I’ve got one eyeball on the Big Brother live feeds, one on RHONJ and the third on Big Brother, so forgive me if I am incoherent tonight. I also wrote a technical post about the Zimmerman trial today and am kind of headachey. SOOOOO, with all of those excuses in place, let’s see what happens on RHONJ tonight!
Everyone went to visit Kathy’s new commercial kitchen so that she would have a storyline and Rosie could tell everyone about the retreat storyline. Joe and Rich go to the driving range so that Rich will have a storyline and so Joe can doing a talking head complaining about Teresa.
Teresa and her family are making 800lbs of sausage so that her dad can be on TV as part of his bucket list. One can assume time is of the essence for this bucket list so if making 800lbs of sausage on national TV is on it, by God we are gonna watch it. I must have missed what the heck they plan to do with 800lbs of sausage. I did not miss Joe’s inappropriate joke as Tre double fists the sausage spout as the meat came out into the condom, I mean casing. I like eating sausage, but I don’t want to watch it made. Tre calls Joe at the driving range (I love these coordinated scenes/storylines) to invite him to the retreat. Tre is crazy into this whole, if you trust me, fall back exercise. No one will play with her, including her husband.
Melissa and her friends Jan and Maria (these names will be important later) are out for mimosas so she can tell them about her
storyline book. She also talks about how great she is as a wife. Tre tweeted Melissa congratulations on her book. Melissa is looking for the insincerity of the kind tweet.
Kathy and Jacqueline are out shopping and Tre magically calls while the camera is there. Tre tells Kathy about the retreat and Kathy says that Rosie told her and she also said she wanted Caroline and Jac to go. Tre seemed shocked by the Jac part and said if she was extended the invitation, then that is fine. Then she says that she was put into all of this mess with her brother because of Jac. (I agree). Then Jac grabs the phone from Kathy and says, “Oh hi! It’s Jac, I am on speaker with Kathy!” and Kathy tries to drop through the floor with embarrassment. Jac goes on to say that Tre needs to stop blaming her for her family issues. Tre said you should have kept your mouth shut instead of telling my brother I am the one that set the whole thing up Melissa thing. Jac acts like a total fool yelling at Tre saying she was with Kim D all day and that Tre is talking over her because she tried to get Jac to call (someone? Melissa?) and she would not so she got someone else (Kathy D) to do it? (Do I have that right?) Meanwhile, Kathy is trying to take the phone away from Jac because she is causing a huge scene and Jac keeps swatting Kathy’s arm away. If I were in Kathy’s place I would probably have broken Jac’s swatting arm. Jac will not shut up. Then she asks if she still wants her to come on the retreat. She says Rosie invited you so I dare you to come. Jac responds, “Oh so it’s a dare? I know you got all upset that I went to your gym (dig dig dig) so I didn’t think you would want me on the retreat.” For the record the other shoppers are looking at Jac like she has three heads. Tre calls her a stalker for coming to her gym. Jac is screaming, “Oh do I have to call you before I can go anywhere?” Jac tells Tre she is a moron, she needs help and she is insane. I think we call that projecting. Jac gives an insane talking head that I hope RealityTVgifs makes a gif of this.
Tre is out with her “social circle.” This includes Jan, who is also Melissa’s friend, Kim D who need to die in a fire, Penny, who is listed as Kim D’s friend and Jennifer, Tre’s friend. Jan is a carrier pigeon. She is there to stir shit. She is announcing that Melissa cheated on Joe with her ex, that bulldog guy on twitter. Tre says in her talking head that she has known about this and has confronted Melissa over it long ago. She also says that she is surprised that Jan has turned on Melissa since the two were very close.
Rich is inappropriate at some sort of strip tease class for couples with Kathy, Melissa and Joe. I think Joe Gorga just said he really did used to be a stripper.
Caroline and Al go to a nice dinner. Al orders for them and orders all seafood dishes, calamari, fish tacos and oysters. Caroline points out that she does not eat fish so he must be thinking of someone else. She does this with a sweet smile, but Al seems to be giving her the “I can’t believe you said that with the camera rolling” piercing eyes. Al asks where they are sleeping tonight. She smiles and says Hoboken. He reluctantly says okay. She says it is our getaway. He says your getaway is 10 blocks from your kids with a room for Lauren. Caroline says in her talking head that the purpose of the apartment in Hoboken is to have time with her husband not to be close to her sons. She is lying.
Melissa and Joe are talking about sex from the night before. I will spare you. Jac, Chris, Rich, Kathy, Caroline, and Rosie stop by for brunch. Jac begins trashing Tre right away. Joe says in order for him to go Tre needs to apologize first. Apparently, the storyline dictates that Rosie and Tre are planning the retreat together. Jac and Chris are not going.
Melissa meets Jennifer who is supposedly Tre’s friend for lunch. Jennifer is the showing agent from the previous episode when Melissa was showing her house to potential buyers. She is there to carry the news back to Melissa that her good friend Jan told everyone including Tre about the rumors of her affair with Bulldog. Jennifer makes it clear that this was started by Kim D not Tre. I wish Melissa would get that this WHOLE ISSUE with the stripper thing was also all Kim D and not Tre.
Later, Melissa and Joe, Jac and Chris, Kathy and Rich are all out to dinner. Melissa tells them what Jennifer said. Joe is angry that his only sister is involved in rumors about his wife, again. Jac stirs the pot blaming Tre and getting Joe all worked up because Jac is a bitchface. Oh my, who is that lurking at the bar? It’s Kim D and Jennifer. That seems odd because Jennifer at lunch on this very same day blamed everything on Kim D. How
did the producers manage to coincidental they are both standing there drinking looking over at the housewives table, primping for airtime! Rich, who really should go by Dick, calls Kim D over to the table. Melissa tells her straight up that she had lunch with Jennifer and she told her everything. She wants to know how her best friend got mixed up with the likes of these media whores. Only Melissa asks it much more nicely. Kim D says Jan doesn’t like her anymore. Jac is drunk and probably tweeting under the table. Kim D is playing the victim. It’s not my fault! Why am I always getting blamed. In Kathy’s talking head she suggests Jac needs mental help. I agree. Joe is really pissed at his sister. She is getting the blame for that whole meeting that she had nothing to do with. Tre also said she did not want to hear about it.
Next Jennifer runs back to lunch with Tre to tell her she met Melissa for lunch and told her everything that was said because she has a right to know. Later she clarifies saying she want Melissa to trust her so she can get her listing when it expires. Jennifer tells Tre that she told Melissa it was Kim D’s stuff. Jennifer tries to get Tre to see that Kim D is a shit starter.
Next week, it looks like we finally get to the retreat. It will be explosive! The Joes fistfight and the women bitch back and forth. DRAMA!