Time for Real Housewives of Orange County and I hardly remember where I left off. I meant to prescreen last weeks special episode but I never got around to picking it up and I haven’t even seen it yet. Oh wait, it was the salsa party. And the beginning of the Everyone Hates Gretchen Season. Okay I am ready.
Well I was ready, and then Banjo’s Mystery illness kicked in and I got all freaked out and had to get him settled. He is settled down now and fine after consulting with my favorite vet.
Anyway it is #WeddingDressGate2013 Gretchen is pissed that Alexis was going and initially refused to go until she realized she would lose camera time so she is now in the limo with all the girls except Heather and Alexis who will be meeting them there. I realize this is a reality TV show but would anyone want so many opinions when trying on bridal gowns? I went with a bride to be once, it was just the two of us, and the only suggestion that I made was that it was going to be cold out so she might want a sleeve and even that didn’t sit well. I can’t imagine what this is going to be like. Gretchen who is sort of not exactly engaged to Slade is wearing the huge engagement ring that she got from he last boyfriend while he was on death’s door. This pisses Vicki off because the party line for the rest of this season (selected by producers) is apparently that Gretchen makes everything about Gretchen. I don’t see the problem here. I sometimes wear my mothers engagement ring, because it’s beautiful and I own it. Alas for poor Gretchen, the nitpicking has begun.
The dress show begins. THEY ARE STUNNING. STUNNING. This solves the problem of someone giving negative feedback on the dresses. So, Vicki goes to stir some drama by telling Alexis that Gretchen and Tamra got in a fight over her attending. Oh Victoria. Vicki claims the point is that Alexis should say thanks to Tamra for sticking up for her.
LOL So I just saw dress two and I thought, yeah not that one. Vicki is like I don’t like it, it’s ugly. Here we go.
Best line so far goes to Alexis (in talking head)”I just wish Gretchen would eat some of her makeup so she could be pretty on the inside again.” Touché, Alexis. Touché.
Faye Resnick Lauri Peterson sneak in there? The girls asked Vicki if she wanted to marry Brooks and she said no. They asked what happened and she said that they went to dinner last night and he ended it. Lydia asks why and she said that Brooks major love language is quality time and she just can’t give that to him right now. She says that Brooks can be in all areas of her life and he can be a part of her family life. Lauri says she knows some really uncomfortable information. She is dating one of her children’s friends. Vicki says they were free to date other people. Then Lauri says she is very young, probably under 21. She is not sure if they are dating but they have been together. Vicki wants to know how they met and Lauri says the story is that he was throwing all these hundreds at girls at a poker party. Vicki says of course he was, that is what guys do at poker parties. Lauri says in her talking head that she does not know if they are sleeping together but it looks like it. The girl calls him her sugardaddy. Lauri has a video of the girl. Apparently she does porn. Gretchen keeps talking about Vicki “flandering.” And Brooks was “flandering” Gretchen is an idiot. Tamra comes out in a dress with the veil and crying. That is always how you know it is the right dress. (The dress in question is pictured above.) The first one though was miles above the rest. Never fear, these idiots today think they need several costume changes because the 10K loaner gowns are free.
Group photos of the bride! Everyone is so happy and Vicki steps out to sob. Lauri gives Vicki the porn star’s name and says he has been to his condo.
And we are off to dinner! Heather wants to know why Lauri would tell Vicki. Dinner is at a Top Chef Master Chef’s restaurant. The wacky one named Susan that makes Hispanic food. Anyway, Heather was offered a part on Mailbu Country and Gretchen has been telling everyone she got a part. Heather was at a table read before the fitting and the director said Gretchen was NOT offered a part so now everyone is talking about what a lying liar she is. Apparently, Gretchen said she gave up the part to come to Tamra’s fitting.