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You are here: Home / Manzo'd With Children / Caroline Manzo / Real Housewives of New Jersey (Fake Recap)

Real Housewives of New Jersey (Fake Recap)

June 23, 2013 by tamaratattles 59 Comments

housewivesjerseyI am not going to be able to see the show today but that will not stop me from recapping it dammit.  So here we go….

So wow, what did you think of that scene with Rosie (they world’s most misnamed person) when she went on a rant about Teresa? Youse don’t wanna be around us? Hows about we doesn’t wanna be around youse guys! (crotch grab) Hows about dem apples? Fuck youse you fucking fucks. Youse got a hairy fucking forehead, yo fatass husband cheats on yer ass with the nanny and you gotta some out of control monsta kids, you fucking fuck.

RHONJcarolinegifMeanwhile, Tre and Joe meet to talk and Tre comes super close to flipping a table. Tre screams at Joe, “Why do I have to apologize! I didn’t do nuthin!, Joe! Don’t you see what your hooor wife is trying to do to us, Joe?”  Then Joe is all like “Don’t call my wife a hoor! Why you gotta be this way, Tre?”  Then Tre is all like “Because we are a FAMBILY!” Tre ends up doing that high pitched screamy whiney thing about something and the meeting ends with everyone more pissed off when they started.

Also on the show everyone gets together to a some staged function and talks about whoever isn’t there (probably Tre).  Caroline butts in and tries to fix everything and makes things worse. Rich says something rude and inappropriate. Kathy plays the martyr roll and says something like, “Well I tried” followed by a heavy sigh.

There will also be a scene with just Jacqueline and the poor autistic child who she will make perform some sort of parlor trick and will receive a lollypop for even the slightest approximation of success.

Did I miss anything? NO? Whut I win?

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Filed Under: Caroline Manzo, Chris Manzo, Gia Giudice, Jacqueline Laurita, Joe Giudice, Joe Gorga, Kathy Wakile, Melissa Gorga, Real Housewives of New Jersey, RHONJ, Teresa Giudice

About tamaratattles

Come for the tea. Stay for the shade. Not for the easily offended. You're a special snowflake just like everyone else.

Comments

  1. OhPlease says

    June 23, 2013 at 12:33 pm

    You win a lollipop, please don’t run with the stick in your mouth, people will be offended!

    Reply
  2. Barbara R. says

    June 23, 2013 at 12:45 pm

    Excellent recap Tamara.

    Reply
  3. Resa228 says

    June 23, 2013 at 1:16 pm

    Something cold and strong with a mute button for Teresa

    Reply
  4. Isabella J. says

    June 23, 2013 at 3:30 pm

    I would like to bet 1 gazillionbilliontrillion dollars that Jac will find something to “cry” about.

    Reply
  5. Tony says

    June 23, 2013 at 5:33 pm

    Remember the days when these housewife “reality” shows we about faux affluent women, that met for lunch and live above their means? No manufactured drama?

    I want those days back. I have 2 weeks of the Real Housewives of New Jersey on my DVR and it’s painful to watch an entire episode. Same shit, different week with Teresa, Melissa and the Joes.

    Remind me again why Kathy is a housewife? There is no appeal whatsoever.

    Reply
  6. teecee66 says

    June 23, 2013 at 6:20 pm

    BWAHAHAH! Love this recrap!! I think you hit all the points vex pet Lauren will roll her eyes at someone, chubby Christafir will say something sarcastic and nasty but look cute bad be given a pass. And we will see several car logos, restaurant signs and boutiques. Chaching! Oh and Caroline will insult someone in her family. Most likely a sibling.

    Reply
  7. classie says

    June 23, 2013 at 6:50 pm

    Please don’t make any reference about children, it’s distasteful, childish, and immature. I have a niece and nephew that are autistic, it’s not a joking matter. Grow-up talk about the Housewives all you want, they signed up for the show, not their children……Do you have kids, if so talk about them.

    Reply
    • Karma Grant says

      June 25, 2013 at 8:44 am

      You must be new here. In that case go to the left and find the other blog posts about this show and read them and you’ll see TT isn’t about dissing the kids. HOWEVER, they have to be mentioned to dig at Jaq who’s using her autistic child for storyline purposes.

      Reply
  8. iamrealitytvlover (@babstheshopper) says

    June 23, 2013 at 7:14 pm

    LOL Between TT and TeeCee I could probably just cancel my DVR and not bother and I would still be all caught up. My channel guide says MeGo worries about something from her past? Wonder if it is StipperGate or CheaterGate…….knowing Bravo BS buildup, probably we are going to learn she snuck in a glass of wine during one of her pregnancies. What I really want to know is why I watch something so negative that turns me off……sort of like Jodi Arias…..hard to walk away from a train wreck, SMDH.

    Reply
  9. lwickedgirl says

    June 23, 2013 at 9:09 pm

    I feel like I actually just watched the show. My wife has it on in the other room and I am taking a pass. BTW Rosie is a hot a** mess. I can see why she does not have a gf. She acts like an ape and that lip gloss is not helping to soften her one bit. A stud should just be a stud but I guess for TV they don’t like seeing hard butch lesbians so they slapped on some make up and fluffed her hair. They need to just put her baseball cap back on, give her a Miller Lite beer and a softball bat and just be honest about it. She would probably score some kitty chow then.

    Reply
    • lwickedgirl says

      June 23, 2013 at 9:11 pm

      Who am I kidding…the girls are lining up. Studs get a pass for acting rude.

      Reply
  10. karen says

    June 23, 2013 at 11:45 pm

    Rosie is vulgar and disgusting/ I just can not stand her. Why is she even on the show. Oh I know Andy wants a gay on all of the housewives shows

    Reply
    • Isabella J. says

      June 23, 2013 at 11:47 pm

      I LOVE ROSIE!!!!!!!!!!!

      Reply
      • Popcorn and Vodka (@popcornandvodka) says

        June 24, 2013 at 10:56 am

        I love Rosie too. But I think it’s becoming obvious she has some sort of drinking and/or anger problem. I won’t hate on her for that, but I hope she gets some help dealing with things.

        Reply
        • Isabella J. says

          June 24, 2013 at 12:12 pm

          They were all drunk at that party, I think things calm down. She is just protective of her sister and I kind of think her anger is justified.

          Reply
    • vivaladiva831 says

      June 24, 2013 at 1:59 pm

      hell fucking yes, i can’t STAND rosie! she is gutter. why does she keep making the fuck you sign with her arm??? it’s as bad as gretchen always making the jerk off motion. she is just loud and obnoxious. she is like a nasty old pervert looking at all the pretty young girls and trying to pick one up.

      Reply
    • MissCane says

      June 24, 2013 at 9:51 pm

      Cosign. Rosie’s a moron. She was ruining that girl’s birthday party and had her in tears. A fat slob.

      Reply
    • Joan says

      June 26, 2013 at 1:23 pm

      Exactly. I never understood why Rosie was brought into the storyline. She obviously has anger issues. Her explosions should scare everyone.

      Reply
      • Katelin says

        June 27, 2013 at 12:54 pm

        She’s a true liability. She scared Andy out of his shoes on one of the reunion shows and he couldn’t even see her.

        Reply
  11. Gingersnap says

    June 24, 2013 at 2:16 am

    To each his/her own, but Rosie is acting like a total idiot. There was actually a time when I liked Rosie, but she really does need anger management or something. I wouldn’t want this crazy bitch in my house is all I’m saying. People who don’t mind showing their ass in public annoy me. She ain’t getting a free pass for her lousy table manners either. Nope.

    Reply
    • SB says

      June 24, 2013 at 9:51 am

      I think she can get her points accross without the maniacal screaming. I swear she is going to start jumping on the furniture while beating her chest and flinging some poo.

      Reply
  12. Shirley says

    June 24, 2013 at 8:51 am

    Tt the best part of the night was whn joe gorga threw Teresa like 10 fire bombs!! Everybody knows you don’t cook, mom cooks!! We don’t say that about you!!! Lmfao I don’t call my wife a cunt! Cuz I respect her! Omfg Teresa face priceless! He served her ass on a platter!!!! With dessert!!!

    Reply
    • pischina says

      June 24, 2013 at 11:01 am

      I didn’t know whether to laugh at Teresa or be very very sad for her when she insinuated all husbands call their wives cunts at some time or other. I wish it looked like there was even one single lightbulb on in that head of hers.

      Reply
    • Tony says

      June 24, 2013 at 1:01 pm

      Yes! He was flashing his library card, because he read her from cover to cover. The thing about it was how calm he was and threw Teresa off. Her facial expressions said it all.

      Reply
      • Isabella J. says

        June 24, 2013 at 1:07 pm

        I don’t think her face said a thing, it was too FOF, (full of filler). I love Teresa but she did get the BS thrown back at her and did not handle very well. Bringing in the children is just below the belt and what he said sounded like something he heard from Melissa. Poison just does not seem that smart.

        Reply
        • Tony says

          June 24, 2013 at 1:13 pm

          I agree, bringing the children in any argument is pretty low from all parties. But let’s be honest NONE of those men on the RHONJ comes off as Mensa members. Doesn’t seem smart is a very polite way to put it 🙂

          Reply
          • Isabella J. says

            June 24, 2013 at 1:17 pm

            True! Smart is not an adjective they are familiar with.

            Reply
        • kym says

          June 24, 2013 at 1:20 pm

          Well Theresa never tells the children not to say bad things about the “family”…They call her a stripper …Theresa never tells them thats not nice to say because she wants those girls to be rude to her.

          Reply
          • Isabella J. says

            June 24, 2013 at 1:27 pm

            Kids are going to repeat what they hear, period. We have heard Juicy call Melissa HORSEY FACE, etc. But for Poison to tell Teresa her husband is a bad dad, um, I think we would all be defensive, no?

            Reply
      • Urethra Franklin says

        June 24, 2013 at 7:41 pm

        Oh my god Teresa’s brain just went numb & she blew a gasket, then short circuited by throwing water & garbage cans…

        Reply
    • vivaladiva831 says

      June 24, 2013 at 2:02 pm

      if you dvr’d this, pause and watch in slow motion teresa’s face when joe says “do you cook?” the first time. PRICELESS

      he was nailing her! i am a tre fan, but that was good. hats off to you joe gorge!

      Reply
      • vivaladiva831 says

        June 24, 2013 at 2:06 pm

        my auto changed gorga to gorge. ooooops

        i like how they are showing melissa and teresa in a more equal light. like melissa talking about her in front of antonia. let me just add though, melissa has not done herself any favors to show how she supposedly does not copy teresa. now she is on her heels with her own book…give me a break. who cares if teresa doesn’t cook the food (other than teresa). all they needed her name for was marketing. personally, now that i know her mom has made these, i will probably buy a cookbook now. i look at that like i look at these celebrities who market things as say, covergirl. and they attribute everything and anything about their looks to covergirl. when we know, they definitely are not shopping at CVS for cover girl.

        Reply
        • GirlySkwerly (@girlyskwerly) says

          June 24, 2013 at 3:50 pm

          Let’s mention ALL the housewives who have written books. Was Bethanny the first? Teresa copied her by doing a diet book and calling it “Skinny.” Jill, Vicki, Cat, Teresa, Caroline, Bethanny, Melissa, Luann. Melissa is just following the HW formula, music single book and a drink of some kind will be next. It’s the Bethanny formula they are ALL copying.

          Reply
        • sasha says

          June 24, 2013 at 5:41 pm

          Melissa and Joe are also copying bad habits. She and Joe were having grown-up conversations in from of their children. Maybe I overlook them, but I didn’t see a lot of chatter about that. Will the real Melissa please stand up.

          Reply
        • vicki says

          June 24, 2013 at 8:14 pm

          I think the public would be outraged if Jamie Oliver did not cook his food. Teresa is a fraud.

          Reply
        • sasha says

          June 24, 2013 at 9:24 pm

          In English. They were criticizing Tre and Joe in front of their kids. Nobody seems to be concerned, but when Tre and Joe did it they were the worst parents ever. They’re both wrong.

          Reply
  13. myinfo says

    June 24, 2013 at 9:18 am

    LOL
    great recap

    Reply
  14. SB says

    June 24, 2013 at 9:40 am

    this whole episode seemed so fake to me. Who the hell is paying for those idiot manzo brother’s restaurant? Bravo?? And how convenient that Joe Gorga showed up at teresa’s gym, like he didn’t know the bravo production team was there filming…whatevs I am totally over Caroline acting like her family is perfect…actually every single one of them was just totally annoying tonight, from rosie to melissa

    Reply
  15. Anastasia Beaverhausen says

    June 24, 2013 at 10:30 am

    I think you are a liar, liar pants on fire and really watched the episode because this recap is spot on.

    Reply
    • Isabella J. says

      June 24, 2013 at 12:11 pm

      ha ha, that was my comment on melissas blog last week. liar liar pants on fire.

      Reply
    • vivaladiva831 says

      June 24, 2013 at 2:06 pm

      lol i was going to say to, didn’t tt allude to the fact that she may see an advance copy of the episode…

      Reply
  16. Beverly says

    June 24, 2013 at 10:31 am

    WTH. I kept falling asleep during the show last night but I did see Jac in her exercise room with her instructor. So embarrassing and painful to watch. What is her obsession with Theresa? Seems like jealously to me. I thought she seemed crazy (unhinged). She needs help. All she wants to do the whole show is obsesse over Theresa. Need to get rid of her and let her take care of her family and get her serious help.

    Reply
    • RobinR says

      June 24, 2013 at 7:02 pm

      We don’t refer to her as Cracker Jax for nothing.

      Reply
  17. pischina says

    June 24, 2013 at 11:05 am

    NAILED IT, TT. 🙂
    The only thing you forgot was the obsessive hate and vitriol Jac has to spew towards Teresa every episode. Beverly is right, she does seem unhinged when it comes to Teresa, and shows herself to be a very hateful person. She needs to work on some of that blackness in her heart, or get some heavy duty therapy.

    Reply
  18. Ms 1dimple says

    June 24, 2013 at 11:52 am

    Love, Love, Love the recap Tee!! Lmaoooo… Rosie (bad choice for name) Is out of control and gross to me. (yuck) Melissa is reaching, writing a book about how to keep a good marriage… somebody give this woman a song that stays on itunes longer than a week. She was worried about putting something in the book about her Dad and how he didn’t come home for a couple of days. Does she now care about anyone in her family? Now she wants to embarrass her own Mother in order to stay on TV. ( I’mma pray for this fame seeking heffa)! I think Joe (poison is too much.) How can people go to a party that a Teresa has not been invited to and she is the topic of conversation. SMDH

    Reply
  19. Ms 1dimple says

    June 24, 2013 at 11:53 am

    Sorry was typing fast…:-(

    Reply
  20. sasha says

    June 24, 2013 at 2:59 pm

    This is the one episode where I sided a bit with Caroline. She called Melissa out on always taking information back to little joe. Literally every time Melissa gets into with Tre, she takes the info back to her husband. And most times, bits of the conversation is added and deleted. In any case, it angers Joe more.

    A real woman would fight her own fight and be done with it. Unlike all the women last night. They each had something negative to say about Tre, yet not of them called her and told her to her face. Especially, Jac. She is the biggest coward on the show.

    Reply
    • lwickedgirl says

      June 25, 2013 at 9:50 pm

      Any woman who has a husband bitches to that husband about whatever is bothering her. The husband usually grunts and says hummm baby, for real? now I am not defending the other women and if they did not have Tre around most of the show would be null and void but she does not do herself any favors acting like the way she does.

      Reply
      • sasha says

        June 26, 2013 at 2:05 pm

        I agree with you in part. We do bitch to our husbands about most things. But, not all information should be provided to them, especially if we know it would create a more volatile situation. Melissa often fuels the fire by telling little Joe a lot of what happens between her and Tre. A lot of it is petty and doesn’t need to be addressed.

        Reply
        • Rose says

          June 28, 2013 at 11:04 am

          Sasha, I learned early into my marriage that there are some things I can’t share with my husband. My sharing either caused more trouble between him and whomever I was upset with or caused trouble between he and I so in the long run, I learned to monitor what I share. I also agree that Melissa keeps the fire burning against Tre by telling Joey everything that goes on with Tre, Juicy Joe or even his parents! I can’t figure out why she does that.

          Reply
  21. MorningGlory says

    June 24, 2013 at 6:08 pm

    This recap was great! I continuously wonder why they always talk about Tre and Juicy J and then I realize they have nothing special to talk about when it’s their scene. Rich is dying yo be Italian it’s sad. I never see him reference his own culture. Kathy needs to be put down or something she’s a snooze fest. Bringing Rosie in this season was a big mistake. She’s a middle-age Lesbian, who lives with her MA, has a long criteria for the women she wants to date, but puts no effort in sprucing herself up to look like something. She makes me sick, ugh.com! Melissa and Joe are no different from Juicy J and Tre, they talk much shit around the children and then are adamant about not bringing the children into the conflict. Oh Melissa, pimp that family history since your J. Lo days are numbered…….Caroline, NOBODY WILL MARRY YOUR SONS, YOU’RE THEIR WIFE!! (Menage’a’wrong) Big Albert’s girlfriend let him go on camera this episode (yay!) Tre you tried to talk to your brother but it’s clear he had roid rage and will make it your fault in the in!! keep it classy Gorgas and Giudices!!! Winner of the episode: Mama Giudice with her nail shop advice

    Reply
    • MorningGlory says

      June 24, 2013 at 6:09 pm

      *In the end

      Reply
  22. Mmmmmhmmmmm says

    June 24, 2013 at 7:26 pm

    Nailed it!

    Reply
  23. Tony says

    June 24, 2013 at 8:55 pm

    I’m actually watching the 100th episode of the Real Housewives of Orange County special. I stopped watching it when Jeana Keough left the show, can’t stand Tamra Barney. Reminded me of the old days.

    OFF Topic I know….

    Reply
  24. digal704 says

    June 24, 2013 at 10:18 pm

    You called the entire episode

    Reply
  25. sandybo says

    June 25, 2013 at 7:12 pm

    ?

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      June 25, 2013 at 8:23 pm

      Hey lady! Are you getting settled in?

      Reply
  26. teecee66 says

    June 28, 2013 at 7:35 am

    Look at that gym scene from a different perspective. Joe Gorga went to that gym when she was there to ambush her. He wants no reconciliation. He had a script going in and had every intention of making those points and making her look like an ass. She went to him thinking this was going to be the makeup scene and he shit in her face. He is not just dumb as a rock. He is not a good person. Last week, lying about being sick. Whining to Caroline the week before, completely insincere. He does not want to get along. You know why? Because once that happens, he, his tramps wife’s his lethal footed sons and his cute little yeti daughter have no storyline. None. Same with Kathy and Rosie Misnomer.

    Reply
    • Isabella Johannson says

      June 28, 2013 at 11:16 am

      Did anyone else see the first look of next weeks episode? It get’s even more scripted and planned when Teresa uses the words HOLISTIC THERAPY TREATMENT MODALITY, LOL. Yep, it was all an ambush and no one is using their own words at this point.

      Reply

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