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You are here: Home / Bravo / Newlyweds: The First Year Recap

Newlyweds: The First Year Recap

June 10, 2013 by tamaratattles 38 Comments

newlywedstarzinaIt’s time for Newlyweds! I had so much to say about RHOOC tonight I am way behind and having some DVR timing issues so this may take me awhile. We begin with the Indian chick, Tina (?) who is worried that Tarz does not find her hot anymore. She has him on a sex schedule because she is trying to get knocked up and he is not feeling it. I think he may just not want to tell her he is not ready yet. They JUST got married a few months ago!  Cool your jets Indian chick! She has HUGE eyes. Did you know your eyes are the size they are going to be when you are born? I keep imagining her as this big bug-eyed baby. Tarz is trying to say he is busy with work and needs to get through some projects done at work before he knocks her up. She is bitchy.

John is selling his beloved pool table to make room for the baby. John wants to hire people to do the manual labor. The painter friend has him cutting in. That is not a job for a newbie. I don’t know why the wife insists that he actually do the painting. That is ridiculous. Meanwhile, the tanning beds are not working at the salon. Kathy runs straight to John and then bitches when he takes over and says he doesn’t think she can handle things. Well, babe, clearly you can’t because you are running to him. Also she is pregnant and should not be in the room breathing paint fumes, their gene pool is questionable enough without further contamination.  Also, I really dislike their cookie cutter house. His dad is Dean her dad is James so they are naming the kid Dean James. Because  even thought James Dean is a billion times better, it puts her and her father first, and we can’t have that. I hope he goes by DJ.

newlywedsgayBlair is drying off after the shower with towels they used to dry the dog and can’t figure out why everything smells like wet dog. Jeff seems into him in his little polka dot outfit. Ohhhh Jeff just lied to Blair when he asked what he was doing today. Apparently he is going to see and estate planner! Jeff had no idea that Blair got a financial interest by marrying him in California. Jeff wants to keep his real estate separate. This planner is good and is explaining to Jeff that he needs to either treat the property like a business or treat the marriage like a marriage. Jeff doesn’t trust Blair. This is bad. 🙁  The next day, Jeff tells Blair that he went and what the lawyer said.  Blair is pissed that Jeff saw a lawyer without telling him.  Jeff is explaining that they need a joint account and everything will be split  50/50. Blair is pissed that his name is not being put on the house. Jeff says he is buying into it with his “rent” every month. It’s not “rent” Jeffery. Married people do not “rent” space to their spouses in the marital home. I am on Blair’s side on this, and Jeff is my favorite. Oh Jeff says this is part of Blair being educated and growing up. Not the right instance for that conversation.

So at the financial planner, Jeff’s first talking head is about him not wanting to be Blair’s Dad (sugar daddy) anymore. He is really unwilling to treat him like a spouse. He seems to think because he is older and the primary wage earner, he is being suckered by Blair. This is not how marriage gay or otherwise works Jeffrey. Blair in dramatic fashion explains to the atty that he felt left out of the meeting and basically wants him to start over. Jeff talks down to Blair. Blair tells the lawyer that Jeff has told him he owns his house and Blair can buy the second house but now he has found out about community property. Wow, under federal law if Jeff puts the house in both their names like normal married people he gets hit with a federal gift tax? Wow. Because the federal government does not recognize their marital status. This makes me sad. But if he puts Blair on the will and dies then it will be in the will. My recording stopped mid sentence so I must have missed some stuff. I will edit it in later if it is significant.

On to Kim and Alaska…Alaska calls Kim down to come help him carry something, but she takes her purse. So clearly she knew they were going bike riding on new bikes that Alaska bought them. And they go to lunch. Kim is not satisfied with the date. She is already thinking about the end of the date. Alaska wants Kim to move to LA where he works. I don’t think that is unreasonable, however she does do fashion styling in NYC.  Alaska is texting at the table. HUGE ISSUE. He has to leave ASAP so he dashes. ASAP means to me after lunch with your new bride. I do not care for Alaska.

Date two with Alaska and Kim. Alaska wants Kim to cook like his dead mother. He takes her to a market for her to recreate his favorite meal. Alaska ADORES his mother. You know who else ADORES their mother? Gay men. Now Alaska is saying that Kim has to cook is favorite food every time he comes home just like his mommy did. I love NYC markets…just saying.

OMG John is whining about the baby getting all the attention and the baby is not here yet. He is at the baby shower whining because the attention is not on him. This is a baby shower from hell. But really, aren’t they all? Who over 25 wants this drama? Guess the belly size is not a game for the expectant father to participate in. Her sister wants to scream a speech at the guests about how it is all about her. This is ridiculous.

On another day, John says he is iffy about selling the pool table. Kathy is being a martyr in her talking head. She has given up so much…this is not joke…. sigh.

Tina and Tarz apparently decided to do one crazy thing outside of their comfort zone every month for the first year of their marriage instead of going on a honeymoon. Oh lord. So they are doing a nude photo shoot. Tina is insistent that Tarz wear a thong. I thought it was a nude shot. He is wearing fugly shorts. Tina is throwing a hissy fit. Tarz had the thong on the whole time. She is not amused. Tarz has a fugly ass. Tina says hers is ugly. He butt is lovely. Actually, Tarz’s ass is fine, it’s just the thong that looks ridiculous and strippery. They do some pictures laying down that are sincere and pretty. Tarz explains that he felt very connected to her in those moments when she is not trying so damn hard. The pictures came out fabulous.

Okay Mondays are hell on my DVR I think I missed the tail end and then I go to live TV and Below Deck (the cruise show is on? I have set to tape in the wee hours.)

So, thoughts on tonight’s show?

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Filed Under: Bravo, Recap

About tamaratattles

Come for the tea. Stay for the shade. Not for the easily offended. You're a special snowflake just like everyone else.

Comments

  1. Isabella J. says

    June 10, 2013 at 11:46 pm

    I like the guy couple the best. COMMUNITY PROPERTY sates Rule! So over the Greeks, he is a child and they are having one?? Scary. Alaska is a hurt grown man, he doesn’t know how to cry, that is sad. Bug eyes and Tarzan, she is getting old, hence the rush for babies.

    Reply
    • Karma Grant says

      June 11, 2013 at 6:59 am

      She was only 34 during filming so she’s not that old!

      Reply
      • RVA says

        June 11, 2013 at 9:16 am

        I agree Karma, she’s not that old, but I can see how easily she can get freaked out when most people say that by 35, your chance of having a baby with medical issues is greater.

        Reply
      • Isabella J. says

        June 11, 2013 at 11:48 am

        She looks 10 yrs older, she looks my age. Too much makeup.

        Reply
        • Charley says

          June 14, 2013 at 4:44 am

          Seriously, she is one of the ugliest people on TV. She’d probably look normal if she left most of that makeup off. Tarz is so beautiful and patient. I don’t get them at all.

          Reply
  2. SB says

    June 10, 2013 at 11:48 pm

    Ugh I can’t stand John’s sister! She looked so smug when Kathy was arguing with him about the pool table. She was just hanging all over him and it was kind of akward. Side note: My friend and I also thought Alaska was gay right away. Like episode one scene one.

    Reply
    • Tango says

      June 11, 2013 at 2:37 am

      Was John’s sister the one who sat on her ass through the baby shower then jumped up to give that dumb speech? That was pretty bad. You stop people from leaving so you can get attention and tell them all you won’t be around on weekends? She looks like a real biatch.

      Reply
      • Ms Urethra Franklin says

        June 11, 2013 at 2:45 am

        That was a wretched display of typical passive aggressive in-law behavior. Every family has one biaytch like that.

        Reply
  3. Joan says

    June 10, 2013 at 11:51 pm

    I’ve watched all the shows so far. At first I sincerely thought it was a joke, scripted and the various ‘couples’ cast with actors/actresses. I still wonder about that aspect. However, if they are ‘real’ couples I doubt seriously any of them will be married long. None of them seem to have a clue what marriage is about. None of them went to premarital counseling (which IMHO is great since it brings up all your ‘stuff’ and an opportunity to learn conflict resolution & money spending) to learn what living together as a married couple means. If this is real, it’s tragic to me. All the men are just ‘off’ in one area or another – one won’t have sex (yeah, right) another acts as a God (ahem, Alaska – have you read Psalm 31?) another treats his wife like a child with an allowance, and lastly – a gay couple who act like a Father & Son, in my opinion.

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      June 11, 2013 at 12:20 am

      This isn’t the typical Bravo scripted shit…It’s a whole nother production team I love how they give them the “couples cam” to film things like pregnancy tests. I think this one is as unscripted as possible. I still think Kim knew she was filming a bicycling scene for example but not the rest of it.

      Reply
    • Karma Grant says

      June 11, 2013 at 6:58 am

      They are definitely REAL couples. I am loving this show especially because I have a pair of newlyweds (who honestly didn’t know alot about each other due to having a LDR prior to marrying) living in my house for a couple of months and watching some of the parallels is interesting.

      Reply
  4. Rose says

    June 11, 2013 at 12:41 am

    I was happy for Tina tonight that she and Tarz finally connected. I sort of felt sorry for her because she had an idea of what the first year of marriage was going to be like and she is disappointed. None of the husbands seem to know what their wives need. Heck, that is real life! LOL Blair is funny but so childish. I think Jeff is going to get tired of him quickly. Anyone notice Blair using an eye lash curler before going to the lawyers office?

    Reply
  5. Tango says

    June 11, 2013 at 2:42 am

    I thought Jeff and Blair were the sweetest, until tonight when Jeff started ragging about money and property. Jeff hurt Blair’s feelings I think, going behind his back like he’s afraid Blair is gonna screw him. Tina drives me nuts, she just seems too fake and self-absorbed. She always dresses like some kind of hooker or showgirl, when she looks prettier less done-up.

    Reply
    • Puravidacostarica says

      June 11, 2013 at 12:27 pm

      Tango I agree that Jeff is afraid that Blair is gonna screw him, but for christopherssakes, have none of these people ever heard of a prenup?! If you’re worried about your money and belongings before you marry (and who will get what from whom after a divorce), there is a way to address that beforehand.

      Reply
      • Isabella J. says

        June 11, 2013 at 12:37 pm

        In a COMMUNITY PROPERTY state like CA, no matter what, unless there is a prenup and even IN the pre-nup, you are entitled to half! If even one penny is co-mingled, you are entitled to half of all assets and estate that you share. Take it from me, I have been married and divorced in community property states. After 10 years of marriage/domestic partnerships, even the pre-nups fall away. Remember the Maloofs?? They were married 9 yrs and 4 or 5 months, had they stayed married 10, they would have had to split everything regardless of pre-nup.

        Reply
        • iamrealitytvlover (@babstheshopper) says

          June 12, 2013 at 2:51 am

          Wow, wonder if Paul knew this? Bet he would have stayed another six months before unloading Adrienne. But then again, maybe after over 9 years of her abuse, he just had to bail immediately. I agree with everyone who thinks Jeff and Blair are not going to last long. I get the sense that Jeff is just so bummed about no family support that he just gravitated to Blair and I think he both loves and hates the same traits of Blair. Based on the divorce rate of the Housewives, any newlywed should know better than to even think about doing a shot…guaranteed fast track to divorce court, SMH 🙁

          Reply
      • Karma Grant says

        June 11, 2013 at 12:39 pm

        Exactly and I really don’t understand Jeff’s fear. It’s not like he and Blair just got together. They’ve been together a couple of years. If he had these issues prior to the wedding, but more importantly before the civil union paperwork was done, he should have been a man and had that conversation with Blair. They did show on the show a conversation but obviously not to the depth that needed to happen.

        Reply
        • Rose says

          June 11, 2013 at 1:15 pm

          I’m so bored today so commenting on this show again.

          I think from some things Jeff said that he has tried to talk to Blair about financial matters and Blair won’t shut up and listen and I think that’s why he wanted some legal advice. And, I think he went alone because of the way Blair has acted in the past. Jeff could have not bothered to tell Blair and he would have been none the wiser. Blair reminds of a very immature teenager.

          I think Kathryn jumped into marriage because of her age. She is going to have to develop some very thick skin to be able to let her husband and his sister’s insults roll off her. And at some point, show her SIL the door!

          Tina is some kind of singer and dancer. Last night Tarz said he was drawn to her when he saw the act she did last night! He is just so laid back and she is too pushy. Hope they can find a balance.

          Alaska…gay? I hadn’t thought of that but guess his wife quit trying to go into the bathroom with him. She knew all these things about him before she married him and I guess she thought marriage and was going to change him.

          Wait…don’t most women think the can change the things they don’t ‘love’ about their man after marriage?? LOL

          Reply
      • Katrina says

        June 11, 2013 at 12:45 pm

        Until Jeff went to the lawyer, I don’t think he thought their union was financially or legally binding. I think the lawyer opened Jeff’s eyes to what he had done. I think Jeff married Blair to appease him.
        I don’t think most people really think about prenup before marriage unless they have a substantial. Most beople don’t even talk about what will happen to the children if the marriage does not survive.

        Reply
        • Katrina says

          June 11, 2013 at 12:58 pm

          substantial estate

          Reply
        • Karma Grant says

          June 11, 2013 at 4:54 pm

          I just watched the scene of Jeff alone with the financial guy and the shock on his face makes me believe exactly what you said above, he totally didn’t understand the financial and legal ramifications of the civil union. That totally surprises me because Jeff comes across as a knowledgeable guy. He loves to say Blair needs to educate himself on certain things and here’s an area where apparently Jeff needed to do the same!

          Reply
        • James says

          June 11, 2013 at 8:04 pm

          i think you’re right about Jeff marrying Blair to shut him up. You can tell Blair takes every opportunity to make Jeff feel like he’s extremely lucky that Blair wants him. Plus Jeff seems to keep mentioning feeling/tired of being manipulated by Blair.

          Reply
  6. chriscleo says

    June 11, 2013 at 7:43 am

    funny, i thought i was grossed out by the strippers on the orange county housewives show but for some reason i said “EW” even louder when i saw blair using the eyelash curler. that just ain’t right…

    Reply
  7. James says

    June 11, 2013 at 12:24 pm

    I wonder if Blair finished high school? He seems really dumb and unable to process basic information. I live for the “oh my god, what have I done ” look on Jeff’s face every time Blair starts getting all pissy and demanding.

    I hate the greek gnome and his sister. Last week when he was talking about a boy taking the attention from him I thought he was kidding ..but I guess not. And that bitch sister of his is constantly throwing shade at Kathryn. And her gnome of a brother can barely contain the gleem in his eye when she insults Kathryn.

    Tarzan seems to really enjoy and .
    get off on riling Tina up.

    Reply
  8. vivaladiva831 says

    June 11, 2013 at 4:48 pm

    I don’t know why the wife insists that he actually do the painting. That is ridiculous.

    Well, as someone who has been pregnant and insisted her husband do such thing as paint the nursery, put the crib together, etc. is bc we just want to feel like the pregnancy and preparing for baby is a joint effort. It isn’t fun to watch your partner keep his same size, drink if he wants to, and not be loaded up on hormones and emotions. So I do get where she is coming from there. We just want to feel like our husband/baby daddy is as invested in this as we are! Plus it makes a pregnant woman plain feel like you care. Being pregnant can be very solitary sometime I don’t care who you are or how badly you wanted a baby, you want to feel like your partner is doing some of the work too! I mean come on, she is giving birth, surely he can paint a nursery.

    Reply
    • sammiejane says

      June 14, 2013 at 1:32 am

      What I found humorous is the fact she let him walking around, acting hysterical on the phone about the tanning beds with a big blob of paint on the tip of his nose. When I was pregnant I asked my husband to do certain things to get the house ready for the baby. Unfortunately, he was not as diligent as I would have liked so at 8 months pregnant I removed all the carpet in the house, carried the carpet and foam beneath out and laid it on the lawn for him to pick up and then stained the hardwood floors beneath. I always found when I wanted something done it was best to just do it myself… plus it’s a great guilt factor! 😉 I never complained. I may be a bitch but at least I am a polite bitch!

      Reply
  9. James says

    June 11, 2013 at 8:08 pm

    Is it me or was Blair looking pretty haggard in his close ups last night? He needs to scale back on that “I’m so young and blonde and beautiful” speech he’s always trotting out

    Reply
  10. otherpeoplesproblems says

    June 11, 2013 at 9:37 pm

    Of COURSE Blair takes stabs at Jeff’s family. Again. I’d dump him for always going there, I can’t deal with someone bringing up a vulnerability in times of conflict. It reeks of immaturity and malice! I don’t blame Jeff at all for not wanting to be totally trusting of Blair. Blair IS an obnoxious child, which explains why Jeff treats him as such. Jeff mentioned that Blair’s dad has always done his finances… Why would he let Blair into his financial world? I wouldn’t.

    Jeff liked Blair’s tight ass at first and maybe now he regrets it. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but I feel like maybe Blair pushed for the wedding. Jeff was clearly comfortable in HIS house and having HIS little life and dating Blair.

    Jeff’s precious house is really not my style, that cabin-chic thing he has happening is bleh to me. The wood panels everywhere, ew.

    John and Kathy disgust me more and more each week. That babyshower was tragic. Kathy hates John’s family and they hate her too. This marriage is doomed and I feel bad for laughing about it.

    Tina and Tarz’s photo shoot was endearing. Tina is demanding but I think she’s really sweet on the inside and call me crazy but I think those 2 love each other. I’m rooting for them.

    Reply
  11. otherpeoplesproblems says

    June 11, 2013 at 9:41 pm

    Oh my last thought: When Kim was debating whether her shorts were too short before she left for the bike date… her shorts were too short.

    Reply
  12. soccermop59 says

    June 12, 2013 at 5:27 pm

    I tried watching, but its hard….good luck Bravo with this one….boring is the least of its issues.

    Reply
    • sammiejane says

      June 14, 2013 at 1:35 am

      I concur! I have only caught a few reruns and I am less than impressed. Not something I would sit down and devote much time too.

      Reply
    • Popcorn and Vodka (@popcornandvodka) says

      June 14, 2013 at 7:58 pm

      I’ve been watching, but I’m not enjoying. I don’t think I’ll continue if it gets renewed next year. Too many of the couples are just unlikable… Even if I stay to root for the gay couple (like Tamara insisted LOL) there is still another 75% of the show that is just not enjoyable.

      Reply
      • tamaratattles says

        June 14, 2013 at 8:29 pm

        I’m sorry. You are required to watch. On the positive side, this is probably just a one time time since it really did happen over an entire year. Maybe a 5 year update or farther down the road another first year with new couples. But I doubt it. I don’t think the ratings are that great. I keep forgetting to look, but these recaps don’t get many views.

        Reply
  13. ladymagenta718 says

    June 13, 2013 at 4:31 pm

    I have yet to watch this – I can’t seem to get the time/dates right. However, I was watching LAHHA (sp?) and there was “Alaska” talking to K. Michelle and the first thing my boyfriend said to me is “He’s gay, isn’t he?” to which I replied to him, I don’t think so, he’s on this newlywed show and has a wife. Duh? He replied, “he’s gay!” LOL — so NOW, I have got to watch this show – when does it come on?

    Reply
  14. Popcorn and Vodka (@popcornandvodka) says

    June 14, 2013 at 7:56 pm

    I think the Greek couple are going to last for a long time. They may annoy the crap out of us all, but they are made for one another.

    In the previews, Tina thinks she’s pregnant next week. Can you imagine that woman being in charge of another person’s life??? All I can think about is all the purple stones and glitter the baby is going to choke on.

    Jeff and Blair have the potential to last, but they need couseling, both together and seperate. Jeff has a lot of financial power over Blair, and Blair rightfully resents it. How would you feel if your husband said you were paying rent?? Of course Blair needs to grow up and educate himself as well. They need to work on things together.
    The one thing this show is doing is shedding a little light on the issues of gay marriage/partnerships. My BFF was in a domestic partnership with another woman, she had to file TWO different state tax returns because the federal govt doesn’t recognize domestic partnership. Everything was so complicated. They are now going through a divorce that has gone on for two years now… the community property laws are not that easily worked out when dealing with same sex couples. It may seem black and white, but it really is not.

    Reply

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