It is the finale of the Real Housewives of Atlanta and that means there is only a month left before the season ends! We begin with Kenya planning her “gala” aka costume party that will serve as the final bash of the season. Kenya wants to have some scenes from classic movies with famous black actresses acted out at the party. So she thinks really hard about appropriate suggestions. Should she go with Dorothy Dandridge and Pearl Bailey in Carmen Jones? How about Butterfly McQueen as Prissy in her favorite movie of all time, Gone With the Wind? Nope, that is not what Kenya’s brain comes up with. She wants Eddie Murphy in Coming to America. Specifically the royal wedding scene “with all of the dancers with the feathers on their heads.” I am not kidding. She also calls it her “coming out party.” If she does indeed decide to come out, that might explain lots of things. You know, sometimes people accuse others of things they themselves are guilty of.
Meanwhile Phaedra is putting her donkey booty video behind her, (her bad pun, not mine) and moving on to the production of her new pink stun gun she calls, “Phaedra Sparks.” Again. Not kidding. Kandi zaps the stun gun on one of the self-defense guys accidentally. Sort of. Phaedra wants to try hers out on Kenya. Good plan, Phaedra, good plan. I did not recap the mandatory sex talk for Phaedra and Kandi scenes.
Therapy with Kordell and Porsha is pretty sad considering that a few short months later Kordell goes to the courthouse to file divorce papers. In therapy, he promises the therapist that their arguments don’t last for more than five or ten seconds. This is typical if the guy bolts for the door and refuses to engage in difficult conversations. The therapist asks Porsha if that is true for her as well. Porsha says, she lets things go because she knows she isn’t going to win the argument. Kordell tells her that if she is trying to win she is going to lose every time. Porsha’s body language is leaning away from Kordell. Kordell explains that he wants a stay at home wife for his children.
I really don’t get the problem. Kordell LOVES being on TV. What other “career” does Porsha have? How often does she go to feed the hungry? Why couldn’t she take the kid to the homeless charity stuff? It’s not like she wants to start a line of sex toys or be a pole dancer, Kordell. And really, unless you are the one coming out at Kenya’s coming out party, you really need a beard. I think you are making a mistake here, Kordell. Where else will you find someone who can tell you are a volunteer park ranger who will believe it?
Before Kenya’s big party we see Porsha trying on a variety of BAPS costumes. She looked cute in all of them! Cynthia models a few choices for her Bailey Boys, and then it is time to get to the party! Kandi arrives as Tina Turner from What’s Love Got to do With It? But she’s not thrilled with her costume. Todd smartly refused to wear a costume. Kenya has a big formal intro before coming out as Pam Grier from Foxy Brown. Porsha arrives as Dorothy Dandridge looking great! Kordell shows up in a suit. Kenya is hot about Porsha’s disobedience. This causes Kenya to cancel some sort of BAPS program she had planned. Probably some plan to disrespect Porsha. Too bad, Kenya. Kenya decides to throw out Porsha and Kordell. Peter decides to stage a walkout so everyone leaves. Looks like Peter still had his crush on Kordell at this point. What the heck happened to their bromance? Still no sign of Phaedra or Nene.
Porsha is tickled pink that every one leaves with her. And we get our first Porshaism of the show. Porsha says that everyone can see that Kenya is the one with the “malice content.” How can y’all not want that girl to come back next season. I mean, come on. Who else is gonna give us malapropisms like that? Kordell is arguing with a man who has a stuffed animal sewn to his chest. I am not really sure what is happening anymore. Everyone is still in the parking lot. Nene has arrived as Grace Jones. Phaedra straggles in as Eartha Kitt as Cat Woman. Kandi has her stun gun in her bag. She promises to protect Porsha and give Kenya a bit of sorely needed electroshock therapy if it comes to that.
Nene tells the party planner to bring her Kenya so she can give her a little lesson in hostess etiquette. Kenya goes running to her immediately to suck up to her and tell her how great she looks. Nene goes in on Kenya. Nene talks about how she flew in and canceled things just for this party. Nene is screaming about not burning bridges. Nene sends Kenya out to apologize. Porsha accepts the apology.
Kordell filed for divorce from Porsha.
Phaedra is expecting boy #2 (this time she knows the due date.)
A Pregnancy workout video is in the works…no competition is expected.
Kandi’s sextoy empire keeps buzzing louder. Kandi and Todd are officially engaged. Mamma Joyce isn’t moving in…yet.
Cynthia The Miss Renaissance Pageant 2013 is already accepting applications. Having had two weddings, Cynthia is helping NeNe plan her re-nuptials.
Nene continues to live bi-coastally and is awaiting her next big role. Gregg gave Nene a 15 carat engagement ring. And Tamaratattles is the Queen of England.
Kenya is currently dating and African Oil Tycoon. (Is that what they call hookers in Dubai now?) She maintains that her workout DVD is outselling Phaedra’s.