Dear Jean Kasem,
In a ten second sound bite with TMZ today you managed to spill that you “just met with those housewife people, the Bravo people… ” That is unfortunate because you could have gotten a lot of exposure on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills to try and unload that Holmby Hills estate you listed for $42 million last month. Remember that one party you had where you decided to turn the back yard into Sea World replete with A WHALE and some seals and they had to drain the pool to get the whale out afterward? That is exactly what we want from Bravo. You would be PERFECT. But you can’t go running your mouth to TMZ until you get something on paper. I pray that the fact that you are a rich blond who appears to be er…. very “exuberant” at all times… (who are we to speculate, it may just be your personality) may once again save your ass and allow us all to gawk at you very soon.
If so, I have included the RULES for the Fight Club for you to memorize whilst lounging about by your heart-shaped pool.
1st RULE: You do not talk about FIGHT CLUB.
2nd RULE: You DO NOT talk about FIGHT CLUB.
3rd RULE: If someone says “stop” goes limp, or taps out you will be allowed to reapply your makeup.
4th RULE: Only two guys to a fight, but the more housewives the better. Rally your support.
5th RULE: One fight at a time is for pussies. For the most air time attack on multiple fronts.
6th RULE: One shoulder shirts, Red bottomed shoes.
7th RULE: Fights will go on as long as they have to.
8th RULE: If this is your first night at FIGHT CLUB, you HAVE to fight.