Before I launch into “My Theory” I have to confess it is not “my theory” at all. It’s something I thought about after reading a comment from Norma here and in conjunction with a comment from JoJo I the same place. Let’s review some Vanderpump Rules facts or at least what has been presented on the show, on WWHL, and on the casts twitter and Instagram.
- Andy Cohen has been hard core promoting the rest of the Vanderpump Rules season as unbelievably shocking. He keeps saying we won’t believe what is about to happen.
- One the last episode Kristen went into a rage again. She found out that Tom had kissed Ariana in the pool at the Golden Nugget 3 years ago and they have been “friends” ever since. It seems to me that when I guy admits to one thing, there is usually more there he is not admitting to…
- Kristen was furious with Tom.
- Kristen was furious with Stassi…
- Kristen disappeared for a weekend. Allegedly to go home to Michigan for an “emotional detox.”
- Jax made up some cockamamie story about going to jail and trading bread for toilet paper. How is it he could get bread, but not toilet paper? How was he in jail for four days over something that happened years ago. You know he has been pulled over for something since then. Why did he bother to explain that he was arrested on a weekend and that is why he was in for four days.
- Jax mentioned he wanted to go to Palm Springs but ended up in jail.
- Kristen was “In Michigan” for four days. But she didn’t contact anyone and only made lots of weird drunken tweets. Sounds more like a four day drunk than a visit with mommy for pampering and mothering.
- Kristen was alienated by everyone and super mad at Tom and Stassi .
- Jax was alienated by everyone and Tom and Stassi were especially pissed at him.
- Kristen was probably grateful to Jax for throwing Tom under the bus so that she learned “the truth.”
- Stassi is so pissed when Kristen comes back, she smacks the taste out of her mouth and calls her a dirty whore.
- Stassi currently IRL hates Kristen.
- Jax and Stassi are not together. Jax is seeing someone and Stassi has a NYC boyfriend she has been trying to get to “wife her up” to no avail through the holidays
- Tom and Kristen are apparently a match made in masochistic heaven. They some how make two masochistic bottoms work.
Theory: Kristen and Jax went to Palm Springs for four days and fucked like rabbits. They both got super drunk and trash talked Tom and Stassi. Then Jax and Kristen had sex again. Jax spilled everything he knows about Tom. Kristen spills everything she knows about Stassi. When Kristen returned to work, Stassi continued her constant slow torture of Kristen. Kristen says, “Ya know what bitch? I was not in Michigan and Jax was not in jail. We went away for a long weekend together and I rode him reverse cowgirl four days. How was your weekend?” Stassi smacks Kristen in the mouth. Kristen wins.
Thoughts? In my opinion if this didn’t happen. It should have.