Category Archives: Vanderpump Rules

Celebrate Good Times, Come On! No More Stassi!

Pump Rules Kiss and tell Stassi

TMZ is reporting that Stassi Schroeder was NOT asked back to Vanderpump Rules for their next season! It’s about time for a little good news around here!  I’m a little worried because they seem to be quoting Lisa Vanderpump without the quotes while she is out of the country, and they have been so wrong about some stories lately, but I want to believe this!

Because if true, this is GLORIOUS news.  Kristen wins again. Continue reading

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Vanderpump Rules: Secrets Revealed #Eyeroll

Pump Rules finale pink motel

I’m gonna go ahead and guess that no secrets will be revealed tonight. I plan on having a snack while blogging, which is impossible if something is actually going to happen. These “secrets revealed” shows used to have new footage and show outtakes and shit but lately it’s just more reunion crap we have already heard three times.

Secret One: Jax is a douche satchel who gets chick’s name tattooed on him.
Secret Two: Kristen is obsessed with Sandoval.
Secret Three: LVP has three restaurants and works hard.
Secret Four: Peter’s edit for this season is loser who can’t get laid.
Secret Five: The Toms love each other, and themselves, and having  pictures made of themselves. Continue reading

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Vanderpump Rules Reunion Part 2: Beating Dead Horses to a Bloody Pulp

Vanderpump Rules - Season 3

For some reason at exactly 8 pm Banjo needs to go out, the phone rings, three people start emailing me crap, and 20 moderated people start a posting frenzy and the creepy Gaybor starts standing in the yard tripping on drugs of one sort or another so I am quite far behind getting started with this reunion.

But let me try to move on through the first bit. Stassi is back looking sort of pregnant in her picnic tablecloth dress. Which is rather appropriate as she is sitting next to Katie who actually IS pregnant. And the two are whining about the end of their friendship which I think should be celebrated with a sparkling non-alcoholic beverage while we all move on to something we might actually care about.

Stassi is sorry now. She is sorry now that she has no friends. Katie is not having it. Swartz goes in on Stassi. Scheana and Sandoval also go in on her.  Stassi doesn’t see anything wrong with any of her behavior.

Jax got a tattoo that he admits is a hybrid of Stassi and Carmen. It actually looks like Stassi only one side of the face is all ghoulish. I dunno how else to describe it. I spent way too much time trying to find a photo. Jax is ridiculous. He wants us to know he doesn’t care how stupid we all think it is because he likes it.  The weirdest part is I think there was already some sort of huge tattoo there to start with.

Is this reunion going to just be about Stassi?  Now it’s about Lisa and Stassi. I can’t be bothered to care about this. Continue reading

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Vanderpump Rules Recap: I Was Bored

Pump RUles ReUnion

Sorry for the delay. I was otherwise occupied last night and unavailable for recapping.  I am currently about a 398 on a 1- 10 anger scale and not particularly in the mood to recap but since it appears this anger is  not going anywhere and I’ve got to go forward and get some work done today. So here goes.  Oh look the Gaybor has taken to patrolling our fence line where I am doing my spring planting. He is threatening a privacy fence. Oh no, please not a privacy fence! How would I live without the view of your lawn furniture and shanty houses! God this day is annoying as fuck.

Lisa

Seems furious with Stassi and not as pissy with Kristen.

Jax

Jax says he has no idea of the status of things with Carmen. He last saw her last night.

Andy says there is no difference between Jax’s old nose and the new one. Andy asked if his nose caved in from coke.

There is discussion of Jax and Carmen’s breakup. Andy said that he offended Carmen when she came up to him at an event and said she was Jax’s girlfriend and he said, “Well, that’s a very long list.”  Andy seems surprised that that would offend a young woman. Jax says he is not looking to settle down.

Andy asks about the girl he banged in the bathroom in the hotel room that Tiffany “paid for.” Jax denies it. Schwartz tries to pretend like he doesn’t know what happened. Sandoval says it happened. No one believes Jax.

Andy asks if Jax has had any sexual relations with John. He says absolutely not. Andy says, but you kissed him. He says it was a peck. Andy says it seemed like a lot more than that. He said that John said he STILL loves Jax.  Andy says that Jax seems like the type that says a mouth is a mouth and a hole is a hole.  Andy should know this about Jax. Allegedly. Continue reading

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WWHL With Golnesa Gharachedaghi and Reza Farahan

 

WWHL GG Reza

 

I was thinking perhaps Reza’s whole Gay Ghandi thing might mean he was going to be edited as less of a prick this season. Well, that remains to be seen but people are not edited on Watch What Happens Live and he wastes no time in being a prick.

To be fair GG started it by talking about how the ring they showed on the show was not the ring the couple is currently using. It seems that something happened to that one and there is much smaller one in its place. At least that was the implication. Reza says he knows he will be uninvited to the wedding by the end of WWHL and GG is not being kind to the bride and groom either. It would appear that all of the rumors about Mike have resulted in pretty much no one speaking to him. I knew this back when filming was happening but I thought by now a year later that everyone had probably made up as the usually do. It would seem that did not happen. Continue reading

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Vanderpump Rules Recap: Dethroned

Pump Rules finale pink motel

Okay, it’s time for the finale so I am making some adjustments to recap this live. I took a shower, and put on clean jammies in honor of the first clean sheets night of 2015 (I’ve been sleeping on the couch mostly). After this and Shahs I will likey pile up in my nice clean bedroom for the night and deal with GiGi (and Reza I think, not Kristen :( ) in the morning/afternoon.

It’s time for the annual calendar shoot as all restaurants have each year. The location is cool this year. It’s The Pink Hotel which is so cute and 1950s that it would not surprise me if Lisa buys it before the episode is over.  James is super hot in the photo shoot. Yes, little Europeon boy James.  He photos very well.  I want those one piece 1950s swimsuits. Sort of. I mean if I have to wear a swimsuit.

Sandoval and Jax are always in a lovers quarrel for these things. Scheana just let Sandoval know that Jax is saying he slept with Miami girl.  that was sweet of her to do right before they have to pose together. Scheana tell Ariana what Jax said about Miami Girl on a break in filming but Ariana doesn’t believe Sandoval would lie or cheat. LOLOLOL. Um, okay. So he would cheat with you but now on you. I see.  Ariana says she texted with Tom all night.  She says that Facetime “didn’t work” in his hotel room.  Yeah, I dated a guy once whose IM that he was on all day long with me in town “didn’t work” on his work computer he took on business trips.  Scheana points out that Eddie would text Brandi a lot when they were dating. Ariana says she is not stupid and she is smarter tan anyone she ever met in her life.  Ariana tells Scheana  she is sure Tom didn’t cheat. Scheana wisely says she will not bring it up ever again. Continue reading

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Scheana Marie Shay on WWHL

WWHL With Scheana

I don’t think there will be much to report from this episode but I am checking it out just in case since we are so near reunion time.

After the vault with all of Scot Wolf”s Party of Five memories, Andy moves on to Vanderpump Rules. He plays all the mean stuff that Stassi said about Scheana’s wedding. Andy accidently says shit on live TV. It was bleeped.  Scheana says she doesn’t care what people think.

Andy seems to be drunk. He plays a clip of the finale like it’s some big deal we didn’t just see at the end of the last episode. Then he proclaims Vanderpump Rules to be the best show on television. Kristen and Rachel are tweeting about the story Jax told about them and the stripper incident being totally made up. Kristen is calling Jax a liar. The problem is Kristen, my dear girl, if you keep pointing out what a liar Jax is then your entire manipulation to get Jax to roll over on Sandoval is meaningless!  Focus your crazy, Kristen. Focus!

Scott Wolf is a little bit weird.  I don’t know how to explain it. Like too smiley and fake happy. Andy has had enough to drink to forget to mask his facial expressions. He doesn’t seem like a fan of Scott’s. Continue reading

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VanderPump Rules Recap: Jax Cracks

Vanderpump Rules - Season 3

Why the hell are all of the Bravo production companies married to the idea of having so many damn rehash scenes at the beginning of every episode?  Jax and Tom and Ariana, Katie and Stassi’s new butt barnacle, James and Lisa… enough! The new episode doesn’t start until seven minutes in!

And sadly the new episode starts with Stassi and Peter meeting for lunch. Oh wait. It’s another rehash scene. I keep trying to squint and see the hot Peter I used to see, and sadly, hot Peter is lost forever. sigh. This is a classic case of a man who should keep his mouth shut and his clothes off.  Stassi has that fat face thing happening. Is she pregnant too or is this some new thing woman are having done to themselves? Is a moon face in or something?

FINALLY a full 14 minutes into the episode, we have new material. Kristen and James face off for the first time. Do these two live together or nah? They are at an outside café for lunch and Kristen blurts out “Tequila” before the waitress can finish asking what they want. I can feel the awkwardness of this conversation. I may have had a similar one on more than six one occasion. Though in my defense, I didn’t hit anyone. James takes full responsibility and professes his love. James is bothered by Kristen’s obsession with Sandoval. Kristen’s position is that she wants to clear her name regarding Sandoval calling her a liar about Miami Girl. Um, Kristen darling, you were not in Miami and have no idea what happened with Miami girl! Give it a rest dear and go play with you little busboy. Is there nothing amusing about it?  They hug it out at the end. The busboy is whipped. Continue reading

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VanderPump Rules Recap: Ring on a String

Pump Scheana Wedding

 

It’s time for  the Scheana and Shay’s reception. I think they got married at the perfect time of day. followed by cocktail hour. The setting is really beautiful. Lisa and Kristen have a run in at the wedding. Kristen points out that Lisa doesn’t have any business in her staff’s personal relationships.

Stassi and her minion meet for drinks and to make fun of Scheana’s wedding and her wedding dress in particular. And Lisa and Ken and Gigi.

Schwartz is feeling his inner bride. Jax is hoping he will get laid. The usual. Carmon is pissed because Vail is at their table. Does she know they banged? They both claim not to remember.

Scheana’s wedding planner again fucks up the music and the presentation of the newlyweds. She supposedly had some choreography that had to be at a certain point in the song. But really? All they did was jump up and down.

James is drunk and pissy. Vail and Peter flirt. Katie and Schwartz are planning their wedding. Schwartz gives Katie some sort of wedding band thing on a necklace. Katie is distraught. It’s a meaningless ring. Not at all what she wants.  Tom and Ariana do a kissing scene for the cameras. Jax begs Carmon to spend the night. Carmon is so not feeling Jax tonight. She seems very jealous of Vail. Continue reading

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Jax Fails To See That He and Kristen Are Two Peas in a Pod !

 

VPjax2

 

Jax’ blog this week is all about how crazy and manipulative Kristen is. This is certainly not news. But Jax doesn’t seem to grasp that everything Kristen does that is crazy and manipulative is mild in comparison to the things Jax has done.

Since it is Sunday, perhaps I will share a bit of scripture with Jax.

“How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?” Matthew 7:4.

Here are some excerpts from Jax’ blog:

[After viewing a clip of Tom telling James that Kristen is still texting him]This is the first I saw of this. I didn’t know that this had happened. I really feel bad for the guy. He’s a young kid who likes this girl and trying everything in his power to have a relationship with her, when she’s still pining over Tom Sandoval. It’s really sad.

At least she didn’t get his named tattooed on her body. Yet. Continue reading

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Scheana Marie Shay Shares The Best And Worst Moments of Her Wedding Ceremony

Photo Credit: Bravo

Photo Credit: Bravo

This week on Vanderpump Rules we all saw Scheana Marie overcome a few obstacles to get herself down the aisle and married to Mike Shay. First of all, I forget what Scheana’s maiden name is because she rarely used it in publicity information, but Scheana Marie Shay is an awesome name.   Also, a few people were bitching about the fit of her bodice in comments here. The bodice was perfectly tailored to Scheana’s body.  Unfortunately, when you are filming your Wedding by Bravo, you have to incorporate a bulky microphone back and wire that they didn’t really think about when fitting the dress.  That caused the bodice not to lay properly during the ceremony. However, in all the scads of photos you can see the dress fit perfectly.  I don’t get the uproar over the dress, I thought it was lovely and very age appropriate without being revealing.

Click through for Scheana’s behind the scenes recount of what she calls the best day of her life, despite some minor (and not so minor) issues that popped up.  It’s seems that one thing all Weddings by Bravo have in common is the less than stellar wedding planner. Continue reading

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Vanderpump Rules: For Better Or Worse, Scheana Got Married

Pump Tom Sandoval

We begin with cocktail waitress, Scheana stopping by her boss’s big pink mansion to talk about her feelings about her upcoming wedding day. Didn’t we all do that when we got married? High tea with out boss to discuss our heightened emotions over our big day? The reception dinner will of course be at SUR.  I can’t believe Lisa would not have preferred PUMP maybe it is doing to well to disrupt with a filming. She also mentions that she recently got a settlement in a law suit from an injury. This is probably not a good time to bring up lawsuits with Pumpy.  Her own lawsuits are not going so well for her.  Scheana says her original budget was 30K but now it is 90K.  Actually, she won’t be spending much at all of her own money because, Wedding By Bravo!  Good for her! She asks Lisa for 300 bottles of he pink sangria and vodka to go with her pink and white wedding theme.  Smart. Lisa acts like it is Pandy’s call but it will definitely be provided for promotion.

Scheana is excited about honeymooning in Hawaii but she is nervous about Kristen. Apparently, she has seen the script.

The Toms, Jax and Shay talk about the horrors of marriage. They go to an actual barber. For men. Well, and women. But it was almost like a real barber. Continue reading

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