This is quite disturbing already. I don’t understand what these people are wearing. Amanda, her mother, someone in a jumpsuit from Soul Train it’s indescribable actually. Jelly walks in to talk to Amanda and apologize for her South Shore friend getting drunk and being obnoxious at the pool party. Amanda it is an obnoxious bitch who barely accepts her apology. Speaking of gay guys, Chanel is at Ashlee’s house talking to her parents. Chanel and Ashlee are going out on the prowl tonight. Ashlee sends her dad to get a brush. He seems to step and fetch for her like he is quite accustomed to it.
The musical editing for this show is obnoxious. Chanel and Ashlee are literally begging for men on the dance floor. Which should be easy fishing because the dance floor is full of men. In fact they are the only two females in the club. BECAUSE IT IS GAY NIGHT. How do you not realize this? Do Long Island girls not have gaydar? Chanel has a friend named Casey who seems normal. She should stick with her and move to the city. It’s weird that all the girls do their talking heads from a bench at the end of their beds where no magic happens. Casey and Erica are eskimo sisters. In fact Erica stole Casey’s first love. Casey is gorgeous. I can’t remember which one Erica is.
Amanda and Jeff are on a double date with one of the princesses and her dude. One of the specials is grilled octopus and right in front of the waiter, Amanda regales the table with a charming story she read somewhere about a woman “from China or somewhere” who ate octopus and kept hatching baby
octopussies, octopi octopuses in her mouth. The waiter promptly excused himself. It could have been worse, this one lady went to ER because…oh nevermind. I think this is Erika and Rob. This is not normal. Lots of making out. Jeff continues to show us how not gay he is by trying to kiss Amanda more than what’s his name kisses whatsherface.
Chanel is having a girls weekend at the Hamptons. For you know, all the girls. Naturally, Jeff is going. Chanel and Casey are talking about how Erica broke Casey’s heart by stealing her boyfriend in high school. Then Chanel invites Casey.What could possibly go wrong?
Jelly says that Erica is like a silver spoon and she is like that white plastic fork. She seems to think that Erica is the hottest girl ever. I am missing this beauty. Jelly says that Erica also slept with her boyfriend. She actually was Jelly’s boyfriend’s first time. Erica has A LOT of Eskimo sisters and possibly STDs. Apparently, we are going to talk about all the people Erica slept with in high school one by one, and then we will end with a huge catfight at the Hamptons. I am not sure I am going to stick with this show much longer.
Ashlee’s father walks her all the way into the party bus. Ashlee is nervous being away from her dad for the weekend. I find pretty much everything in this episode kinda weird. Erica immediately takes to the stripper pole. Shockingly, she’s not very good on the pole. So she sits down and talks about how often she masturbates and how. Meanwhile, Jeff drives Amanda to the Hamptons because he
doesn’t want to miss girl’s weekend is very, very, straight and can’t stand to be away from her.
At the house, Erica is thrilled to walk in first and as if they are on Big Brother and she gets first dibs on the bedrooms. So while standing at the foot of the stairs she asks no one in particular, “Where is the upstairs?” meanwhile another one is trying to figure out how to turn the dial on the thermostat to make the air come on. I imagine she will have to Google up some instructions. Ashlee notices an invisible stain on her sheet and immediately calls her parents for help. They suggest that she ask someone to get it out for her. Ashlee excitedly whines there is not a butler at the house. However will she go on? Perhaps her dad will come with clean sheets.
Chanel hired a private chef to do Shabbat because she is orthodox and not supposed to labor on Shabbat. I wonder if this chef is kosher? Casey comes in with a bottle of Skinnygirl margaritas. Kidding not. Chanel is the only one who knows how to do Shabbat. Everyone is talking about how spiritual they feel. Except Erica. She is talking about how she has 900 ex boyfriends. Erica will not shut up. She is talking about quieting her mind, incessantly. I want to slap her and I am probably the only chick in the continental 48 that is not her eskimo sister. Finally, Casey asks Erica to shut up, because they are trying to eat. Erica is flipping out. She grabs her purse and goes outside to cry and call her boyfriend and smoke a cigarette. Meanwhile at dinner Casey is having a meltdown and crying as well. Jelly goes out to try to calm Erica down. Erica says nobody talks to her like that, she does not care is she has fucked their boyfriends five times. And…to be continued…right when it was getting good.