I feel in love with reality TV when I watched the very first episode of The Real World on MTV. I was young, and I’d like to believe that at least that one season had more reality than produced scenes. I have always been a people watcher. The idea of taking a peek into the everyday lives of seven people was intriguing. I’ve seen almost every episode of every season since.
When did the Bravo train take the fork in the tracks that led us to this disaster that we continue to watch? I don’t remember when I first started to watch the shows on Bravo. Was there something before RHONY? Around the time that Kelly Bensimon went to her personal Scary Island and Teresa Guidice started flipping tables, I started to realize, I was no longer watching for any positive reason. I was watching bullying and immaturity with very little,if any, redeeming quality. But I was watching.
And then Bravo upped the budget and naturally the ante and began exporting the housewives. I am not talking about the franchises of the show they sold to other countries. I am talking about filming the crazy in foreign countries. I was looking forward to the Morocco shows. I had been to Morocco as a child and was looking wanted to revisit through the magic of television. I was mortified at the behavior I saw. Then there was the RHONJ trip to Italy which I seem to have blacked out and the Dominican Republic trip which was full of screaming and brawling (on and off camera).And on each trip complete disrespect for the country, its culture, its people. Instead we watched people seeking out the local Chanel store or literally mocking the desert for being full of sand.
Just when you thought the housewives could not degrade themselves any further, Bravo began eliminating the “boring” people who did not escalate drama and brought in people with mental issues like alcohol dependency, depression, and a variety of personality disorders. And it just plummeted to the lowest circle of hell. And we are still watching.
Bravo no longer bothers to attempt to cover up the manipulation of the show. There are clearly scenes shot specifically for editing purposes to tie things together, There are scenes shot to completely alter the meaning of the original scenes, But the RHOBH has gone beyond the realm of good taste into the land of Where the Hell is Their Legal Liability in this Tragedy?

And then there is Kim. Kim sniffs like a basset hound during all the ugly gold shirt talking heads, slurs her words in every scene, constants proclaims she is not drinking, and spends the majority of the time in the bathroom at every social event. Anyone with eyes can see that Kim is strung out in every single shoot over the course of months. And yet they still roll film. I don’t think either woman’s contract where they sign away their life and dignity could possibly be valid. These women are not of sound mind to be signing anything!
I am appalled at the people who stand outside the bathroom doors of drug addicts holding the camera. I am appalled at the production crew who decides to set a woman up at two consecutive parties for public humiliation and ridicule. But mostly, I am incredulous that we keep watching.
Men are not a significant portion of the viewing audience for this sort of trainwreck TV. Where is our dignity? Why are we watching show after show of women who are placed on TV simply for the purpose of public ridicule? Why do so many take such glee in harassing and judging Taylor and Kim? Why do the housewives with the worst behavior have so many fans, most of whom are young women? Why do we tune in to see two black women defiling displays in a black history museum, or brawling at baptismals? Why are we watching this garbage?
Some of us have dealt with these issues in real life. Domestic violence, mental illness, drug addicts and drunks in our families and friends. In real life it is hard to get perspective and it is overwhelming and makes us unhappy. To see that we are not the only ones who have to face these issues makes us feel less alone. We could be skinnier, wealthier and better dressed and still be unhappy with things in our lives. A small thread and connection to another person that suffers with us. I would recommend ALANON over RHO-anywhere, but if it makes us feel something other than overwhelmed and alone then we watch.
The points made are spot on. Who stands by an watches , even encourages the deeply disturbed to act out for the world to see? It's like watching traffic accidents for fun, distraction and profit. Venal profiteers with bloody hands, that's who.To quote the rogue General (Marlin Brando character) in "Apocolypse Now"….."the horror, the horror" pretty much says it all.The RHW franchise has devolved dramatically into exploitation. Shame on Bravo…I'll never watch another show on that channel.
Tamera I have been asking myself that question all night. I think this RHOBH train wreck was one of the worst and not in the context of a single event but in a pattern of continually escalating events. Many shows, Real World, The Challenge, etc. give these people way too much booze and then film the results for "entertainment". Sick as it is, people keep signing up to do it for money or fame or whatever demon drives them and we watch. I watch the drivel for what I call my mindless entertainment. Knowing how much is orchestrated, rather than getting caught up in the drama of the cast, I focus on the relief that it is not my life. That works for me and puts issues that I deal with on a daily basis in proper context so the shows act as some sort of relief valve for me. Tonight though it was really hard for me to disconnect.Even with your post about not torturing HW with @ messages. Someone tweeted one tonight to Taylor about Dr. Sophy coming to the party. Taylor responded that Bravo wanted it filmed that way.I can see that she is sick and should not be filming this show and when Bravo has a hand at filming her downward spiral and adding what they feel is editing by forcing a therapeutic session on TV is nuts. I can only guess that all the wives had to be in on the scam or else the danger to Taylor could have been a lot worse if the ladies had not been supportive. Further it is said that this particular party was filmed in mid September, a month after Russells death. So it becomes so hard to believe anything about what any of them have to say.Sorry for the babbling, it reflects my frustration with the whole topic and your question of why!
Oh for the love of God, Eliza. ALL of us have been touched by those issues in one way or another. There is nothing about watching someone elses like unravel up to and including the suicide of a spouse for our entertainment. I do not suggest anyone who has major issues with any of those things to watch RHOBH for "perspective". I can't imagine this show making anyone feel better about the issue in their lives. If anything it propels the misery loves company groupthink.
I think I ended that incorrectly. I meant I was frustrated by what is going on in the manipulation of the show for entertainment and the lives of real people who have real issues. And frustrated in that I too don't have answers to your question of why. Thanks for your insightful post to force us to ask that question of ourselves and to look for answers.
I had to unfollow Taylor today because she retweeted several pages of fanmail to my already clogged TL. I just went to add her back and in that time her followers have fallen by tens of thousands. Perhaps for the same reason I unfollowed. I saw where she said that is how the show wanted it. I also saw Andy mocking the whole "therapy at a party" scene as if he had nothing to do with it but thought it was funny. Unbelievable. I am/was an Andy fan. 🙁 I also wonder why he knocked Brandi multiple times when she was the only one who acknowledged all the elephants in the room!
excellent post tamara. you are asking the right questions, i just dont know that any of us have all or even any of the right answers. i only know that i got started watching reality tv many years ago as a way of measuring my own life against what i thought were other peoples' lives. it was years later before i realized how directly or indirectly, all of the shows were manipulated. and then i watched for the stupidity and potential for snark. and gradually, they just kind of disintegrated into something kind of sad, and now are virtually unwatchable. i think i'm done, but i want to be able to say to bravo that they have killed their own goose that lays the golden eggs. the naked greed has overruled any vestiges of good/common sense. they have proven time and again that there are no boundaries; nothing they will not show, no storyline taboo, everything goes. and yes, i often feel dirty after watching some of these shows. so i am letting go. i never saw the end of d.c., or jersey, i have missed several of the atl eps, and i have had enough of bhills. i never watched oc or ny, and i won't start. i gave up the mtv crap when i felt it had gone too far, and i am confident i can do the same here. enough is enough. i have enough hard crap to deal with in real life; i do not want to see all this hard, heavy, real crap on my tv. thanks bravo. now maybe i'll finish the stack of novels i've been meaning to get to.chitown shelley
Upoour post has summed up what so many of us feel. The RH shows used to be entertainment. They aren't entertaining anymore……for so many reasons, none of them good.
sorry can't type this a.m. "your"
I despise Andy Cohen, I think he is a pimp of the highest order – of WOMEN.The shows that I watched on BRAVO are Top Chef, RHOA and Jeff Lewis' show … but Jeff Lewis' show lost me … and RHOA lost me this season – and I don't see myself watching next season. Top Chef doesn't even holdmy interest anymore.At this point, the only way BRAVO will get the message is if we stop watching – period.
I can't speak for anybody else, but the biggest reason I watch it is social. Bravo has den an amazing job of using social media to engage viewers. I watch because I know that on Twitter, Facebook, and a number of blogs I read, people will be talking about it the next day. At my last brow wax, we talked the whole time about RHOBH. At my last hair appointment–same thing. I feel like if I stop watching I'll be out of the loop. Not that that's healthy or anything, but that's why I watch.That said, the last couple of episodes of RHOBH made it much easier to consider quitting. I saw the preview of RHOC last night and realized that I'm sort of dreading it.
I watch because I enjoy most of them. However this season of RHOBH has been way too dark in terms of emotions and problems. I like my drama lighter and snarkier. But to say I will stop watching would be a lie, as I enjoy the shows still. Paul, Brandi and Lisa's snark have made me still laugh in BH. NeNe's one liners in her talking heads still entertains me and I am sure I will be turning in to OC, NY and Miami.
Initially I watched the shows because I felt they were entertaining. I have zero drama in my life and it was a way to see a little drama then thank God for my ordinary life and go on with it. Lots of times, I had a hard time believing adults act they way some of these women act but because they would repeat bad behavior week after week, I learned that some adults are simply ridiculous.Lately, especially watching the Beverly Hills show, I find myself feeling anxious. I have not enjoying the creepiness of watching the Russell/Taylor horror play out. It feels wrong to sit in judgement of a man who is no longer here to defend himself because he did not want to live anymore. It just horrifies me.And Kim….oh my. She appears on the verge of a breakdown every time she's on screen. The way Kyle picks at her and insists she apologize first for once since Kyle is sick of doing the apologizing is frustrating to watch not to mention depressing. These are people who cannot let their enormous egos take a rest for a while to really take a look at someone else. They are so concerned about having every hair in place, every nail manicured, every makeup job perfect, every outfit complimentary that they cannot see reality anymore. I do not understand how they do not see Kim needs help desperately. It boggles the mind.I see the Taylor hate going on at other sites and really? Who has the energy to spend all day tracking down information on a woman they will never meet? I think they're all a bunch of sociopaths. Imagine the good that can be done in the world with all that negative energy shifted to something more positive. I'd bet a million dollars that most of those people have miserable lives as well because that's how these things work–you get back what you give.Karen
Wasn't Italy RHONJ?
Yes, it was. Thanks. Fixed the typo! 🙂
Tks for your post and also your site. I have stopped watching Atlanta, and will not watched Bethenny's show. I may give up on OC. The shows have gotten so mean and so vulgar. I dont want to see the raging, the verbal abuse and the threats of physical violence. I am done with skeevy behavior such as Kandi's disgusting biz or sex show. I dont want to hear Kim talk re her son's genitals, nad see her vulgar dad joke because he is proud that the baby grabs Kim's other breast when the baby nurses. I bet he has bought that baby a subscription to Playboy already. I dont want to see NeNe rage. I dont want to hear the shrew voice of Sheree. I am finishing out the season of BH, and I will give NY a chance. I dont want to see the hatred in a family on NJ. I dont want to see Kim and her disgusting addict behavior on BH as she hides behind her addiction. She is just a mean person, owns nothing and plays victim. It seems that the shows are good the 1st year and then they just sink to a completely gutter level. And I am so done with the fake stuff that is staged. And I am already sick of OC before it airs, due to the promo showing Vicki raging like a high-pitched maniac of a shrew. I dont know why it has to go so gutter, so vulgar.The shows are imploding with hate, vulgarity, gutter talk, verbal abuse and cheesy fake plots.
In all my shallow sincerity, I have to admit that as a child of the 80's I grew up with Reaganomics syle-Tv, where tv actors and plot lines ridiculously opulent, larger than life and generally bordered on ludicrous. When I look at the Bravo franchises, I actually almost feel as though I'm not watching real people, rather than overblown, retro 80's cariacatures, full of the pomp, circumstance, and intrigue that we saw with old skool Sydney Sheldon and Aaron Spelling shows. It's pretty terrible of me- but the people on these reality shows don't register with me as real people at all, rather than tv inventions of their own doing/imagination, and as such I rarely identify with them enough as actual human beings to take anything they do beyond amounting to water cooler conversation like the days of "General Hospital" or "Dynasty"/"Falcon Crest". I think also because I moved out of the US before the whole reality-tv craze heavily set in at home, most of the time I'm not privy to all the extra press and media sensationalism that comes along with these shows. As a result it makes it easy for me to feel disconnected with these reality show personalities to point of them (or their onscreen issues and antics) feeling not really, well, "real" to me at all. It's a bit detached on my part, but I imagine most of the people on these shows care less what I think about them anyway so I tend (erroneously) not even think of them as human beings rather than entertainment characters. This article—and the last episode of "Braxton Family Values" certainly gives food for thought, though…
I only ave watched Atlanta, considering it "research". I gave up on it after last season. I started watching again because of this blog, it was nice to see a local's perspective on the show. And I wanted the inside scoop and spoilers!I have a hard time thinking of them as people rather than characters. I'm sorry you're not enjoying this season.
Tamara,For me, this was your most compelling post I've read here yet. Thank you.I've been unable to watch RHOBH since about the 3rd episode in this season. I get caught up by reading the various bloggers' contributions."…I don't want to debate with anyone whether or not Taylor Armstrong was abused…"Agreed. As I've commented on other sites, even if (especially if) we give Taylor every benefit of the doubt that Russell beat her viciously & regularly it doesn't absolve Bravo from safeguarding their cast. They have the professional, moral (& possibly legal) obligation/responsibility to ensure that their machinations don't endanger anyone. They appear complicit in the escalations that resulted in Russell's death.It's clear to me that Bravo & the women executives there who make decisions for these shows, are casting the worst kind of indictments against women that they imply are rich, attractive, accomplished because they resent that there might actually be women like that. Yes, even successful women have problems. Their lives aren't perfect. We get it, but Bravo encourages (& sometimes actually creates) dysfunction. It's irresponsible. When we watch these shows we validate Bravo's indictment.When I read comments that civilized behavior is boring or that we watch because we like to snark, I'm reminded that Bravo has accomplished reducing us to the lowest common denominator. Women marginalizing women.(Speaking only for myself I just enjoyed the promise of getting a glimpse into a fabulous, extravagant lifestyle with elegant, sophisticated people acting in a manner consistent with what one would expect in lofty circles.)To me Bravo is the ugly manipulator & I'm convinced that the only message any network hears is numbers dropping.
You guys are amazing. Thanks for your literate, thoughtful posts. That is the reason I blog. I am not sure I am as strong as you guys. (see my love letter to Andy). I feel bad about doing it, but I still have the desire to watch. I kind of want to know how it all ends. Also, I feel sorry for these women. I still see them as PEOPLE because they are PEOPLE and I will want to know if they are okay long after Bravo drops them like a hot rock.
I don't watch Bravo for the shows anymore. Frankly, I watch Bravo so I'll know what to talk about on the blogs I like! It's a sick cycle!
Whey do I watch Bravo?I started when they were more into arts, decent movies, and entertainment. Then along came their reality shows which, until that point, I'd never seen on any channel. I thought the concept was really interesting, something very different from the usual TV fare. Also, they played reruns so often it was very convenient especially since I'm not one to put aside plans to see a any TV show.If Bravo's programming was like the other networks who run serial shows no way would I have gotten hooked. But Bravo made it so easy. Now the good news.Nowadays I'm more fond of the Housewife blogs sites. I couldn't even tell you anymore what Housewives show is on what night or the last time I watched a complete episode. They just got too phoney and the cast too over the top for me. I wonder if Bravo knows there are women like me who would enjoy a more down to earth reality show? Why the need for such faked drama? Why do they hire people like Taylor Armstrong, for example. They had to have known she was desperate trash and a liar. Did they not check her background? Amazing. Lastly, after Russell Armstrong died I was appalled to learn they were going to exploit him. I think that was the most significant turning point for me. I felt dirty watching Bravo after that.
Thanks for commenting. And Anon, i get the feeling dirty thing. See my post A Love Letter To Bravo Andy.
Don't think just women watch Housewives – there are "undercover men fans too. Our society seems to be drawn to negative drama, or any type of social dysfunction. The networks are simply capitalizing on the dysfunction viewers love to watch. These reality shows are far cheaper to produce, so it's a win-win for the network executives. This type of programming will only go away when the public stops watching, and demands TV goes back to real acting talent, along with decent scripts. The word "reality" gives the impression of peaking into the real lives of the Housewives, along with the rest of the reality star crews. This leads to a deception that viewers know these people, and are unaware of how much these shows are scripted. On the other hand, some of the Housewives are real mental cases. The RHOBH season shows how far a network will go for ratings – and the rest of the cast is also complicit for their own selfish reasons. It is what it is – The networks are the pimps, reality stars are prostituting themselves, and viewers are the tricks. Linda
When do we stop excusing these women from their own actions? No one FORCES them on these shows. In fact, don't they line up to audition when there's an open slot? Isn't it THEIR responsibility to govern what they do?Not that I excuse Bravo either. They get these women who are HUNGRY for fame and highly encourage them to do stupid things. I don't have a problem with most of it since most of the women are of sound mind. They can CHOOSE to say no. However, when it becomes painfully obvious, as in the case of Kim or Danielle (RHNJ), there are mental/abuse issues – they need to turn the cameras off and highly encourage those women to seek help. I enjoy watching these shows because I realize so much of it IS scripted and done just for the cameras. I enjoy the parties, the clothes, SOME of the interactions…AKA the lunch last night with Phaedra/Apollo/Peter/whatshername (completely escapes me). THAT'S fun TV. Watching a drug addict wander around in a daze – not fun TV.OC used to be all about luncheons, etc. when the franchise started. That's when I fell under the trance of the Real Housewives. I wish they'd all go back to interesting interactions – not mean-spirited sick drama.WD
WD, I agree that the women know, or should know by now what they are getting themselves into. Some of the women however have mental health problems that the pressure of the show clearly exacerbates their issues. Bravo needs to recognize when this happens and stop filming them instead of throwing them into the center ring of the circus.
BRAVO seems to be run by a bunch of mysoginists. The 1st season a show is usually pretty good. Then with editing they make sure to ramp up the violent behavior. They then draw a different audience. As another poster shared, I would also like to see a more realistic show w/o the gutter behavior or violence. Look how they gave Patti Stanger another season even though she has proven that she disrespects jews and gays. Anything for a buck. I am slowly giving up shows on BRAVO. They just go too far. I do enjoy your blog, Tamara. Keep writing. I will read even if I am not watching the shows. A.R.
not to be and illiterate poster.. but hows bout a shout out to BANJO!
I have been in the shadows reading your blogs and comments with no urge to comment until this topic. To say I have been shocked by Andy/Bravo choices this year would be an understatement. I started watching all of the shows because the different styles of New York compared to Orange County or Atlanta vs Beverly Hills or New Jersey was just so dramatic and interesting. The clothes, the parties, the careers (or lack thereof)…it was entertaining. Certainly not life or death.I wish I could say I was no longer going to watch but I'm fascinated watching these disasters in the making. We have now gone from Taylor and Kim life or death issues to Marlo with her history of violence and suicide. WOW. Andy/Bravo has crossed a line and does not even seem to know it.I wish I could say no more. Better yet, I wish I could blame the TIVO 🙂
Real Housewives is like the Jerry Springer show, but with better clothes. It may serve some purpose, but it’s hard for me to understand what that purpose might be. I think people that are sad and stressed out about their own lives, instead of using this show for a distraction, should read a book, take a walk, listen to some music, or do volunteer work. If watching this show makes you feel not so bad about yourself, it’s probably time to do something positive that will make you not feel so bad about yourself.
Why do women continue to watch?
Because we (humanity) have always watched. This is no different from the Victorian freak show with the bearded lady and the blue man.
Human nature has a morbid curiosity for those worse off than us- a cruel streak that makes us feel superior, since we can put them down in our minds.
Once people can admit this we can use “the better angels of our nature” to say no to such filth and just turn it off. If enough people do it, it will go away.
The fact that it hasn’t is why I have no faith in humanity.
Funny, as has already been pointed out, these shows are mostly watched by women. I ask my self why my wife never fails to locate the most intellectually meaningless shows on TV full of back biting, complaining, he said she said, and most of them are on Bravo. These shows are like bait for those who have inadequacy issues and some how these shows fill one of possibly many character voids. It makes you feel better to know that your not the only alcoholic? Drug addict? I don’t understand how that makes anything better? Is it about sharing? Why not share some good ideals, quality aspirations instead of the downward aspiring behavior of those who are role models to the lowest qualities of humanity? That’s the question to ask yourselves!
I am no longer watching any of the housewives.
I have never seen such disgusting, classless women. These are supposed to be rich, classy women, but they have dug down in the gutter to find these women who act look like they are the top of line of the human race, instead we get totally low class trash. Money does not buy you class.
My friends and family are middle class and we have more morals and class than any of the housewives.
Good by all housewives, I have better things to do.
Joeyr, thanks for commenting. I had never seen this post. I joined here early 2015. I found Tamara’s writing fascinating. Then I liked the comments. I have never watched these HW’s shows. I’m able to learn a lot from Tamera and the comments. I love it here. I am amazed and fascinated by Tamara etc. So I stay for the great site this is. Thank you T!
And this is one of many reasons I am a fan of this site.
I have asked myself the same question. Educated, literate women who generally know art from trash, and yet we still tune in to these shows. It’s like junk food. It’s addictive.
Women used to watch soap operas, with clearly delineated good guys and villains, and story arcs that kept people watching. With these shows, the stakes are higher because these are supposedly real people with real problems.
We are voyeurs. I agree that peeking into people’s personal lives has a certain appeal. We’re naturally nosy. But we start to question our watching habits when we what we see on our screens becomes too uncomfortable to be viewed simply as entertainment.
I know I haven’t answered your question about why we watch. Speaking only for myself, obviously, I watch – and not nearly as often as I used to – for the same reasons I have indulged in other bad habits: it’s fun, easy, distracting, addictive and mindless, and it fills some need I can’t readily identify.
I know this is an older post. It does show me the truth in that old saw, “The more things change the more they stay the same”.
It’s a really good post that asks a lot of really good questions.
Let’s be real… women watch these shows because many women (not all women) are inherently inclined to demean each other and engage in unnecessary bouts of competition, either out of jealousy or to create a false sense of self-worth. In real life among female social circles, this occurs in passive aggressive, back stabbing, petty attacks that circumvent the target of the s*** taking by keeping the chatter amongst the group of “friends” who are “in” on the jokes and gossip strictly within this tight group, never letting these hateful whispers spread to the person or persons who are “outside” this social circle. A lot of bonds in female “friendship” are based upon the collective ties forged by mutual hate and jealousy of other groups of women just as much as they are made by mutual love and respect for each other. More often than not, the strongest feelings of contempt lie within female social groups that claim to ALL be friends rather than against other women outside their group, in separate social circles. So women are often in situations where putting on a facade becomes commonplace, pretending to be “best friends” in person with someone then bashing the same girl when she turns her back. Being fake becomes second-nature and, sadly, necessary to navigate the realm of female relationships. However, this natural propensity for “drama” and the lack of legitimate intimate bonds amongst these “friends” eventually leads to a dissolution of the boundaries between the “in” group/”out” group, and all the hateful back talk comes to light. An explosion of tension and hurt feelings is inevitable, as the lies are exposed and the finger pointing begins amongst the group… a situation women would much rather avoid since disonest approval and surface-deep companionship is preferred to maintain the status quo; blunt honesty seen in male relationships breeds too much conflict that many women are not as emotionally equipped to handle. These reality shows provide a simple resolution to avoid such situations.
The ridiculous reality shows on Bravo serve as an intangible outlet for women to use as the pseudo “outside” girl or group in the social circle, rather than risk creating real conflict in their own lives. The TV show characters riddled with flaws (substance abuse disorders, personality disorders, depression, low-self esteem, etc) are perfect “targets” for women to watch and internally (or externally/mutually if watching together or when talking about the show) shame and demean, just like they would have in real life against their peers. The fact that it is a TV show provides a buffer layer for the viewer by further detaching themselves from the reality of this process of shaming, gossiping, s*** talking, etc… the reality that this behavior is really sad and pathetic, and is probably rooted in their own self-esteem issues. Women can freely engage in the cruel aspects of their social nature, be part of the “drama,” and boost their self-esteem via confirmation-biased comparison without fear of repercussion from a blow out in real life (since the viewer is most likely not a friend of any of the “Real Housewives.”) if you need any proof that this is at least partially the true mortivation and appeal for women viewers, look at some of the other comments in this thread… the theme that it provides a counterpoint of comparison to make the viewer “feel better” about their own lives recurs is several comments below. There are also references to relishing in the “drama” that the show provides, and many more comments that highlight the problems of specific characters (continuing to fulfill the desire to bash on and gossip other women).
To close, I want to reiterate that this does not apply to all women, nor am I claiming it as the sole motivation for watching. But to deny that it is not atleast partial movitaion for many women who watch would be an out right denial of the truth. And this truth is really kind of sad and scary, as it speaks to a serious maladaptive pathology involved in female social interaction.