying and asked especially since it was the finale of VR. Is there any place that shows the whole episode without paying for it? Dammit to hell I’d understand this blog post more if I’d seen it 🙁
Bravo has it on their site.
omg…Karma Grant thanks I’ll check. These show make me dismiss the obvious – liking going to Bravo web and checking, thanks again :o)
I thought I was the only one who felt weird about it all. ESPECIALLY when Lisa got up and said I suggest everyone go on. The way she got up and motioned it was like she was signaling for the fight to happen. And she kind of went in slow motion and glanced back. It was all very weird to me
Long term lurker, first time typing.
I want to say it’s not scripted because the script is soooo bad, but I have to agree with TT.
Before the “attack” scene, Kristen is standing next to Tom and then Tom (hands Kristen his earrings and) jumps Jax. Slow the tape down and you’ll see a goof occur. Kristen dumps her drink on Jax, twice to empty the container. You even see her flick her wrist. Glass is empty. Then, as the fight continues with the camera doing a GWTWF twirl, you see Kristen in the background to the right of Ken (who looks like he’s smiling WTF?!) and now her glass is HALF FULL (a twist on her personality). I doubt she would go fill her drink in the seven seconds of film if it were real time. I think they had to do several takes of the fight, and she got caught on camera with her “prop” refilled. Girl needs her drink.
I hope that I can be disproved because I like Lisa. Why would she go bullocks deep into such a shitshow? I thought it would be Brandi that dragged Lisa down, not a convoluted-scripted reality show. I imagine that the cheating actually did happen, so they all can justify it as the “truth” but the showdown fight scene was wicked BS. Maybe parts were real?!…I dunno.
“Why would she go bullocks deep into such a shitshow?” I can think of several reasons, free publicity…but not JUST free, she actually gets paid to publicize her own bar. Mama ‘ain’t no dummy for sure!
After the show ended I felt I was watching bad acting.
I can’t get past the naked photo. This told me the show is fake. These people will do and say anything for camera time.
What is Bravo paying them?
Lisa has turned into a bad acting Boss.
The Masarati ad is so well done.
I’ve always enjoyed and am fascinated by how ad campaigns come together so well.
It’s a nice way to thank TT.
I think all these Bravo shows are scripted now. I don’t believe it was intended to be this way in the beginning but the real fights were golden so Bravo started manufacturing them. (I remember being aghast at some of the real behavior in the first season of Orange County.) Last night I didn’t buy any of it but remember thinking Stassi isn’t half bad at acting. LIsa normally does a pretty good job too but not last night.
I wouldn’t go that far to say ALL Bravo reality shows or fights are scripted…..the last one on RHOA deserves an Oscar if that’s true 🙂
You seriously watched a scene where there were a whole bunch of questions provided in order to incite a riot and you DON’T think it was scripted? Congratulations! You are exactly the view Bravo is looking for!
On Wed, Feb 5, 2014 at 5:00 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I was really referring to the fight itself, not what led up to it. I watch these shitshows, so I’m definitely what Bravo is looking for.
Bravo’s new “formula”: The end of season escalation into some type of violence. They stole it from Vh1…
Just discovered your blog and as an avid viewer of bad tv, I will be reading you often as you are hilarious! I refuse to believe this is all scripted…lalalalala!