As much as I like these ridiculous Bravo shows, they always seem to just drag on forever. For the first time in the history of Bravo, the Shahs finale seemed like a nice happy ending. All of the storylines were wrapped up. Everyone pretended to kiss and make up. That should have been the end.
But, no. We are still driving the hilariously stupid gold them into the ground with a reunion at a dinner table. Let’s see if some dumps a plate of tahdig on anyone in this episode.
Andy asks Reza what the hell he was thinking screaming the word faggot at people in a gay club. He says that the guy was talking about Iran like it was Club Med. Um, flashback to 80′s resorts with rampant STDs. Plus the guy was not doing that at all. He talked about missing his family and not being able to see them. Now MJ is joining in to defend Reza and both are saying that FOB is perfectly fine. As far as I am concerned it is perfectly fine if your intent is to insult someone, it’s as good an insult as any. What is not perfectly fine is the two of them acting as if it is a term of endearment. They are both delusional. Just say, “I didn’t like the guy, I called him an FOB, and it’s really not that big of a deal!” But no. That can never happen. Reza and MJ both just seem to try to look like assholes. Reza seems to get it after the tenth question that he needs to apologize and shut up. Continue reading
It time once again for the season finale of Shahs of Sunset. Can you believe it has been three seasons already. We’ve loved them and hated them and loved them again and then totally despised them and now it’s time to part ways once again and wait to see what their season four personalities will be. My greatest hope for season four is that they get rid of the stupid theme song and use Asa’s song, Terangeles instead. But for now it is time to tie up all the lose ends.
First Reza and Mike head to the gym for the incredibly scripted make up scene. Reza goes to train with a gold chain around his neck. On the outside of his tee shirt. They work out for five minutes and then Reza starts the conversation by saying that he feels very distant from Mike and it hurts him. Mike says he is hurt that Reza didn’t give him 100% of his help. Reza says absolutely he did not. For some reason, Mike feels like he is partners with Reza and he should be getting a percentage of his sales. Well that would be awesome if that is the way it worked. But that is an obscene idea. You don’t just decide to partner up with someone and take a percentage of their commissions while you do nothing. All Reza owed Mike if he owed him anything was to give him some pointers. Perhaps some good neighborhoods to canvas. for listings. Let him do some open houses for Reza where he might meet some potential buyers. Tell him to go to all the Persian things his rich Persian friends do pass out as many business cards and shake as many hands as possible. Have his brothers and parents pimp him out. DO SOMETHING other than whining about what Reza is not doing for him. Reza explains that successful agents who take the time to mentor newbies receive a percentage of their commission for teaching them, not the other way around. Reza is right. Mike doesn’t want to pay his dues. Mike says he is going back to commercial real estate, as if he ever left commercial real estate. They hug it out. Continue reading
I am really looking forward to this episode. Due to all sorts things last night I was not able to watch until this morning. I am excited to see the sights of Turkey and….oh wait. That is not what we are getting. We get a scene with Reza and GG inserting anti nausea suppositories up their asses. Seriously, Ryan Seacrest Productions? You were doing so well.
Next, Asa tells Reza that there is a border town in Turkey where they can go and see Iran. Seriously? It’s shocking news that Turkey borders Iran? She just found this information out from a waiter? When I heard they were going to Turkey I fully expected them to be filming the entire episode at the border town. Not in the European city of Istanbul. Sigh. Maybe the breaking news is they have planes in Turkey that take you to other cities? I don’t get it. I must be cranky today because quite frankly this is the 37th thing I have found irritating and annoying since I got up a couple hours ago. I’m going to take a deep breath and consider suspend disbelief about people from Iran not knowing the border countries of their homeland or knowing that air travel exists. EXCEPT! Reza just said in his talking head “I didn’t know it was a possibility to go to the border of Iran. You can go “look at Iran” pretty much anywhere on the border and there is a huge border crossing at Dogubayazit into the Iranian town of Bazargan there are also two smaller crossing points that are much easier to navigate on foot. What am I even talking about this for, Reza probably could not find Iran on a map, with labels. Continue reading
I am so excited for tonight’s episode of Shahs of Sunset for so many reasons. For one, I love Turkey and am dying to see where they go. And for another, while they are in Turkey this group will not be wasted the entire time and hopefully we will see them more civilized with less liquid courage coursing through their veins. And finally we likely will not be distracted by the women’s breasts hanging out for all to see. It should be a fun, more conservative show.
Already Reza is pretending like he cares about his heritage. He doesn’t but my home for him is that he will when he returns from this trip. GG wins the best luggage award with some Gucci looking roll-on with a leather flip top. Crap I forgot about them getting wasted on the flight over. MJ is standing up during take-off. What is wrong with these people? Have they never been in a plane before? It looks like they are in Lufthansa’s business class and are sort of spread out so that may be a good thing. Wow! It’s only 12 hours to Istanbul from the west coast.
Did they actual bring champagne with them? The first thing they do when they get to there van is drink. They toast to being in the middle-east. Well close enough to the middle east I suppose. Istanbul is primarily in Europe.
MJ and GG begin arguing on the first night out in Istanbul. This is not what we want to see Bravo. Why do we need to fly them half way around the world to hear them rehash their stupid arguments in front of a foreign audience? /sigh Yet somehow they end up apologizing and making up. Continue reading
We start off this week with GG and Leila meeting at their Dad’s office to discuss their extensions business. What in the holy hell is going on with Leila’s hair? She has some sort of greasy bed head thing going on. GG has her hair in a pony tail. Is this really the look these two want to have during their product placement segment of Shahs of Sunset for hair extensions? It make no sense. Nor does the lack of enthusiasm. If they were serious about this “business” they would have put some effort into it.
Leila wants to know what is going on with the MJ situation. GG says that she wants to know why Leila is hanging out with MJ since MJ called their parents and said that GG was a whore bitch. OMG. Please tell me MJ did not do that. Oh god. There is footage. Leila doesn’t believe that GG is not the cause of the problem. I get that. GG has a history of lying but this time she is telling the truth. Leila calls Mike to verify GG’s story. Mikes supports GG version of events more or less. Leila apologizes. GG’s extensions look great in her talking heads.
Asa and Reza are going shopping at Kitson’s for Soghati , gifts from your travels you bring to your friends and family. MJ arrives and says she is determined to ruin GG’s life. Asa takes MJ to lunch and tries to talk her down. Continue reading
We begin the next morning with cameramen in Mikes bedroom in yet another fake morning scene by Bravo. The storyline is, Mike wakes up the morning after the Diamond Water launch party feeling rough and embarrassed. Jessica explains all the parts that Mike doesn’t remember.
Asa invites MJ and GG over to her house in an attempt to get them to reconcile before the trip to Turkey. I am SO excited about the trip but Asa and I may be the only ones actually looking forward to it. Seriously Asa? French Feta? Feta is Greek. I also want the recipe for that Apple Cider Vinegar Habanero sauce. But what did it go with? Asa tells them to just work it out. MJ wants to know what she did wrong. GG’s anger management techniques must be working for her because I would have gutted her like a fish right there. There is no way in hell she doesn’t know what she did wrong. Somehow they all calmly agree to squash it. Continue reading
OMG! Asa has more bangles than I have ever seen her wear. I die. And must officially withdraw from the bangle war I have in my head with her. And her dress stunning. She looks fantastic! GG looks great too, but I have a special bond with Asa. She was one of the first people I interviewed on this blog long ago. Then I decided NOT to use much of the interview and just gush about her, because… I love her. I still love that blog. BTW, Asa is first chair, as she should be.
Andy throws some shade at Asa over the whole Persian Flu Mask picture that made it’s way around the Internet. Asa says it’s a gold statement necklace that she has and wears it many ways, on her neck, on her forehead and on her boot and um…. as a flu mask. lol. I do admit to laughing at the Persian Flu Mask picture, sorry girlfriend.
Conversation moves on to Asa’s new diamond water which is now available for sale at RealDiamondWater.com where you can get a case of 12 1 liter bottles for about $36 bucks. I pay about $15 dollars for a case of 1.5 liter bottles of Whole Foods Brand Electrolyte water, but a case of Coconut water is about $48 bucks. This falls somewhere in between. The thing about Asa’s water is that it is Alkaline water, which some people say is the best thing healthwise since sliced bread and others say that once the water hits your stomach, it loses all the alkaline properties. Anyway, everyone go try some and let me know what you think. Then Andy does the stupid drinking of the diamond water thing with diamond graphics that we have all seen him do at least once before. Continue reading
Chiiiiile, this here is one CRAZY Tuesday night at the home offices of Tamara Tattles. Busy Busy, BUSY. And then this Brandi Glanville shit starts right when I am tryna recap Shahs. Let me try and focus as my emails go batshit crazy.
MJ has a lot of sex tapes. She is trying to get them all erased. Reza goes with her to the computer shop for this to happen. The guy finds all of her sex tapes. He tells her to password protect her computer and they leave. I love that MJ is so comfortable with her body. May well all get there someday. MJ says she doesn’t know how long she will look that good and she wants to keep some memorabilia. YOU GO GIRL! Love you MJ!
Mike is back with his big balls… er I mean big baller friends from Vegas to talk shop. Random bimbos abound. It’s weird and likely Made by Bravo. Or VERY shady. Continue reading
I don’t understand why Asa’s Tehrangeles song is not the theme song to this show. It’s a way better song than the one they use. Reza has apparently never been to a mall before. Apparently, he and Adam went to promote some sort of Beluga Caviar machine. It went a little something like this. Here is $3,500 provided by the Caviar people. Go to the mall, find the machine and pretend like you just had an extra $3,500 in your pocket to buy caviar.
UPDATED: Here is the link to the Beverly Hills Caviar Company that got all the advertising on Shahs last night. The largest tin in the machine is 200g and cost $800. Oh Bravo, you slay me.
Asa takes GG to an outdoor Tai Chi class. I think this is a fantastic idea for GG and her anger issues. It’s calming, but in kind of warrior princess way. “Put your mind inside of where your hips are….” GG asks if this helps sex. LOL. But she is sort of taking it seriously! GG and Asa have such a nice civilized conversation. That was actually nice to watch.
MJ is showing Leila’s house to a potential renter. I haven’t seen her doing anything real estate related in ages. Continue reading
Winner of the 2013 Most Photo Shopped Picture Award
I know I said I was done with this shit show last week, and I meant it. But I am amused by this “special time” for this episode. You see, Shahs as not been pulling in the ratings this season. As the former number one fan of this show in season one, I became disillusioned by season two. As you saw last week, I vowed to abandon the show entirely, and hell I still watch Vanderpump Rules! That ridiculous Thicker Than Water show usually has the 9 pm Sunday night slot. It’s a coveted spot because of the RHOA lead in. Thicker than Water has been beating the pants of in the ratings so Bravo decided to give the slot to Shahs of Sunset to see if that would help. Frankly, we all have so many Sunday night shows to choose from I don’t understand how Bravo gets any viewers on Sunday nights anymore. My point is, when a show is moved out of it’s time slot, it means Bravo is nervous about ratings and is ultimately trying to flush the season as quickly as possible. Shahs second airing did not happen until 1 am, after RHOA had three airings.
That said, let the shit show begin. We begin with Mike wondering WTF is wrong with Reza. Mike realizes Reza’s behavior is embarrassing everyone. Mike is uncomfortable with Reza being on the gay pride float for the gay bar that he insulted and embarrassed everyone in the night before. Mike calls Reza and tells him he doesn’t think it is a good idea for Reza to be on the float. Reza is a smartass (shocker) and says “You’ve become the ambassador for the float, I’m very happy for you.” Reza says who are you to call and uninvited me to a disgusting float that is an embarrassment to the gay community. WAIT WHAT? This as yet unseen float is the embarrassment to the gay community and not the dude as big as a gay pride float all by himself whose hobbies include smelling armpits, using the word faggot to out people who clearly are comfortable in the closet, and generally insulting all of his “friends” on national TV ? Good GOD Reza is delusional. Mike is pissed. Continue reading
Seriously? I feel like the person who has to report to Burger King on a holiday. How much longer are we going to watch this shit? Can’t we just talk about The Blacklist and AHS:Coven and Scandal and Revenge and ….. just better TV? But here we go, because Bravo has you all so sucked in that you cannot, will not, venture out.
Mike and Reza go to some hairloss facility to try and keep Mike from going bald. Because Persians are know the world over for being practically hairless. Much like Armenians. Clearly this is a moment of crisis. Next the dermatologist comes in to explain Mike has flaky ears. SIGH. Both are Iranian doctors. No infomercial here at all. Continue reading
Sigh. I am harkening back to the day when this used to be exciting and fun! I would chat with you about things on the teevee and we would laugh and laugh but it just keeps getting more and more ridiculous and I think we all need to travel more. Stop what you are doing a book a fucking trip somewhere. ANYWHERE. Because we are NOT amused by this shit anymore. We have reached our limits. Enough already.
Okay, every year, GG goes white water rafting? Um. REALLY? Okay I will suspend disbelief and not mention that Bravo is paying for the fucking rafting trip. Let’s get on with it, #YAWN
GG is exactly right. I guess MJ had to get the bad edit/storyline eventually. Reza and MJ are going for facials. MJ is in love with her gay. Girl??? You have to get yourself a straight man. Reza LIES (are you shocked?) to get MJ to the white water rafting trip with GG’s family. Of course we must suspend disbelief again. Also, MJ is getting her “facial” in full on Tammy Faye Baker makeup. Because that is what we all wear to get a facial. Triple lashes, three inches of foundation and slut red lipstick. I just can’t. I love you MJ, but you are getting totally ridiculous. Continue reading