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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: “Welcome to Amsterdam?”

RHOBH Scavenger hunt

Photo: Twitter

 

We begin with Yolanda’s scavenger hunt. I assume that is one of her shakes from home she is drinking? I wonder what is in there!  Camille Grammer shows up for the race! Yolanda claims she did not make up the teams. No one wants to be on Brandi’s team (except Kim).  The scavenger hunt is done by a company who puts these thins on for corporate team bonding. It requires problem solving and teamwork. Kim is bitching about it already and they haven’t even started yet. This reminds me of the time we all had to stand in a circle in the parking lot of the school and throw a giant dead fish at someone in the parking lot and give them a compliment. I hate that shit. But this seems fun. I like scavenger hunts and keep wanting to go geocaching. But that would require leaving you fucknuts unsupervised.

Anyway, no time for fascinating personal stories, I have a Jodi Arias blog to get back to. Let’s get this recap up and done!  Kyle is captain of Team #1 (  Brandi & Camille)  Eileen is captain of Team #2  ( Kim and Lynn)  and Yo is captain of Team #3 ( Lisa & Lisa)  they select teams by random draw.  Clearly this was not random at all and Team Three will win.

Team #1 has all the stupid people except Kim. They can’t finish the first task.  Eileen is handicapped by Kim. I don’t know who this random Lyn person is. Am I supposed to? Actually, Team #3 is dumber than I expected. Eileen may have to win this despite her two person handicap. Yolanda sucks at cooperating with her own team. Kim is even worse.

At the finish line all the cheating comes out. Eileen’s team basically won for not cheating. The entire scavenger hunt took less than four minutes. They made it seem like it was all day event.  In Brandi’s talking head she says there is nothing Kyle can say to make up for what she has said to her. Really? That’s hilarious.  Production kicks Camille and Lynn out so that serious fake filming can begin. Yolanda announces that everyone is going to Amsterdam. Brandi says that they can smoke pot. Vanderpump and Rinna want to do it too. Brandi says “It’s amazing there’s hookers and windows!”  While I did walk through the red light district with my parents as a kid, (what were they going to do with me?) I was more traumatized by the Anne Frank House and the Dutch boy who my parents and his parents made us take a picture together. #ChildhoodTrauma

Why would Yolanda have a man on standby to run out and fix the dishwasher but no maid in sight to load the dishwasher? She’s rich, and deathly ill! Two fabulous excuses not to lift a finger!  Yolanda explains that the Dutch are assholes. You would know this if you had ever been to Holland, or even Curacao. I still think Germans are worse. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap:

RHOBH Brandi Yolanda Sister Act

Yolanda Foster

Brandi drops by her dear friend Yolanda’s house just like she didn’t just call her daughter an alcoholic on her last visit.  Yolanda has Brandi doing a 21 day cleanse so that she can prove to the other girls that she doesn’t have a drinking problem. That will prove nothing. She is basically doing my Lent plan!  I love how Yolanda has to tell the yoga instructor she has had no sugar and no alcohol. He seems to care not at all. I wonder if these yoga scenes are being aired out of order.

Yolanda is organizing a scavenger hunt all over Beverly Hills. It sounds like so much fun. I love stuff like that.

Brandi Glanville

Ken is planning a surprise birthday party for Lisa. He calls Brandi to invite her but requests that she be on her best behavior. Brandi is offended. Because, Brandi.

RHOBH Lisa  Pump Table Read

Eileen Davidson

Eileen and Vince are eating dinner at an outdoor table at a restaurant with the magnificent looking salads and seared scallops. I want to go there! Eileen ordered pasta!  I don’t think it ever touched her lips but she twirled it around a lot. Of course the topic is…Kim. Because clearly that is all they are going to talk about this season. It’s such a waste of Eileen and Lisa Rinna. They have so much going on in their lives that I was hoping to see. It looks like Vince has written a new script and they have invited all of the lades over to …I’m not sure. Do a reading? Surely they are not auditioning. Am I the only one looking for Eileen’s nipples in the talking head with her green lace top? I guess there is a nude underlining.

Everyone except Brandi is invited to the table read. Kim tells Kyle on the way to Eileen’s that she thinks Eileen overstepped her bounds bringing them together to talk. Kyle is worried about Brandi hurting Kim. The two Lisas chat on the way to Eileen’s house.  Rinna wants to confront Kim and Vanderpump says she has tried that and we don’t know what is really going on. Vanderpump wants to stay out of it.

At the party, Vince chats up Kim and asks about her most famous co-workers as a child. Vince is so good with these women. Except he doesn’t give Rinna a role, he makes her the announcer. Vanderpump wants to change roles with Rinna. In the talking head Vanderpump makes it clear she is unhappy with her part because it only has two lines. On the vanity of these ladies. Anyway, the script reading went well I suppose because the footage was short and everyone was sober.  Oh wait there is another scene where Vanderpump demands to hold Eileen’s Emmy and she graciously lets her.

The Lisa and Eileen are talking about Rinna’s lunch with Brandi last week and Kim stumbles into the conversation. Kim talks about wanting to have her friend and her sister. /eyeroll Kyle looks 20 years younger on the episode. Seriously. She looks beautiful and almost like she has work done or gotten a really good facial. Mabye it’s just that she is not wearing much makeup at all. She’s really quite pretty. Vanderpump and Rinna are trying really hard to be supportive of Kim. They are offering her help and suggesting she stay in touch with someone on a daily basis and she totally blows them off.

OMG! OMG! REAL HOUSEWIVES OF MELBOURNE STARTS MARCH 5TH ON THURSDAY NIGHTS AT 9 PM! YAAAAAAS!

RHOBH Lisa Pump Surprise

Lisa Vanderpump

Kyle goes to see Lisa about Kim.  Kyle is worried that Kim is revealing too much personal information to Brandi. Brandi has quite the history of stabbing people  in the back  with information they have shared. Lisa says that Kim treats Kyle like shit because they will always be sisters. But with Brandi she has to cultivate the friendship.

Vanderpump’s birthday party is at Pump. Vince and Eileen arrive first and hit the bar. I love this couple. Vince is just so fine with whatever. Rinna comes next and both Rinna and Eileen are in pink.  Because, Pinkie.

Brandi is in the car with her gay roommate and Kim and Kathy Hilton. Brandi is telling Kathy Hilton about the new girls. She has nothing but bad things to say about them. Because, Jealous. Brandi says that she did throw wine in Eileen’s face “on accident.”  Lisa’s gay (shut up)  Lance Bass was there and Mohammed and his current chick. Brandi is correct that Mohammed’s toast is creepy. Vanderpump challenges Brandi to sing her a song about how sorry she is. And Brandi does. Brandi also looks prettier than usual tonight. Maybe production is just giving everyone good lighting. I’ve paused at Kyles talking head and she looks no where near as pretty as they do on the actual show.  Everyone sings. Well no one can really sing except Lisa Rinna. She sounded pretty good. Eileen stayed in her seat like a dignified woman. Or else she was home fucking Vince by then.  Either way. Smart move. Brandi mocked the girls having fun together as the” menopausal women.” Oh Brandi, your time is so much closer than you think and karma is a bitch.

Lisa and Brandi pretend to steal the center pieces. That’s an interesting duo. I would totally walk out with a centerpiece. I’ve been know to do it at weddings. Particularly, if I did the floral arrangements….Ken bought Lisa the pink ring she wanted. At a steep discount with the Bravo promotion.

Eileen approaches Kyle about Kim. It’s not really her place. Eileen wants to know if she has a sponsor. Kyle says in her talking head that she knows that the new girls

Next Week: David Foster has a cool charity event and it looks like the ladies go via his private jet. Yolanda’s scavenger hunt happens. Kim goes off on Lisa Rinna. And the ladies go to Amsterdam! I love a good European vacation episode!

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Filed under Brandi Glanville, Eileen Davidson, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Yolanda Foster

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Sister Act

RHobh CastIt’s time for more RHOBH! Are you ready? I’m not. So this recap will likely be later than usual. Still setting up. Is that a new opening ? Has Eileen’s always been in an blue evening gown with her hair up? What are they trying to do to her?  Are all of those evening gown things new? I normally zip through but tonight I was uploading pictures.

We are back at the gay mixer. Which reminds me I so wanted to do a post in favor of the whole “my gays” thing but I’ve been busy and hormonal. It could still happen. I think the new younger politically correct gays are being ridiculous.* (* except for @NewJerzeyBoy  who I love despite his PCness on this issue.)

Anyway. I hate when Kyle gets all up in her whining crying voice as much as the next person but I think she is being genuine in those moments. Kim’s talking heads on the other hand are such a put on.  Kim is crying in one corner. and Kyle in the other.  Brandi and her gay roommate finally get the hint and take Kim out of there.

Kim is clearly on something again and Brandi is clearly enabling. We don’t need to keep pointing this out.

Kyle is crying to Lisa and says that Brandi is always spewing wrong information. Vanderpump, in an attempt to commiserate says, ” Now you know how I felt last season.” and Kyle misplaces her anger onto Lisa and yells “This is not about you!” Oh Kyle, people can agree and share a similar sentiment and experience and that does not mean they are making it about themselves. It’s called sharing a similar experience. Lisa is trying to console Kyle despite the misplaced anger. Bravo production decides to play the creepy sepia (ish)  scenes with Kim and Kyle at Kim’s house. Why do they waste so much time reshowing footage like it’s a daytime soap?

Kim, Brandi and the dude, don’t really leave. They sit outside and film some more.

Lisa says that everyone is enabling an addict. Kim has everyone scared and no one wants to deal with it. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Drama Queens

RHOBH Yolanda Ken

Yolanda

Yolanda an David going to Italy for a huge charity event where Sophia Loren and George Clooney will be honored by their charity. Yolanda is packing for several days and nights of black tie events.  How is it possible that Yolanda has back fat? Or an ill-fitting bra? He breasts look huge. Have they always been huge?

Lisa Vanderpump

Ken and Lisa are meeting for dinner.   Max is going to submit his DNA to find out what his genetic heritage through one of those mail in DNA tests. I think Lisa is hoping this will be enough for Max. She doesn’t seem too keen on him meeting his parents. Yep, that is exactly what she just said, “That might be enough for him.”

Max is now running food at SUR and making more money.  Lisa and Max get online for the geneology testing site and Max asks what is real name is. She refuses to tell him. Ken seems very bothered as well. Lisa says she will type it into the system but he can’t look at it. Lisa says she adopted Max from foster care and has met both of his birth parents. She is just not ready to let him go searching for answers.  Lisa doesn’t type the name in.  Max says it is fine. He just wants to know his heritage. He doesn’t care about his biological parents.  Lisa is trying to protect him.  Then Lisa decides to put in his biological parents names. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: It’s Just A Scratch

RHOBH Just a Scratch

We begin with the physical altercation between Brandi and Kyle in which a perfectly good piece of pizza was thrown to the ground. Kim recognizes the severity of the issue when she asks what happened to her slice and Brandi nonchalantly admits to throwing it on the ground. Kyle and Kim have a discussion in high pitched crying voices that makes zero sense. The two new girls creep around trying to listen outside the line of fire.  Brandi, realizing that she is not on camera once again tries to insert herself into a conversation between the two sisters. Lisa tries to get Brandi away from them and Kim’s cheese slides even further off her cracker. She is now accusing Lisa of saying something to Kyle about the car ride from hell.

Brandi grabs Kyle by the wrists and yells at her. I would have punched her right then and there. BAM! Right in the kisser. Brandi continues to scream at Kyle saying she does nothing for her sister and is never there for her. Vince is hilariously peeping through the garage door window. Brandi gives talking heads where she says Kyle is a worthless sister. Brandi whines about a scratch on her arm. She says it is swelling and she is going to kill Kyle. Eileen says, “How about a little Neosporin? Get a grip!”  I love Eileen.

Lisa rides home with Kyle who is still crying. Kim seems to want to leave with Kyle but Brandi is literally holding her back and telling her Kyle is a bad person. What a fucking loser Brandi is.

The two addicts leave together. Brandi tells Kim she is not making sense. Lisa tells Kyle that Brandi needs rehab. Kim has no idea where she is or what just happened. It’s all very sad.

Eileen and Vince drink some wine after everyone left. Eileen has sisters and she has been in fights with her sisters before but not as grown ass women. Vince is flabbergasted. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: House of Cards

Why did you invite me to a wine tasting?

Why did you invite me to a wine tasting?

Tonight on RHOBH we are going to question Kim Richard’s sobriety! What a lovely storyline. Not. WTF is wrong with these people? But first, let’s take her to a wine tasting! On the two hour ride to the spa day, the ladies discuss their lady gardens in intimate detail. As a bunch of grown women are prone to do on road trips. I mean don’t you wonder about the personal grooming of your friends when on the way to the spa?

Vanderpump, Eileen and Brandi get massages in the same room. Brandi mentions herpes.  As grown women do when enjoying a spa day. Brandi’s second topic choice is anal.  Rinna, Kim and Kyle are in the other room. Rinna and Kyle are over Brandi but Kim is still defending her.

Yolanda is with Gigi in New York. She thrilled over Gigi’s Harper’s Bazaar spread. Bella shows up with headshots later.

Time to take the alcoholic with less than a year sober to the bar again!  The sommelier knows Kim is not drinking and prepared her a mango juice, and yet she asks her if she wants to smell the wine. Kim very quietly and discreetly leaves the event. But people go out to check on her and drag her back in.  On the ride home the women discuss their sexual fantasies of course. What else is their to talk about other than vaginas? Brandi’s sexual fantasy is about catching her man with another woman. So she can check that off her bucket list. In Brandi’s talking head, she says all the other ladies husbands are cheating. No dear. That was yours. And possibly Kyle’s. Go scratch. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Live and Learn

RHobh Cast

I’m afraid this episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills  is going to be boring. I’m predicting most taking the kids to college stuff with Yolanda and Kyle. Perhaps I will be pleasantly surprised. I’m not holding my breath.

Lisa Vanderpump

We begin in Lisa’s bedroom where she is on the phone with Max who has dropped out of music school and is working at SUR.  Lisa is upset by Max’s lack of ambition. She and Ken have been giving him a living experience while requiring him to work full-time.

It’s Ken and Lisa’s 32nd anniversary.  Ken has filled the house with roses and Lisa makes her usual anniversary sex joke. Max drops by to speak with his parents. Max points out he has no proof of insurance or registration on his car. Max has no work ethic and Ken and Lisa can’t handle it. Ken is pissed with him and walks off.  Lisa and Ken are willing to teach him the restaurant business but he needs to be motivate. It seems he was joking  about his lack of insurance just to get under their skin.   Continue reading

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A Look Back At Penn Jillette’s Thoughts on Filming The Celebrity Apprentice

 

 

Penn Jillette

Penn Jillette, one of the smartest men in the entertainment industry wrote about his experiences on Celebrity Apprentice in his memoir published in 2012.  Check out this except to get his take on what the experience is like. I’ve read it several times. I love his sense of humor. I guess since Penn describes Trump’s hair as ” like cotton candy made of piss.” We won’t be seeing him return this season. :)

The Hawthorne effect—coined  in 1950 in response to factory workers’ productivity increases when they were being observed— manifests in every clinical shrink study of people’s motivations. When anyone watches anyone do anything, the watched people do whatever they’re being watched doing a little better for the short time while they’re being watched. The key is that the behavioral improvements are temporary. If the Hawthorne effect worked for more than a few days with TV cameras, we wouldn’t have “The Celebrity Apprentice.”

I noticed the Hawthorne effect for the first few days of my season of “The Celebrity Apprentice,” but it sure didn’t last long. We celebrities are desperate pigs. I knew several of my co-stars prior to working on “TCA” together. I had hung out with them and worked with them in high-pressure situations. None were close friends, but I liked them all and thought I knew them a bit. But sixteen hours a day with TV cameras all around, doing pointless fake corporate tasks outside one’s skill set with Clay Aiken, and no one worries about the whole world watching (with the exception of anyone who has a job, someone to talk to, a nice view out the window or a solitaire program). You’re happy if you don’t swallow your own tongue.

The secret truth of “The Celebrity Apprentice” is that it isn’t very hard. The tasks are nothing. Makeup starts just after 5 a.m. and the show goes to about 10 p.m., but you spend most of that time doing nothing. Anyone who isn’t in show business could accomplish everything the show called for and have time left over to do their laundry, cook their supper and post pictures of their animal companion on Facebook. “The Celebrity Apprentice” is easy like junior high is easy. All the arithmetic, the creative writing and the history are super simple, but like junior high, you do that easy work surrounded by people who are full-tilt hormone-raging bugnutty. Everyone is panicked, desperate, yelling, swearing, attacking, backstabbing, failing to get laid and acting crazy. With all this drama, any sane person just wants to do more algebra. “The Celebrity Apprentice” is junior high with a better brand of acne cover-up. Continue reading

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