I totally forgot about this show today. I’m going to hit the highlights because it is ShondaLand Thursday.
Carole doesn’t think Luann was jealous about her dating the chef, she just thinks she was in a bad place in her life and took it out on her.
I know I watched the first episode of MDLNY but I don’t remember Luis firing his entire staff. Maybe that happens tonight? And why is Ryan’s fiancée butting in to Luis’ business tonight. I do not think I will like her this season.
Carole says she didn’t say bad things about Luann, but she did retweet a lot stuff that her fans said about Luann when Luann was mean tweeting her. I missed all of this back and forth but even recently I think Carole was mean tweeting someone.
Carole thinks that John and Dorinda are in many ways a good match. It does seem they have lots of things in common.
I just realized that Cary Deuber from RHOD is on tonight. I haven’t had a chance to watch that tonight because it took me so long to recap the hot pink hootenanny that Patti threw on Southern Charm tonight. I guess this will take a while as it is much easier to only cover one person. Apologies if Cary gets short shifted.
Andy says that Kathryn has been tweeting a lot tonight and says that Thomas knows what to do and what to stop doing to see his children. Thomas has no idea what she means by that to hear him tell it.
Cary’s dress is gorgeous! What kind of pants is Thomas wearing? I just wasted a lot of time looking for the name of the old man brand of pants they used to wear back in the day. I don’t think it was Haggar. Anyway, the joke would not be funny enough for the time investment at this time of night. Sansabelt! It looks like Sansabelt old man pants!
You guys have the patience of a toddler on Twitter sometimes. When I don’t do the #WWHL recaps right away I get tweets during the show saying, I’m patiently waiting for your reaction to…. <insert spoilers here>. Which is really fine because it let’s me know I should prioritize the recap early my day. Which is apparently 2 p.m. today. Whatever. I was up all night again because I think I am becoming a vampire when all I really want to be is the cute old lady who gets up early and drinks coffee while reading the newspaper as the sun comes up. Sort of.
Anyway, Andy the host of a talk show with over a thousand episodes still can’t be bothered to get the pronunciation of his guests names before starting his live show. I’d feel more comfortable in mocking him for this if I did not just recap Real Housewives of Dallas without any idea who any of the people were. I have been experiencing Real Housewives Fatigue and wish I had insurance that would pay for me to go away to a nice all white institution with lots of wind chimes and be treated for exhaustion and dehydration. It’s hard to recap a new housewives franchise when you don’t know their names and haven’t figured out which of any of them are
in any way likeable.
We have a montage of Craig replete with the fake check signing scene with JD. The other lady on the show, Ellie brings up the stupidity of the whole grown man “buying a promise ring” and compares it to a “purity ring” and Andy jokes that he has a purity ring that he is going to keep on until he finds the right guy. Remember the big DRAMA I made over Andy’s ring when it showed up like right when gay marriage was legalized in NY? I still say something is up with that. But what ever it is doesn’t stop him from going on Big Fat Gay Vacations where I presume all sorts of lewd and lascivious behavior occurs. Anyway, Craig struggles to explain the promise ring situation without saying, “Hey, this jewelry store wanted to be on TV selling a cast member a ring and so we all drew straws and I won and so Naomie got a ring!” Because, fourth wall. By the way, I think this whole fourth wall thing is ridiculous. That is an acting term. They are not supposed to be acting on a reality show. The whole show is supposed to be breaking the fourth wall, because there isn’t supposed to be a wall. This is not Shakespeare. Craig says he has to wait until he learns how to ask Naomie’s dad in French for her hand in marriage which will probably take him a least a year. Because learning stuff be hard, yo.
Why are his hands so pink?
It’s WWHL with Mike Shouhed and one of those women from Potomac. Is that show still on? Do we drink every time she brings up race in random conversation?
Right away Mike is slurring his words and is clearly wasted. He also is dating someone. What the hell is wrong with women? What about Mike could possibly be on your checklist for men worth your time?
Why does Andy’s tie ALWAYS hang like a bent penis? Every single night.
Oddly, the RHOP lady is talking about someone always being drunk on camera during filming while Mike is trying not to sway in his seat.
Andy calls out Mike for playing with his hair while looking at his reflection in the camera lens. Mike says the divorce is in the six month “cooling off period” they have in California. He says he and Jessica are in a cordial place. They were together for five years and met when she was 21. That is a lot of cheating. And she still married him. She is not seeking spousal support. Because he has no money anyway. Jessica gave the ring back. I presume to the jeweler who got the advertising. Mike says he doesn’t care who she is dating because, ” Look at me! They’re lining up!” So charming this one. Mike seems to be saying that she gave the ring back so he could use it to pay off the wedding. Why the hell did she give the ring back? They got married. It was not a broken engagement. The ring is hers.
I’m super excited about Marie Osmond tonight. When I was in the first grade in Libya, I had a friend in the 5th grade who lived on my street. She was the epitome of cool, and she was Canadian and thought that my southern upbringing where I said yes mam and no sir was horrific and reminded her of slavery. She was big on evolution and explained to me at age six that I needed to try to do more things with my toes because they could be extinct in a few generations. And she was OBSESSED with Donny Osmond and would fly to Malta to bring back his albums to Tripoli. I thought she was EVERYTHING so I liked Donny because she did. When we moved back to the states, I would watch the Donny and Marie show. My only 8 track tape was the Donny one with “Puppy Love” on it. It was a kinder gentler time.
Okay enough of the overshare. Apparently, Dorinda and Bethenny are fighting on Twitter during the show. Jules showed up at the clubhouse to support Dorinda. I don’t see how Bethenny has a leg to stand on in this discussion. But I am sure there will be some idiots here who will find a way to take her side.
Andy can’t get enough of the Grey Gardens slant for the Sonja and Luann show. I actually love those two together.
Andy is so excited that Erika out to NYC on her plane that she is on the show. I can’t remember who else was going to be on but, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t Erika. I’m glad she is though. Erika says she has her boobs out to suck up to the boss and she always has a jump suit to wear for him. Erika just did a show in Palm Springs and Yolanda just got back from Tahiti. Yolanda says she should have just moved to Tahiti. The color of blue Yolanda is wearing looks stunning on her. Her tan is fabulous. Both ladies look fantastic!
Andy starts right off asking what they though of Ken calling Rinna vile names on tonight’s RHOBH episode. Yolanda says she has heard it before. He’s called her a bitch. It’s no secret Ken doesn’t like Yolanda either. Yolanda says she wasn’t happy about it. Erika says the reunion was everything she was told it would be.
The poll is who is the biggest shitstirer of the season. I can see the LVP fans sputtering spittle while rapidly texting for Rinna.
Andy asks Yolanda if she is still “Fonda” each housewife. Rinna,”no”. LVP, “not really”. Kyle, “Medium.” Eileen, “Yes.” Kathryn “Yes” Erika.”Yes” Ken “Yeees. I don’t have a problem with Ken.”
The very first caller wants to know why they believe Lisa Rinna over LVP. Yolanda says she thinks they are both to blame. Erika says that she believes Rinna heard about the topic of Munchausen from someone and LVP encouraged her to bring it up on camera. I hope this is the last post I will have to write about explaining this because some people just don’t want to understand the situation.
A caller asks Yolanda what she has in the vault. Yolanda says just experiences that she has with the women. She feels strongly that there are things you don’t speak about on national TV.