Category Archives: Joe Giudice

Real Housewives of New Jersey: Roses Are Red, Dina is Blue

RHONJ S6 CastWith little to no explanation, Amber arrives at Melissa’s house with chicken soup of assorted food. Lots of hugs. Melissa’s aunt has died and Joe is very busy with work so she is struggling.  Amber was very sweet. She did have to point out that she had cancer just like Melissa’s mom. How long will this détente last?

Nicole and her mom talk about how they are going out to Vino’s restaurant with the family for Valentines Day. Nicole points out she has been with Bobby for a year. Nicole’s mother points out that he can go long stretches without seeing her. She fears that Bobby may be a confirmed bachelor. Nicole is ready to get married. it seems Bobby is not.

Next we are to believe that Joe took all the girls out for a date night while Teresa stays home and signs books. Melissia came over and they opened some Fabelini  made a fire and watched The Godfather. Teresa explains that it is her favorite movie and holds a lot of life lessons. I assume the main one would be that as long as you don’t get killed, crime pays very well.  Melissa and Teresa seem to have truly made up this time. Maybe. Continue reading

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Life’s a Beach for the Giudices

RHONJ Tre and Joe BeachThe Giudices head to the beach to enjoy one last month before their sentencing on September 23rd. They were also at the beach this time last year and things didn’t go so well.  Let’s hope the cops aren’t called this time.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Fambily Business

RHONJ Amber open mouth

 

Well this has certainly been a long dramatic week. So much turmoil in the world, in the US, and on the Internet. Let’s hope that this episode of RHONJ will be a little big less emotional. Can I just throw this out there about Amber’s hair before we get started? If she had chemo and lost all of her hair five years ago, there is no way that is her actual hair. Yet, for some reason she keeps insisting that it is. Wouldn’t it play into her cancer victim routine much better to just admit she has five pounds of extensions on her head? Does she really think she is fooling anyone?

Joe and Melissa go to the high-end car dealership because, promotional deal.  The storyline is even stupider than usual. They want to have the garbage truck custom painted. The garbage truck. It’s not pretty enough. The garbage truck. Seriously? Just when I am already pissed off by Melissa’s ridiculous environmental speech the high-end dealership that customizes GARBAGE TRUCKS points out that Melissa drives a Bentley which is hardly good for the environment and gets eight miles a gallon.  Did I mention the storyline is the Bentley dealer is going to paint their GARBAGE truck, because I can’t seem to stress the stupidity of this enough.  In fact we may have actually reached the nadir of stupidity. This scene may go down in history of the very moment the Real Housewives franchise jumped the shark forever. Right here. In this moment. Continue reading

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RHONJ Recap: Chicken Shits and Nightingale Droppings

I have bird shit on my stupid face.

I have bird shit on my stupid face.

 

We’ll we are back to the shit stirring house husbands of New Jersey. Jim has announced that he has passed the bar (hmm I wonder what state that was in, I can’t seem to find any record of it) but that the is not an attorney.  Then in the next breath he is screaming in Joe Gorga’s ear that he “prosecutes bank fraud cases” and “works for the same Attorney General’s office that is prosecuting Juicy Joe.”  Um, hey there Mr. I Passed the Bar.  Federal fraud cases are prosecuted by an AUSA .  Sidenote: Jim’s second twitter account in as many days was suspended again just minutes ago. What the hell is he doing to get suspended?  Is threatening to sue the entire Internet a banable offense on Twitter?  Pity if true because it was really funny. He was also suing Bobby for breach of contract for some nonsense that seemed to be Bravo related. He is also ranting against Bravo who I am assuming is who really is having his accounts suspended. This guy is a joke.

Currently, he has Joe Gorga up in his face outside of Bobby’s house. Let’s watch how this turns out for him. He’s already threatening to call the cops. I’m sure he will be threatening to sue him any second. Oh and on his first twitter account, Good Ole Christian Jim said suing people was like sport fucking to him.  Do they not run psych tests on any of these people? Continue reading

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Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: A Hairy Situation

RHONJ S6 CastApparently, Melissa drives a Bentley. What is it with these housewives. Even Joe just said they are having money problems. Perhaps it is because they are buying tons of shit they can’t afford? Americans are so stupid with money.  I just can’t. More than likely they are getting a super cheap lease deal from this dealership where they are currently filming. Teresa tells Joe the Jim doesn’t want to be around the Joes because he thinks they fight. Also, the whole not wanting to hang out with felons issue. I am not a fan of Jim’s by a long shot, but if I had a business in that town, I would not be socializing with the Giudices either.  If you care, the fake bill for the new bumper for the Bentley was $7,000.

Dina wants to clean out her closet. She has a massive closet with a shoe hall with 400 pairs of shoes. It looks like Tommy is going to keep the house, or they are going to sell it because she is trying to pack out.

Teresa, Melissa, Nicole, and TeRESSA are shopping for costumes for the first responders party. The girls talk about Amber gossiping about Nicole to Melissa. Teresa is hurt that Jim is judging her. Um, Tre, the judge judged you and you confessed to be a felon. Felons are no respected members of society.  Continue reading

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Real Housewives of New Jersey Blog Round-up

Teresa Gives FANTASTIC Bagel Head!

Teresa Gives FANTASTIC Bagel Head!

I just posted Amber Marchese’s blog in a separate post because she had A TON to say this week. Here are the highlights, and low lights from the other New Jersey fishwives Housewives.

From Dina’s Blog:

Well the shit’s about to hit the fan with Amber and the twins, and when I say hit the fan, I mean really HIT THE FAN. Next week is sure to be a juicy episode, and speaking of juicy, did you see the hottie that asks me out on the preview? Yes, if you’re not into drama, tune in for some major eye candy at least!

Teresa’s Blog:

I hope you are enjoying the summer! We were at the beach this weekend. I love hanging out with my family in the warm sunshine more than anything. I can barely watch all the snow from last winter on these episodes. I never want it to get cold again.

Yep, basically what I am saying is that Dina and Teresa had absolutely nothing to say this week. But the rest of the girls do… Continue reading

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Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: It’s Just Cray.

RHONJ S6 CastOkay, things always get insane just before primetime. Sources. People Leaving. This. Board. Forever,  Phone calls. The dog wants stuff. It’s chaos on a Sunday night at the offices of Tamara Tattles.  Which is fine. But it is also my excuse for being behind. So let’s get going!

Melissa and Joe are not exactly in the garbage business. They are in the sensitive government shredded document disposal business. Which makes perfect sense when your sister has been indicted on 41 counts of federal charges.  Joe Gorga says that Melissa doesn’t know how many millions he has invested in this business. Um, perhaps we should start a how long until Joe Gorga is indicted for some federal charges pool? He is now telling Melissa the house is on hold. They must make do with their pitiful 5,000 square foot rental house for now. However will Melissa bear up during this period of homelessness and despair? Oh the sacrifices they are making.

Jim threatens to make his kid do a hundred pushups and then holds a family prayer all in one breath. I like that Amber and Jim are teaching their kids manners, I do, but it they seem weird. Very weird. They are planning a commercial for Jim’s mortgage business with the kids. Speaking of commercials and exploiting children, Teresa is doing a photo shoot to publicize “her” cupcake line. Milania is at Def Con whatever the biggest one is. I’ve never understood what Def Con means. Please enlighten me in comments.

Amber and Melissa are in a car going somewhere and catching up on the twins.  Amber tells Melissa that Nicole was divorced over some cheating, and  that Nicole “broke up a family.” I have no idea WTF they are talking about, and moreover, I don’t care. But I am going to try to figure it out anyway.  In her talking head, Amber says she is not a gossip but she loves Melissa and wants to get her up to speed. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of New Jersey Blog Round-Up

RHONJ Christmas tre joe

Time for a Real Housewives of New Jersey blog round-up! Ratings for this season are dropping like a rock. Personally, I think it is because Caroline is not there. And three new people is at least one too many. I have always said these shows would do better with less housewives. We would be able to get more involved with their lives and get a truer picture. Alas, we are programmed to live for the table flipping scenes which is not what initially drew me to reality TV. Dina promises there is a lot of drama to come, so perhaps the ratings will pick up.  Anyway, let’s see what the pertinent part of the blogs are this week! Continue reading

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Real Housewives of New Jersey: Oh Christmas Tre!

RHONJ Christmas tre joe

 

It’s Christmastime in New Jersey! I love a good Christmas episode! YAY!  We start at Tre’s house where Tre and her family are setting up the family tree. Tre says it is great to stay home this year for Christmas and be out of the public eye. Um, Tre, the public doesn’t pay you any attention during Christmas, unless you are putting your entire Christmas drama on TV!  With all of the ornaments breaking, I’ll be shocked if any make it to the tree. Especially because the parents are drinking Fabellini while Teresa tries to make out with a disinterested Joe.  Tre tells Joe that people were talking about her at the “harvest party.”  Joe says until they get their day in court to “prove themselves not guilty,” they can have any opinion they want because they know who they are. By the way, the words “not guilty” were frankenbite edits.

Joe and Melissa are putting up their Christmas tree too. And Melissa is saying crazy things in her talking head just like Tre.  Melissa informs us that they sold their Montville home and are “shacking it up in a rental.” While that last part is true,  after numerous issues with their rent to buy tenant, the deal has fallen through and Joe and Melissa claim they now want to move back to Montville.  Antonia screams she does not like this small disgusting house!  It looks to be at least 4,000 square feet on a couple of snowy acres. Poor things, their tree is too small for their little rental house. How will they cope?

The twins are at their parents to put up their tree. The twins’ mother is named Santa. For real. The twins’ father goes on some wine-fueled speech about Italian tradition as the family decorates their tree. Amber’s kids are making the most disgusting gingerbread house ever. But they seem to be having fun!  In spite of Amber, who is odd. Continue reading

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RHONJ Blog Round-Up! Nicole Said What????

 

Why Did I Not Post About Last Night's RHONJ? Let Me Count the Reasons...Okay, I started this blog days ago and then saw something shiny and forgot all about it. Now I am dying for you guys to finish reading it so that you can explain Nicole’s comment to me!

Teresa’s blog focused on her family, and all of the people who were in the pretty picture:

My kids always make things brighter no matter what though. I’m glad you got to see more of them just hanging out, cooking breakfast, doing homework, twerking…you know all the normal things kids do… Gabriella is growing up so fast and is such a good, responsible older sister. I love when she helps Milania with her homework. Milania is Milania. Yes, she is definitely funnier than me! She’s also a little caretaker and such a snuggler! Audriana is almost 5! Can you believe it? She wants to do everything her big sisters are doing, especially go to school. She goes to preschool and loves it, but she can’t wait for kindergarten. And Gia, my oldest, is a teenager now! She is every bit of a teen: taller, beautiful, and super sensitive and emotional. She has such a big heart and so much love for everyone.

Yep! Everything is perfectly normal!  I am gonna take a guess that the reason we rarely see Audriana is she was born into the chaos. By the time she was aware of her surroundings, Tre and Joe were already aware the end was near. Joe was allegedly cheating a lot and the home was anything but happy.

Amber’s Blog ended up needing its own post here. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: What A Difference A Plea Deal Makes

RHONJ S6 CastI’m so excited for Real Housewives of New Jersey to be back! It’s clear from the title Bravo chose to exploit the legal woes of Teresa and Joe Giudice as much as possible. And frankly, I could not be happier. White collar felonies committed just for the pretense of social status are particularly vile to me and part of the punishment should be social shunning, in my opinion. If you missed any of the Giudice court proceedings, I’ve covered them all in detail here.

OMG I am mesmerized already. We begin with a montage of the news coverage of federal charges. Melissa and Joe are standing firmly behind Teresa.  Melissa calls Teresea who answers her cell in the kitchen on speakerphone right in front of Gia. Melissa asks Tre if the stories are true. Teresa says, “N-N-No, what came out today is not true.” Gia has bags under her eyes from crying and looks devastated. Gia asks her mom what she is talking about. Teresa evades her questions. Gia says she knows what is going on. She is old enough to understand what is going on. Gia breaks down in sobs. Okay this is going to be bad. I hate seeing Gia cry. Teresa is clearly devastated.

The editing for this season is already over the top fantastic. They have totally spent the money on production this season with aerial views  and such. You can tell they are sparing no expense on this season. And now, we flash back to three months before just like it is all movie!

And it is the hilarious scenes with Tre’s girls. Milania is bawking at doing homework so Tre calls in Gabriella to help. As Gabriella explains capitalization to Milania, Milania rolls her eyes and asks Tre if she can read a book while “she (Gabriella) is doing this.”  Miliana my be an out of control brat, but she is a funny and adorable one. Continue reading

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Teresa Giudice Discusses Her Legal Situation On The View

Teresa Giudice has never been particularly articulate and her appearance on The View this week to promote the upcoming season premiere of Real Housewives of New Jersey was no exception. She said the past year has been “amazing.” She also said she got a good education on out country’s legal system. I suppose she learned that it is against the law to lie to the bank to get money to buy shoes and handbags. Continue reading

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