It’s time for the photo shoot and Stassi and Katie go to a fat loss treatment the day before. Who cares, let’s get to the good stuff? #fastforward
Tom and Kristen meet for lunch. Kristen asks about his fun day at the beach yesterday. Wait, don’t they live together? Are we pretending that they are having this conversation for the first time? Oh. Okay. Kristen says she did not text Jax, she has shown Tom her phone. He says she could have deleted them. She says she knows that but she didn’t.
Time for the photoshoot. Kristen has been excluded from the photo shoot. Tom is late because he worried about his relationship. Tom stupidly talks to Stassi at the shoot. Why? Why do these tools talk to Stassi about their relationships. Stassi gives Tom the dirty details but she can’t look at him while she is twisting the knife. Tom says he doesn’t want to take Jax word for it. Stassi is trying to force Tom to break up with her. Tom doesn’t want to be around Jax. He doesn’t get how Stassi can be around him. Tom tells Stassi that his relationship problems are his to decide. Tom needs to work on his left pec. It’s a half cup smaller than the right.
Tom and Jax have to do a two shot. What producer came up with that plan? Lisa and Guillermo are looking on. Lisa talks shit about Jax to Guillermo and then Jax walks up and Lisa says she has no idea why Tom has not just knocked him out. Jax says he should have satisfied his woman and he would not be having this problem. What an asshole.
Lisa and Tom talk and she asks him if he believes that Kristen and Jax had sex. He says no. She says it’s all bullshit. Lisa tries to tell him it’s the most logical option available. Lisa tries to throw Kristen even further under the bus. Tom does the fake cry. Lisa straight up says Kristen is lying to him. How does Lisa know? Shut up, Lisa. What is wrong with you lately? After the photo shoot Lisa pushes Jax in the pool.
Kristen and Tom are getting ready for Scheana’s engagement party. They are talking about yesterday’s photo shoot the next day as if they didn’t talk about them the night before. Tom says the texts came from her phone. Tom says that if Kristen will not admit it then they are done. Kristen sticks to her story.
It’s time for the party! Lisa corners Stassi and tells her she has to apologize for slapping Kristen as soon as she sees her. Stassi is pissy about it. Stassi puts on gold lame hot pants jumps up on the bar and sings her single. Stassi even endorses it in her talking head. (She’s lying) Vanderpump wine placement everywhere.
Kristen and Tom arrive. Stassi follows Lisa’s orders to apologize and invites Kristen and Tom outside to do so. Kristen starts crying immediately and says she can’t even look her in the eye. Kristen is a good fake crier. I bet she is leaving the show because she got an acting job. Stassi says, “I can’t even cry over you anymore, Kristen.” OMG! There it is! Kristen admits to having sex with Jax, to STASSI. Tom is sitting there next to her. His jaw drops. Kristen says they did it one time. Stassi goes in her of course. Kristen told Tom before they left the house that Kristen and Jax had sex. Jax is there for her and sticking up to Stassi for Kristen. Tom tells Stassi that she is not the victim. Stassi getting no attention from these two goes inside to play the victim. A small crowd of brainless minions gathers as Stassi tearfully relates the horrors of what just happened to her outside. The minions coo at Stassi and mutter support. It’s hysterical TV.
I am still not sure I believe it. I think Tom and Kristen are setting everyone else up. Tom takes Jax outside for a bro moment. Tom is looking for some sort of remorse from Jax. That ain’t happening. Kristen admitted it to Lisa just now. So I guess it is true. Lisa is going in on Kristen. She has never really liked Kristen anyway. Jax tells Tom he has no remorse, it doesn’t bother him. Tom goes back inside. Lisa tells Kristen that if she quits she would be doing her a favor.
Swartz doesn’t understand why Tom is madder at Jax than Kristen. Lisa makes a toast to Scheana in an effort to move the topic back to the engagement party. Tom is pissed that everyone is ostracizing Kristen and him since they were invited guests. Tom beats the crap out of Jax and leaves with Kristen. The crew does not jump in so clearly it was staged. Jax had a lot of ketchup on his face but no cuts. Bloody nose you say? The ketchup was all over Jax’s forehead and cheeks. Scheana fake cries that she got knocked over and she just had her teeth fixed that day! Stassi gives a ridiculous speech about how she is a good person and she just doesn’t know why bad things keep happening to her. Lisa gives a ridiculous closing. I miss the full preview for the reunion next week but it appears that Tom and Ariana are together. At least that is the storyline. Didn’t Tom and Kristen hook up on their WWHL trip? Yes, yes they did. And that was on January 14th. Were you surprised by the finale?