Sorry bad weather here. Started two minutes late. I lost my satellite and didn’t even notice the time. Sadly, I missed the opening! Even sadder, we are starting with the Hurricane Sandy stuff. I am not sure I really want to see all this. I kind of freaked out while this was going on because one of my knuckleheads lives in Jersey and was MIA for quite a while.
Melissa and Joe’s place looks fairly good on the outside. Their house is partially stone. They have driven past so many houses with tons of ruined furniture in the yard. The inside of the house is bad. Furniture overturned and moved into heaps by the ocean. Tre’s house is even worse. How is it possible that all the sheetrock has been stripped from the walls. Has some restoration already started by the time this was shot or could the storm actually do that? Yeah, the work crew is always there. So are both Joe and Tre spouting some silver lining about the storm being good for the economy because it provides lots of work. WTF? Am I the only one who finds that…odd? Offensive even? And it sounded like a Bravo talking point. I mean like these two understand the economy?
SIX MINUTES. That is how long we had to wait into the premiere for Tre to declare that things are really good between her and her husband. In the middle of a scene about a massively destructive storm that decimated homes for miles around, Tre wants you to know that (a) it’s good for the economy and (4) she has a great marriage. I can’t. It’s all Joe Gorga’s fault that they are not speaking during this tragedy. In Tre’s talking head, she wants you to know that (c) it is very sad and (17) It’s not her doing. /sigh Same old Tre.
Meanwhile Joe and Melissa have a somewhat saner reaction to Sandy. In Joe’s talking head he says (1) he is sad and (potato) Tre doesn’t give a shit about him.
Oh! I didn’t miss the opening. YAY. It’s kinda cute, I like it. MILANIA! How I have missed you my favorite mini housewife, you! I hope for a gif of this from RealityTVGifs! Tre’s adorable little heathens have been instructed to donate some stuff to the less fortunate victims of the storm. Tre’s talking head says that the hurricane victims are going to need some glamorous stuff. You know some of their glamorous stuff they are not going to use again. This is starting to piss me awf. Milania is SIX! That makes me sad. She is now an actress following the script way better than her parents.
Look. It is time for a Jac scene. I used to like her. I cannot deal with her dragging her autistic son onto national TV. This is unsettling. What kind of lollipop is that be on TV bribe in his mouth. Looks like a plain one to me. Not cool. OMG. Now she is claiming his accomplishments as her own and not those of the EIGHT HOUR A DAY therapy he has while she shops.
Speaking of child welfare…REALLY? The storylines are going to focus on Milania, Nick and Antonia WHO DO NOT EVEN GET PAID? Is this even legal? There better be some sort of college fund set up for all of them by someone. Kids as a storyline is a lowdown ploy, even for Bravo. I agree that Tre’s kids are getting molded to hate Joe and Melissa. My girl Milania hits the stripper pole and says, “Look at me, I’m Melissa!” (or maybe that was GIA, I tend to forget traumatic things) not even AUNT Melissa or Tia Melissa! So, Melissa’s daughter sends a letter to Tre’s but points out to her mom that it is kind of weird because they live right next to each other. Out of the mouths…
Time for a Wakile Scene. It’s Kathy and Rosie. Rosie the thug is going to be playing a much larger role this season to sort of liven up what y’all think is boring Kathy. I blame you for this. It will be a season of Kathy making cannoli and trying to help Rosie find love. Rosie doesn’t want any 300lb women with bad teeth. Because she is svelte with veneers. Rosie is getting a FOtHW check this season. Good help us all. Did Kathy look like she had a black eye to anyone else? Shadow maybe? But if so why didn’t they reshoot? You know they do.
Back at the JUDY chay household, Milania receives her letter from Antonia. It was not properly addressed. Just sent to the through producers. Tre suggest a playdate to give her birthday gift. Gia who is now in middle school points out that she was not invited to Antonia did not invite them to her party. She then runs off with the letter to show her dad. Joe tells Gia everything is Melissa and Joe’s fault. Dear God this is such child manipulation.
YAY! It’s Caroline. She wants to downsize and move to Hoboken and live in an apartment. Caroline’s new apartment has HUGE binoculars on a stand that you can look into other apartments with. Sorry, I think this is hysterical. I am wondering about the true reasons why the Manzos want to move to an apartment, but I am not going to go there. I’m biased. Sue me. (Please don’t frivolous lawsuits are so last week). Joe apparently loves Caroline too.
On a date with Tre and Joe. A text comes from Melissa asking for a play date. Melissa wants to take the girls out. Joe is coaching Tre to make things difficult. In Tre’s talking head she says she has to be the bigger person. These texts happen when Joe and Melissa are at Caroline’s “apartment” and cameras are on both ends. Reality TV. Tre says we are all just dust in the air. Joe agrees. I cringe.
I saw it was a Jac scene and I was ready to ignore it. But the other HW is Caroline. Apparently Caroline is the one that is going to be the carrier pigeon this season. Thanks Bravo. ugh.
Tre takes middle-schooler Gia shopping and she is a typical middle-schooler. Gia calls her mother Teresa. Teresa talks to Gia and uses the word girlfriends. I would mention my girlfriends to my FIRST GRADERS and they would flip out too. “Your mom is a scientist! I have a girlfriend who is a scientist! That’s so cool!” Would be met with a classroom of dead silence. Since we are all hip to the gay stuff now, apparently ‘girlfriend’ has changed its meaning to mean ONLY ONE THING. I refuse to accept this. (FYI, don’t say you need to go to the drugstore after school either.) Gia is an angsty preteen. This is going to be… something else. Tre tells her about the playdate between Milania and Antonia and Gia tells her she should go too, “Don’t let her take Milania out of the blue moon” /HUGE EYEROLL. Oh dear. Gia wants to text FOR her mother and Tre is allowing this.
Dear Lord, Tre is on WWHL. I may not get to the Princess show tonight I am very behind due to power outages and weather.
So both adults are going on the playdate. Milania is worried about her nose hair.#Italianproblems? Joe calls Melissa “horsey face” to his daughter on the phone in the car on the way. Melissa’s conversation is much kinder but Antonia has been through the entire glam squad complete with a random Nancy Grace bow. Tre and Melissa love the same kid’s sink. Tre gave Antonia an ipod. Melissa points out she already has that model.
Caroline has called Joe Gorga into her counsel. She loves him. Joe says he is not ready for Teresa. He feels like it is a boyfriend/girlfriend thing.(???) Joe loves Caroline. Back to the playdate. Melissa is WAY OVERDIRECTING the jewelry thing. Tre is like let them be. Oh look they both have communion on the same day. Bad idea Tre says she will try to move Gabriella’s to another day. Tre asks about Joe and the boys. Melissa is standoffish.
Oh the therapy thing is prominent in the coming events. I’ve blogged about that here in all my spoilers. Unfortunately my, Internet has been down for over an hour. Unfortunately the princess show will have to wait. And perhaps WWHL too. I sort of want to peek in on The Bachelorette. Is that so wrong?
Also, I sure hope all you Caroline Manzo haters that say she is just on the show to get her adult kids on, take not of this episode…