Tamara Tattles

Come for the tea. Stay for the shade.

  • COMMENTING RULES!
  • Blinds
  • RHOA
  • RHOBH
  • RHOD
  • RHONY
  • RHONJ
  • RHOOC
  • RHOP
  • RHOSLC
  • Shahs of Sunset
  • Pump Rules
  • Southern Charm
  • Below Deck
  • MDLLA
  • WWHL
  • Killing Eve
  • Open Forum
  • MAFS
  • 90 Day
  • Love After Lockup
  • FT
You are here: Home / Entertainment News / American Horror Story: Coven Episode 11 “Protect The Coven”

American Horror Story: Coven Episode 11 “Protect The Coven”

January 16, 2014 by tamaratattles 67 Comments

unnamed (22)

By: Urethra Franklin

It’s 1830 and Madame Delphine LaLaurie has moved to New Orleans from Paris. She is complaining about the “shit-hole” surroundings and the lack of intellectual stimulation from the feeble minded that surround her. While preparing dinner she became mesmerized and in awe with the warm spraying blood from a decapitated chicken. Later she encountered an injured & bleeding slave in her attic, and he became her first victim of torture & bloodshed in her now infamous chamber of horrors. For some people music soothes the soul, but for Delphine its BLOOD. #Dexter

Because of the threat from witch hunters, Fiona & Marie rushed through Nan’s funeral which also doubled as a hat fashion show while Myrtle referred to Fiona as Pol Pot in Givenchy, the first of many madcap one liners. Only Myrtle seemed to care that Misty & her resurrection services were missing. Instead of Nan’s family being there, the funeral got crashed by Queenie as she led Delphine out of the car wearing a dog collar and leash.  YES they’re both alive and in one piece because the lazy writers said so. #SuspendDisbelief

Fiona didn’t even bother to fake joy about Queenie’s return, but Marie hilariously opened her arms, “Git yo ass ovah here gurrl.” Delphine spits at Marie’s face for dismembering her who then slaps her so hard that she nearly lost her newly attached head, courtesy of Queenie’s #SuperGlue.  Marie is ruthlessly comical in her contempt for Delphine, and watching Kathy Bates get dragged like a stubborn dog on a leash is not something we will ever see again.  Did anyone notice her studded tiger sweatshirt was clean & blood free? These little details drive me crazy. #OCD

Harrison manages a police cover up about Hank’s identity & involvement with the salon’s deadly killing spree. With Delphi Trust financially wounded & under Federal investigation, he plans to pay off the Coven to reverse the spell for his misfortune, and then kill them with a double cross. How is this guy the head of witch hunters? Surely he knows that Fiona would sense his plan.

While Fiona is on the phone setting up the meeting with The Corporation, Delphine is back to her degrading life of servitude giving mani-pedis to both Fiona & Marie as they lounge with champagne. In a voiceover, Delphine recalls her youth as an unhappy loner child who began torturing animals out of curiosity & fascination. Though she was born into a prominent family, she surprised everyone when she married well and became known for her lavish high-society soirees.

Even though she is worried for Fiona’s soul for not wearing panties, Delphine resentfully washes everyone else’s filthy panties & threesome sex stained sheets and scrubs toilets that are unflushed by Madison, “You flush my shit bitch.” Delphine must have watched “The Help” because for her own amusement & revenge she prepared some poop soup instead of poop pie that Myrtle found so delicious that she exclaimed “Magnifique!”  Warning: Only eat clear soup at the Coven. Oh wait never mind because even Fiona spits in the water. #Episode2

Delphine also has diaper duty for Ceci, the kidnapped baby that Marie has kept. Marie taunts her that she is going to dismember her again and spread her parts around the city, and then Marie gives a shout out to the New Orleans Saints by barking “Who dat!!” #ROFLMAO

After all of her daily torment she needs comfort. Delphine seizes the opportunity and chillaxes by tying up the Coven’s injured gardener upstairs in Spalding’s doll room of weirdness. Just like in her own attic of horrors she tortured and killed him because of her childlike curiosity “To see how her niggers ticked.” She rationalizes her penchant for cruelty as a fascination with body parts & organs; and once you go black you never go back because “the thick African blood satisfies her desire.” #DownWithTheSwirl

Spalding appears and he admires Delphine’s bloody work of art and fills her in that he is a murdered ghost. They share camaraderie in their scorn for the Black Devil Voodoo Queen living under their roof, and Delphine regrets her moment of vanity that led her to get cursed for eternity. Spalding promises to help her get un-cursed by killing Marie with magic. At this point I was starting to believe that Spalding had learned a trick or two over the years. He will share his magic if Delphine gets him one thing from the outside world, but it’s not cheap.

Delphine has stolen the silver from the Coven to buy a creepy antique Dream Baby doll for Spalding that he perversely drools over while sniffing the baby doll’s bottom. Really??  I hope this is not a hint of him being some pedophile too. I’m glad he’s dead.  As promised in return he gave her the magic she needs to make Marie mortal again so Delphine can kill her; a familiar pink box with Benadryl.  YASS that stuff is like dark magic to me too.  He instructs her to lace her drink with them. Delphine attempts to pronounce the magic ingredient “Bena…” and Spalding stops her to warn “Never speak it aloud.”

AHS_0229Zoe learned the truth about Nan’s death in one minute with a spell. Madison didn’t care because she’s Madison while her jealousy over Zoe & Kyle is growing. She makes sexual advances on Kyle that he rebuffed because he’s in love with Zoe. Feeling rejected she manifests her anger with a telekinesis hissy fit, only to be admonished by Myrtle for being a bobble head with crotch-less panties.  An indignant Madison vows revenge on everyone when she is Supreme.

Queenie is pissed off that her room was given away while she was gone. Cordelia is glad to have her back, but explains “You left us to go our sworn enemy.” Queenie is bitter that her witch hunting husband shot her in the stomach, and Cordelia expresses sorrow & regret for what has happened.  Cordelia calls her a powerful & strong woman, and Queenie shares that she has got some new powers now; she can cough up silver bullets that she shoots through her own skull without any trauma. She was shot with a silver bullet in the stomach, but did not die. Does this mean she is a very strong witch? Maybe even the Supreme? Queenie calls Cordelia a weak ass useless witch and kicks her out.  Feeling guilty, dejected & dispirited Cordelia gouges out her own eyes with garden shears in a desperate attempt to regain her second sight so that she can be worthy to the Coven.

A frantic Fiona races up the stairs to see her wounded daughter only to find a somber Auntie Myrtle keeping guard while wearing the most fabulous black & white outfit with a bright pop of yellow gloves. She calls Cordelia a hero for making such a sacrifice to protect the Coven.  Myrtle dares Fiona to go see her daughter and risk all her filthy secrets to be exposed. It’s the first time I’ve noticed Fiona timidly retreat from anyone as she claims she needs a drink first to calm her nerves.

Myrtle gives Zoe a piece of jewelry as a gift and describes it in such a grand way that only Myrtle understands, but manages to get a dig in about Fiona being venomous and name drops Jackie O’s sister. She wants Zoe & Kyle to leave the Coven right away and gives her two tickets to Epcot and tells her to hock the jewelry for money. Zoe doesn’t want to leave prompting Myrtle to lament about a lover who dumped her and ended up marrying Diane Von Fürstenberg; the woman who created the greatest invention of the century, the wrap dress.  She advises her to leave the Coven with Kyle or risk either Madison or Fiona killing her for selfish motives.  Myrtle then slapped her for being unromantic and warned her not to ignore her words of wisdom. Nobody can dish out zany dialogue like Myrtle’s steady flow of elitist insanity, and I LOVE her for it. #CrayCray

The Axeman serenades Fiona with a jazzy melody and paints a picture of their future happiness living the domestic life on a farm. The well-traveled Fiona has been everywhere and done everything and hasn’t found happiness; but maybe sitting on a porch with a ghost drinking gin for eternity is her answer for happiness.  But first they have to kill the rising Supreme, and he will give up his axe murdering ways. Fiona loves the idea but needs him to do her a favor first, sharpen the axe for one last play.

unnamed (4)

Fiona & Marie arrive for their meeting with The Corporation.  They sashay in while Fiona name drops that they have plans with Emeril (Lagasse) later.  Fiona requested a filthy martini and Marie wants some diet Sprite. #ProductPlacement. The identity of the waiter that served them is obscured but it is the Axeman.  When one of the executive’s jokingly asks Fiona if she wants to check them for weapons, she laughs at him and reminds him that she is the Supreme & Marie is immortal.

The Corporation offered a 100 year truce and to repay Marie for her salon damages. Fiona rejects this, and toys with them by demanding that she wants his merry troupe of assholes to never harm another witch until the end of time, and she wants his house, and Marie wants a private jet. #YesLawd.  They laughed at her offer so Fiona told them “You all can just DIE”, and on cue the Axeman pulled out his axe swinging & chopping up the directors; even using a severed arm that was still holding a gun to shoot one executive down. It was a bloodbath by the Axeman, but all Fiona did was throw around a guy or two with her telekinesis; simple as that.

Harrison was the last man still alive and standing as he complimented their plan, but he assured them it won’t put an end to the war between them. Fiona asks “Any last words?” He spits at her and replies “Go to hell witch bitch” and the Axeman tossed the axe to Fiona and she swung it right into his neck. Marie takes a picture of the bloody carnage with her smart phone, and the Axeman grins with pride “I love you more than jazz baby doll” to a beaming Fiona…. Did anyone else besides me expect Fiona to say, “Don’t fuck with me fellas” while sitting at that board room table?

Later that night at the Academy Fiona and Marie are toasting their friendship with a champagne cocktail, but Fiona cuts the celebration short to leave for a ‘thank you booty call’ with her ghost lover.  Delphine has served Marie her Benadrylini, and then plunges a butcher’s knife through her chest. She calls her a stupid cow for thinking she can kill her as she pull out the embedded knife. “Your fate is sealed” as Delphine threw the magic pills at her. Marie moans “That ain’t magic! It’s a antihistamine!” She starts to chase Delphine, and then Spalding hits Marie over the head with a porcelain doll and she rolls down to the bottom of the stairs.  Spalding advises her to bury Marie, because she can’t die. He confessed to tricking her into helping him getting rid of Marie. Spalding also wants to protect the Coven. Later upstairs Spalding settled into his doll room of weirdness as he dressed up baby Ceci in a matching nightgown & bonnet and said, “Finally, a living doll. All my own.” #FlowersInTheAttic

Zoe is trying to get Kyle to pack so they won’t miss the bus to Orlando, but he is refusing to go because he is scared of himself, and any danger he may be to Zoe & others. Zoe assures him she’s not scared of him. She repeats Myrtle words from earlier “More happy. Happy love” They are running through the bus station and they catch their bus on its way to Epcot, the happiest place on earth akaThe Magic Kingdom. The End.

I give up on wanting Coven to be sensible story. For the last two shows it is necessary to suspend disbelief because of the gaping plot holes, and I release all expectations of a tightly woven story and just accept it as a series of well written camp & horror vignettes with zany one liners mixed with dark comedy and fashion… I think Queenie is the next Supreme. Let’s discuss everything and anything AHS: Coven below. You can stalk me on twitter  @Urethra_F

Share this:

  • Tweet

Related

Filed Under: Entertainment News Tagged With: Alexander Dreymon, Alexandra Breckenridge, Alicia Spencer, Ameer Baraka, American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Coven, American Horror Story:Coven, Angela Bassett, Anna-Lee Leighton, Archie, Ashlynn Ross, Bastien, Bible Boy, Borquita LaLaurie, Cecily Pimbrooke, Chantal, Christine Ebersole, Cordelia, Cordelia Foxx, Coven, Dana Gourrier, Delphine LaLaurie, Denis O'Hare, Dr. Morrison, Emma Roberts, Evan Peters, Fiona, Fleetwood Mac, Frances Conroy, Gabourey Sidibe, Grace Gummer, Grey Damon, Hank, Hank Foxx, James Dumont, Jamie Brewer, Jennifer Lynn Warren, Jessica Lange, Joan Ramsey, Josh Hamilton, Kathy Bates, Kaylee, Kyle Spencer, Lance Reddick, Leslie Jordan, Lily Rabe, Luke, Luke Ramsey, Madame LaLaurie, Madison Montgomery, Mare Winningham, Marie Beheads Delphine, Marie Jeanne LaLaurie, Marie Laveau, Michelle Page, Millie, Minotaur, Misty Day, Myrtle Snow, Nan, News Archive, Papa Legba, Patti LuPone, Pauline LaLaurie, Quentin, Raeden Greer, Riley Voelkel, Robin Bartlett, Sarah Paulson, Spalding, Stevie Nicks, Supreme Witch, Taissa Farmiga, The Corporation, unexpected betrayal, Urethra Franklin, Young Fiona, Young Myrtle, Zoe Benson

About tamaratattles

Come for the tea. Stay for the shade. Not for the easily offended. You're a special snowflake just like everyone else.

Comments

  1. steve says

    January 16, 2014 at 9:34 pm

    it wouldnt have been too hard to give a flash of Queenie putting Delphine back together even the clip of her coming back lacked continuity from the episode it happened in. But i still like the show. I think Kyle may be worried about how far from Fiona he can get and still retain some clarity, she only fixed him to replace Endora the guard dog. Poor Misty didnt even get a scream in this week but i think Cordelia sensed her but didnt realize what she felt. REMEMBER this is just TV so dont hold out for exact science just enjoy the ride. Thanks again UF what will we do next month when this is over?

    Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      January 16, 2014 at 10:04 pm

      and are we ever gonna see his guard dog spell in action?

      Reply
  2. willlynn says

    January 16, 2014 at 9:50 pm

    Yeah i agree. They aren’t going to tie up loose ends properly and fans (like us) are going to feel short changed but what can ya do? Why couldn’t they send Zoe and Kyle to Harry Potter world or whatever it’s called? LOL! And Queenie gaining more powers? Supreme I hope! Delphine cracks me up. does she bother to learn anyone’s name? “Butler” Ha!

    Reply
  3. eastjames says

    January 16, 2014 at 9:50 pm

    Let us please not forget that Madison called Myrtle a dried up old hot pocket. That was my fav line of the show. Thank you for another lovely recap, UF my dear. Best part of my day!

    Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      January 16, 2014 at 10:03 pm

      Thank you
      As red head myself I also laughed when Madison called Myrtle a carrot top. It took me back to elementary school.

      Reply
      • eastjames says

        January 17, 2014 at 2:50 pm

        Somehow I just knew you were a sassy ginger!

        Reply
      • Urethra Franklin says

        January 17, 2014 at 3:11 pm

        Yeah well now I’m just a ginger with male pattern baldness. When I was young in school it was curse, but as an adult it was a source of pride and FUN. I loved being objectified by the ginger chasers.

        Reply
  4. Urethra Franklin says

    January 16, 2014 at 10:11 pm

    Nan’s family should have been at the funeral. We got ZERO back story on Nan and that irritated me.

    Reply
    • lori says

      January 21, 2014 at 11:19 pm

      I agree. I have a feeling when Misty makes her entrance back into the house (with no explanation of how she did it -insert frown face here), that she will have Nan in tow. Or did you say in the previous episode’s blog that Nan is def not coming back? I know I’ve said this a bunch of times already, but I’m still quite upset/pissed at Nan’s demise, walking off with that demon. *sigh I will only ever feel better if she somehow comes back.

      Reply
  5. medicated fan says

    January 16, 2014 at 10:15 pm

    Sorry to say I was really disappointed with this episode. It feels like the writers lost interest in this story. The story is less and less cohesive. Hope it gets better next week.

    Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      January 16, 2014 at 10:19 pm

      I hurts my SOUL to agree. That’s why 13 episodes is NOT enough. If there was no Kyle, Joan, Luke, or Axeman there would be a tighter story.

      Fiona did NOT need the axeman to kill anybody for her. She can enchant any jack ass off the streets to do it for her and erase their memory. She used that power back in episode 1 when she dug Delphine out of that grave.

      Reply
      • BishopLA says

        January 17, 2014 at 10:32 am

        Its really not enough

        Reply
  6. steve says

    January 16, 2014 at 10:19 pm

    the previews for next week showed Zoe with the coven..I think Kyle will get them kicked off the bus at the city limits. He will freak out then they gotta go home, with their tails between their legs.

    Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      January 16, 2014 at 10:21 pm

      Yeah I noticed that too. Either what you said happened or it was one of those dream/vision sequences. I hope next week is good because the episode takes place in HELL.

      Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      January 16, 2014 at 10:22 pm

      Weren’t you expecting Madison to be on their tail and flip that darn bus on them? I was.

      Reply
      • BishopLA says

        January 17, 2014 at 10:33 am

        I was thinking that too.. that whole slow motion run through greyhound hurt my eyes and numbed my heart

        Reply
  7. kingafroninjaa says

    January 16, 2014 at 10:34 pm

    AHS is known for having loose ends. Too many unanswered questions. Random subplots that has no closure and yet I still tune it every week for all 3 seasons. I have no regrets.

    Angela and Jessica make an AMAZING pair and I would love for the both of them to work together for the next season before Jessica retires. I love the scene when Marie took the picture of Fiona using the axe on his neck! Imagine if she Instagramed it! I think my favorite scene of the night was when Marie slapped Delphine with the strength of 100 black women. I felt that slapped through the TV and I said DAYYUUM.

    Despite wanting Nan to be the Supreme, I would say Queenie is a good runner up because the rest are just pure garbage that doesn’t deserve the title but at the same time whats the point of a Supreme when Fiona is going to kill them all. She has no soul. It would be nice if Marie and Fiona would just live out their days doing hood rat witch shit for the rest of their soulless days.

    Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      January 16, 2014 at 10:44 pm

      Hood rat witch shit! OMG I DIE. LMAO
      WHO DAT!!! That line slayed me.

      My argument for Queenie for Supreme is because of the racial divide that dominated most of the show. Queenie is descendent of both tribes. She is the unifying witch. The show started off with slavery could end as an allegory about the progeession of African-Americans. I’ve said this before weeks ago here. I also said Luke was the Supreme too. LOL…

      Reply
  8. steve says

    January 16, 2014 at 10:42 pm

    the Madison flip went thru my mind but i want to see Kyle in full guard dog mode too. So far the only outright lesson they have shown at this school for witches has been Cordelia teaching them how to kill Fiona. How do these witches know they have new powers and how to use them?

    Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      January 16, 2014 at 10:45 pm

      Because the writers said so. It is a weak literally tool they have abused this season.

      Reply
      • lori says

        January 21, 2014 at 11:22 pm

        Amen to that!

        Reply
  9. RandomBogan says

    January 16, 2014 at 11:02 pm

    Ive nvr heard of diet Sprite. New product maybe?

    Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      January 16, 2014 at 11:06 pm

      OMG No.
      Are you one of those health food junkies that’s never been in a soda isle or chip isle?

      Its been around since 1974 as Sugar Free Sprite.
      Then in 1983 it was renamed Diet Sprite.

      Reply
      • Barbara R. says

        January 17, 2014 at 1:08 am

        I’m too lazy to get out of bed and go to the refrigerator but I think it’s now called Sprite Zero.

        Love your recaps UF.

        Reply
  10. steve says

    January 17, 2014 at 12:01 am

    lets just hope the writers dont use the *it was all Fionas dream from a night of hard partying when she came to New Orleans to welcome the new witches this year* for the ending.

    Reply
  11. JoJo says

    January 17, 2014 at 12:56 am

    I’m late to this party because I kept seeing the preview post, not seeing this actual recap. I posted on the precap & just want to restate couple of disappointments from there here:

    AHS has major cred and this being the 3rd season with oodles of high-fives, WTH only 13 episodes with this much story? Ryan Murphy is TV gold (mostly) and FX is one of the cable channels known for giving their showrunners oodles of rope to extend their typical 1 hour of show and their # of shows.
    We’re being short-changed I think. This is one of the best Seasons but it’s been overloaded with too much plot/characters and not the time to properly explain it/them 🙁

    Reply
  12. JoJo says

    January 17, 2014 at 1:41 am

    Love the recap….but I’m also thankful that I’m not the only one that thinks we’re being asked a lot of as far as credibility after being fed an incredibly wonderful, fun exciting before-Christmas-break stories.

    Why couldn’t the writers give us 5 seconds of Ghost Rules. Why and when can ghosts murder in public? If it were inside their place of murder, like Spaulding in the house, maybe I’d get it. Same with a 5 second montage of Queenie and Madame returning to their original form?

    Am I missing something that didn’t bother anyone else (even UF, who is a OCD on the details) but how in the hell are we to believe the huge, worldwide, respected, financial institution of what we’ve been led to believe are thousands of trained and powerful Corporation Witch Killers, would invite 2 of the known deadliest witches to a meeting in the first place, in a small conference room, and without 50 Witch Snipers with AR-15s loaded with silver bullets trained on them the whole time?
    Myrtle: after this last episode, I’m throwing out there that she’s a strong contender for the Supreme; she seems she might become a lot more dangerous in the next 2 episodes. I think there was a reason why she was so adamant that Zoe take Kyle and get the hell to Disneyland or wherever. She also was quite dispassionate with Cordelia’s internal strife after being belittled by Fiona – urging her to bottle and sell her salad dressing or the cruise ship gig.
    I just think all her bits of witty & wonderful dialogue throughout the season may have to do with her getting downright dirty and even with being denied the Supreme when outwitted by Fiona as teens. I think maybe she took on Cordelia as an abandoned teen to get info on Fiona as part of a plan. If not ending up the Supreme, the consiglieri 🙂
    Speaking of the Divine Myrtle, I need the damn script to the series, because she speed-reads those wonderful one-liners and speeches – I don’t have close caption!!!

    Reply
    • JoJo says

      January 17, 2014 at 1:54 am

      And did anyone else hear Cordelia say to Fiona: Julia has your Number Slim? And what was the horny toad-looking plant Delia rubbed all over eye area before gouging eyes out?
      Antiseptic analgesic?

      Reply
    • Katrina says

      January 19, 2014 at 7:20 pm

      Didn’t they show the axeman killing someone for Fiona in a previous episode. He turned over book shelves?

      Reply
      • Urethra Franklin says

        January 19, 2014 at 7:36 pm

        He did do that when she was child to protect her from a child bully, but she did not die.

        Reply
  13. Kaleesi says

    January 17, 2014 at 5:04 am

    JoJo; I heard MYRTLE say to FIONA, “she’s (meaning Cordelia),got your number, slim.”. Was that line repeated??
    Also, can someone please tell me what the guy in the attic says to Delphine when she finds him? I rewound several times, rewatched it with the hubster
    and he couldn’t understand it either. Funny, because I understood every single word Papa Legbo said in the prev episode.
    It’s really bugging me. It’s at the 0.02 mark.

    Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      January 17, 2014 at 11:57 am

      Kaleesi I want to help you but I think there’s a typo with .02 mark.
      Be more specific for the scene and clarify the time mark and I will translate for you.

      Do you have a closed caption feature that you can enable?

      Reply
      • Kaleesi says

        January 17, 2014 at 1:15 pm

        U.F., thank you for replying. I do not have closed caption.
        It is at the very beginning, right after Delphine kills the chicken, she goes into the attic and finds a man crying out in agony. She says, “what the hell’s going on in here?” And then he says, “I’m sorry, ma’am, I tried to……………” ???
        And when I pause it the time in says 0:02. Two minutes in.

        Also, U.F., is it better for me to reply to you up here, or is it easier for you if I reply “at the bottom”.

        Reply
      • Urethra Franklin says

        January 17, 2014 at 1:50 pm

        Kaleesi he says: ” I’m sorry maam I tried to stack the boxes up myself. I’m hurt bad ”

        He injured himself and somehow gashed his leg badly.

        Reply
    • JoJo says

      January 17, 2014 at 2:31 pm

      Kaleesi, thanks for replying. So maybe I heard “Delia” not “Julia” ‘has your # slim” but you heard it was “She’s” … If Myrtle says something, which is usually delicious, I sometimes have a hard time understanding her New England, upper crust, Eleanor Rooosevelt accent )

      Reply
      • Kaleesi says

        January 17, 2014 at 2:45 pm

        Thank you so much U.F.! That was really pissing me off. My son came over and brought me some lunch. I made him watch it several times and he couldn’t get it either.

        JoJo;
        I have a hard time understanding Myrtle also!
        We have to turn the volume up so high when she is talking. It sucks because you just know whatever she is saying is brilliant!
        She a wispery wisperton! SPEAK INTO THE MIC, MYRTLE!!

        Reply
    • lori says

      January 21, 2014 at 11:34 pm

      Kaleesi, if you have a cable box, then you have to have a closed captioning options..All cable boxes/services have to have them by law. Try looking under options, or even advanced options on your box/remote. I’m so glad I have no trouble understanding a word they say… well maybe one or two here and there. Unlike Downton Abbey where it is virtually impossible for me to watch without closed captioning.

      Reply
  14. Melissa says

    January 17, 2014 at 9:26 am

    Is it far fetched to imagine Delphine got her clothes washed? Because they were soiled perhaps? Seriously?

    Reply
    • JoJo says

      January 17, 2014 at 6:13 pm

      Not at all. For whatever reason, Queenie’s seems to have a crush on Delphine. She’s defied Marie’s orders to burn her head, feed her, and if she went to the trouble to put her back together, getting her clean clothes makes perfect sense to me.

      Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      January 18, 2014 at 12:57 am

      It’s not far fetched.
      If I was a pre civil war socialite in a bloodied tiger sweat shirt I would aimless roam the streets of the Big Easy till I found a washateria and go topless while I washed the one shirt that I owned.

      Reply
  15. Christy says

    January 17, 2014 at 11:32 am

    First of all, I want to give a big THANK YOU to Urethra for such witty & wonderful precaps & recaps. They have absolutely enriched my viewing experience of AHS Coven! I do so appreciate your attention to detail. This season has been frustrating but is still worth watching thanks in large part to you! On another note, I happen to love Myrtle & thought her little speech about JAR was very clever (& right on)! Anyway, a little FYI, there is currently a JAR exhibit at The Metropolitan Museum in NYC until March 9. This is a unique opportunity to view some of his beautiful work & have a chuckle thinking about Myrtle at the same time. Enjoy!

    Reply
    • bendy says

      January 17, 2014 at 12:21 pm

      Thanks for the info on JAR. I loved Myrtle’s description and just had to see what she was talking about.

      Reply
  16. Xanadude says

    January 17, 2014 at 11:46 am

    I use the phrase David Lynch once used for his work – it’s like a puzzle but you’re given too many pieces. As long as the overall experience of watching it is fun and interesting, I’m not going to sweat the details. (I’m a comic book collector as well and you KNOW how they get about continuity andsuch from issue to issue or even from year to year. I get equally frustrated at people who nitpick at that. Sit pback. Enjoy the work.)

    Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      January 17, 2014 at 12:12 pm

      I’ve compared the show to David Lynch’s work before too somewhere in a past blog. But it was only because of the Myrtle’s character, eccentricity, & zany dialogue. I just love her pompous brand of cray cray.

      Honestly Myrtle, Fiona, & Marie are the show for me.
      I hope we get a good scene between Marie & Myrtle before the show ends.

      Reply
    • eastjames says

      January 17, 2014 at 3:01 pm

      Ooohhh! Mufasa! I shudder and get chills every time I hear that name! David Lynch has scared the bejesus out of me ever since I was young and I used to sneak and watch Twin Peaks.

      Reply
  17. SaraK says

    January 17, 2014 at 12:56 pm

    I had major issues with this episode. Did we REALLY need to see Delphine chop someone up in the past? She is a bitch who likes to cut up black people…we get it. Instead that time could have been better served giving my girl Nan some goodbye love. Then we have the witch hunters, who Cordellia identified on Google and Fiona had the IRS take all their money away with a spell. Really??? She didn’t need Marie or the Axeman to kill them. More gore without without withy power…not a fan. FrankenKyle isn’t even scary…now he just wears dorky hats and refuses blow jobs. Queenie and Delphine show up with NO explanation whatsoever, that didn’t deserve 2 min of airtime but we needed to see more guts and gore? I am not anti-gore AS LONG AS it furthers the plot line.

    Now after that bitching, you cannot beat the dialog….Spalding and Delphine and the bene….shh I can’t say it. EVERY word out of Myrtle Snows mouth. And less I forget…the two witch bitches…Angela B and Jessica L.

    So…crappy episode with a couple of bright moments in my view.

    Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      January 17, 2014 at 1:45 pm

      I agree. The last 4 episodes feels so damn rushed and hurried. We know the filming was ongoing up until end of October.

      I think that writers waited for viewers reaction to finish writing up the direction of the last 4 shows. Stevie wasn’t even part of the show until October after the positive audience response. I think the writers at this point are flying by the seat of their pants to get it done. That’s why there needs to be more than 13 episodes. So much time was wasted on the usual suspects: Kyle, Joan, Luke characters. I know I sound like a broken records. But yes there are moments of greatness that keeps our attention.

      Reply
      • Katrina says

        January 17, 2014 at 2:54 pm

        Is it possible that the writers thought they would have 22 episodes and for some reason they were cut to 13. Also, I wonder if the fact that Glee had to be rewritten has some sort of impact. It does seem like they were setting up to tell a longer story and something happened, then they just had to tell a story.

        Reply
      • JoJo says

        January 17, 2014 at 3:17 pm

        That makes sense to me, both UF and Katrina’s views. Joan/Patti LuPone couldn’t fit any more filming into her concert/play schedule. It seems logical that to bring Luke & Joan in for such a wimpy storyline, might have not been the original plan but Patti couldn’t make it happen as originally planned?

        Reply
      • Urethra Franklin says

        January 17, 2014 at 3:28 pm

        Season 1 had 12 episodes
        Season 2 had 13 episodes
        and the show is considered a mini-series by it’s creators/writers.

        Reply
  18. Kaleesi says

    January 17, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    Urethra;
    I have enjoyed this show and your precaps and recaps so much! I have some health problems and don’t get out much. I was so happy to find this blog! You and Tamera and some of the commenters here give me a laugh a day and that means the world to me. Thank you guys so much.

    So……when this is over….. Is there any way you could be coerced into
    recapping Game Of Thrones???
    (my hubs calls me “Kaleesi”, it’s my his favorite show, and the only moniker I could think of!
    Dumb, I know)

    Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      January 17, 2014 at 3:25 pm

      Though I should, I have NEVER watched Game of Thrones. Glad you are having fun with us here, cause I am too.

      When I agreed to do a little something for TT for AHS I had no idea what I was doing getting into because I’ve never done this before. The show is far more complex from the perspective of recapping it than just simply watching it. …Thanks for reading my long ass recaps. TT tells me I have to be more succint, but just like in real life I can’t shut up sometimes.

      Reply
      • lori says

        January 21, 2014 at 11:43 pm

        Oh no! I don’t think you should change a thing! Come times I wish they were even longer and more detailed, since you have such a way with the details.

        Reply
  19. JoJo says

    January 17, 2014 at 3:09 pm

    Notwithstanding we don’t know how Queenie survived and reassembled Delphine, any quesses about Queenie’s new powers she mentioned and her agenda?
    Queenie’s new agenda reveal sounds she may be after her own interests only & didn’t return to help the Coven or Marie. So far her new ‘powers’ somehow had her survive the gunshot(s) since I thought she said silver bullets aren’t deadly to her; and the other power is whatever she did to get Delphine back together. But obviously Delphine is important enough to her to not only put her together, but to collar her up and bring her back to the Coven.
    Those 2 may be the only 2 prepared to take on all the other witches, one’s immortal and one’s not wanted really by anyone else – so they make the most sensible force by being left on their own.
    After Spaulding fooled Madame how to dispose of Marie by lying about the spell, and we know Marie’s immortal but Spaulding hinted after he got what he wanted (that 1895 doll with silver?) that if she wanted to get rid of Marie, make sure she can’t come back. Now both Delphine and Queenie have the same mission. Perhaps knocking her out, cutting her to bits and placing them all over New Orleans in pieces in sealed and concrete mausoleums or cremating them would do it?
    If we’re finished with the Witch Hunters because they literally cut off the heads of the organization, we might be back to the war of the Witches – soulless Fiona, really pissed, bitchy Marie, the odd couple Queenie & Delphine, the wild one Madison, then Zoe and her useless guard dog Kyle.
    Of course Papa Legba plays some part.

    Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      January 17, 2014 at 3:16 pm

      Queenie surviving both gunshots, putting Delphine back together, and the fact the she’s both Salem & Voodoo makes me think she is a Next Supreme.

      Next weeks episode Queenie has new power, but I will save that for my precap post. Shhhh no spoilers if you know. Cuz you know a lot.

      Reply
      • JoJo says

        January 17, 2014 at 3:29 pm

        (whispher) OH BOY – and I really don’t know about that.

        And I do think that Myrtle is a contender too – her storyline of saying fabulous shit and rambling about notes of coconut and all sorts of French words when talking about shit soup – maybe is just a ruse to make us all think she’s a shallow, but educated, high-society foo foo, so we’ll overlook her agenda? 🙂

        Reply
  20. JoJo says

    January 17, 2014 at 4:11 pm

    Oh, the benefit of taking notes during this jammed pack episode.

    Now I realize I’m less inclined to believe the new Supreme is one of the older witches. So Queenie, Misty, and Zoe or Madison are still up for contention. Preview of next episode after this ended showed Papa Legba with Misty, so she’s been discovered (and after all, she does have a pure soul). And I have no idea if it makes a whit of difference, but Queenie & Zoe are the only 2 who haven’t died once. When it came up last episode and Nan confirmed Madison’s heart murmur disappeared when she came back to life, wouldn’t that mean the ‘radiant health’ is still the mark of a true Supreme? Is a little extra meat on the bones considered less than radiant health?

    And I’m perplexed on what will blind Cordelia’s use be to the Coven now even with the second sight? Now everyone left knows that if Delia touches them, she senses/sees everything about them. What if they all just stay out of her reach ) Maybe that whole point is for her to surprise jump Fiona or Marie and read their true plans. And I did notice she had some strange vibe at Nan’s funeral, obviously same place that Misty is knocking on the concrete walls trying to get out.
    Btw, RIP Nan, you deserved a backstory more than all the extra time devoted to the genesis of Delphine’s serial killer instinct – we got it, she started with killing small animals like they all do!!!

    Reply
  21. Kaleesi says

    January 17, 2014 at 4:13 pm

    “And I do think that Myrtle is a contender too – her storyline of saying fabulous shit and rambling about notes of coconut and all sorts of French words when talking about shit soup”~~~~~~~~
    Ahhhhhhh. That’s why I read here. So much laughing…….

    Reply
    • JoJo says

      January 17, 2014 at 4:34 pm

      I’m not obsessed much heh? Urethra Freakin’ Franklin is responsible for that too! I never commented, ever, anywhere on the first 2 seasons that I loved too. Then a little gift happened and TT asked and UF accepted to recap this…..it’s better than Christmas to me 🙂

      Reply
      • Urethra Franklin says

        January 17, 2014 at 6:38 pm

        …and I feel responsible for corrupting you when I teased you about how polite and foul language free your posts were. No you toss around hilarious gems like Cunt in Couture. LOL.

        Reply
      • Urethra Franklin says

        January 17, 2014 at 6:38 pm

        No=NOW

        Reply
      • JoJo says

        January 17, 2014 at 6:49 pm

        Actually, you really did corrupt in that way….I am basically a Sophomore as a commenter, and typing those words behind all this Catholic guilt really takes its toll on me.
        Oh btw, 10 min. to go before the fucking Australian Open matches start 🙂

        Reply
  22. Beth says

    January 17, 2014 at 9:46 pm

    …this little piggy… Hahaha

    Reply
  23. Beth says

    January 20, 2014 at 10:59 pm

    Omg just read spoilers for the next episode. If what I read was true, it is gonna be a crazy show… Pay backs are a bitch for…
    So excited!!!

    Reply
  24. momadison says

    January 21, 2014 at 4:17 am

    I’ve been scared to even admit this to myself, but Season 3 is bad, bad, bad! It has all the right ingredients but, after the amazing writing and acting of 1 & 2, this stew seems….well, a little shitty! Also, Lord help me, is it non-PC to hate the acting of a challenged cast member? I never was so happy to see someone shut up with a drowning in my life! There I have said it! Feels better to get that off my chest…can you smell my relief? It “smells like the ejaculation of an Olympian!” Oh, Myrtle, such bon mots!

    Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      January 21, 2014 at 10:36 am

      I always appreciate honesty, and I understand your mixed feelings about the show as a collective, but don’t be hatin’ on Nan/Jamie Brewer or its a bleach martini for you.

      Reply
      • Barbara R. says

        January 21, 2014 at 11:37 am

        Thank you UF. I just couldn’t come up with the right words to reply to momadison.

        Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Come For The Tea, Stay For The Shade!

  • Y’all PLEASE Wear A Mask. PLEASE.
  • Southern Charm Recap: Treehouse of Cards Part 1
  • RHOSLC Recap: In Hot Water
  • RHOC Recap: Making Waves
  • Fact Check: Is Farrah Abraham On The Cover Of Harper’s Bazaar?
  • RHOD Recap: You Dim Sum, You Lose Sum
  • Below Deck Recap: Blood In The Water

SEARCH TAMARA TATTLES

Recent Comments

  • tamaratattles on Y’all PLEASE Wear A Mask. PLEASE.
  • Kat on Y’all PLEASE Wear A Mask. PLEASE.
  • Indywom on Y’all PLEASE Wear A Mask. PLEASE.
  • Pamela on Southern Charm Recap: Treehouse of Cards Part 1
  • Audrey Stewart on Southern Charm Recap: Treehouse of Cards Part 1
  • LMD on Southern Charm Recap: Treehouse of Cards Part 1
  • Karebear on Southern Charm Recap: Treehouse of Cards Part 1

Archives

Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2021 · Metro Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in