So Mike, why did you lie? I wasn’t lying. I was having marital problems between me and my wife (that is usually where marital problems occur) an I was trying to keep it under wraps but being on reality TV you don’t really have that freedom. You weren’t having marital problems just falling from the sky. You were cheating on a woman who had changed her religion and immersed herself in two foreign cultures to be exactly the wife you wanted. You wanted to keep it under wraps because you were embarrassed that you got caught and embarrassed to families. My DVR has stopped on Mike’s face and the look he is giving Andy is terrifying.
Mike tries to justify himself further saying that he didn’t believe the rumors that he heard but Jessica did. He heard Jessica wanted to leave earlier than she did. OF COURSE SHE DID. He has heard rumors that he is gay! Sandra Bernhard says, “well you do have a gay brow.”
So was it one affair with one person? Or multiple affairs? Clearly, Andy knows the answer to this, but Mike continues to deny and lie. He says it was one affair that started before he was engaged ( I wonder which one he is claiming? The one that wrote the book?) and she found out about it after she got married. My sources say that Jessica found out about many of the girls he cheated with throughout their relationship and she naively thought once they were married he would stop. He did not. Mike gives off every singly body language signal of lying in the world. He should be used in CIA training. Trainees, today we are going to look at the basic body language signals that someone is lying using this film from WWHL that encapsulates them all I a very blatant fashion… He eyes are also really messed up.
Sandra is disgusted by the entire show. It’s hysterical.
MJ and Tommy Selfie from upcoming Belize trip.
We are back in Belize, where the Shahs Resort by Bravo is apparently super far inland. Who goes to Belize without going to the beach? Yes, San Ignacio is pretty much on the border of Guatemala.
I am also appalled not just by Shervin’s aggressive behavior toward GG, but by the fact that none of the other men told him to back off. I guess when the other men are Mike and Reva that will not happen. But isn’t that Nima guy her cousin? Yes, yes he is.
The next morning, GG and Shervin get into it again. GG’s eyes are super dark. She has on eye shadow but is that eye shadow underneath too? Shervin’s confessionals show him saying he is trying to be a good friend to GG by telling her to cut back on her smoking and drinking since she is suffering from RA. First of all, attacking her and screaming at her and acting like Reza’s little do boy is not the way to do that. He cannot be that stupid. He knows his script and he has no problem following it. Because, asshole. This is the guy that stood up for Mike on WWHL by lying and saying he didn’t cheat on Jessica. He didn’t start a fight with Mike about his poor decisions. Somehow they manage to hug it out. For now.
Asa is on WWHL tonight with Sherri Shepherd. I have no idea why Sherri is still on my TV. I used to really like Sherri and I still really like one of her male comedian friends, but her whole surrogate baby issue really made me think I had misjudged her. So I’ll be mostly ignoring her comments. Hopefully we will get some scoop about tonight’s Shahs of Sunset!
The bartender is a dad that works at WWHL who is young and hot and has the most adorable baby girl with him. She’s an infant and not sure what to make of this whole mess. It won’t make any more sense when you are 30, sweet girl. Stay away.
I’m so bored I am wondering if Andy shaves his fingers. He has very smooth looking hands.
Asa basically refuses to play DILFY or not DILFY because she only wants to F her man. Sherri wants to fuck them all including Bernie Sanders and says that Bill Clinton sent her a letter saying he was voting for her on Dancing With The Stars because he likes her, and prostitutes. I don’t think Bill has had to pay for it in the last couple of decades. But there are rumors about his affinity for large, black women in Arkansas. But surely that is not true.
Golnesa enjoying the Mayan Ruins in Belize
We begin tonight with the set up scenes for the trip to Belize. Reza is somehow making this his, trip. I get that production decides who is “planning the trip” because someone has to pretend to do it, but Reza isn’t playing along very well other than to use it as an excuse to get into the scandal that is Mike and Jessica’s impending divorce. He calls Mike to invite him to Belize as he is waiting for Jessica to meet him for dinner so he can
get all into Mike’s business invite her in person. Mike is NOT happy that they are meeting because he knows she will tell Reza all about his cheating.
Jessica of course tells Reza that Mike cheated on her and takes no responsibility for it. Jessica admits that she has heard the rumors for five years and she chose to believe Mike. But now she is married and it is still happening and she has seen it with her own eyes. Reza is still hopeful that they will mend their marriage. He is going to tell Mike they had a great time at dinner and not mention the conversation about his cheating. Jessica agrees.
MJ goes to meet with GG to get her lashes done, but not before she talks trash about GG on the phone. They show a flashback of the doctors visit that MJ went to with GG and the doctor lists several options of treatment one of which is, at least I the technical sense “Chemo.” I can’t really pay attention to the scene because I know that the comments of this post will now be yet another flood of detailed description of RA treatments and how chemo is an option and blah, blah, blah nobody cares. The point is that GG has RA, she has had it since season one, it’s getting worse and all her “friends” care about is if she if “exaggerating” her illness. Frankly, if you doctor lists a chemo as one treatment for what you have, whether that is the option he uses or not, it would be very frightening. But these fools don’t care. They want to make sure that they limit their compassion to some amount that they feel is sufficient and not a drop more. So they are going to harass someone dealing with a VISIBLE chronic illness, because they feel she is trying to get more compassion (or as they call it, attention) than here situation warrants.
I’m going to struggle through this recap tonight, but my heart is not really in it. I am trying to take a break from the horrible news today. I’m not sure this show is going to be much of a respite, but here goes.
Mike and Reza do an infomercial for a male focused nail salon. They discuss his bomb of a comedy routine that was basically just his usual misogynistic, racist way of being. But soon, we begin the whole GG is faking her RA conversation. I don’t think Reza understands that plenty of people take oral chemo and still go out and have a few drinks and enjoy a normal life. That said, I have noticed that GG has been sober most of the time since the campground intervention. They show old footage of drunk GG.
Mike says that he and Jessica had a great night of sex. Reza is thrilled with his manicure which inspires him to want to “finger somebody.” And with that comment Mike learns more about Reza’s sex life than he ever wanted.
MJ and Tommy go to a relationship counselor. Basically, MJ is turning in to her mother. She is at least beginning to realize that.
Later MJ calls Asa and says that there are issues with MJ and Tommy and she thinks maybe they are not compatible. MJ says she might go stay somewhere else for a while. Later, MJ confides in a neighbor that Tommy has called it quits and moved out.
It’s time for me to get on this Shahs of Sunset recap. I played hooky last night and had a party of one watching Miss USA and just had a blast. Then I was awake all night again. I should point out that Twitter is very quiet after 3 am. Apparently the rest of the world has jobs that don’t let them sleep in as long as they want on a rainy Monday morning. So I basically have been talking to myself on Twitter for the past two nights/mornings.
We pick up in the CGIed cement cell where a wedding has just taken place and both grooms dash off for their honeymoon. Mike Shouhed is shitfaced. Jefferson and the other guests around the table seem irritated. And the group breaks up to leave.
Mike commandeers the limo to drunk dial Jessica while everyone else is standing on the curb tired and ready to leave. MJ is drunk. Actually everyone is drunk. Where is Asa? She seems to have disappeared into thin air. Also, there was a long limo in the beginning of the scene and then suddenly they are squished in the back of an SUV . This is some really bad editing. MJ and Tommy and GG are all in the back of a small vehicle and MJ is having drunken arguments with everyone. Tommy tries to shut her up and she tries to get out of the moving vehicle. Continue reading