Oh I see Andrew has decided to have Vivica Fox on tonight. Really, Andrew? You are so disappointing. So he introduces her as being know for Independence Day and Kill Bill from like the 90s and her new movie, Chocolate City. For fucksake, bitch was in Sharknado 2.
And is already praising the fuck out of Vivica. He must have told her three times in the introductions how good she looks. Really, Andrew. Sell out much? Robert Ri’chard is the hot bartender also in Chocolate City.
The first game is would Vivica invest in these housewives products. Asa’s Diamond Water? Yes (with a finger snap), Kenya’s production company? Absolutely not. She makes a snide comment. Something about her mother? I could not hear and I listened three times. Phaedra’s Phine Body video? Yes. Her mortuary business? No. Brandi’s Podcast? Yes she loves Brandi. Vivica says that she and Brandi became good friends on Celebrity Apprentice. Of course they did. #Cunts Continue reading
I enjoyed Celebrity Apprentice for the most part this season, but I’m ready for the finale because I just have to many things to watch on Monday nights right now. Speaking of scheduling issues, I will be recapping Vanderpump Rules tomorrow instead of tonight. After this show, I’m going to curl up on the coach and listen to the rain (maybe sleet?) and veg out for the night. Atlanta shut the city down due to potential snow. I’m not sure how it was supposed to snow since it’s been around 40 degrees almost all day, but in Atlanta, we don’t have weathermen anymore. We have SEVERE WEATHER TEAMS who scare us to death pretty much every week with tornados, and lightning and ice possibilities, etc. They actually now seriously recommend we all don helmets during tornado season. I’m not kidding! Anyway, I hope those of you with real snow issues are warm and safe! Let’s get on with the show!
Leeza and Geraldo are shown shooting their commercials. Leeza got really lucky with the Jonas kid. He’s running the camera crew like a finely oiled machine. Meanwhile, over on Team Geraldo, Lorenzo and Geraldo are still measuring their dicks.
Before a commercial break they do a teaser about #PhoneGate so maybe we will see some footage tonight! Continue reading
The first hour is a list of top fights and other crap from all the seasons. It’s filler. But I’m glad because I am not ready to start recapping. Kenya Moore had the fourth worst campaign of all time with the Hawaiian Buns photobomb with the baby with the bun fetish. Kenya also came in second in the boardroom backstabbing list. I suppose these are accomplishments.
Okay, it’s the second hour. Time to watch Vivica Fox get sent home. Wow, after firing the other team altogether, Trump still is not done firing people. He is going to fire one of the final three right now. Donald Trump asks Vivica why she should stay. She really has no reason. Leeza and Geraldo are the obvious choice. Even Vivica knows this. Vivica says Leeza is a better competitor she is. Vivica cries again. Vivica has done the hormonal cry every boardroom. Trump fires Vivica. She basically quit. I think we all saw the writing on the wall.
The Final Task: The gang goes to Universal Orlando Resort on Trump’s private jet. They are going to shoot a commercial selling vacation packages.
Leeza and Geraldo are old friends who love each other. Trump’s jet is a bit smaller than I expected. It’s lovely. But I don’t think it’s his main jet. Continue reading
Celebrity Apprentice #PhoneGate has not died down on the Internet. This site seems to have become the last safe (sort of) refuge for those who for whatever reasons do not think Kenya sent out the nasty tweets about menopause and Vivica Fox. Kenya is taking a pretty big drumming for #PhoneGate and I personally think it is because Kenya’s fans wish she would have just owned her evil. A simple “It is a very cutthroat game. I used everything I could to insure I made it to the end to play for my charity.” or “after days of very long hours and very little sleep I impulsively sent a tweet on Vivica’s phone to make light of her lack of usefulness on the Hawaiian King task. I certainly meant no offense to all the hormonal women in the world. And am sorry to all those I insulted.” Something. Anything that didn’t fly in the face of logic to the degree of ” I didn’t do anything” does. But she didn’t. That is why the comments here are imploding with debate.
So yesterday she was supposed to do a Q & A on the Celebrity Apprentice Facebook page and hoards of angry menopausal women descended with their claws out. It was not pretty. Today TMZ rolled another story on #PhoneGate including a video of Vivica Fox saying she knows beyond a doubt that Kenya stole her phone and providing her makeup artist as a “witness.” To be clear it didn’t appear he actually “witnessed” anything.
Also, Geraldo Rivera has blogged about the episode and he is convinced that Kenya is behind the shenanigans. Click through for his take on what went down. Continue reading
The Task: B.B. King Blues Club. The client is Anheiser Busch. Create an original jingle for their Lime Margarita malt liquor. Big money this week! $100K
Project Manager: Leeza Gibbons
Geraldo Rivera, Vivica Fox, Leeza Gibbons,
Geraldo says Bud Light Lime is big in Latin countries and wants a Latin flair. Leeza has more of a chant in mind. Leeza and Geraldo are butting heads.
The presentation for Vortex went very well. They did a hokey dance and I didn’t see the point of lip syncing when the singers were right there. Continue reading
The Task: The corporate client is King’s Hawaiian. They will be doing a photoshoot and social media blitz. Judging will be on creativity, originality and brand messaging.
Brandi Glanville, Leeza Gibbons, Johnny Damon, Ian Zierling
Project Manager: Johnny Damon
They want to talk about slogans. Ian has a lot of slogans. Most of which are too long. Brandi comes up with King’s Hawaiian We Rise to the Occasion. It’s a good slogan and they go with it. But I can’t help thinking of Brandi’s dirty little mind coming up with the whole “Rise to the occasion” thing. Ian knows someone with a helicopter who can take aerial shots.
The team gets some great shots of NYC, The Statue of Liberty, Brooklyn Bridge, etc. Ian is thrilled. Their photos are amazing. Ian continues to pitch his ideas. This team has the best concept overall, but there is no brand messaging. They are supposed to be superimposing the product onto the photos and adding hashtags to promote the brand. They are not using the brand name in the hashtags, their bread products are not easily identifiable. Leeza is pointing this out, but no one is listening. This very good concept is starting to go wrong.
Leeza does most of the presentation. The presentation was weak. The branding was weak. The slogan was good and the pictures were lovely. The poor brand messaging could lost the task for them. Continue reading
Kenya is moved to “Geraldo’s Team” as Trump puts it. Finally separating Kenya and Brandi. Vivica wanted Ian and Geraldo wanted Leeza.
The Task: Trump wants an interactive theme environment for Trump Golf and Hotel resort in Miami. WTF is an interactive theme environment? Trumps boys will judge on creativity, innovation and guest interactions. I have no idea what this task means.
Geraldo Rivera, Vivica Fox, Kate Gosselin, Kenya Moore
Project Manager: Kate Gosselin
Geraldo has been to the resort ( of course he has) and played the course and it is all about something on the course called “the blue monster.” I dunno maybe a hole with a lot of water challenges? Geraldo wants the blue monster to be the theme but others feel it may not be upscale enough for Trump. Kate wants to go with it anyway. Kenya has very definite ideas. Kenya has drawn a set and wants to over see the set production. Something she says she has experience in. But Kenya wants to send Kenya and Vivica shopping like everyone else has done to her. This already is too many women on a team. I predict a loss with Kate going home before we even start. Kenya points out that they will be gone a long time while shopping. Kate doesn’t care.
Kenya is aggravated that her skills are not being used. However, at this point, Vivica and Kenya are still getting along. But in Vivica’s talking heads she rewrites history a little bit as if she was always keeping her eye on her. #editing
Geraldo is the bartender making “Blue Monster” drinks. Kenya hates EVERY THING about the set. Kate stupidly tells Trumps son and the executives about the drama between Kenya and Vivica. If this team loses, Kate is going home. Continue reading
The Task: Host a Circle Line Boat Tour around the city with an original theme and provide the entertainment. The winner will be decided solely on guest feedback.
I titled this episode of Celebrity Apprentice before watching so if the captain doesn’t go down with the ship, I may have to think of a better title. The official title is ” It’s Like A Booze Cruise With Knowledge.” Which seems dumb. So hopefully we see a captain go down with their ship. :) Winner gets $30K
Kenya Moore, Brandi Glanville, Leeza Gibbons, Johnny Damon, Ian Zierling
Project Manager: Brandi Glanville
Brandi points out that Sig may think he as the advantage because he is the captain, but Sig is not going to be driving the boat. They are basically throwing a party and Brandi certainly knows how to party. When Brandi is passing out tasks she so far has given everyone something to do except for Kenya. Leeza has a talking head where she talks about her devotion to Brandi. I used to like Leeza. Past tense. Leeza implies that Kenya wants the team to fail. Brandi asks Kenya if she wants to be in charge of the entertainment and the graphics. Which is pretty much everything. Interesting. Kenya points out those are two very broad things. If they could come up with a theme, that would help her tremendously. It’s all very polite. And Kenya has Ian who is very pro-Kenya to support her. Leeza talks about Brandi and Ian teaming up against Brandi? Really? How about how they just get along like you do with the trashbox that is Brandi Glanville, Leeza. Kenya throws out ideas for themes because Brandi seems to have none. Everyone seems to like Mardi Gras Manhattan except for Brandi. Brandi wants the theme to be more New York. I think she has a valid point. Kenya asks Brandi what charity she is playing for and she says Make A Wish. Kenya compliments her charity and says she wants to make it clear that she is on board and wants to win. Brandi says she doesn’t believe Kenya and thinks she wants to see her go down. Brandi doesn’t get how this game is played. It’s a team effort at this point.
No one wants to be in the boardroom. No. One. As long as they are the same team, they are ON THE SAME TEAM.
Brandi agrees to go to Mardi Gras at first. But then changes her mind. I agree with Brandi. Brandi goes with Leeza’s idea of Big Apple Bonanza. Whatever that means. It is very NYC focused. Kenya offers to sing her Gone With The Wind Fabulous. Brandi thinks it’s a good idea, because if they lose, she can try to get Kenya fired.
Brandi’s cruise goes well. The entire team is working together. Leeza narrated the cruise very well. Someone says, “It’s like a booze cruise with knowledge.” Johnny got the band. They are a well oiled machine. They will win.
Kenya sings her Gone With The Wind Song! Everyone twirls. It was way over the top. She lies on the deck and does pelvic thrusts. A parent literally covers her child’s eyes. If they lose, Kenya is gone. Brandi recovers with a congo line.
The Task: Create a viral video to advertise Chock Full o Nuts single serve coffees.
Lorenzo Lamas, Geraldo Rivera, Sig Hansen , Vivica Fox, Kate Gosselin
Project Manager: Lorenzo Lamas
Geraldo is taking over again and Lorenzo could not be any happier. Lorenzo is going to sing the theme song. The viral video will star Geraldo as a million who drinks the coffee over the course of many years. In the 1950s Kate plays his wife. It’s really hard to describe because we really don’t get a chance to see the whole thing. In the end Geraldo is in a tux and top hat and has three backup dancers with Vivica, Kate and some random backup dancer. Poor Sig has nothing to do again. Sig says they use the go pro cameras on Deadliest Catch all the time.
This teams video is the best. Continue reading
Kenya’s Winning Task
The Task: The two teams must create a mobile shoe boutique for Ivanka’s shoeline and create a marketing campaign to attract sales.
Kenya Moore, Brandi Glanville, Leeza Gibbons, Johnny Damon, Ian Zierling,
Project Manager: Kenya Moore
Kenya takes immediate control. She wants to recreate Nordstrom with a piano and chandelier. Kenya immediately assigns tasks. Leeza immediately disagrees with Kenya vision saying it to old school and doesn’t speak to the millennial generation that is being targeted. Kenya’s slogan “Power Up Your Sole.” Kenya wants all of the shoe collection on flat screens and tablets. Brandi is still being a drag. Brandi is working her ass off though. It’s raining on the project day.
Kenya’s team has a foot massage dude and green smoothie shots for the Pump Up Your Sole theme. Joan says some nice things about the slogans that Leeeza says she did. Leeza is the female Geraldo that takes over all the tasks. She did show Joan the entire collection on the tablet. I think Joan was more impressed with Team Infinity. Joan was impressed with the flat screens and the tablet.
Now the important part. Ivanka has arrived. Kenya takes over the presentation. Ivanka and the Nordstrom lady were poker faced. Continue reading
Whoever sells the most wedding dresses and raises the most money wins.
Kenya Moore, Brandi Glanville, Leeza Gibbons, Johnny Damon, Ian Zierling, Terrell Owens
Project Manager: Ian Zierling
Ian wanted this challenge because it is probably the only big money challenge left. He seems passionate about his charity. Ian has a great charity for a little known genetic disease in kids. Ian says he has $185K lined up. Kenya says she can bring in $10K. Terrell Owens is slacking.
Ian has design people on standby for interior décor. The stores are side by side and his is clearly the front runner in the staging department. Meanwhile, Brandi goes AWOL saying she is having panic attacks so she went back to her room to lay down. Brandi has a Xanax script. Nine out of ten panic attacks can be stopped about 20 minutes after taking one. Ian is not happy. Kenya makes sure everyone knows how bad this is for Brandi. Kenya calls Brandi a crazy bitch several times.
The next day, Brandi brought in a ton of money very early. Ian got a check for $165,000. I really want Ian to win. He has really hustled to bring in the money and Geraldo’s charity has already one. Continue reading
Develop a four page fitness editorial to be featured in the hot and healthy pages of Cosmopolitan and to be featured on an app. Teams will be judged on creativity, originality and overall presentation.
Kenya Moore, Brandi Glanville, Kate Gosselin, Vivica Fox, Shawn Johnson (Olympic Gymnast), Leeza Gibbons, Jamie Anderson (Olympic Snowboarder)
Project Manager: Jaime Anderson
Good Lord. Jaime is playing for a climate change awareness charity. I hate her so much. Since they have two Olympians on the team they are using that as their theme, “Trained by Olympians.” Kenya points out that Cosmo is a sexy magazine She wants to have a girl with the words Touch Me and that is the area you will get information on working out. I suppose that is for the app? Jamie says she can teach them how to get the Kenya Moore booty. Brandi says, “You just buy it.” And we are off to the races. Continue reading