Sorry for the delay. I was up very late, slept through my dental appointment (by several hours) and it hot as hell again so I really am not thinking straight. But several asked about this recap, so I am going to try to muddle through it. I really think I have narcolepsy.
OMG it’s Shiri Appleby! AKA Rachel from Unreal! NOW I am excited! Andy says Unreal is dark even for him but he loves it. I am sure he is getting ideas.
We start with the Calzone scene. Carole says Jules screwed up the Calzone so she didn’t have to eat it. I really don’t care what Carole thinks.
We see the scene where Luann says she doesn’t want to have a cup of tea with Carole and she doesn’t care what she thinks. Carole says that she thought they had it all worked out at Bethenny’s fall party in the Hamptons that they were not ever going to be friends and it just keeps on coming up. Well Carole, I thought the understanding was that you and Luann were not going to be friends and that you would keep a civil distance. Instead, you became a mean girl demanding that she not film with you. Something you picked up from Bethenny’s treatment of Sonja.
It’s time for more Vagina Monologues by Bethenny Frankel, um Yay?
We start with a group scene (of all the girls that Bethenny and Carole will film with) and a discussion of Jules’ vagina then Bethenny comes in and actually announces that it is the Vagina Monologues. At least we will hear about Jules’ vagina and not just Bethenny’s meanwhile, play along with me as we drink each time someone says ‘vagina.” I hope Bravo realizes half of the gay men have changed channels in the first three minutes. OH MY GOD! Jules has photos on her phone of her bruised and bloody vagina that she is passing around. It’s like a contest! Bethenny forges ahead with her vagina story and says that Dorinda came with her to the doctor. Jules points out that must have been a comfort to have Dorinda with her. Bethenny says, “Imagine me bringing YOU!” and busts out laughing in Jules face. Jules very sweetly points out in her confessional that Bethenny’s humor is at other people’s expense. Something I discussed at length here. Bethenny then suddenly cries for herself. Wow.
The point of the gathering is to make their own pizzas. Jules wants to put lidocaine in her pizza. Which is ridiculous. But I would love to by her tube of 5% lidocaine from her. Carole who loves to discuss eating drug laced gummy bears can’t seem to figure out why someone with a broken vagina would have a topical pain killer, so she mocks Jules in her talking head and then brings up her eating disorder. Carole even asks her how much she weighs on camera after she specifically said she doesn’t want to know how much she ways. God, Carole is an insufferable, hangry bitch. No wonder she and Bethenny get along so well.
Filed under Bethenny Frankel, Bethenny Frankel, Carole Radziwill, Countess Luann, Dorinda Medley, Entertainment News, Heather Thomson, Ramona Singer, Real Housewives of New York, RHONY, Sonja Morgan
Another thing I keep wanting to tell you guys about is the abysmal RHONY ratings this season. BravoPR on twitter keeps talking about “season highs” which is one thing when your ratings are in the gutter that you can spin, but they are also claiming MUCH HIGHER numbers than Bravo Whore reports. I am 100% confident in Bravo Whore’s sources and rely on him for my ratings information exclusively. I would not do that if I thought he was just some random guy with no access to the numbers.
Further proof that Bravo Whore is accurate and BravoPR is not (allegedly, in my opinion) is the fact that most of the RHONY cast is on a massive press tour lately trying to drum up viewers.
Which brings us to Countess Luann, who according to her Instagram seems to be saying she was on The Tonight Show the other night and was at US Weekly giving sound bites about Jules Wainstien’s divorce. And apparently on Jenny MaCarthy’s Podcast and at People all in the same day. It’s all very desperate.
One of the reasons I started doing blinds is that sometimes I get a little bit of information and it’s not enough to make a whole post about, but it is a very interesting tidbit. The most annoying thing about the blinds from my standpoint is that all you guys care about is “figuring it out” and have little to know reaction about the actual tea!
Anyway, I have two interesting things to say about Bethenny Frankel that I have been trying to figure out what to do with. The both are related to images she has posted.
In the photo above, the implication seems to be that bad things happen to people who dare to disparage her brand. It seemed like a threat to me since most of those women are no longer on the show. Is that Sonja or Ramona on the top left?
It seems like that particular collage was selected for her office to remind her of all the meddling bitches she has removed from her path along the way. This probably went up when Luann was demoted. She is currently refusing to film with Sonja. I doubt we will ever see them on the same scene until the reunion. Actually, I hope not. That would make for good TV. Though Sonja will probably just cry as Bethenny verbally attacks her for hours.
Alright you guys I am going to make this the fastest recap ever because it is my favorite day of the year, Big Brother Premiere Night! And I care way more about that than whatever the fuck is about to fall out of Bethenny’s uterus tonight in the Home Goods Store.
Do you think Jules’ nanny quitting has anything to do with her husband? This just occurred to me.
I’m skipping Carole. It was the dog poop that made the final call.
Dorinda and Jules go shopping. I don’t even want to cove this trip to Mexico stuff now that I am thoroughly convinced it is not going to happen. In fact, the whole premise of the trip to taste Tequila for her margarita line never made sense to me because she sold that line and though some say she still has input, I don’t believe it and if she does it is minimal and she is not being sent to taste tequila with housewives in Mexico as part of her duties. I believe that scene where she announced the trip was shot after she bled out and realized she couldn’t go. Then Bravo cancelled the trip to follow her bleeding uterus storyline.
Jules wants Sonja on the nonexistent Mexico trip. Dorinda wants Luann on the nonexistent trip. Dorinda says that Ramona met Tom once for drinks and it was a one night stand.
Sonja makes up with Ramona out of the blue to tell her she is not drinking and she is working out. Ramona’s confessional is supposed to be supportive, but Ramona just sucks at supportive. Clearly, Sonja is trying to dash the alcoholic who can’t be invited to any filming storyline by refusing to drink on camera. Sonja’s confessional points out that Ramona is the real drunk.
Apparently, Carole’s scene is about a dog wedding. I will not be recapping a dog wedding and a bloody uterus in the same episode. Apologies. Sonja plans to apologize to Bethenny at the fucking dog thing so I may have to watch that part.
Ramona, the apologizer is teaching Sonja how to apologize. She does have the most practice.
Filed under Bethenny Frankel, Bethenny Frankel, Carole Radziwill, Countess Luann, Dorinda Medley, Entertainment News, Julianne Wainstein, Ramona Singer, Real Housewives of New York, RHONY, Sonja Morgan
I taped GMA this morning to cover Bethenny’s appearance and the first few minutes were terrifying. Apparently, seven states are burning to the ground, some idiot was arrested for a bomb plot in NYC, and we are all going to die of global warming this week (aka it’s summer) and a few other scary murderous stories. But what they have been promoting continuously is the Bethenny interview. It is scary to me that Bethenny Frankel having female troubles is the big reason that people keep watching all morning. And believe me, these folks understand their ratings and a housewife, brings the rating. ON A MORNING NEWS SHOW. It’s terrifying how dumbed down we all are.
So on to Bethenny’s reproductive organs…
It’s an exclusive y’all! Oh, shocker. It’s fibroids. Wait! Did we know that Bethenny had a miscarriage “a couple years ago”???? Whose baby was that? Now she seems to be saying that the reason she was such a bitch on this season is because of her fibroids. I may actually give her a pass on that. Anytime your female plumbing isn’t working at an optimal level, you really do have no patience for anything.