Real Housewives of New York Reunion Now with Anal Sex!

WordPress seems to have eaten my first paragraph. I’m sure it wasn’t important. Let’s just dive in. Luann and Jacques watched the pirate episode together! I’d love to have been a fly on that wall. But before we can get the dirt on that off camera event, Andy wants to stir the pot. So he reminds Ramona that she made a lot of comments about Luann being a girl who likes to party. Ramona says something that seemed innocent enough,”Luann loves her men and she can’t keep her hands off them. And you can take that however you want. That’s all I’ll say.”  But this doesn’t sit well with the Countess (silent o). Luann sort of loses her cool and wants to know what Ramona is insinuating. Luann begins to strongly imply that she has all kinds of dirt on what Ramonja got up to on their nights out in St. Barths and that Ramona doesn’t want to go there. Luann tells Ramona, “You’re no goodie two shoes!” Ramona makes some out of the blue remark about never having been in an open relationship like Luann (And Carole, but she doesn’t mention Carole..yet). Luann is hurt by the comment and wants to know why Ramona is out for blood. Luann made a mistake and it was hard for her and Jacques to get past. I’m bored with this topic.  Luann polished the pirate’s peg leg. Jacques still in the picture according to Luann. Andy invited Jacques to the reunion and he declined. That seems odd for someone who likes the camera as much as Jacques Move along, Andy.

While this insanity continues, can we pause a moment to ask ourselves, WHAT THE HOLY HELL IS WRONG WITH CAROLE’S LIPS?

Did Andy just ask Sonja if Tomas “played in the back yard?” Yes, yes he most certainly did. Another viewer question, “Sonja, do you like it in the booty all the time or just when pirates are involved?” Ramona says, “NEXT QUESTION!” Sonja denies that anything happened with any of the help. Sonja and Ramona deny they swim in the lady pond together. Andy doesn’t believe them. Neither do I Andy.

I have to fast forward through the George package. I just can’t. Sonja says she was not offended that Aviva set her up with George. You should be, Sonja. You should be. I’m offended we are talking about George’s sex life this long. Either Aviva or I pronounce vehemently wrong. She went to a better college. I’ll assume it’s me. Still. It sounded wrong. Aviva explained that when she was on good terms with Ramonja she found them less annoying. I completely get that. It’s like boyfriends. The things you think are cute quirks in the honeymoon phase are the exact same things that make you want to kill them when the new wears off.

On to Toaster Oven Gate 2012. Sonja has brought graphic aids to the reunion. Correct me if I am wrong, but I think this is a first. Apparently, a fan made her some “better” branding items with the sexy ‘j’ that Sonja wanted. If anyone uses the word creative as a noun in this segment, I will lose my mind. I am warning everyone now. Heather is irritated to say the least. Heather says that Sonja would not know hard work if it bit her in the ass. Um, Heather, Sonja was a hostess at an upscale Longhorn’s Steakhouse once. And she did many years of hard time with a husband who is Hugh Hefner’s age. That had to be hard work. Sonja mentions that her toaster oven will not fit in the box. It’s an imaginary toaster oven, Sonja. It could fit in a match box.

Luann out of nowhere starts laughing and making a runaway bride joke. Aviva looks ready to implode. Hang in there Aviva. Andy tries to brush the joke aside and then goes to something more uplifting. Like Sonja’s dead dog. Sonja apparently called the time of death. When Aviva is quiet, Sonja and Ramona begin to subtly fight for the crazy crown. Sonja is currently winning. On the last question she talks about how fine and happy she is. Moments later she is in full breakdown over the dead dog. Kudos Sonja.

Oh no, more Aviva time. Breathe Aviva. I’m hoping she popped an extra Xanax in the break. Oh, Aviva don’t ask for backup about your father. Just no. For the record, I agree with you. But enough. Aviva is backing off the Ramona needs rehab comment. She explains that her mother passed away from alcoholism. Aviva says that she overreacted because of that. Aviva apologized.

Andy wants to know if Carol and Heather think Ramona needs rehab. He mentions this was a topic on last season’s reunion as well. Ramona goes after Andy asking him why she keeps doing this to her? Ramona says she drinks no more than the other ladies. She wants Andy to find another reason to pick on her. The new girls say no, we don’t think she needs rehab. Another RHONY Reunion intervention with Ramona segment failure.

OMG Andy. Why are you bringing up the runaway bride story now? If I heard it, you must have too. It was on the show! Ramona says she heard it was because he asked her to sign a prenup. Aviva says Ramona needs to get her facts straight. Ramona randomly gets up to leave. It seems like every reunion Ramona has a moment where she thinks she is off camera. Andy has to tell her to sit her ass back down.

That was some really bad editing. Things seemed to just be all over the place. Perhaps I just didn’t drink enough wine tonight.  And so it goes, another season over. Who will we lose next season?

On a personal note, I’ve been asked to be a call in guest on AfterBuzzTV tomorrow night at 11 p.m. to discuss the RHONY Reunion. I’ll give y’all more info tomorrow if I don’t chicken out or they come to their senses.