Tonight’s disclaimer about why this recap will suck is sponsored by well brand tequila. It is also my excuse for more typos than usual and my late start. I was gardening today and craved a margarita. I am NOT allowed to drink tequila it usually makes me cry. Tonight I had TWO margaritas. Now two drinks don’t phase me at all but two TEQUILA drinks make me all fuzzy headed and my shoulder blades hurt. I went to get dinner which I am no longer interested in and it’s in the fridge for tomorrow. I had a great time reading my book at the bar for the first one, but two was one too many.
So apologies for my lateness. And let’s do this. I admit part of my unusual desire for hard liquor was having to recap this crapfest tonight. I have no idea what is real anymore on this show.
Mike and Reza go to a cigar bar. I hate Reza even more because Xanadude hates him. It make me feel better about being disgusted by him. I respect Xanadude’s opinion. Even his polar opposite political ones. You can learn a lot from X. I’m just saying. (I warned you about the tequila).
I also make fun of Californians a lot. I am going to play the some of my favorite people are Californians. Including one cranky guy from San Francisco who is currently probably mad at me. But I have to mock them here once again because I just don’t get why they wear winter ski caps in LA. I get the whole bad hair day possibility but there have to be other hat options than winter wear. Anyway, this scene is about Mike crawling back to Reza. Whatever. I should point out that it hurts my heart a bit not to like Reza anymore. We had some great conversations online before season one aired.
Why are his hands so pink?
It’s WWHL with Mike Shouhed and one of those women from Potomac. Is that show still on? Do we drink every time she brings up race in random conversation?
Right away Mike is slurring his words and is clearly wasted. He also is dating someone. What the hell is wrong with women? What about Mike could possibly be on your checklist for men worth your time?
Why does Andy’s tie ALWAYS hang like a bent penis? Every single night.
Oddly, the RHOP lady is talking about someone always being drunk on camera during filming while Mike is trying not to sway in his seat.
Andy calls out Mike for playing with his hair while looking at his reflection in the camera lens. Mike says the divorce is in the six month “cooling off period” they have in California. He says he and Jessica are in a cordial place. They were together for five years and met when she was 21. That is a lot of cheating. And she still married him. She is not seeking spousal support. Because he has no money anyway. Jessica gave the ring back. I presume to the jeweler who got the advertising. Mike says he doesn’t care who she is dating because, ” Look at me! They’re lining up!” So charming this one. Mike seems to be saying that she gave the ring back so he could use it to pay off the wedding. Why the hell did she give the ring back? They got married. It was not a broken engagement. The ring is hers.
This episode of Shahs of Sunset is only the second one and already I am tired of the battle between Mercedeh and Asa that will resume in this episode over the affections of Reza. Reza is a scumbag, misogynist who women and THE gays (Capitalized to emphasis for those that the term “the gays” bothers) can no longer abide. Sure there are women (like Bethenny Frankel, based on her Talk Show) who love him and gays who fuck him, me and mine are not fans. So to have the storyline be two women clamoring for the affections of Reza for another season is going to annoy the fuck out of me. MJ, is MJ. But Asa Soltan Rahmati I hold to a higher accountability. Le sigh.
I am also behind because it took me all day to research THIS STORY about Bethenny Frankel, because apparently no one else could be bothered. So I am behind, and irritable and will not do WWHL with Mike Shouhed until tomorrow because WWHL is a PITA to recap. #Apologies.
On to tonights’ episode…
This used to be one of my favorite Bravo shows, but just the previews alone are irritating to me. GG wakes up at Shervin’s where she slept in his bed and he slept on the couch. She wakes up in full makeup with a camera crew. Come on Ryan Seacrest! And just look at her pitiful wrist with less than an inch of gold bangles. It’s all just a super disappointment at this point.
It seems like forever since we have had an episode of Shahs of Sunset. Hell Mike and Jessica have gotten married and divorced since the last season. Speaking of Jessica, she is still dealing with that man with the rape allegations. Someone sent me a like to her on a podcast with the guy from The Dirty where she says something like “he has always been nice to her.” Um really? This chick has the worst judgment in men I have ever seen. I thought my picker was broke, but this girl just needs to leave the men alone before she gets hurt or worse. Personally, I’ve found life to me much easier with having to deal with some man on a regular basis. If you are with someone who has been CHARGED WITH RAPE someone needs to fucking intervene. Has her family disowned her? How do you justify that in your head?
Let’s hope MJ’s new fiancée is someone who will be good to her. I really want her to be happy. I’m really looking forward to seeing Belize this season, as I have never been there. I really should start exploring South America. And I want to see Asa doing ANYTHING. I adore her.
We open with a scene of Reza sleeping alone with his dog. Reza admits that he sabotaged his relationship last season by being a whore at his bachelor party, and cancelling the wedding. He says he got more therapy and things are much better now between him and Adam now but it has been a long road. But that doesn’t stop Reza from (jokingly?) being an asshole. I can tell you that friends and family who constantly pick because they think they are being funny will drive that person away. No one wants to be constantly picked at. Reza is still harassing him for sex. I do like Reza’s to do list which is basically have sex and buy gold. I think that is an excellent plan for most anyone.
I have had very regular updates on the issues between Jessica Parido and Mike Shouhed since well before they got married last March. Back in the summer of 2014 things reached a fever pitch when it came to sources about Mike’s rampant cheating. At that point, I gave up all hope that the situation would resolve itself and released the information in a blind item here. Mike’s cheating was made a part of the storyline last season. I was told by numerous insiders with access to filming that one or more of these women was coming on the show to confront Mike in front of Jessica. I believe I was told this after the fact. I believe that in some way, production was trying to stop the wedding. And then at some point, the other women were edited out of the season. I think GG was tasked with starting the conversation by bringing up whatever happened between them in Istanbul or wherever two season ago. I think if production had not prompted GG she would have written the entire incident off as two drunken people who knew each other well becoming a bit inappropriate. I do not think anything earthshattering happened with GG and Mike in the grand scheme of things. I’m not saying GG lied, I do think Mike came on to her. What I am saying is that, GG knows, that is just Mike. And then allegedly Mike hooked up again with GG’s sister, an old flame right around the time he proposed to Jessica.
I don’t think GG’s intent was to help Jessica see the light. The light could not have been any more blinding at that point. Jessica marched right down that VERY EXPENSIVE AISLE knowing full well she was marrying a cheater. But I think her conversion to Judaism for her brought a sense of morality to the relationship, a show of extreme dedication, that she hoped would somehow fix Mike. And obviously that did not work. I did have reason to believe she would not go through with it. I contacted people right up until the night before the wedding asking if they were really sure the wedding would happen. Jessica knew full well what she was marrying when she did it. Why would she do that? Continue reading
Here is the key to the photo above Clockwise from Reza: Reza, Shervin, GG, MJ’s date?. MJ, Maybe Adam? (he is BFF with Asa this season), and Mike.
The Shahs of Sunset are filming Season 5’s finale in Belize right now and I actually have a spy down there. I know! I can’t believe it either. She is trying to get more of the scoop for us! They have been there since at least Thursday. The photo above is from Guava Limb Cafe in Cayo, Belize. We know that Mike, Reza, Asa, MJ, Shervin and GG are all there (MJ is a blond now, GG has super black hair). I guessing that the guy to the right of Asa is Adam.
GET CAUGHT UP ON WHAT YOU MISSED LAST SEASON ON SHAHS OF SUNSET HERE!
In addition to the Guava Limb Café, the gang has been enjoying the Mayan Ruins and clubbing at Thirsty Thursday which is a local bar. Continue reading