I feel like I am always apologizing lately. I am not into this tonight. I’ll do my best. I am not even sure what my emotion is tonight, but I am feeling some kinda way. Let’s see how this goes. I will say I want more Joyce and less Carlton.
So of course we start with Carlton and Brandi. Sigh. Carlton is clearly at the very least bisexual and has the hots for Brandi. Carlton suggest that Brandi make a list of what she wants in a man, and bury it with a crystal on a full moon. Carlton’s left calf is much larger than her right and weird looking. I’m just saying. I dunno maybe it is the camera angle.
Oh a Kim scene. With no dog. Kim is setting up the Cirque School training with silks. JUST.LIKE.KENYA on RHOA. whatever. I took a potty break during that scene.
Kyle and Mauricio and Joyce and Michael go to dinner. Joyce likes Kyle at this point. I LOVE that Joyce asks what the fuck pizzettes are. We commoner call that pizza. It’s on the Friday menu in every elementary school cafeteria. Frankly I love elementary school pizza in those rectangular, processed, hideously bad for your slices. I wish I had one right now.
Kyle is way too Beverly Hills to eat pizza. /eyeroll Michael orders the pizza the rest order octopus. I think I love Michael. #normalpeople Blah Blah Blah Kyle is famous and so is her family. #yawn. I am mesmerized by Michael. I like a big, tall, man and I believe he has an accent. #fansself WAY sexier than Mauricio. I mean Mauricio is hot and I would not kick him out of bed, but he is a fun fuck….Michael is husband material.
Yolanda’s life is fabulous. What else is there to say? Dear GOD she has a stack of beige cashmere sweaters. Then there are the other colors. I could give two shits about shoes and handbags. GIVE ME CASHMERE. I am actually wearing my comfort cashmere sweater with my funky flannel PJ pants right now.
Ken gives Lisa a new puppy. I love Ken. And it is a real dog not a fucking purse dog. I should let another dog rescue us…. talk me out of this.
I don’t really care about this circus crap. Sorry. But WOW X17 gets a HUGE plug on Bravo and they are calling her out in front of her children for being a bully. Not cool. Kim tries to bond the women. Really? Who listens to Kim? No one. Especially not Yo. Joyce is just so quietly beautiful. Somehow everything is Yo’s fault. Whatthefuckever.
I could not do the silks. I have NO upper body strength, I can’t even open a Gatorade bottle.
Brandi LIES. She was a bully. She wants a THANK YOU for bringing up Mauricio’s (alleged) infidelities? Do you know how much it PAINS ME to be on Kyle’s side?
I love Joyce but she does not say three words this whole episode.
Not in love with Brandi this season, but I hate that the paps fuck with her in front of her kids. I do not believe Kyle is the culprit. And they end up being besties.
Lisa wants Kyle to tweet that she is not a bully. Kyle is pissed about the Mauricio cheating scandal. I will tell you if Kyle knew ONE TENTH of what has been sent to me about Mauricio that I chose not to post… I’m Just saying.
OTOH I totally side with Kyle. You don’t bring up her husbands (ALLEGED) infidelities at an mandatory all in luncheon.
Brandi and Yo brought it up. Lisa doesn’t like Joyce? This will not go well. Apparently, we are arguing about hair.
Sorry , y’all my heart is not in it tonight. I hope you leave lots of comments but Vanderpump rules is going to have to wait until tomorrow.