A couple of brief notes on the AfterShow, which you should be watching:
It’s a comedy show and recapping it would be like describing porn to someone who just masturbated, so just some points –
Brandy Howard and Julie Goldman are the hosts. They are amazingly funny. They aren’t taking the show or the cast seriously, a point which the cast seem to not understand. The hosts will ask hysterically inappropriate and/or sarcastic statements, and the cast will answer as if they were UN Ambassadors. Surprisingly, Sandoval and Shay are the ones who get into the spirit of it and play along. I like “sober” non castrated Shay-he’s pretty funny and quick.
Watch Julie and Brandy’s facial expressions and eye rolls.
As much as y’all love this guy would it kill you to follow him on Twitter?
Going in, kids, in the immortal words of Nick Lowe: “Cruel to be kind, means that I love you.” I wouldn’t be watchin’ and snarkin’ if I didn’t love this show.
Let’s address the big topic straight up: Scheana has been been clued in (either through reading social media, through self awareness, or, most likely, through production) that after three years of her showing up for the first few weeks of taping with visible though not disfiguring injuries, viewers have caught on to her; so instead of her seasonal Munchausen by Vanderpump injuries focus has been shifted to Shay and his “addiction.” Do I believe Shay has an addiction problem? Maybe. Do I think whatever issue Shay has Scheana has blown up for a storyline? Yes. Yes I do.
Caroline Stanbury is wearing Balmain from H & M. Oh dear, has it come to that? And to make me think even less of her she is starts right on Tom Sandoval asking why he ever dated Kristen. She says Kristen is “stab you in the dark crazy” like guys don’t love that shit. That’s two strikes for Caroline in the first 90 seconds and I don’t know the rules of cricket, darling but here you only get one more strike, Caroline . So zip it.
Next week on Vanderpump Rules we delve into Mike Shay’s shocking drug problem.
Caroline says that two of the ladies are not on good terms with Annabelle at the moment and she is one of them. Who do you think the other one is? Julie?
Tom Sandoval skirts the question about Kentucky and Jax staying together. He says he has seen of good side of Jax with her. You know like that time he got drunk and stole some sunglasses for her and went to Jail in Hawaii. He thinks they could make it. I think they are likely already done now that filming is over. I’m guessing she took the new twins right back to Kentucky when the season wrapped. Continue reading
Has she slept with Jax yet? She says she is every guy’s type. And I am sure she is. Except perhaps grown men who have to introduce their date to the boss, colleagues or parents as “Lala.” But other than those guys, she is probably their type. I can see James the dishwasher quite enjoying her. Or Jax. Lala has a booking in Italy over the weekend. This is her first “real job.” Are there any shortcuts for the poor west coast people to get to Europe? Because I can’t imagine living more than a red eye away. I’m serious. That must be horrid. Lala lives in Stassi’s old apartment. Clearly, it’s a StableByBravo
At an all cast bar get together to haze the newbies, no one believes that Lala is being flown to Venice to model for the weekend. Look at her. Now go do a random Google street view of some plaza in Venice with pigeons pooping on people. Enough said.
Scheana and Katie thinks Lala blows old men for trips to Venice. They interrogate her. Katie confronts Lala about her ass profile photo. Lala admits she is going on a free trip because she is a fun bitch to be around. She says since she is so fun, she gets to keep her legs closed. Scheana says, “What about your mouth?” Heh. She just admitted to the girl that Lisa drags in to court to testify for her that she is blowing of work to blow off some old dudes. Lala is a great name for this airhead.
Have we ever had a black female at SUR? I don’t recall anyone non-white folks working there before. Faith struggles to learn to count to seven under the astute tutelage of Katie. Katie has sort of morphed into Khloe Kardashian. Being a waitress is hard. I’m serious. I sucked at it . I don’t have a lot of Faith in Faith. I shall wait to figure out her last name and give her a tag here. Katie thinks Faith is doing great and is a badass. That’s a ringing endorsement. Continue reading
For some reason the rumors about Andy Cohen and Jax Taylor blew up last night and my inbox was busy this morning. Many felt the nude shower scene of Jax last night on Vanderpump Rulhttp://tamaratattles.com/2015/11/02/vanderpump-rules-season-premiere-playtimes-over/#es was shot specifically at Andy’s request. That certainly should surprise no one. The casting couch rumors regarding Vanderpump Rules have been around since the shows inception. Even if true, I don’t think there is any reluctance on the part of the male cast. #Shrugs #ConsentingAdults.
The drinking word is an audio from Queen Kristen saying “suck a dick” let’s hope it gets played a lot. Even though my liver is still on vacay so I can’t participate.
Jax loves his latest nose. But Andy and Schwatz like his original nose best.
They play a bit of the new Bravo show Apres Ski which I hope to recap later in the week if time allows. So far, I haven’t heard great things.
It’s time for a new season of Vanderpump Rules and I could not be happier. I didn’t dig it much at first but you guys made me recap and now it’s one of my favorite shows. I’ll take anything above recapping another housewives show with menopausal women screaming and damning people to hell and yanking weaves. Really, anything. Even Jax. So let’s do this!
We start with a shift meeting lead by Lisa. Jax is in the middle of nose job number three. Lisa is worried that service is lacking because the tip percentage is falling. James was called out for something and immediately starts saying that he is DJing every night at Pump and Kristen comes in! Waaa Waaaah. Lisa reminds him that he is a busser at SUR first and foremost. We get a montage about Kristen and Tom, because Kristen is star of the show. Lisa decides to banish Kristen from PUMP and from SUR when the little British dingleberry is working. Tom Sandoval gets into a tiff with Lisa over whether or not he is working enough shifts.
Scheana says that married life is amazing. Well that is about to change. But first she is going to have a thirtieth birthday party for herself. It appears it will be 80s themed. Meanwhile, Katie fills Scheana in on the gossip that Stassi and her boyfriend no longer live together. I heard she was couch surfing on Kristen sofa during filming and then miraculous moved back in with Patrick after. He refuses to have anything to do with the show, because he is a normal person who should run from Stassi as fast as he can. Continue reading