Brandi wants to dump JR now that she got the house she wanted. She is having this conversation with Jennifer in the bathroom as she runs her bath. She made sure to flash her entire ass at the cameraman which I thought was a bit too…um “cheeky” and then she strips naked and gets into the tub with a full camera crew in her bathroom! Sigh.
Joyce runs a pageant called Queen of the Universe. I wonder how Trump feels about a former Miss Universe naming her pageant that? She has two adorable little boys and they have a mini putting green in their back yard. How cute. Will they be the next Tiger Woods?
As much as I want to call Carlton Morticia and violate my own rule against stupid names, I won’t. Carlton is planning a luncheon at her home for the ladies.
Yolanda is receiving daily in home visits from a holistic nurse. Gigi is leaving at the end of the summer to go to school in NYC. That should be a great place for her modeling career as well. She is studying criminal psychology. I wish I had focused my undergrad on that rather than general psychology.
JR seems like a nice guy, who is about to be blindsided. He is trying to be nice. But Brandi is pissed that he went on a couples trip to Texas without inviting her or even telling her. She seems like she is trying to dump him before he dumps her.
Lisa is on the way to DWTS and is wearing a fascinating ring on her index finger that takes up the entire first joint. It appears to be a series of bands, perhaps with small diamonds that is likely attached in some way underneath. Lovely! Lisa gets voted out and reporters tell her about the fake fainting rumors.
And it’s time for the big luncheon at Carton’s house. She has her nanny and her friend working as servers. How would you feel if your friend asked you to come to her to serve her invited guests? Really Carlton? Carlton has already said twice she likes to surround herself with beautiful women. Yolanda arrives looking stunning despite her illness. She brings a candle as a hostess gift. Yo and Carlton get along well.
Meanwhile in the limo, the girls are talking about Lisa’s fainting episode on DWTS and Brandi seems to be agreeing with the girls that she faked it. Nice, Brandi. I don’t think there was malicious intent on anyone’s part. But I expect it will all be blown out of proportion at the luncheon. Yolanda and Kyle still hate each other at this point. Will Yo start to forgive her when Brandi abandons Lisa and sidles up to Kyle?
Carlton is VERY easily insulted. Last week someone said, “Oh I like the names Destiny and Mystery even more than Cross!” And she did a talking head about people making fun of her children’s names. Kyle, who is admittedly lacking in the social graces gene, notes all the crosses in her home, and “asks her if she was “raised Catholic.” ANNNNE we get another talking head where Carlton has her hackles up. Really? All she needs to say is no.
Lisa arrives in the Castle of Dracula (I have been there, but perhaps I should mention international travel, it seems to be a sore spot these days…lol) with a lovely PINK arrangement. Lisa realizes the mistake right away and half-heartedly apologies and Carlton is actually somewhat gracious. Carlton has a creepy doll collection.
Lisa is not even seated before Brandi is spilling the news about the conversation in the limo to Yo and Lisa. Really? Why do people feel the need to run to their friends and tell them about such an inconsequential conversation? Lisa said she would hope her friends would be supportive and that Brandi was not a part of it. Sorry, Lisa. Guess you found that out just this week with the episode arrived. Brandi said they were all just joking and it wasn’t a thing. So why stir the shit, Brandi? Lisa said she hoped she had her back and Brandi swears she did. Lies. Joyce and Kyle walk in and Kyle seems to be trying to blame Brandi and Brandi is blaming Kyle over who started the conversation. It was Kyle. Joyce says she has not seen the show and has no idea. Lisa is pissed. Brandi says she feels bad for talking about Lisa in the limo.
Carlton has a confessional. That is kinda cool. And Catholic so no wonder Kyle asked!
Outside Kim says she loves all of Carlton’s magic balls. heh. Carlton says there are a couple of names for them, they are witches balls or Victorian balls. They grab negative energy and they trap it. Hell we need to put some of those on Twitter! lol. So they are talking about witches balls and how many Carlton has, and her script requires her to ask if Carlton has ever explored witchcraft. And again the witch is pissed off. How dare she make such and inquiry. I hate Carlton. She needs to lighten the fuck up. If you are a witch and advertise and people ask why be offended? Carlton is a third generation witch. Carlton used to practice dark witchcraft but now because she has kids she only practices the white kind. This is good news for Kyle I suppose.
Carltons bed is HUGE!
At the actual lunch, Carlton refuses to be at the head of the table so Kyle gleefully takes the spot. Wait what? Did Brandi just say that Yolanda said when she met Carlton that she was a “good cunt?” Tell me I am misreading her lips. WHO SAYS THAT?
Joyce is the only sane one in the room. In her talking head she says that Carlton was offended she was asked about her religion by Kyle, but Brandi calls her a See You Next Tuesday and she is not offended? How odd!
Most everyone else was offended. Lisa makes a comment about it and Yolanda says to Lisa, “You need to remember you are not her mother, you are her girlfriend.”. And lines begin to be drawn. The girls rib Lisa over Gleb’s hotness. Carlton seems to be hitting on Lisa. Brandi and Joyce both for some reason what to discuss how tight their chuckalinas are. Carlton is all cool with Brandi saying it but says hearing Joyce say it made her throw up in her mouth. REALLY? Joyce if a Brazilian times hotter than Brandi.
Carlton says on national television in a talking head that her husband is hung like a donkey but she does not go around telling people that. Are donkey’s particularly well hung? It seems Carlton is intimately aware of such facts.
Yolanda asks Carlton what it is about her that she thinks they need to know. Carlton responds with the fact that she loves women. For those keeping count I think that was the fifth time this episode. Then out of fucking nowhere, Brandi says, so Kyle… what is up with this story about Mauricio cheating on you? REALLY BRANDI? How much have you had to drink at noon thirty? Oh Brandi was just being kind and giving Kyle a “heads up” on national TV in front of all the castmates and a full camera crew. How kind of her. Yolanda and Lisa both seem to be saying, “There is no smoke without fire.” I’ve had numerous sources tell me that Mauricio and Vicki Gunvalson’s guy Brooks visit the same brother in Nevada on the regular, ALLEDGEDLY. Lisa chimes in with she didn’t believe the stories about Eddie either and they turned out to be true. Wow. What spiteful bitches. Kyle is crying in her talking heads. Wow, that was shitty even by real housewives standards. I actually feel badly for Kyle which never happens.