We start with Yolanda’s AMAZING house. I cannot tear my eyes away long enough to blog. I love her and I hate that she will end up not being on “my team” this season. Probably. Oh God. Yo is doing a master cleanse will medicating for Lyme Disease.
David and Yolanda are off to her doctor’s appointment. David is much more supportive of Yo than Peter was for Cynthia last night. David agrees that he is doing a great job being supportive. Yolanda has been through hell. David carries her Hermes bag and rubs her feet. Yolanda is getting her port taken out. Gigi is on the master cleanse and is all light-headed and weak and afraid to ride the horse. MASTER CLEANSE IS NO BUENO!
Lisa is still on Dancing With The Stars and I swear we did this last season. I guess it was just all the new coverage. Kyle and the girls go to DWTS to support Lisa. Even Taylor Armstrong is there! That was when Brandi had the mysteriously burned hand so she was wearing gloves to DWTS. Go look at the picture I never did find out what happened. Or if I did I have forgotten. Taylor’s married boyfriend John is there with her. They are engaged now. After the show they all go out to dinner with Lisa and Gleb. Kyle and Kim watch Lisa faint on DWTS in the last scene. They are saying she if faking it because she doesn’t want to do the show anymore. Wow. Do you think that is true? Both Richards girls mock Lisa and reenact the fainting scene.
Carlton is using a calculator to do her third grader’s homework with her. Yep, she will be besties with Brandi alright. Her house reminds me of Adrienne Maloof’s monstrosity if Adrienne had been an actual witch. Hmm, maybe Adrienne was as actual witch. Carlton thinks the cross and the pentagram are both beautiful symbols. I can see how the device used to kill Jesus and the prominent symbol for demonic worship go hand in hand. Carlton and David are very into fitness. They take their kids out for an intense workout regularly. Carlton is the disciplinarian in the family. She also swears in front of her kids and seems to have a minimal vocabulary. Not because of the swearing. But she uses words like angina that she is unable to define for her kids when they ask.
Brandi is moving into a new house. She called her mother to help her move in. I love Brandi’s new house but I HATE the black chain link fence around her pool. Can she remove it in California and just have a wooden privacy fence around the entire property instead? Brandi and her mom are very close but her father was very upset about her ill-fitting Oscar dress and is not a fan of her fake tits. He’s not speaking to Brandi. This is the dad who used to be naked all the time, and as he aged he has become more conservative.
Kyle has a lunch with the two new girls. and Kyle’s friend Sharon. WHO? Carlton is telling a story about a bird that flew into the house and their black cat (she has to play up the witch thing and let us know it is a BLACK cat) caught the bird and her son was crying. In the middle of the story, Kyle excuses herself to get the wine and Carlton was deeply offended. Kyle, this one is going to put a spell on you if you don’t piss her off. Carlton is suddenly trying to tell us that she is a bisexual dominatrix. I don’t think Kyle will get it but Joyce did. Joyce met her husband on a blind date. She is submissive in the relationship with her husband and Carlton senses weakness. MISTAKE. A bee comes along, they kill it and Carlton the doorwoman has some sort of Buddhist meltdown. The other girls kill a bee and Carlton becomes a major buzzkill. Irony.
Lisa has Brandi and Yolanda over. Everyone is in love and having a cute cozy lunch. FOR NOW. Lisa is sort of the kind that jabs a bit too much. In jest, but still. It can become tiresome. Table talk is rather anti-Kyle. There are too many housewives on this show. So we are having dueling housewife parties. Kyle is trying to scoop up the new girls since she is on the outs with everyone.
Kim’s storyline is Kingsley. I expect Kingsley to be put down if she does not get the dog under control. She has hired a trainer. Kingsley tries to attack him instantly. Kim’s son Chad has been brought in to try to control the dog. I love the dog training actually.
Lisa is at SUR and she and Ken are opening a gay bar named Pump. heh. Ken is worried about permission from West Hollywood. And in fact now, there is a huge lawsuit with the um, “Pumps” and someone who thinks they scammed them from the space or something. It’s a demo at the moment and a total rebuild on a major West Hollywood corner.