I am going to try to fly through this Vanderpump Rules recap because I am about 20 minutes behind and have four shows back to back on Mondays. Stassi and some dumb bitch talk shit about Scheana and talk about how much Stassi likes her submissive sex with him. Or Frank. I dunno. Does it really matter? The dumb bitch is team Frank.
Ken, Lisa and Nathalie are at SUR having a business meeting. They have a new outdoorish area with a bar. They need someone new to be a bartender. Lisa is not onboard with Jax. Tom Swartz is now just Swartz. Because this show has too many white guys named Tom. Swartz gives good interview. Swartz is the one who is with Katie who is milk toast.
Scheana has had multiple injuries and now she is on crutches. Some sort of brawl. Swartz was involved in some sort of event where drama occurred. Scheana ankle injury is something from falling in a hole. Lisa is two waitresses down. Scheana is brought in by Pandora to write for the same online mag as Stassi. They hate each other. This should be good. Stassi seems to think writing for Pandora is a better job than waiting tables. They argue over icons. Stassi is not paid for her blogging. (See UF? xoxox) Pandora tells Stassi that Scheana has a blog about makeup and Stassi goes the fuck off. Pandora says she seems jealous and she needs to either suck it up and move on and shut up. Stassi says Scheana has stolen everything from her. heh. I kinda love Scheana.
Jax is such a pussy. Stassi does not like his tribal tat. So he is going to get one with her name. LOSER.
Kirsten’s Tom tries to build a table. It is as exciting as you might think. Kirsten ends up building the table. Tom is jealous of Jax. I think he wants him. Getting ready for his date with Stassi, Jax does the cologne down the pants thing. NO! If we are already down there we don’t want to lick cologne.
Scheana and Stassi fight about old shit. Stassi is so jealous of the Scheana edit, she can’t take it. Scheana is on crutches so she is hostessing. She is seating Stassi’s section heavily to keep her there working instead of going out on a date. Stassi is a cuntbag. Stassi needs to be cut but Scheana keeps seating her.
Of course she can go and Jax says they are on a date and she says they are not. I hate Stassi. Lunkhead Jax is too good for her. Jax’s tattoo is literally bleeding onto a second shirt. Stassi wants to see it. Jax changes the subject to Scheana to get her off the subject. Stassi nags the shit out of him. Same fights. I am SOFA KING BORED. Stassi ordered half the menu. #groceryshopping #BeenThereDoneThat Jax asks if she wants him to just move on. She says yes. Oops bad tat, dude. Stassi is a little cuntress. In the truck ride to take her home, huge fight about Frank. She still doesn’t know about the tat.