Time for Vanderpump Rules. Drinking Game Alert! Every time you hear the words “Stassi’s Birthday” or “My Birthday” drink until you are convinced that you gay boyfriend is having an affair with a woman.
Katie has stepped away from the table and Kristen goes out to console her. Then Stassi comes out to scream at her for crying at the table. Stassi is mad that Katie didn’t even order a drink, or an appetizer or and entrée!!!! She is so selfish. This is so stupid. Why do you people love this show so much!
Tom and Katie have a sit down conversation. Tom apologizes to Katie and they both drunkenly swear their undying love to each other like only two 19 year olds away from their parents for the first time, drunk on Boones Farm on spring break can do. Except they are pushing 30.
Meanwhile at SUR everyone is thrilled that the attention whores are gone. Things are running smoothly. Lisa is very impressed with Ariana who is holding down the bar by herself.
In Cabo, the bitches are all in the pool in various stages of nudity while the guys are at the bar drinking. Jax decides to go check on Stassi. He thinks they are “vibing” and things are good. Jax and Stassi have a conversation in the shallow end of the pool. Stassi is her usual bitch self. She convinces Jax to admit that he said that Tom and Ariana hooked up. Because? Why the hell is she bringing that up? Clearly, she wants more birthday drama.
Stassi says in her talking head that she knows this could send Kristen into a tailspin despite that, she heads straight to Kristen to destroy her soul. Kristen cries and Stassi’s mission is accomplished.
The next day there is some sort of booze cruise planned. Scheana heads to the boys’ room. Scheana asks Jax what he said to Stassi because it ruined the whole mood for the rest of the night. Jax lies and says he didn’t tell her anything. Scheana says, while right after you talked to her, Stassi started talking about Tom and Ariana.
Kristen pulls Jax aside and confronts him. Jax refuses to talk to her. Stassi overhears and says Jax doesn’t make the rules. Jax, Tom, Kristen and Stassi are all face to face. Jax is backpedaling as if his life depended on it. Scheana and Shay arrive, hear the conversation and slowly back away. LOL. Good plan.
Kristen and Tom have the TELL THE TRUTH! I AM TELLING THE TRUTH! fight for the billionth time.
Later, Katie, Kristina and Stassi are in the pool ordering bottles of Veuve Clicquot and food as if they are not paupers when Kristen comes over under a dark cloud of self pity and abject stupidity. Kristen declares that she is going to call Lisa about the Ariana situation. The girls tell her this is a bad idea but she does it anyway. She calls Lisa and tells her she doesn’t want Ariana to work at SUR anymore. She says if she does then she can’t work there anymore. Well, that is certainly and easy choice for Lisa. She should just tell her right there not to come back to work anymore. Kristen says she is going to move out when she gets back.
But first we have a booze cruise! Sadly ye olde pirate ship cannot actually sail because the waters are too rough. So the plan is to get wasted on a docked boat that is still rocking like crazy. I foresee puking. Lots of puking. Tom Sandoval is a sad pelican while the other couples cuddle. Scheana and Shay have a good relationship. Katie and Tom are back together for the moment. Stassi is literally running her panties up the flag pole. It’s all good! Until Jax arrives with a throng of bimbos and all the single bitches get their hackles up. Especially, Stassi. Jax leaves with the girls.
Lisa meets with her business partner and Ariana. Lisa asks Ariana if she is uncomfortable working with Kristen. Ariana says no. She doesn’t want to go anywhere.
Everyone is out for one last night out on the town. Jax shows up to the bar with three random girls and Stassi and Katie tell him to fuck off. Jax seems confused. Jax takes the girls back to the hotel hot tub. Scheana and Stassi bond over trashing Jax.
Peter takes a shot glass out of a random chick’s butt crack with his mouth and shoots it and my lady parts weep with despair and no longer find him attractive. Just like that. /sigh
Kristen was having fun. So Katie decides to remind her that she is breaking up with her boyfriend of five years and should be miserable. #ThatsWhatFriendsAreFor The next morning, Kristen is missing from the girls room and is found later in Tom’s bed. DAMMIT! This ruins all the scheming that Stassi and Katie have done to break them up!
Next week: Scheana gets engaged.
i am so glad i don’t have friends like these girls, they are nasty pieces of work. stassi is so damn selfish it boogles the mind. katie and kristen are crazy drunks. scheana seems to be the most level headed of the group, she may have made mistakes in the past but she seems to be the least drunken mess. at this point who cares if tom screwed ariana, i think if i was tom iwould have just to be away from crazy for a while. jax is a freakin shit stirring liar, i have never in my life seen a person like that ever before. is he a real person? lisa should fire the lot of them. i do enjoy watching these train wrecks, makes my life seem so mundane and boring, lol.
I hear ya! Earlier today I was feelin mighty poor, and after that episode damn I feel like puttin on some of Miss Celie’s Folkspants and dancin a jig in the road!
Man, I use to love Boone’s Farm strawberry hill!
I was a “Tickle Pink” girl
I will say that Jax’s throng of bimbos behanved quite well. The one who said that she hadn’t realized it was a birthday party and it would be best for them to go – nice move. Even better that Stassi then said the girls could stay but Jax had to go.
That was the best part of the episode. Especially that Stassi tells them they’re welcome to stay, realizing that man-whore bi-polar Jax did this only to get a rise out of her. Good move.
Of course we know that if this wasn’t filmed for a reality show, Jax wouldn’t be there at all (or shouldn’t).
LOL parts of this recap: Lonely, alone on the boat “Pelican Tom” and Peter’s ass indiscretion: “my lady parts weep with despair and no longer find him attractive. Just like that”
Ditto that re: Peter and the butt crack shot. Double sigh.
OMG, thank you for recapping this show! I have been looking all over for a decent recap and JUST came across your blog in my Google search.
I can’t even with this show. I just can’t. Every week I say I’m done with it, but I just get sucked in. None of the dudes (save Peter) are hot, and the girls (save Ariana) are vapid human beings.
I do not have time, nor probably the space, to properly give my opinion on this episode, so I will leave you with: Jax is disgusting and how do women find him attractive?, I’m shocked that Madame Vanderpump would allow Kristin to give her an ultimatum… methinks she might not be long for the SUR world, Stassi is a horrible person and the others… well, my mother taught me that if I don’t have anything nice to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all.
I think TT begrudgingly pampers us followers by recapping this show. I, for one, am grateful since I feel exactly like a fool admitting I watch it 🙂
For the past two weeks VR recaps, but especially the WWHL with Kirsten and Jax have been my most popular posts by far. Lots and Lots of incoming searches for them.
IDGI.
🙂
Maybe it’s a bunch, like oodles, of middle-aged or a tad more aged, women who want to relive their 20’s and early 30’s when they partied so hard and could do it for a week and not miss work! Of course there’s always the Lisa V lovers that will watch her cut a rose for an hour 🙂
[whispers] I would watch her cut a rose for an hour. Or maybe half that and half Yo picking lemons sssshhhhh[/whispers]
I’m with you TT. I would watch them both for an hour… each!
Also, I never partied that hard in my 20s or early 30s. Holy cow! (Says the chick who is slightly passed the mid-30s mark)
LOL! I really really enjoy Lisa, but she definitely has to do more than cut flowers! I need to see her wittily and with a smile snark on the other cast.
And I seriously had birthday parties that lasted a week – and it pains me to identify with Stassi in that arena. I also partied that hard, up to 5 or 6 in the morning, I even have to admit up to the time I washed my face, put powder in my air and under arms etc. and went right to work from the bar! Those days are soooo long gone, but I live in a 24 hour city that was a bad influence 🙂
Is this really for real! How can all these people take all this time off at the same time. What is Lisa Vanderpump paying them to work at Sur? To go on expensive vacations for someone’s birthday, Upgrade their hotel reservation, and then allow some employee to give her an ultimatum about who should work there and who should not. This is stupid and I guess I’m stupid for watching this mess.
NO, it’s a TV that sends them on location to shoot for pretend reasons.
Lisa has said a few times she doesn’t like them all leaving at the same time. Though, she had a point when she said it was much more peaceful with them all gone.
Jordan, I think the answer is it’s not real, at all. If there were no Vanderpump Rules show, and those exact people were actually working full-time at Lisa’s SUR, no way in hell would she let that group take leave at the same time. Meaning, her complaining isn’t real either. But I watch it, so the entertainment is ‘real’ at least for me 🙂
The name of this show should be ‘Vanderpump Fools’. Stasi is Vile (yes that’s a capital V), and these people act like teenagers. The way Stasi controls the girls on this show? Pathetic losers; all of them.
A lot of it IS scripted. But the Stassi ass kissing seems real and they are not that good at acting