Yeah, I know, I make fun of this Long Island Princess show, but I am sort of addicted. And a little tipsy. So since most of you don’t watch. I am going to do a slap dash recap because WWHL is going to be good tonight. It’s Shabbacalypse part two. Casey I think goes out to Erica to call her out for being a whore in high school make amends. Erica is wasted and Casey probably is too. This priceless. Grown women fighting over high school shit. Erica swears she is not a whore anymore. Erica apologizes. Casey just tells her to go fuck herself. She is not letting her off the hook. Casey is traumatized and now she can’thave relationships with men… and her parents are divorced…and Casey is annoying me with her sob story. Casey essentially tell Erica to go fuck herself. I mean Erica has fucked everyone else, so why not herself?
Erica goes back in and apologizes at the table for being a “dickheard in high school.” No Erica, you were clearly a whore in highschool. Own it and tell Casey to move on with her life or just go home. This is ridiculous.
Speaking of ridiculous, Amanda has arrived extremely late to dinner with her gay fiancé . I myself have a gay fiancé (wordpress will not allow me to remove the accent) but I do not ACTUALLY think we are getting married. It’s sort of a fag hag/ fruit fly dream. AND THAT IS WHAT WE DO WITH GOOD LOOKING RICH GUYS. Not this little gay closeted scumbucket you keep dragging around. No man or woman in their right mind would want to be his “girlfriend” pretend or otherwise. He’s an annoying glory hole gay (look it up ladies) who didn’t even pay for your swimwear. Sigh.
Sadly, Chanel actually llikes her. Oh Jelly! I love me some Jelly! Alas, it was only a brief glimpse. Erica and Chanel talk by the pool and Erica says “So what? I fucked her first love? Get ovah it!” And goes into the story about her grandmother died and that is way she is such a slut. Everytime a grandma dies, chicks become slutty! It’s true! I should not make fun. When my mom died I did freak out and leave the house and call my FWB to meet me at a hotel. But um, that is totally different. We all grieve in different ways. Some of us do it while having crying sex may or may not get a little slutty. But Erica was predisposed to sluttiness. Chanel cuddles a drunken Erica. Chanel is drunk crying. They are having those drunken conversations with friends you do not remember the next day. Allegedly.
The next day Erica is so hungover she can’t get up with the other girls. This house has vertical blinds. These are rich people? Oh lord. Amanda thinks that Jeff loves to see her in a bikini. There is huge asscrack. Hairy asscrack in his shot. He is ordering stuff pool side. He makes sure to ask the waiter his name. He orders a glass of rose. of course he does. Then he has girl talk with Amanda. OH DEAR GOD. He calls her Mama. Can you see my head twitching? I hate that women are calling each other Mama lately, let alone this guy. Don’t get me wrong, if you have birthed a child with a man, it is fine for him to call you Mama. None of you have birthed a child with another woman so NO ONE should be calling each other Mama on fucking twitter. It’s nauseatingly horrid. STOP DOING THAT RIGHT NOW. He calls her Mama several times and she finally responds with dada. STOP IT. My skin is crawling here.
At lunch Chanel says that it’s a Jewish thing not to sit at the corner of the table or you are not getting married. It looked like they all had a side. IDGI. Splain it to me Jewish girls. Meanwhile, for me it is you don’t pick up your feet and let someone vacuum under them. I did that A LOT and… I can tell you it is a true thing. Jelly is on the lookout for finding some hot guys. I love her. She reels in a couple of men going by. Unfortunately, they are douchebags who got hard-ons just talking to them. He is looking for a girl from the Hamptons to “make his life better.” Jelly wants Casey to be less defensive. Sorry Jelly, but those guys were douchebags
Erica apparently calls Rob to come take care of her. She has to have a man during any crisis. While a man in a crisis is nice, it not necessary. Looks like she embarrassed herself and wants her man to take her home… we shall see.
The other four girls are out doing shots. Ashlee meets a man at the party and asks where he is from he says he is from South America but lives in South Hamptons. This is an IQ test for Ashlee and she fails. If you were on any other continent would you say you were from North America? No. No you would not. And that is because most foreign men think we have the IQ of a turnip and have never left our state. Which is probably true for Ashlee and also why she will not be slobbing his knob unless he is just slumming. Let’s watch…
Jelly has an eye on him… After the pool Amanda’s gay boyfriend had to take a nap. (Translation: Production would not allow him at the party) So she arrives alone. I wish that Chanel would have gone for the dude but she is blowing it for herself. Meanwhile, Jelly is giving him an out as Ashlee calls her dad to say she met a hot guy. Jelly tries to explain that calling your daddy within five minutes of meeting a hot guy and telling him your scored is a bad thing. Ashlee counters with, “Everyone has a different relationship with their father and my daddy buys me lingerie.” Countdown until hot guy leaves…..3….2…1. Jelly was mortified and leaves. Hot guy IS MORTIFIED. And I still love me some Jelly.
Late night party. Everyone has been chugging shots all day. Jeff is allowed in this scene. Jesus everyone is loaded. Erica is literally rocking and unstable, Rob is the same way. Crazy drunk party.
Later ..Erica gets drunk and falls over. Everyone is WAY MORE FUCKED UP than any housewife has ever been. Her boyfriend is passed out drunk in the back of the car. literally everyone is too drunk to function. Jelly seems to be the least drunk. She is trying to stop Erica from drinking. Seriously, I can’t express how drunk Erica and Rob are… Now Erica and Rob are taking Adderall. Well this can only end well. ON NATIONAL TELEVISION. Erica is in full on meltdown. Something about what she can or can not eat. Erica and Rob are WASTED and popping Adderall (allegedly). Someone has a problem. Erica is not even speaking English. Casey who appears sober, now thinks she should help Erica. Is she in recovery? I don’t know this show is insane. Erica is not telling Rob he drinks too much. She is not making any sense.
Sidebar: I love that Hebrew National has an as on this show.
Meanwhile Erica and Rob slinked out early. Jelly is the only normal person on the show. I love her. Ashlee calls her father. This is just sick. I can’t. Their relationship makes me feel creepy.
I think my DVR stopped taping a few minutes early and I am thankful for that.
Ha-ha great blog. The hairy ass crack was the worst shot ever in the history of tv and that includes Mama June giving Shugga Bear a tongue kiss.
I gota say: mama June’s bug toe beats it all.
OMG, LOL, OMG, OMG OMG, I had forgotten about that, YES, THAT WINS FOR NASTY OF ALL TIME!
Another great recap TT! You always have me cracking up. And your recaps are always better then watching the actual episode.
Finding these episodes up here in Canookia has been difficult and I don’t usually get to watch them until the weekend, so I enjoy your spoilers.
Jeff seems like he’s the Walter of the series. There’s no way he is for real. Does anyone know what he does for money?
Gay for pay? Sorry just guessing. No gay guy would pay for that. I have not idea.
Jeff looked like he had half a squirrel coming out of his shorts. I do not want to know where the rest of the squirrel was. The drunk partying and horrid strange men conversations are cringeworthy. Chanel needs to stop with the headbands. They are just bad.
Damn you TT, this blog was so funny that I busted out laughing and knocked over a huge glass of ice water all over my coffee table and carpet. Currently the cat is enjoying the NEW free water on the carpet. Lucky for the cat that it wasn’t vodka in my cup.
Most of these people suffer from severe arrested development.
That Erica is a hot mess with her crazy shaky expressions as she deep puffs a Marlboro Gold 100 after washing down Adderall with booze. Hello Lindsay Lohan is calling, and she wants her lifestyle back when she gets out of rehab.
That swimming pool scene with Jewish Kramer & Amanda, who looks like a Lady Gaga in strip mall clothing, was a vulgar display of “what the hell was that?????”
It was so nauseating with calling each other baby, momma, dadda while tonguing each other. . Ewwww.
Ashlee’s parents are coddling her too much and won’t say what is on their mind; that they are NEVER going to get rid of her. She has selective hearing and doesn’t get all the verbal cues about their desperation about her arrested development in the boyfriend/marriage department. I bet she is still a virgin. They are better off realizing that at least they are going to have a free home health care worker in their old age.
Joey is the only one with any sense, as she looks on in horror at the swirl of immaturity & dysfunctionalism surrounding her.
I love you. And I called Jelly as the normal one first! Sorry about the carpet. xoxo
So Jelly is Joey, I missed how she got the nickname. Oops. This show is nuts and I like that. Drunken debauchery. Erica is a classic case of reaching her “peak” way too early in high school I guess, if a peak for some is sleeping with all her friends’ bfs. It’s all down hill from there, darling. Yikes!!
It is Jews Gone Wild
Who is Jelly?
Tamara it’s probably best not to use the name Jesus when blogging about a bunch of JAPS.
But Jesus is like the most famous Jew ever in the history of Jews!!!
Yes, but Jesus broke his parents heart when he told them he wanted to be a carpenter instead of a doctor.
True. That must have devastated them.
i figured out who jeff reminds me of when he was doing impressions…templeton from Charlotte’s web. I was so waiting for him to break into “a fair is a veritable smorgasbord orgasbord…”
he reminded me of someone, too, but didn’t get connection til the movie Cellular came on today. check out an actor named Rick Hoffman [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0389069/]. jeff seems like the super gay yuckier version of him.
Damn you TT I can’t believe you made me watch this drunken debauchery. I gave up reality TV after the first episode of Married to Medicine, but I had to tune into this mess after reading the recap. Your recap was so hilarious, I assumed you were sippin something extra while blogging . This show is one Jose shot from alcohol poisoning and these “little girls” are quite sad. I am actually quite curious as to how they feel when they watch the episodes.
I don’t know the cast except Jeff who I am convinced is into the less feminine type. I keep waiting for him and the young version of Yeta to watch the camera and say punk….cause that’s how their relationship translates. Ps she looks permanently high.
The tiny one, who scared the cutie from SA creeps me out a little. She is way too attached to her dad.
Geeze I think I’m hooked, cause I want to see how many casualties occur alon this train ride to Desperateville
watched the first episode accidentally (too lazy to change channel) but this one on purpose. what a freakshow. can’t understand why amanda bothers w jeff. he’s truly hideous. guessing i’m twice their age and grateful all the princesses i’ve known were never this pathetic. funny and sad at the same time.
Love your blog…have been reading for a while. Can’t stand these entitled useless (except that one) excuses for women. At 18 I was out of the house, working and in college. Get A Life!
I lived at home at their age. Two reasons, my parents never really ….. seemed to push me out of the nest. And My parents where in their forties when they had me and by my mid twenties started having serious health problems. I was the baby and the favorite and it seemed to me like…after all they had given me, running away to a foreign country to teach would have been me abandoning them… My siblings had a much different experience with them. And they were very jealous that I “lived for free” without knowing a lot about what was really going on… It was not until my parents died that I felt free to move on… and by then…
I am not saying they have the same situation, but if you have parents that don’t want you to leave… it’s VERY hard to do so. Even if the reason is just they don’t want an empty nest.
I just quit my job last year to help with my Dad (he passed in September). I do get that not all leave the nest right away, what I meant was that these grown ass women (except the one with a job) have nothing — they are just on a hunt for a husband! I think most are in their late 20’s – shouldn’t they have careers or something? They act so juvenile. (By the way, thanks again for your advice on how to block trolls on my blog- Like Jan C…)
ha. I hope she has left you. love your blog.
Yep – she’s gone! And thanks.
No disrespect to the Jewish culture. I’m one of seven kids. My parents rule: We could live at home as long as we were employed/self-employed, and/or in college. We couldn’t just hang around and party like a spoiled princess. My parents weren’t rich, but, were both small business owners.
Are any of the ladies employed or entrepreneurs. Or,do they spend their days drinking, drugging and looking for a rich guy to marry.
I am really starting to love this show (well, love might be a bit strong). These girls are such drunk messes, but they’re not generally bad people. So I don’t sit around getting my blood pressure up watching them, I mostly laugh. Plus I’m SO in love with Jelly. She’s like the Bethenny Frankel of Long Island, the only one really rooted in reality. And I THINK I’m starting to love Casey too, but it might be early to say for sure.
My new ideal dinner party guests: Tamara and Jelly and a lot of alcohol.
K-Y Jelly? 🙂
I don’t ever require any K-Y, thx anyway. 😉
I knew from the instant I saw him that Jeff reminded me of someone, but I could put my finger on who it was. It has been driving me crazy since the first episode. I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT! He looks (and speaks, now that I think about it) just like Rick Hoffman. He’s not exactly a household name, but when you see his face, you’ll know him. Anybody agree with me or am I crazy?
hmmm interesting because Jeff’s last name is Hoffman. I don’t know if they’re related though.
Omg! He must be related, i read rick hoffman went to wheatley i. Old westbury same school n town these girls attended!!
that is so funny. i just posted the same thing! i was doing the same thing — could visualize the guy but hadn’t known his name. i linked to the imdb page for rick hoffman.
I have never heard of this show. After reading this blog I am going to straight to the internets to find all the episodes. I love a show that involves people more screwed up than I am. It really boosts my self esteem.