I really, really think Joyce’s husband is hot as hell. He reminds me of my one great love. Only he was not that big yet, and just a bartender at the Wind of Change… sigh. Oh how I fucked THAT up. But moving on. Oh look. Carlton is taking her submissive and his mother fetish shopping. I’m sorry. I just can’t recap this. I am WAY right of traditional gender roles and while I want everyone to do what they enjoy, this skeeves me out. #TMI
I love pretentious Yolanda. I can’t help myself. Yo has adult acne issues. Brandi calls to tell her to put Visine on it. lol. Crushed aspirin or toothpaste would have been better options. ? Seriously, if we have time for a Yolanda has zits scene, I have lost all hope for an interesting show. Isn’t Yo supposed to be the health expert?
Okay Lisa already had swans, and Mohammed gave her another pair for Christmas? Or did something “happen” to these? Where they prop swans? What? Anyway, Lisa and Ken are outside deadheading roses. I love that Ken realizes that Brandi needs a man to look after her. Ken is the new voice of reason on this show. We all need a man to look after us, and when we don’t have that, things become very difficult. Lisa decides to sort of back off of trying to “mother” Brandi. She decides to have a dinner with Mo and Martin because they know Joyce. Maybe they can sort out their differences.
LOVE the scene with Kim and her son watching the Kingsley video. I totally get Kim’s attachment. I have my first dog too and OMG when his time comes, I will be beside myself. Banjo is my best friend too. Oh wait, I don’t think he is my baby and there are no pacifiers. Perhaps she is going too far. LOL. Banjo and I are two creatures in our own space who move separately. There is not a lot of affection. We are really good roommates.
It looks like David or Bravo has rented out Nobu. In this case it is probably David. David is a musical composer extraordinaire. Despite his pretentiousness, he really is a musical genius. So I moved by him writing a poem for his wife. Yolanda, who is also comes across as pretentious, is all about shaping him. Truth be told neither of these two are pretentious. They are the people that pretentious people try to emulate. They actually are both HUGELY successful at their crafts. I love that David loves Yo and Yo is still worried about her zits. I know y’all are going to tear this scene apart. But I love these two together. I am infinitely jealous. It’s a magical relationship. I love she gave him a book of nudes just for him. If I looked like her I would do the same. Keeping her man happy is a smart move.
I’m bored. Kyle is having a fashion show using Joyce’s models. Brandi shows up and is pissed that Joyce is “going into her Spanish” to exclude her. Um, hi Brandi. In other countries peoples speak many other languages. These people all speak Spanish as their first language. So they are merely talking to each other in their first language. Just like you speak Valley Girl amongst your friends. Get over yourself. This is not something being done to you. If you want to know what they are saying, learn Spanish. Her friend Jennifer Gomez another reality whore that Brandi is BFF’s with, who oddly is a recovering alcoholic, is greeted in Spanish. IT’S A CONSPIRICY of Latina speaking Spanish to her BFF! Fuck you, Brandi. You are the ONLY PERSON THERE that does not know Spanish. Your ignorance is not Joyce’s problem.
ROFLMAO. Joyce is smaller than Brandi. Apparently THAT is what is killing Brandi.
Mo and Brenda and Lisa and Ken are preparing for dinner at SUR where Joyce will be. Yo arrives looking STUNNING. Shiva, Mo’s 2903820938th finance arrives. Joyce and Michael are “late” which means Bravo his hold them from arriving for storyline. We are not NEW Brandi, we know how this “reality” works. Brandi tries to rework the storyline to make it look not like Joyce was being empathic “I’ve lost a dog too, I know how sad it is…” into making it all about Joyce. What kind of cuntbag doesn’t understand empathy? The same thing happened to me, I know what you are going through… suddenly becomes “a competition.” Makes me think she let her own dog go loose.
If you look up PROJECTING in the dictionary, you will find a lovely picture of Brandi Glanville with the quote “She has to make everything about her all the time and it is exhausting!” What a vile woman she turned out to be. I apologize for liking her previously.
Now Joyce and Michael are arriving “late” and I so want them to say, “Sorry, we were making love in the limo and in no hurry to see you biatches.”
LOLOLOLOLOLOL Joyce just skips right over Brandi in the greetings. And why shouldn’t she? Brandi is a cunt to her.
Not sure but I think we are moving into Vanderpump Rules territory. And everyone is ordering weird shit. EVERYONE suddenly wants to give my man Michael shit for saying that all the women are beautiful but “not easy.” That is the understatement of the century! Why is this a bad thing to say? His wife likely comes home from filming crying at the hand of fuckup Brandi Glanville? He is trying so hard to be a good husband. Mo says Lisa is the nicest woman in the world. Michael says if these women have a problem with my wife, they have a problem with me. YAY! I KNEW I LOVED THIS MAN! #TraditionalGenderRoles My man is not going to like you if you treat me like shit.
Brandi says her two mutual friends with Joyce do not speak highly of Joyce. I would like someone to hit Brandi in the face with a brick, softly, but just to get her attention. She’s a single mom with nothing besides this show talking to an actress, and former Miss Universe who is married to a successful man. KEEP. TALKING. BITCH.
Brandi is a cunt. That is all.
And I will deal with Pump Rules tomorrow. Got the Mongolian Lung Flu. Sorry. This is such Bulllshit. Brandi needs rehab and it really is not funny anymore. So for not editing.