We are back where we left off on Tuesday with Lisa pissed off and hiking up her fake boobies to prepare for round two with Joanna. Lisa is mad that Joanna’s make-up artist called her all kinds of names, including whore. Joanna seems to be implying that the reason Lisa can’t get pregnant is because she “parties too much.” So I was thinking drinking. But Lisa herself seems to defending herself against something more serious, yet unspoken. Interesting.
Lisa and Joanna apparently spoke on the phone the night before the reunion and promised each other not to hit below the belt. In other words, don’t go there. Alexia points out how ridiculous it is to call each other and get your stories straight before the reunion. Then Lisa pops out with, “What happened to that necklace that Romain bought you last season?” Joanna says she traded it in for a smaller diamond. (huh? who does that?) Lisa says it’s B.S. that it was a loaner for the show. Lisa has taken issue in the past with all of Lea’s loaners saying that Lenny has actually bought all of hers.
Lisa says she has heard that Joanna is a hooker. Andy says from who? I respond to Andy, “Um, the entire Internet? Including places that rate such services.” Joanna says she would love to meet whoever said that and Lisa says, “Oh you have met her, you are friends with her!” BOOM! Adrianna pipes up to say that she had received a call from a Polish reporter… Joanna interjects, “Marta! Yes I know I am suing her right now!”….Adrianna continues that you (Joanna) had been on several websites (I assume she is referring to porn sites) and that Joanna is an escort and a fraud in every way. The reporter says that Joanna’s home in L.A. is not owned by her but by a corporation. These houses and their homes owned by corporations.
Marysol comes out and Andy asks about Mama Elsa. I was under the impression that she got better during filming. Marysol said she has good days and bad days and today was not a great day. Marysol cries. She says she tried to explain that she was going to the reunion today and that Mama Elsa did not understand what that was. Marysol seems to be overdoing the emotions a bit, but she is hormonal.
The topic changes to Lea and Mama Elsa’s relationship. And asks Marysol if she thinks Lea is malicious? Marysol says that she thinks Lea will do anything to anyone to justify herself.
Lea says she called all the hospitals trying to locate where Elsa was and she was not checked in anywhere under her name. So she emailed Marysol and said that of course she cared about her and would visit her often if only someone would tell her where she was. This was one of those rip out a sheaf of papers for proof moments.
Marysol says that Lea pretended to care about Mama Elsa because she got film time and as soon as she was in the hospital, Lea did not reach out to her for two months. Sounds about right to me.
Oh Lord. Marysol’s father is in the hospital now too, and he had some sort of spine surgery. Marysol has seen Lea’s sheaf of papers and upped her a video message on an Ipad of dear old dad laying in a hospital bed. Kidding not. Andy’s jaw hits the ground. The video says, “I am very upset about that Lea lying all the time. She went into the hospital March 5th and came out May 5th and never heard anything from Lea.” Look I am team Marysol and team Elsa and could give a fig about Lea. But this is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen on a reunion show. Marysol’s dad is in the hospital recovering from major spinal surgery, and Marysol is going to shove an iPad in his face and have him make a video for her TV show about people he has never even met? Ladies and gentleman, we have reached a new housewives low. And frankly, I did not think we could go any lower. Congrats, Marysol! You have exceeded my expectations.
The Marysol brings up the video that was made at Lea Black’s how where some random asshole kid that Lea associates with made a YouTube making fun of Mama Elsa face while Lea’s classic cackle is heard in the background at her LA home. Once again, Marysol plays the video of Lea’s friend mocking Elsa Patton on the iPad. Lea lists some comedians that were there doing impressions. She swears she did not see that particular one, and that is not her laugh. Sidenote: no other videos were uploaded from all of the other comedians who were there doing impressions. No other people were seen in the video in question.
Lisa wants to have a baby. Blah Blah, Blah. Lisa tries to justify her behavior in Vegas after writing two different blogs about it. One of the girls just want to have fun variety and the next about how embarrassed she was and apologizing to her family and her husband. In this version of Lisa’s story about her behavior in Vegas, the tactic seems to be to ignore her shitfaced pole-dancing behavior and imply that Alexia has no personality or perhaps tones it down on TV because of Herman. Um, noe. Perhaps she TRYING TO ACT LIKE A RESPECTABLE WIFE ON NATIONAL TV AND NOT EMBARRASS HER FAMILY!
Andy is asking all sorts of questions about Peter’s dad. Apparently, he only served 4.5 years of his 25 year sentence for drugs. Wow. Alexia says they have become close since Frankie’s accident and that he lives in the Miami area. And now we are back to the Lea said Peter should face the consequences for his actions regarding hitting the homeless man and being stupid enough to film it and post it on the Internet. I get Alexia is his mother, but there is really no defending that behavior. Lea saying he should do some jail time for that is a perfectly reasonable thing to say. Behaviors have consequences. Peter and Frankie are both doing much better.
On to Lea’s trip to Texas. Lea seems to think that Alexia threw her under the bus all season. Which is crazy because all the other ladies thought all season that Alexia was playing both sides. In actuality, Alexia was just behaving in a civilized manner as much as the uncivilized situations would allow.
Andy pits the gringas versus the Cubans. Then the cries of racism start and I tune out.
Adrianna and Joanna argue one more time about whose husband is the gayest (though call with the whole French thing, but clearly it’s Romain) and about Romain’s alleged erectile dysfunctions. Joanna loses her shit and screams that Romain has “a big-assed penis and it’s hard!” Joanna wants Romain’s penis all the time. Joanna uses her pinky to describe Frederic’s penis (again, he is French, that’s probably accurate.)
And…. it’s a wrap!