Yeah, I know, I make fun of this Long Island Princess show, but I am sort of addicted. And a little tipsy. So since most of you don’t watch. I am going to do a slap dash recap because WWHL is going to be good tonight. It’s Shabbacalypse part two. Casey I think goes out to Erica to
call her out for being a whore in high school make amends. Erica is wasted and Casey probably is too. This priceless. Grown women fighting over high school shit. Erica swears she is not a whore anymore. Erica apologizes. Casey just tells her to go fuck herself. She is not letting her off the hook. Casey is traumatized and now she can’thave relationships with men… and her parents are divorced…and Casey is annoying me with her sob story. Casey essentially tell Erica to go fuck herself. I mean Erica has fucked everyone else, so why not herself?
Erica goes back in and apologizes at the table for being a “dickheard in high school.” No Erica, you were clearly a whore in highschool. Own it and tell Casey to move on with her life or just go home. This is ridiculous.
Speaking of ridiculous, Amanda has arrived extremely late to dinner with her gay fiancé . I myself have a gay fiancé (wordpress will not allow me to remove the accent) but I do not ACTUALLY think we are getting married. It’s sort of a fag hag/ fruit fly dream. AND THAT IS WHAT WE DO WITH GOOD LOOKING RICH GUYS. Not this little gay closeted scumbucket you keep dragging around. No man or woman in their right mind would want to be his “girlfriend” pretend or otherwise. He’s an annoying glory hole gay (look it up ladies) who didn’t even pay for your swimwear. Sigh.
Sadly, Chanel actually llikes her. Oh Jelly! I love me some Jelly! Alas, it was only a brief glimpse. Erica and Chanel talk by the pool and Erica says “So what? I fucked her first love? Get ovah it!” And goes into the story about her grandmother died and that is way she is such a slut. Everytime a grandma dies, chicks become slutty! It’s true! I should not make fun. When my mom died I did freak out and leave the house and call my FWB to meet me at a hotel. But um, that is totally different. We all grieve in different ways. Some
of us do it while having crying sex may or may not get a little slutty. But Erica was predisposed to sluttiness. Chanel cuddles a drunken Erica. Chanel is drunk crying. They are having those drunken conversations with friends you do not remember the next day. Allegedly.
The next day Erica is so hungover she can’t get up with the other girls. This house has vertical blinds. These are rich people? Oh lord. Amanda thinks that Jeff loves to see her in a bikini. There is huge asscrack. Hairy asscrack in his shot. He is ordering stuff pool side. He makes sure to ask the waiter his name. He orders a glass of rose. of course he does. Then he has girl talk with Amanda. OH DEAR GOD. He calls her Mama. Can you see my head twitching? I hate that women are calling each other Mama lately, let alone this guy. Don’t get me wrong, if you have birthed a child with a man, it is fine for him to call you Mama. None of you have birthed a child with another woman so NO ONE should be calling each other Mama on fucking twitter. It’s nauseatingly horrid. STOP DOING THAT RIGHT NOW. He calls her Mama several times and she finally responds with dada. STOP IT. My skin is crawling here.
At lunch Chanel says that it’s a Jewish thing not to sit at the corner of the table or you are not getting married. It looked like they all had a side. IDGI. Splain it to me Jewish girls. Meanwhile, for me it is you don’t pick up your feet and let someone vacuum under them. I did that A LOT and… I can tell you it is a true thing. Jelly is on the lookout for finding some hot guys. I love her. She reels in a couple of men going by. Unfortunately, they are douchebags who got hard-ons just talking to them. He is looking for a girl from the Hamptons to “make his life better.” Jelly wants Casey to be less defensive. Sorry Jelly, but those guys were douchebags
Erica apparently calls Rob to come take care of her. She has to have a man during any crisis. While a man in a crisis is nice, it not necessary. Looks like she embarrassed herself and wants her man to take her home… we shall see.
The other four girls are out doing shots. Ashlee meets a man at the party and asks where he is from he says he is from South America but lives in South Hamptons. This is an IQ test for Ashlee and she fails. If you were on any other continent would you say you were from North America? No. No you would not. And that is because most foreign men think we have the IQ of a turnip and have never left our state. Which is probably true for Ashlee and also why she will not be slobbing his knob unless he is just slumming. Let’s watch…
Jelly has an eye on him… After the pool Amanda’s gay boyfriend had to take a nap. (Translation: Production would not allow him at the party) So she arrives alone. I wish that Chanel would have gone for the dude but she is blowing it for herself. Meanwhile, Jelly is giving him an out as Ashlee calls her dad to say she met a hot guy. Jelly tries to explain that calling your daddy within five minutes of meeting a hot guy and telling him your scored is a bad thing. Ashlee counters with, “Everyone has a different relationship with their father and my daddy buys me lingerie.” Countdown until hot guy leaves…..3….2…1. Jelly was mortified and leaves. Hot guy IS MORTIFIED. And I still love me some Jelly.
Late night party. Everyone has been chugging shots all day. Jeff is allowed in this scene. Jesus everyone is loaded. Erica is literally rocking and unstable, Rob is the same way. Crazy drunk party.
Later ..Erica gets drunk and falls over. Everyone is WAY MORE FUCKED UP than any housewife has ever been. Her boyfriend is passed out drunk in the back of the car. literally everyone is too drunk to function. Jelly seems to be the least drunk. She is trying to stop Erica from drinking. Seriously, I can’t express how drunk Erica and Rob are… Now Erica and Rob are taking Adderall. Well this can only end well. ON NATIONAL TELEVISION. Erica is in full on meltdown. Something about what she can or can not eat. Erica and Rob are WASTED and popping Adderall (allegedly). Someone has a problem. Erica is not even speaking English. Casey who appears sober, now thinks she should help Erica. Is she in recovery? I don’t know this show is insane. Erica is not telling Rob he drinks too much. She is not making any sense.
Sidebar: I love that Hebrew National has an as on this show.
Meanwhile Erica and Rob slinked out early. Jelly is the only normal person on the show. I love her. Ashlee calls her father. This is just sick. I can’t. Their relationship makes me feel creepy.
I think my DVR stopped taping a few minutes early and I am thankful for that.