GG and Omid go out for drinks. It’s a date. GG seems happy and laughing around Omid. Ooops. Omid just said that he was at the party last night with all of GG’s friends and she is now in bitch mode. Omid is filling GG in on the details (for the camera, this is probably the third take). GG actually looks great. And cut!
Reza is out with his mother. His mother hates the mustache. I think he would look better without it. His mom is trying to tell Reza he needs to be more mature now that he is turning 40 (he says 39). Reza’s mother says she likes MJ and Reza explains that he is pissed at MJ because she did not abandon her friendship with GG when he and GG were fighting. Well he makes it seem like GG just attacked him and he was the innocent victim in whatever went on between them. Somehow I doubt that. Reza’s mother says that Reza expects too much from his friends and that he needs to make up with MJ. Reza should listen to his mother.
At MJ’s house, she is planning her own birthday party. She’s asking everyone to bring a single guy instead of a present. This is a fabulous idea! I may do this for my next birthday! Okay, probably not, I am over the whole party vibe. Perhaps I’ll just buy myself a stripper.
Reza and Mike are doing headshots for their bromance/partnership. I assume that this will be for their business cards. During the photoshoot, they conveniently open the birthday E-vite. Reza asks if he should just roll in there like nothing happened. Um, dude, MJ tried that at Tehran’s party and you had a gay hissyfit about it and blew her up in front of everyone.
GG is home drinking alone upset that her “friends” are talking about her behind her back. She says it’s so juvenile. Yes, GG you are all juvenile. All of you. MJ calls GG and they talk about what happened at the party. GG asks about Lilly and MJ says that. “in about five minutes Lilly is going to be shipped back to the welfare line that she was standing in before she decided to invade my life.” MJ says she called to tell her that she is having a birthday party but she is not inviting GG because of her propensity for violent outbursts in party situations. GG freaks out because Asa is invited and she is not. MJ is trying to show Reza and Asa that she supports them in the GG war. GG flies into a drunken rage and hangs up several times.
Eww. It’s Lilly. Time for a bathroom break.
At MJ’s house, she’s sadly made yet another poor choice in dresses. I am going to have to get my girl a stylist. Sammy shows up at MJ’s with no man for MJ. Tehran shows up with two, so it’s all good. Apparently everyone is gathering at MJ’s to catch the birthday mobile. Asa arrives with no mangift either. Come on Asa, you know you could bring someone! Asa says she wants to start fresh with MJ. Mike shows up WITH a mangift. This really is an awesome idea. Omid arrives. No mangift. GG is going to go NUCLEAR when she finds out he went and she did not. Do you think production told MJ not to invite GG? Here comes Reza who hugs Sammy like a long lost lover despite the fact that those two don’t really care for each other much. Reza, brings no mangift. I’d like to point out that the people without mangifts are not carrying presents either. What happened to the “Persian” rule of never showing up empty-handed? Reza says he is going to try to be polite. I say he does some jackhole thing before they even get to the party bus.
Tehran is playing Dating Game host with the three mangifts. One is definitely winning! MJ walks in and they sing an Iranian birthday song. Then off they go on the party bus! Mike promises to get MJ laid. MJ is nervous. She’s also wearing nude shoes. God I hate nude shoes. MJ starts to get drunk loosen up on the bus and dances with some of the guys. Reza is being nice and doing a complete 180 in his talking heads. Mike plays his therapist role. Which seems to make things worse. Reza goes into his I love you always but sometimes I don’t like you routine and MJ teaches us a new Iranian word. “Chert’ means bullshit. I can now cuss in I think 11 languages and order beer in 7. Go me! MJ says to take that chert to his fake Chanel bag contessa. MJ is drunk and mood swingy. The conversation ends on the upswing. Mike talks about going to Mexico with the gang, which I of course exclusively revealed here in August. And another Lilly scene. Fast forwarding. Editing sucks on this show. They play music over conversations. I can’t understand what anyone is saying when they do that. For real. I have a hard time separating sounds. This is why I don’t like to talk in bars with music. I can’t understand what anyone is saying. /end personal disclosure.
At MJ’s party, the men are forcing MJ and one of the bachelors off to take a walk at the beach. Dude is cute, 6’3″ and also suffers from wardrobe problems. I don’t dislike the red pants, they were sort of on trend at the time of filming but the leather vest over a t-shirt is a no, and the fact that the red jeans are spandexy and he has been wearing them awhile before washing them makes them saggy in the ass. I bet he looks great nekkid though, so…/shrugs.
Back at the party, Sammy tries to stay relevent by dragging Asa and Reza over to Omid to try and get a cease fire on the GG war. Omid says GG is a good girl who cares about them. Asa in her talking head wonders why Omid is bringing GG up because no one is think about her. Reza tells Omid that their has to be repercussions for her behavior. I think we all agree with that. Asa says that it’s been four weeks and she hasn’t heard a word from GG. Wait four weeks of filming has gone by in two episodes? Either we are about to get some super shady editing or they filmed a lot of evergreens during that time.
MJ and red pants are on a lifeguard stand overlooking the ocean. He is laying it on thick. MJ is fucking everything up because of her anxiety with men. The guy seems cool but MJ is afraid. He’s cute and romantic and Persian! Come on MJ.
Back at the party, when MJ returns Reza and Asa carry out the cake singing the Persian version of happy birthday. Mubarak something or another. For not being Arabs they sure do have a similar language. Birthday Mubarak, MJ Joon!
The next day MJ and Reza get together to talk. Reza starts with “My problem with you is that…” sigh. It’s all about GG sending out a mean mass email calling Reza all sorts of bad things that I won’t recount here. THIS IS MJ’s fault, why? I’ve said it before. If you have a circle of friends and two are going after each other, the smart thing to do is not to take a side. Remain friends with both and stay out of it. That’s exactly what MJ did. Reza is already cozying up to GG again for whatever reason but he is still mean tweeting things about MJ. That’s jackholish behavior Reza. MJ did not trash you, she even excluded GG from her party to please you. You are wrong and she is right. By the way, in Reza’s talking heads, he has Andy Cohen wonky eye. What’s up with that? MJ is apologizing profusely. They cry and hug. Reza swears that nothing will come between their bond. OH MY GOD. In Reza’s talking head he says, “Someone might ask me why I still love MJ…” REALLY? Are you serious Reza? This someone wonders why MJ still loves you. I saw no apology for YOUR behavior at Tehran’s party. Reza is talking about the storyboard of his life and how magnanimous he is for making up with her. BLECK.
Next week they gang goes to the Mexican Riviera. Lilly is a party pooper. Asa goes in on MJ. Looks like a fun time.
Thanks to whoever said Reza sounds like snagglepus here last week, we kept saying “even” and “exit stage right” after most of reza’s lines.
Lily freaks me out. Like I tweeted, her eyelash extensions looked like spiders trying to devour her eyeballs, and her dental work looks like a Toddler in Tiaras flipper. Child will not age well.
I think the decision not to invite gg stunk. MJ seems to keep doing things to appease others and its not clear what she actually wants to do. And she keeps getting shit on and apologizing for having been positioned under the shitee’s asshole. She might be one of those people who thrives on being abused.
I’m convinced that mike is mildly retarded. His look for his headshot was scary and threatening. Not what you want in your realtor. And the dropping his pants and showing the guests his pimply ass, while sticking his head out the window was just precious.
So who brought Persian Drake as a gift?
I think Mike brought him. I liked him. I would have done him right there on the life guard stand were he my birthday mangift. I really need to get out there and coach MJ.
The cousin, Tehran I think his name is, brought him.
Can we start a petition to get rid of Lily? She’s God awful! Her voice is irritating and her presence is completely irrelevant. MJ needs to grow a pair she let’s everyone “chert” all over her.
I sat and wondered how long it too her to spackle all that make-up on her face!
Without all that hair, she probably wouldn’t weigh more than 50 pounds.
Take off the hair and the eyelashes, and she’d be down to 40 pounds.
And I think 20 of those pounds are her breast implants.
I would totally sign. She drives me crazy, she really thinks she’s a Kardashian with the make up, insane extensions and the God-awful baby voice.
Oops this should be under the petition for no more Lily comment.
Oh, that voice!!! I’m surprised that humans can even hear it.
K I have no idea what this show is (im uncool and live in the boonies w no tv reception) but I enjoyed your retelling of it very much. Thanks for a great read!
MJ dresses like she has a body like Lilly. Instead she comes off lookin like a giant sausage stuffed into a giant sparkly casing. The nude shoes have her walking as if she has been hobbled. Reza as a true friend would: 1. tell her the truth about her clothes and 2. get her a good stylist that specializes in overweight women for her birthday gift. and 3. get her a Spanx body suit and some shoes she can walk in. Now that’s being a true friend.
Reza needs to get HIMSELF a good stylist that specializes in overweight women.
LOL!
Ha!!!
Six inch heels are difficult for anyone to walk in. I thought she looked pretty darn good in the red dress, but thought the lavender sparkly number just looked….off. She does need a good stylist, as just because something comes in your size, doesn’t mean you should wear it.
Those dresses were not her size. Those dresses should not come in her size.
All of the “real housewives” wear those platform shoes, and they all “hobble” along. Brandi broke her ankle when she “fell off” hers. I don’t know how anyone can walk in those things.
I’m so glad somebody FINALLY told Reza how retarded he looks with that mustache.
I’m warming up to Omid although he gets the side-eye for going without GG
I like MJ and hope she at least gets laid before her craziness chases Drake off
Mike’s ass was spectacular
Lilly is gross
Asa…hmph
Can’t we trade Lilly for cousin Tehran, please?
Thank you for the tea. Happy New Year and keep up the great job you are doing!
I agree with that. Tehran is cool.
I co-sign that about Tehran….but I’m sure the producers find him way too normal, thoughtful and well-adjusted for this show.
Tamara, Thank you sooo much for all of the sweet tea you have given us this year!!! I can hardly wait for 2013. I hope that you have a prosperous,safe,healthy and Blessed New Year 🙂
I think Lilly could become friends with Kim z. They seem like they would get along.
That party blew. No straight guys want to go to a party like that unless it is in a sports bar with strippers. Those two Altman brothers from the Bravo LA real estate show couldn’t get out of there fast enough after they got some camera time.
One of the girls on Sex and the City had this type of party on one episode, but the invitation was for each female to bring a man that they weren’t interested in, romantically.
But MJ was too selfish, wanting to be the only single female at the party. And she probably doesn’t have any female friends. I guess that is obvious.
And Tamara, I would have done the Drake guy, too. As long as he wasn’t talking too much..
Lily is soooo annoying. I’m just about done with this show…
Ugh! I couldnt agree with you more about MJ’s outfit! She really needs to learn how to buy her own size. It makes her look like a cheap slob. I think i would look at her very differently if she would stop wearing clothes that make her look like that. Maybe i would even think she could be pretty. Anyway, I cant help but wonder if that guy would have shown even the least bit of interest in her if he didnt stand a chance of being on a hot, new tv show? I cant help but think those things while she looks like a 200 lb pig in a 100 lb pig dress. As shallowI as itI is, if she looked hot, maybe i wouldnt be so skeptical, but… poor MJ. I wonder if those bikini pictures will teach her a thing or two about dressing appropriately for her body type? I hope so, for her. And Reza needs a reality check. I look forward to the day when hes the one being “mean-girled”.
Do you or does anyone know the designer of MJ’s pink sequin b’day party dress?!