We begin with Brandi Glanville talking with a group of friends in order to research for her next book, which apparently is about her vagina. I’m gonna pass on this discussion.
Joyce is such a happy person. She’s packing for Palm Springs. Kim is shopping for Palm Springs. Kyle and Carlton are also shopping for new clothes. Well Kyle is shopping and Carlton is sucking the life out of the experience. Carlton has a list of grievances she airs on the shopping trip. Kyle says there is a Mexican expression for Carlton’s list of grievances. She says “she is looking for tits on an ant.” I like this expression. Kim has packed everything but the kitchen sink, including her own juicer. This trip is “planned by Joyce.”
There is the usual bickering about who gets what room. Which I will never understand. And Yolanda is disappointed that the sheets are not ironed. What? She did not bring her personal assistant in charge of sheet ironing? How will she survive 2 whole nights at a beautiful resort with unironed sheets? The horror! And apparently, the ladies had no idea Palm Springs is hot.
Brandi keeps calling Joyce, “Jacqueline.” Around the pool everyone pretends to be shy of their anorexia. Carlton has sever Wiccan tattoos. Kim’s talking heads are adorbs. Brandi brings up kissing Carlton AGAIN. And these grown woman behave like 10 year olds. Now everyone is pressuring Joyce to get in the pool. Why? It seems they think that because she is hosting the pool party she MUST get in the pool first. Is this a Dutch thing because Yolanda is the ring leader of this one. Yo says that Joyce can’t swim. Joyce says you are right, I can’t swim and Brandi says….wait for it…..
“You’re a black person.”
When Lisa asks her if she really said that, Brandi quickly plays the “all my black friends would think that was a funny joke” card. Joyce puts her cover up back on. In her talking head she says, “Yes I am black. Puerto Ricans are Black, Indian and Spanish.”Oh god. This is going to get ugly.
Later, at dinner Brandi is already drunk and calling Joyce the wrong name. Joyce very politely asks her to stop and talks about being bullied about her name in high school. Lisa Vanderpump, who is apparently going to be a blow bite and blow kind of gal this season ,rather than just keeping her spotted dick hole shut jumps in to try to support Brandi’s assholery. Then Yo sinks to as to for unseen levels as well. I fear I am going to loathe this season as I am quite fond of Joyce and do not with to see her dogpiled by drunks and holier than though foreigners and the wiccan witch of the west. No bueno. Lisa also belittles Kim all before the entree arrives.
Joyce tries to tell the ladies about her new TV show Siberia (which I watched and loved but it sadly went the way of Malibu Country) telling them she is the lead (a slight stretch but she did have a very significant role in the ensemble cast) and she is very excited and hopes they will watch it. Carlton says “isn’t there an expression about sending people to Siberia” because remember she had to use a calculator to do her third graders home work for her, and drunk boots Brandi asks Yolanda to help her take her weave out at the dinner table which the oh so elegant Yo seems to think is a perfectly normal thing to do a the dining table of a lovely catered meal as the hostess is speaking. Kyle asks very sweetly for Joyce to tell her more about the show. Lisa is a bitch in her talking heads. It’s all very gauche and pedestrian. I am appalled.
Brandi again calls Joyce by the wrong name and says she keeps getting confused because Joyce sounds like a big fat pig. Poor Joyce unfortunately showed her underbelly to the cunts and now they are going in for the kill while only the Richards sisters sit in abject horror on the sideline. Brandi out of no where tells Joyce to go fuck herself.
Somehow, the catfight changes to Yolanda and Kyle. Yolanda tells Joyce she is not allowed to speak at her own dinner party. Lisa is jumping in to defend Brandi and Yolanda and just when you think it can’t get anymore ridiculous, Brandi Glanville, who is drunk off her ass, has been insulting the hostess since the moment she arrived and moments ago told Joyce to go fuck herself says to Kyle, “It’s hard because you seem so sweet and then you become this crazy asshole.”
Next week, Brandi learns a little bit about Karma.