UPDATE: This post is getting a lot of hits tonight. Just wanted to let you know the NEW RECAP of the FINALE is up HERE!
Stassi is going off at lunch with Katina and Kristina telling them that Jax admitted to sleeping with Kristen twice. Once at her apartment with Tom in the next room asleep and once at his place. Stassi says she is going to ruin Kristen’s life. Um why? How does this affect Stassi in any way? Stassi says she wants to drown an dildo in acid and give it to Kristen so it will fry her insides. This is not normal behavior. Stassi thinks she is being cute.
Kristen is brushing up her resume. She is sick of working at SUR. She doesn’t want to be working in a restaurant a year from now.
Stassi tries to get Lisa to fire Kristen. Lisa says that Kristen wants whatever Stassi has. Lisa says that Kristen will just deny it. Lisa warns Stassi not to bring herself down in the process of going after Kristen.
It’s Jax’s Birthday. The guys take him out to The Palm for steak and lobster. Swartze gives Jax a t-shirt that he can give to the girls he sleeps with. It has his picture on the front and says, “I got Jaxed and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt! 🙁 ” Cute. Kind of . Not really.
Stassi highjacks the guys birthday party. Stassi says that Jax does it to her all the time. Stassi confronts Jax about sleeping with Kristen while professing love for Stassi. Mind you they were not dating at the time. She had dumped him and he still was pining for Stassi. Stassi wants details from Jax. Stassi wants Jax to show up at an event Stassi is planning to have in order to humiliate Kristen. Of course he will do whatever Stassi says. Stassi tells Jax she is going to destroy Kristen. Jax agrees to do whatever she wants. Stassi leaves.
Kristen and Tom go to meet with a film editor to update Kristen’s acting reel. Kristen tells Tom that she apologized to Stassi and Katie. Um WHY? Sure she was a drunken mess in Cabo, but mostly because those two drove her to it.
Everyone goes out to dinner. Stassi’s plan is to publically humiliate Kristen in front of everyone. Tom and Kristen arrive and they both look great. Stassi has Kristen cornered and starts berating her for not being sorry and for being a shitty friend. All the girls are on the couches with all the guys having another conversation at the bar behind them. The tension is killing me. Stassi has a prickly looking snake ring on her right index finger. She definitely planned that. She is about to backhand Kristen with that ring. Stassi is reciting a long list of Kristen’s sins and ends with. “and you banged my ex-boyfriend.” EX being the operative part of that statement. Kristen replies with “which ex-boyfriend?” Which is not really the best response. In her talking head Stassi says, “should we go through the list?” Stassi says Jax.
She calls Jax over to confront Kristen. She also calls over Tom. This bitch needs someone to take her down. She is just an awful human. Jax says that he banged her twice. Stassi has lots of details which she relates to Tom as proof. Stassi says to Kristen, “You think Jax is making this up so he looks like shit?” Why would he do that
Then it happens. Stassi tells Kristen to shut the fuck up. Kristen tells Stassi to shut the fuck up. Stassi screams.”YOU ARE A DIRTY FUCKING WHORE!” Kristen says, “Fuck you!” and then Stassi backhands the fuck out of Kristen right in the face. Kristen grabs Stassi’s arm so that she can’t smack her again and says, “Walk away right now little girl.” Stassi grabs a drink with her other hand and dumps is on Kristen. Both Toms jump in to break up the catfight. Kristen says that she will fucking sue her ass and calls Stassi a cunt bitch.
Kirsten tells Tom they should just get the fuck out of here. As they are walking toward the door, Jax says, “Kristen, you’re lying! you’re lying!” and Kristen turns around and says, “Are you fucking joking right now?” Jax tries to show Tom the texts. Tom is not interested. Tom and Kristen leave and Kristen says she is filing a police report.
Stassi says she needs to “get rid of Kristen” so if she has to have everyone ignore her, to force her to quit? That is what she is going to do. And all the little minions just sit there slack-jawed. Later, the girls are having drinks by the pool and SCHEANA who is supposed to be the sane one says, “Cheers to Stassi for backhanding Kristen finally.” I guess Scheana hates Kristen because of all the crap she gave Arianna. Even though it was true! Arianna DID hook up with Tom! Ariana is there. She thinks it is hysterical it hysterical that Kristen banged Jax twice and yet she was trying to get the village to burn her house down. I think all of these girls are bitches. Who Kristen bangs or doesn’t bang has no bearing on their lives. I have a feeling we will find out next week that Jax lied.
Next on Stassi’s agenda is Lisa. Stassi confesses to backhanding Kristen. She tells Lisa that everyone hates her. Lisa seems to strongly dislike Kristen. She never really has cared for her. Lisa says Stassi does not have the power to get Kristen to quit. Stassi begs to differ. Lisa threatens Stassi. Lisa tells Stassi to go shag Tom. Really Lisa?
Tom and Kristen are talking, Kirsten has ringing in her ear and a swollen face. They ask why Jax is even out there and they say he left Miami and changed his name (true, by the way) because everyone knew he was a compulsive liar. Tom believes Kristen. I am not sure what the truth is anymore.
Lisa and Jax talk. Lisa says you cared about Stassi so much that he fucked her best friend. Please, Lisa. What is wrong with you? You know Stassi was never a friend to Kristen, let alone her best friend. That’s Katie!
Kristina is all ready to take the spot that Kristen left open. Stassi and Katie and Kristina go for spray tans. They are talking about going to the beach with everyone. Tom is invited but Kristen is not. Like she will just sit at home and let Tom go. At the beach, everyone wants to know why Jax doesn’t feel bad for fucking his best friends girl. Twice. Stassi says that Jax is lucky she has not turned everyone against her. Tom arrives. Jax shows Tom the texts from Kristen proving that they fucked and were covering it up. Tom now believes that they fucked. Tom asks if they used protection. Jax says once. Tom asks if there was kissing. Jax says no. I don’t get why people and prostitutes think kissing is more intimate than fucking. It’s not. But if you think that it is Tom you made out with Arianna so in your world would that not be worse? Tom is very calm. He asks Jax what he did to deserve this. He says he feels like he is the closest friend Jax has ever had. Tom keeps pleading with Jax to make him understand why he would betray him. Jax says you cheated on her, what’s the difference? Tom says he thought he was his friend. Tom still has questions. He says it would be so unbelievably evil for Jax to make this up. Whether it is true or not their friendship is over. Oh God, it’s going to turn out to be a lie. Jax is a pathological liar. It has to be a lie.
Next week: It’s “the annual Sur Photo shoot” because that is normal. Scheana sings again. Lisa tells Kristen if she quits then it’s a load off her plate. And Tom says he feels like he got Jaxed. Frankly, I am not sure what to believe anymore. I will admit this show always has me wanting one more episode. One more hit. Thankfully, next week is the finale.