I can’t believe the one and only trip for the RHONJ (except the “trip” upstate) is Miraval, a sponsored trip. Bravo is getting to the point where they won’t pay for anything anymore. Especially the Top Chef shows which basically hold a bidding war for towns to PAY for them to come there. New Orleans, who is still struggling to recover come Katrina was milked to death by Bravo instead of Bravo donating to the city as they should have. So anyway, off we go to Mirabel…
But first, Tre is doing a live cooking demonstration? I am shocked. Essentially, she wilted some kale and put it on bread with some cheese on top. But still, that’s pretty good for Tre. Kathy shows up so that Tre can give a recap of the Milania Haircare party. Meanwhile I wish I lived near one of those Chef Stores.
Teresa is packing a bunch of spangly bathing suits. Gia tries to take away a tiny black thong and teeny bra top covered in sequins. Milania asks Tre why she wants a bunch of sparkles in her “chuckalina.” Teresa and Dina named their privates chuckalina (or chucky for short) when they were younger.
Everyone but the Manzos and the Lauritas get on one flight and take over first class. Can you imagine just trying to enjoy your warm nuts in the first class cabin and having a bunch of housewives take over the plane? The customers of Miraval were none too happy either according to their tweets about their stay. Melissa has a sore throat on the plane and everyone is miserable before they even get there.
Ass soon as they arrive Rich asks if this is “one of them quiet places” or if he can be himself. In a tweet from Miraval after he left they made some comment about him learning to use his inside voice. I imagine they regret sponsoring these heehaws. I hate how they always pretend like someone in the cast is the trip planner. This time they picked Joe Gorga because he seems like a very believable choice for someone knowledgeable about upscale desert spas specializing in meditation and personal growth. Miraval may be expensive but it looks like jail run by Sheriff Joe. I hate to say it but I agree Rich about the room. Actually, some people have nice room and others have cells. Joe Gorga is pretending he is paying for everyone. I wonder if the bats in the room cost extra?
An energy healer is on the scene. None of these people know what this is. Oh wait Kathy does. Al Manzo is so over this stuff already. Oh wait, the energy healer doesn’t know what an energy healer is either. She is now claiming to be a medium. She starts by fishing for someone with a J “in the other world.” Wow, I would be shocked if all these Italians had someone named Joe or Josephenia or something in their family. She strikes out with that and then tries for Maria. It’s hysterically bad. And I am someone who someone who sometimes believes in the Long Island Medium. She asks whose birthday it is. Melissa says it’s her….the medium is all, “I am hearing a voice say, “enjoy it.” I just can’t with this anymore. I know y’all like this Miraval place but it seems dreadful to me. I’m just going to FF through this dead father crap.
This is all just hysterical. Tre’s “outdoorsy’ homage in her talking heads. The hikers talking about the sun being too shiny. And now they are going to write down what they want to let go of and burn it. This is just like Baptist Youth Camp in the blazing sun. Al says he is not going along with this happy horseshit. This is why I love Al. Did I mention this is the most ridiculous show that Bravo has ever aired?