Carmon who is Kandi’s never before mentioned BFF and personal assistant arrives at Chez Kandi to find Kandi conveniently looking at bridal “books” and thinking about wedding dress shopping. She seems to think her mother is coming around on Kandi and Todd’s marriage.
Kandi has more framed pictures and art on the wall than most museums. I like it! Todd tries to tell Kandi to stand up to her mother like an adult. No need to be disrespectful to her mother, but she can’t let her mother be disrespectful to Todd.
Nene, Gregg and Brentt go over to Mynique Smith’s house. Mynique is a new “friend of a housewife” this season. She was brought in to give Nene someone to play with because Nene’s “Hollywood” storyline fell through after The New Normal was cancelled and her role on Glee is rarely recurring anymore. He husband is a retired NFL player, Chuck Smith. Chuck was a groomsman in Nene’s second marriage. Nene claims she grew up with Chuck in Athens. Chuck admits to dating Kandi but not Phaedra. When did he date Kandi? Nene, who has sworn up and down she did NOT know Phaedra when they were in Athens, not claims that Phaedra had a bad reputation in Athens. She says Phaedra was known as a “head doctor.” Nene is the kind of friend who will bring you on national television with your wife and immediately start an interrogation on who you have or have not slept with. Isn’t that lovely?
Phaedra has taken her mortuary exams so she will not have to be cramming for exams anymore. Apollo walks in with his every present backpack on his back. I believe we decided last week that was his “go bag” in case of the Zombie Apocalypse comes, or Phaedra throws him out, he has a go kit on him at all times. Apollo tries to apologize to Phaedra. He does a bit better than last time, but he still doesn’t seem to understand what he did wrong, and he is still angry at Phaedra, who is the offended party. He’s trying, but he is not there yet. “I apologize if you feel like….” is not acknowledging that you fucked up and are truly remorseful. But it seems to be enough for Phaedra. Apollo wants his old slutty Phaedra back that he can bend over in the bathroom. That is Kanye West romantic right there, y’all.
I could write and entire blog about these women’s talking head looks. They know damn well that their talking head look will be seen on several episodes. I usually defend Nene’s hair, but honey it’s gotten to the point I can’t anymore. Can someone style her hair? And all I see in Phaedra’s talking head is two huge pink orbs of some Hello Kitty brand eye shadow. How does anyone look in the mirror and think that is okay? Porsha has the same problem but with purple eye shadow. What is it with housewives and purple eye shadow?
Kandi is hosting a Cardio Cabaret party for the girls. Porsha is not there because she is in the hospital. Porsha’s sister Lauren says that she fainted walking down the stairs. Maybe it’s just the stress of the divorce? Phaedra still seems to have most all of her baby weight three months after giving birth. Kenya is not letting that go unnoticed.
Nene invites everyone to go on a vacation by Bravo to Savannah. That should be interesting. Phaedra is excited about the cemeteries there. I lived in Savannah for a year or so and there are all kinds of ghost tours and cemetery tours. Phaedra will be in hog heaven. Why are they talking about taking a bus? They seem to think Savannah is about 3.5 hours away. Um, good luck with that. Savannah has a great little airport and Delta flies in and out all day. Take the plane.
Porsha’s explanation to her sister about her fainting spell is hilarious. Porsha says she forgets the name but basically not enough blood was getting to her brain so her brain just shut down. We have seen that on every episode she has been on. That is nothing new. Porsha gets over heated at the drug store where there are two chairs for her and her sister strategically placed. What do you know, at that exact moment, Nene calls! What a coinkydink! After the call the two sisters continue to walk aimlessly up and down the lube aisle until the happen upon a blood pressure machine. Lauren walks Porsha through the difficult process of getting your blood pressure read, and then attempts to explain her results. Her blood pressure was slightly high and her heart rate was also high. Porsha blames Kordell.
Kenya says her dog brings out her nurturing side. Which was best highlighted when she left the dog in the old rental property alone for days according to her evil landlord. Kenya and the dog are with Kenya’s aunt. The topic of conversation is Kenya having a baby. Apparently, she wants to have a baby with
her john her African sweetheart. Welcome to the made up storyline by Kenya for this season. Wait back up did Kenya just say she didn’t want to rush anyone into marriage? Wasn’t that her entire storyline last season? If Kenya is going to do all of these fake crying close-ups, she really needs to find a dermatologist. I don’t know what is wrong with her skin. I am starting to think she has a hormonal issue and grows a beard she has to shave and has constant five o’clock shadow. I’m serious. Her chin and upper lip are a dozen shades darker than the rest of her face, even when covered with foundation. If the story about her mother is true, and that is a big if, that explains a lot of Kenya’s issues.
It’s time for MotheroftheBridezilla to go ham in the wedding dress shop. She arrives with her two sisters and she is all smiles until she sees Carmon there. I missed who Kandi’s male friend is but he tells Mama Joyce he is surprised to see Kandi, the tomboy, trying on frilly dresses. Mama Joyce says, “She ain’t gonna wear it nowhere.” And here we go. Mama Joyce says she would be excited for the wedding if Kandi would find someone else to marry. Carmon says that is a terrible thing to say. Mama Joyce says Carmon knows him better than anybody. Mama Joyce and one of her sisters jump up off the sofa and dash over to Carmon who is trying to be respectful and start going in on her.
Kandi comes out in the first wedding dress she has ever tried on to show her mother but she is going in on Carmon and doesn’t even look at her. Joyce’s sister is crazy too and lies through her teeth to Kandi saying that Carmon jumped up out of her seat.
Someone tries to draw the attention back to Kandi and the gorgeous dress she just spent 20 minutes getting tied into. The aunts say they don’t like anything about that dress. Poor Kandi. You need to handle your business with your family. As soon as Kandi leaves to try another dress Joyce jumps up at Carmon AGAIN. Now Mama Joyce is talking about Carmon haning around Kandi for her “left over hair.”
Kandi comes out in street clothes and she is ready to go. Mama Joyce pulls off a shoe to try to get at Carmon to beat her with it. Carmon moves to the lobby to save herself
Someone convinces Kandi to try on one more dress. She doesn’t want to but once again she does it to try to restore peace. Then both aunts and her mother tell her they do not want her getting married. What a bunch of bitches. Why come to the dress shopping if your sole intent is to sabotage it?
I’m going to cut this a bit short I’m feeling a bit lightheaded.