Survivor Finale Recap.

I never blog Survivor here because a whole lot of people I know are current or former Survivor spoilers as I used to be. That means they knew who won before the season even started or close to it. Back in the olden days, I would be one of those people. Now, I would prefer to watch the show unspoiled and be a Survivor random. So I watch on the down low.

Celebrity Apprentice I watch either very late on Sunday night after all the blogging or ASAP during the week. Wendy Williams will spoil me if I am not careful so usually try to get caught up that night. Usually by that time on a Sunday, I am BEYOND blogged  out.  So tonight, I’m just going to talk to myself here as attempt to watch both shows at once, while taping the finale of Revenge. DO NO MENTION REVENGE IN COMMENTS OR ANYWHERE ELSE ON THIS BLOG PLEASE. I am taping the two hour finale and I can’t wait to watch it. AS IT TURNS OUT I HAVE NOT SEEN APPRENTICE EITHER. DON’T SPOIL ME ON THAT EITHER!

On to the spoilers. And I am not recapping anything.(I lied I recapped a lot.)  I just want to say some things here and there and I don’t want to be on twitter and get spoiled on anything I haven’t seen yet.

First, how can Eric be taken off for starvation when he went on EVERY SINGLE REWARD? And why are they all so starving this season? At the auction they got rice and beans that should have been plenty. Did they not fish this season? Yes, I did watch, I just have the memory of an 98 year old. It seems to me they didn’t give them as much food this season. Given that one of the dudes on Survivor France died during filming this year, you would think they would not starve the players out of the game.

I’m a Cochran fan for sure but for some reason I am wondering how I never fell in love with Eddie before. He’s a fireman and kinda hot!  I barely remember him from the season. I think it is editing. I fear Eddie is going home. Everyone wants to drag what’s her name to the end as she is a good goat.  Cochran SHOULD get rid of Dawn. I am starting to think back to the season Colby gave a million dollars to Tina. I now worry that will happen again.

I didn’t eat enough today. The PBR is hitting hard. It has me asking how much pubic hair does Eddie have that we have to blur it above the shorts line? I should not be thinking about Eddie’s pubic area. Apologies. Oh Cochran, you are an IDIOT.

You are starving to death, there is fruit and sausage. What do you grab first? Whatshername (I really can’t remember it…Shirley? Sheryl?) eats a banana. I would shove all the meat down my throat  first and the fruit can wait.

Cochran has written a prize winning paper in Harvard Law School on the Survivor jury system. And he has just giving this game to Dawn. Sigh. Cochran says “Sorry Harvard, you really haven’t taught me how to address this jury.”  He’s losing confidence.

BTW I have not switched to Celeb Apprentice once. This is too compelling. Time for jury pleas.  Dawn says it was so hard for her to lie. She made her one alliance with Cochran. She sort of takes credit for getting Cochran there. Sherri ? Says that surprise, I’m not an idiot, I have a successful business with 75 employees. She is very nervous and breaks down a bit. She says she had to find in routes with everyone and not be considered a threat and she did that. Cochran says he is also very nervous. This is the culmination of 13 years of his passion.  Half of his life. He used to wear a buff every night he watched Survivor, he wrote a paper about it in law school and now he is here. It’s surreal, or and an honor. Somehow he managed to become in the top ten of challenge winners, he is socially awkward (anxiety) yet he has become the therapist to many. He played the best game and he can prove it.

Malcolm. No question for Sherri. Tells Dawn she needs to own her cold-blooded game he will vote for her. He asks Cochran, ” What quality do you have that I lack that allowed you to get to the end?”  Cochran says, “Probably, a heightened level of insecurity.” It was like when you say being a workaholic is your greatest weakness in a job interview.  Vote will go to Dawn.

Eddie: Sherri are you willing to admit you got carried to the final three or do you still think you are here for a strategic reason? Sherri says she does not think she got carried. (They never do.) Jury laughs. “Dawn, what troubles me most about you is that you came out here saying you played this strong game. The only time I ever saw you interacting you were in a state of paranoia and you were having a mental breakdown.”  Dawn says, blah blah. “Cochran how will this effect your life?”  He says it will help his panic attacks. Eddie will vote for Cochran.

Phillip: Phillip says that Sherri is no longer a member of Stealth R Us. Dawn, you are  a whiner and a PITA.  Cochran you played a good game. Class Act. Vote Cochran.

Eric: He is butthurt over Dawn not being there for him. He thought they shared something powerful and she crushed it. He sounds like the puppy dog boyfriend with a broken heart in HS. Then he says to Sherri, “In the same vein of awareness….” EVERYONE is BUTTHURT that Sherri is there and they want to drive home the point that “she doesn’t deserve to be.” Um whatever, she is and you ain’t go get back in your WAAAAAAHHHHHMMMbulance. Eric. OMG Eric who didn’t do jack shit all season himself is telling Sheri she was just a shell on the beach and was brought to jury because no one will vote for her. AT LEAST SHE DIDN’T GET HER ASS MEDAVACED OUT ON DAY 36 YOU PUSSY LITTLE FREAK. SHUT UP. I know she is third, you know she is third, everyone knows she is third so sit your medavaced ass down and stop acting like ANYONE CARES ABOUT YOUR FUCKING OPINION YOU CHILDISH LITTLE FUCKHEAD. I guess he is voting for Cochran? He never talked to him I don’t think.

Michael: Dawn, it seems like you are getting sort of a bad rap while Cochran gets off scot free and you two were allied the whole game. Why do you think that is? (This seems to resonate with some of the other jurors…perhaps changing some minds?) She says she got the blood on her hands. Sometimes Cochran had to show up and ask who to vote for. Cochran says he had to keep her paranoia in check the entire game. He kept her sane enough to finish the game.  Vote Dawn???? who knows.

Reynold: Dawn is a fraud. He gives her a chance to redeem herself. He wants her to own her evil. She sort of did and he will probably vote for her.Vote Dawn.

Andrea:  She’s not bitter, she has no mean words. Cochran kisses Phillips ass with his answer. She compliments Dawn and TOTALLY IGNORES Sherri. This is such poor sportsmanship. Vote? Prolly Cochran.

Brenda: She is pissed that he fucked her over after she gave him the family visit. BUT she is even more pissed at Dawn. She is crying. Talking about how she helped her find her teeth. And Dawn fucked her. She asks Dawn if she would really have given up on the game if she did not have her teeth. HOLY SHIT! BRENDA ASKS HER TO PROVE IT AND TAKE OUT HER TEETH ON NATIONAL TELEVISION! THIS IS THE REUNION MOMENT TO BEAT ALL! IT IS UP THERE WITH THE RAT AND THE SNAKE! WILL SHE? I say no. SHIT! SHE DID. Does that mean Brenda will vote for her? Maybe.

Why do I have only eight  juror recaps? WTF?  It’s going to be a one vote win!  Who am I missing? No one. Why are there only eight jury members? WTF? How am I just noticing this? Will Sherri get to decide?

I’m not telling…