These houses on Real Housewives of Miami are just stunning. I think I want to move in with Alexia. I know I don’t want to hear a rehash of the Botox for Brains Brawl. Sadly I am hearing two versions at once. I predict I will hear at least three more versions before the episode ends.
I love Mama Elsa but why is she driving with the handicapped decal flapping in the breeze? Why didn’t Marysol drive? Mama Elsa is driving with no hands on the wheel!
Lea’s dog is very ill and she is hysterical but all I can pay attention to is Lea’s jewelry. Is that a citrine necklace? It’s huge and fabulous and she is wearing it with a white long sleeve tee and jeans. There was a short little man with some empty bowls that made eerie sounds but all I was focused on was that necklace. I need like an extreme close-up. Oh. There it is. I can’t quite fathom what this is? Is it white gold and diamonds and citrine? Or is it silver and citrine and rhinestones? I must know.
We are up to rehash number four on Botox for Brains Brawl. The vapid Joanna looks stunning. She’s very pretty on the outside. Time for the gala. Lea’s necklace for the gala looks like pavé diamonds and maybe some channel set diamonds. I’m sure it’s a billion times more expensive than the citrine number she wore early in the day, but I’d rather have the citrine necklace. The diamond necklace is the same one she wears in her Bravo headshots. To me this means this is the most expensive one she owns.
Ana and Marysol have drinks by the pool in a serene environment while everyone else is at the Black’s Gala. I want to have drinks by the pool with these two.
Meanwhile back at the gala, Adriana arrives with her best accessory, Frederic. All anyone wants to talk about is Botox for Brains Brawl 2012. They try to auction a ticket to the Playboy Mansion Halloween Party where you can bring your infant in a bucket and just leave her laying around. It goes for 14K ! Meanwhile the pretty on the outside Joanna cries because Joe Francis is being a dick and Adrianna is joining in. I almost feel a little bad for Joanna until I remember she is a vapid twat. Joanna leaves.
Lea raises about a million dollars and they all live happily ever after. Or something. Now Imma need everyone to tweet Lea Black and convince her to send me that necklace. I will wear it while sitting on my couch and hiding from the world. And I’ll look fabulous.