I tried to get a quick and dirty recap of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills up and once again WordPress ate the first two or three paragraphs. We began with Marissa wondering like the rest of us what the hell is so empowering about women sliding up and down the pole. Basically everyone took a turn on the pole and that was that. No more mention of this “seminar” Brandi is running or how it went or when it is… perhaps it is the next day and that is why later in the show everyone bails on Yolanda’s private plane except Jenn and Lisa. Meanwhile, the best paragraph of my recap of RHOBH got eaten by WordPress. Apparently. Adrienne has a new line of handbags to go with her fat little shoes. Despite the fat that the Maloof Hoof is constantly on clearance, Adrienne thinks she can expand to handbags. They better be some low-end handbags because a handful of designers have cornered the market on stupid people with money. They now actually pay five figures for a purse. A fool and her money are soon parted… I just can’t believe women are this stupid. Adrienne made a couple of jabs in her talking head about everyone being in Vegas besides her because her business is shoes and handbags and Brandi’s is the pole. Um, your business used to be a serious empire of many things. The fact you have now stooped to being one of those housewives who sell handbags and wines of the month speaks volumes about your business.
When Kim calls to say she is going to get a nose job THAT DAY. You have to wonder if Kyle even knows when Kim films. Also, did y’all catch Jenn the Celeb Rehab Chick shake her head no when Brandi asked if Kim could have pain meds after a nose job? Kyle just brushed it off like of course, who cares. But the answer is no Kim should not have any narcotic pain meds after a surgery, nor should she be getting an elective surgery this quickly after rehab. I imagine the reason we have this new doctor doing her nose is because she is not telling him she is an addict. There is more than one way to get some pills in Beverly Hills. I predict Kim will say, he didn’t ask and she didn’t know she wasn’t supposed to take them.
Edited to add: The rerun is playing in the background and I realize the phone call went like this. Kim: “I am thinking about getting my nose done.” Kyle: “When?” So scripted. If your 40 something sister calls and says she is thinking about getting her nose job, you don’t say, “When?” you say, “What brought this on?”.
Adrienne is painting her nails on Paul’s office desk and completely disregarding his paperwork. Adrienne takes Paul for laser hair removal. I hope they do have an open marriage otherwise this is pointless because we all know Adrienne isn’t interested in ….Paul. Adrienne mocks him for not looking like Maurico and Paul asks if he ever negatively compares her to other women. Adrienne says he does. I doubt that. Adrienne is trying to get the nurse to crank the laser up so that it hurts more and laughing at him. Wait, isn’t she supposed to be afraid of mean, violent Paul?
Meanwhile Kim is high as a kite and clearly feeling no pain. The doctor came in to ask about pain and she says it hurts. He says he will give her pain meds to take home.
Time for another dinner party from hell. Yolanda is drinking straight tequila. YOLANDA. Wow. I am shocked. Lots of cross talk and it’s hard for me to pick up on what everyone is saying. Brandi wants to either make a sex tape or a porn or something. I think she should. Marissa spilled red wine on her fancy white dress. She wants to use white wine to take it off because Barbara Streisand does it that way. Actually, I have heard of this but I think I would go with club soda first. Who am I kidding. I’d just drink and let the dry cleaner deal with it later.
First dinner topic is brought up by Brandi. She’s like wow, so crazy that Kim is getting a nose job today and you didn’t know. Then immediately Jenn tags in with aren’t you worried about the pain medication? Everyone is concerned about Kim having a relapse and her reasons for the surgery, except Kyle. In her talking head, Kyle says she does have concerns but she just didn’t want everyone talking about it. Yolanda asks Camille to deliver her line which apparently was, “I miss Adrienne.” Dear Lord. Brandi tries to explain that she likes ( I think she meant liked) Adrienne but that the second she did not agree with her on something, I am getting sued. Kyle lamely tries to defend Adrienne and Brandi says the minute she didn’t take here side (when Adrienne tried to rally everyone against Lisa for the reunion) that is when the animosity started. Yolanda says Adrienne chose not to be her.
Side Tea: When the girls go to Paris Yolanda and Brandi get much closer.
Lisa says it’s not what you have to say it’s what you have to hide. Kyle says what do you mean? Lisa tells Brandi to say what she told her. Brandi says I don’t want to say it because I don’t want to get sued. Jenn said that Adrienne was on speakerphone in the car when she called Brandi to try to get her to gang up on Lisa. Camille was also in agreement. Adrienne wanted to have a meeting at the Polo Lounge to go over tactics. Brandi was not okay with that. Camille tries to deny she knew there was a conspiracy to go after Lisa. Camille is getting angry because she feels Brandi is trying to throw her under the bus. Camille tosses her napkin and gets up to leave. She delivers her line, “I can handle it, but I will not stand for it” twice before making her grand exit. Kyle goes running after her and drags her back in because she has not finished her scene yet. She still has to do the SUR line. Camille brings up that Adrienne was mad because Pandora didn’t use The Palms for her bachelorette party. Brandi mentions the fact that Adrienne only has 2% of The Palms. Kyle says that is mean of Brandi to say. Really? Why?
Kyle randomly throws out that Brandi is lying about not having her nose done. Brandi says she hasn’t. I can’t imagine why Brandi would about it or care if people knew. Way to try to get things off of Adrienne there Kyle.
Then we get to Camille dropping her “You don’t own SUR” line. Lisa says, I own 51% of it, and WHAT? lol. End of discussion. Lisa shuts her down. Yolanda keeps trying to shut Kyle up. Camille starts screaming at Yolanda. Yolanda as a private plane coming to get her. She is too important for this nonsense. I bunch of people decide to jump on the plane with Yolanda. Not sure how why some flew home commercial.
Kyle goes to visit Kim. Kim has a new Pit Bull. Kyle is trying to be supportive of the nose job despite al the bandages and gear. Kim says she hasn’t even needed any pain pills. MmmmHmmm. While Kyle is telling Kim about the dinner, Lisa is telling Ken. Ken seems to think Brandi should not have mentioned Adrienne only owns 2% of SUR. Why the hell is that a problem? If someone is going around Beverly Hills saying they own The Palms when they don’t, it’s mean for people to point that out? What a joke?
Next week Adrienne denies not only that she is suing Brandi but that her lawyer even sent a letter. That should be good. Wait, did we see Taylor tonight? What is up with that? Two weeks in a row? She’s never missed jumping in front of the camera in her life. Thirty day rehab?