Brandi Continues To Dig Her Hole (Not That One, It’s a Metaphor This Time)

Because Brandi does not know when to shut up, or how to apologize, it was with bated breath that I awaited the blog. I knew it would be a shit storm.   I was not disappointed.  Join me as I dissect the mind of Brandi.

First, if you follow me on Twitter, much like Brandi, I’ve been known to drunken tweet once or twice. Fine. I admit it. I am the QUEEN of over sharing on twitter. Something about that third glass of wine too many makes it seem like a really good thing to share your every thought. I get it. But I am not on a popular reality show.  And more importantly, I don’t have a kids. I certainly don’t have a twitter profile extolling my virtues as a mother and friend.  By the way, Leann Rimes must be having THE BEST WEEK EVER!

Click through for my breakdown of Brandi’s blog…

Brandi’s Bravo blog follows in italics, my words in purple.

First and foremost, I really do want to sincerely apologize and say I am truly sorry for the insensitive joke I made about Joyce not getting in the water and to anyone of my friends or fans of the show I offended.

I generally tend to speak before thinking, which is something I wish I could change about myself. But it has been 41 years now and I don’t really see that happening. I generally feel like the more you protest about something the guiltier one usually looks, but after looking at social media (which is ruining all of our lives BTW) I guess I need to prove myself a little further.

To start off, I have been in several romantic relationships over the years with African American men and still have close relationships with those ex-boyfriends even now. For over 20 years now, I have had girlfriends from pretty much every ethnical background. Sometimes (actually a lot of times) these girlfriends and I joke inappropriately with each other. These jokes are clearly not ready for TV.

I married and have two children with a Cuban man whose parents were both born and raised in Cuba, and I consider my children to be multi-racial. I am not a racist and I apologize for my insensitive joke.

For me, I wasn’t the barb about black people. If I were Brandi I would not have even continued to address this. I certainly would not list the men of other races I have slept with. Because Bravo would have probably run out of bandwidth.

The moment those words came out of my mouth I regretted them and felt like I just handed Joyce/Jacqueline the gift that she had been waiting for to have another go at me and give herself the attention she clearly was craving.

This sentence right here is the problem.  The continued mocking and the obvious projection is jaw dropping.  Anyone with functioning eyeballs clearly observed Brandi going above and beyond to be the center of attention while Joyce tried to remain civilized while constantly dodging insults.

All of that being said, I hope you see that although it didn’t go too well, I was just trying to be funny — as I always try to be. Life is not worth living if you can’t laugh with your close friends. In the future, I will remember in to hold back with people who I now see are only looking to take me down so that they can have a something for themselves.

Again, who was initiating the take down? In what way was Joyce trying to take anyone down? By being more attractive than Brandi?

As far as Kenya Moore calling me ignorant on WWHL, while I do find her entertaining on RHOA, I am sorry but I just don’t care nor do I respect the opinion of a grown ass woman who flirts, texts, and tries to sleep with another woman’s husband. Once she finds some self respect maybe I will learn to care about what she thinks.

Point taken. No one really gives a shit what Kenya thinks. However, your lesbian affair with a married woman puts you right down there in the gutter with her.

Now back to the show. I initially declined Joyce’s invitation to Palm Springs not once but twice. Ultimately I was talked into to going by a couple of the other women. I really didn’t see the point of going on a girls’ trip with a woman who was such a s— starter and tried to cause problems in my friendships with Lisa and Yolanda. And that’s not to mention that half of the other woman going on this trip weren’t even really talking to one other at this time.

I decided after much thought to go and to try and make the best out of it. I  arranged for my assistant to stay with my pups  Chica and Sugar. 

Those other women are called producers. They tell you where you will be filming. It is part of your contract, not some gracious move on your part.  It’s interesting that Brandi was worried about her friendship with Lisa and Yolanda being overthrown by the new girl she does not even know. Perhaps that explains yet reason she is so insecure around Joyce.

On the ride down to Palm Springs, Yolanda brought up her  first time doing the master cleanse was in this city  and I make a joke about cocaine. It was a joke people!!! Let me just say 99 percent of the time I am just making jokes and looking for a reaction. In my head I and a  comedian, and I believe laughter is the best medicine (especially for boredom). If you ever listen to my @PodcastOne Brandi Glanville Unfiltered show you will see what a constant inappropriate jokester I really am at all times.

We arrive in Palm Springs and it is HOT as sin and once again we are shunned to the bungalows not attached to the main house, with barely stocked refrigerators, giant bugs, and no air conditioning. So we are here on “vacation,” it’s 1000 degrees,  there is tons of tension between the ladies and not a thing to do — besides maybe counting the times Jaquline flips, touches, or plays with her hair. Fun, fun!

Please. Brandi knows as well as we do that this is always the way Bravo sets things up.  No one believes the whole “Joyce’s husband found the location” bullshit.  The hair thing seems to really bother Brandi. To the point that she is mentally counting every time Joyce touches hers. Newsflash: It is no more times than Kyle does.  If you have long hair, you find yourself adjusting it more times than a male athlete adjusts his cup.  Brandi needs to quit complaining about the job she BEGGED to get.

So we go to the pool and everyone looks great in full hair and makeup but no one wants to get in the pool, despite the heat. I have a conversation with Joyce about her name because I kept in call her Jaquiline. In the beginning  it was by accident, and then later, because she annoyed me so much, it was on purpose. In most Latin languages or at least from what I had learned being with a Cuban man and his family for over 13 years,  the letter J is usually pronounced as a “y.” Since Joyce is constantly speaking Spanish, I assumed she would want her name pronounced properly. I guess that struck a cord with this ambitious, ex-beauty queen, and she was not happy. 

Carlton and I get in the water and I am bored as hell, so I decide to  share with the ladies about our innocent friendship kiss. It was mostly just to get a rise out of the other women, and a few of them were rather shocked. So I felt my job had been done.

Translation: Joyce is way better looking than me and has a better body. I am used to everyone talking about my body in a swimsuit, so obviously I had to do something shocking to get the attention back on me.  When insulting Joyce was not getting a rise out of her, I decided to blab about making out with a witch. I thought that would do the trick and it did. All eyes, and more importantly cameras, were on me.

We all go back to our rooms to prepare for the super exciting (not) dinner Joyce is throwing in the “main house” and I decide to get my drink on because, as I said before, I was bored to tears and supposedly on vacation. I am aware that I overindulge and drink toO much in certain situations — but sometimes with this group it’s the most exciting thing to do. And we were again on  F—ING vacation.

Dear  Brandi, you seem really, really pissed off you were not in the main house.  Joyce was the pretend hostess, you were a guest.  Also, you were not in fact on vacation. You were at work, with cameras running. On a public TV show that your kids’ friends are aware of. They have enough shit in their lives having Leann Rimes as a step monster. If the only thing you find “exciting” about filming a TV show is getting shit faced, you may have a problem.

This dinner wasn’t going to go well from the get-go because half the women still had issues with one another.  As I watched Joyce move food around on her plate and pretend to eat, as usual things started to get ugly. Kyle, Yolanda and Kim have their own unresolved issues  from before. Although no one really knows what truly happened except the three of them, I blindly defend Yolanda because she had been a great friend to me. In the past, I had been on the other side of Kim and Kyle and it wasn’t fun, although our relationships now are stronger then they have ever been.

Joyce decides to play with her hair for the thousandth time before toasting herself about a show she scored the lead in that her husband just happened to produce. Kyle snaps at Yolanda, Yolanda in return snaps at Kyle, Joyce chimes in and snaps at Yolanda who tells her to stay out of it, I chime in and snap at Kyle. It’s just one giant s—show! Can’t we all just have drink please and maybe go do something fun? Nope!

So more drinks for Brandi! Yes, I overindulged and it wasn’t cute, but can you f—ing blame me!?! Kim, Carlton, and Lisa pretty much stayed out of the fray, which was smart on their part. The dinner party from hell continues next week. Oh Joy! Or should I say “Oh Yoy”?

Looking back I should have stayed home with my precious dogs and maybe Chica would still be with our family.

Deuces!   

Yes, Brandi, we can and do blame you. By asking that question, you end your blog by making it clear your apology is meaningless.  You should have apologized to JOYCE not just “your friends” (Who I thought you said got your “humor”) and your fans (who, if you still have any, think your attitudes and behavior are just peachy.)

Personally, I think she is just going to continue to dig a deeper hole for the next few weeks.

So to summarize, she drinks because she’s on vacation, or it’s hot, or she bored, or she’s jealous, or it’s her birthday, or her kids are with Eddie, or because it’s not fun to be sober. But she does not have a drinking problem, she’s a great mom and friend.