We’re back in the OC already. It seems like we were just there! I am noticing Vicki’s face swelling in the previous clips than I did the first time through. Now I see what y’all are talking about. I generally do more typing than looking on this show. Um, scene one and I already have to be mean. I don’t know whose outfit is worse, Vicki’s strapless sundress with white around her midsection, or Alexis’s black coochie cutters. I’m starting to think it is my TV or the way that this is filmed. I did smash some buttons accidentally the other day and my TV may be set wrong. Everyone looks wide as a barn. Crap it is my TV.
Heather has a radio gig. Let’s count the number of times Heather takes a stab at Terry. Heather is pretty good on the radio. Of course she is going to talk about how she is not a bully. I really want Terry to come in on the break and give her a shot of botox above her left eye. Her right eye is jacked up a full half-inch higher than the left and it bugs me.
Alexis goes by Lydia’s house and the very first thing she says to Alexis is that Heather said she has a fake diamond. Rather than Alexis saying, “”yeah, I do, and I keep the real when in the bank” she acts like she is being bullied. Alexis, this is something you told everyone on national television, why do you suddenly care now? Answer: She doesn’t Lydia has been cast as the carrier pigeon for this franchise. When they want you on the show but don’t have a strong storyline for you, you get to be the little birdie who carries the gossip between the warring factions.
Heather and Terry join Lydia and Whatshisname for dinner. When Whatshisname tells them that they can’t have the cover because they are not a household name, Heather says something to the effect that it is so kind of you to offer but I think we are just going to stick a pin in that for now. HOWEVER. It was an extended frankenbite, which is to say that her entire response was dubbed back on top of the scene during editing and based on the look on Lydia’s face it wasn’t nearly as polite. Heather is being a complete bitch now. She tells Lydia that she will be known by the company she keeps so if she wants to be friends with Alexis, then …(insert condescending look here.)
How does Gretchen draw so many people into her life with serious illness? Slade has to go off to be with his son who needs a very serious surgery. She of course has to stay and film. She is going to be ever so lonely with him there to take care of her. Raise your hand if you would stay home while your significant other flies off to be there for a sick child’s surgery. [JudgeStevens] I see no hands. [/JudgeStevens]
Tamra is cranky and Eddie is one of those guys that gets in the way when you are trying to get ready. Alexis has an assistant. Apparently, that is what we call the baby sitter theses days. The assistant was just sort of watching as one of the girls ate a hose from the dishwasher, or somewhere. I guess they will notice once the hoseless appliance does not work. Heather and Gretchen have some champagne and a cup of gossip before getting in their limo. Who has brought back the British term “champs” for champagne to these women? It just sounds dumb when they say it. I think Heather is going to regret being team Gretchen before this season is over.
Alexis comes in with a gift for Tamra and a semi-apology she wishes Tamra well on her business endeavor. Tamra gives a little tour to Alexis and Lydia. Alexis says it is impressive. It’s awkward. Lydia apologies for Tamra not knowing she was coming. Gretchen comments on everything Vicki says. Essentially, Lydia, Alexis and Vicki are getting the ice queen treatment from the other girls. When Vicki is asked about Troy she says yes, she has a baby now! And Gretchen asks if Vicki had the baby. Because Gretchen is an idiot. This leads Vicki to say, “She’s a stupid person.” Tamra sticks up for the stupid person.
Dinner time! Hey Bravo, you need to invest in some place settings that are just as nice as the place settings you rent. Those little slips of computer paper with the names typed on them stuck to a place card look tacky. Vicki tries her best to give a toast to a clean slate. It was sort of Vickish. Tamra says, “Well as long as we are being honest, I am curious as to why Alexis even wanted to come here. ” And….cue the harpies to back up Tamra…altogether they say “we’re not ganging up on you!” in perfect harmony. Careful there girls, it seems Tamra is going to leave the little gang of mean girls and join the other side this season. I would not be so quick to jump into the fray unnecessarily here. Have you tried the entrée? I’d take a big bite and keep on chewing until things start being thrown, then if you wine glass is in a neutral zone, rescue it and retreat. Hear me now and believe me later bitches…
Oooops too late. To be continued …
P.S. And fuck the entire cast this week for making me on Jesus Jugs side. I also didn’t find any new excuses to hate Lydia. So, like ….epic fail?