Oh Lord, y’all I have been doing some tagging and coding and trying to get the background stuff done on the AHS:Coven blog and my eyes are a little blurry, so I am ready to get on with this thang tonight.
I am over the tension between the bridemaids and between the bridesmaids and Nene. So much tit for tat in all directions and it makes no sense. So Bravo flies them all to Mexico because that is a good place to hide the bodies if necessary. In the van on the way to the hotel, it’s like a bunch of fifteen year olds giving blowjobs to twizzlers.
They actually have no problem with the hotel, no bitching about rooms, nothing! Everyone is getting along for now. There are a lot of water activities the girls participate in surfing on manmade waves, and swimming with dolphins. #wetweaves It looks like everyone is having a blast. Nene on the other hand apparently can’t swim and would like for you to know she could not swim with the dolphins because she is on her special time of the month. #TMI
Okay, Diana is a little cray cray. Somehow she had a huge painting delivered to Nene as a gift to the hotel. It is Nene and Diana. It is also crap. OMG. Oh wait. It is NOT from Diana. Or is it. No one is admitting to sending the picture.
I am also confused about this barber shop. On the show they are saying it is Gregg’s luxury barbershop. But on twitter, Nene says that Gregg put a sign on the barber shop about the show and the owners were really happy about it. It doesn’t look like a luxury barber shop in the twitter pictures or on the show to me. It seems like an utter bullshit storyline so the guys can film somewhere that Nene outed as such on twitter. Weird. Anyway, Gregg is doing some crazy poem for Nene with all the groomsmen.
Back in Cancun, Diana is throwing a blue party for Nene and had everyone wear blue dresses. It looks like the dresses were provided by Bravo. But Marlo of course refuses to wear hers because, “Diana ain’t gonna regulate what (she) wears.” Sigh. Diana doesn’t let rattle her. She jus ignores it! I’m amazed. Diana made a memory book and each girl contributes letter that they tearfully read to Nene. It’s a beautiful moment.
Then Cynthia has to call Marlo out. Cynthia explains that the purpose of them all being in matching blue dresses (sounds horrific, but it is actually really pretty) was so that Nene can stand out and shine and that Marlo refusing makes it seem like she is not part of the team. Nene backed up Cynthia. Marlo gets all choked up and says she did not have a mom or a dad and so she needs to make herself feel “extra.” This chick is nuttier than a Payday bar. Nene is totally calling her out in her talking head mimicking her, “I was in foster care, my mama didn’t love me enough, that’s why I can’t wear a blue dress like y’all. Bullshit Marlo. You don’t want to follow the rules.”
One of the bri-mays got bit on the lip by some kinda giant Mexican mosquito and had to get a shot in her top lip so she looks like the black Taylor Armstrong now. Nene is now afraid of getting bit and afraid of the crows on the balcony, so she is wearing a veil under her ball cap.
The next day, everyone is sitting around picking at poor Dawn with the fat lip saying it was because she got with one of the hot soccer players and got a disease. Hmmm sounds more plausible than the giant Mexican mosquito story to me. And then Marlo had to pull the attention to her by saying that she felt like everyone attacked her the night before and she cried herself to sleep thinking about that Spell N Spell she never got as a child. Wait, that might have been someone else’s sob story, but close enough. Marlo eventually says she will try to do better.
The tailor for the bri-mays dresses has flown in from Miami to do another fitting. Lexie is drunk off of tequila and puking everywhere. And Marlo is telling everyone else what alterations they will be getting on their dress design. Nene must have been telling the truth about the reason she didn’t swim because she is overwhelmed by it all and cries happy tears.
And the best news of all? Next week is the finale!