Category Archives: Joe Giudice

Real Housewives of New Jersey: The Shit We Didn’t See Part Three Thousand

classy teresa RHONJ

Dear RHONJ,

Please lay down. You are dead. It’s over. Fine! Arrivederci!

Love Tamara Tattles.

Fine. I will pay attention to you ONE MORE TIME. But this is out last breakup conversation. Do you hear me? No more. I’m changing my number. At least there is a psychic. I always like a psychic. Unlike you ungrateful bitches.  Oh they are astrologers! We have a surplus of those here at Tamaratattles.com  I can envision the stupid comments already. We will be hearing about rising signs and retrogrades for sure. They are ASTROTwins. Amber just says she has been a “devote Catholic” for the last five years. That’s like five lentil seasons! At least Rosie is there. When she is the exciting addition, we’re in for trouble. The astrotwins read the twins charts first. They are Virgos and people should be careful not to cross them. Amber decides to compromise her “devote” beliefs in about ten seconds.  Did you have difficulty with an Aries? She doesn’t know what anyone’s sign is. Melissa is an Aries and Amber was an Aries in a past life…so …okay I can’t with this.

Tre is up next. Taurus with Gemini rising. She is here to learn how to be a provider in this life. The astrotwins tell Tre that she is going to feel the most stress in the beginning of 2015. That is when she is going to the big house! They even say Saturn will be in her legal house. They also say something about changing Joe’s legal team. Interesting. Teresa doesn’t know what a backbone is. The astrotwins say that they will have to spend some time apart but it will make them stronger. Tre is crying. So is Melissa. They say she will have to downsize a bit in 2015.

The twins take Dina lingerie shopping. So they go to Victoria’s Secret. No, wait. No they go to a dildo shop full of crotchless panties. Because, New Jersey. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion Part 3

RHONJ Reunion Tre

I am so ready for this to be done and hope like hell that the husbands aren’t on unless Jim is excluded. Andy Cohen did an AMA on Redditt today where he basically said Jim is an ass in person just like on Twitter. He also said no decisions have been made about the future of Real Housewives of New Jersey. That is true, they don’t make decisions until after the final episode of the reunion airs. Then the team meets and decides who stays and who goes. About a week later is “pick-up day” when the housewives are either offered a pick up on their contract for another year, or they are send a nice letter thanking them for participating in the season and wishing the well on their future endeavors. Most of the time. There was a season of RHONY or two that the ladies were left hanging for quite some time wondering if they had jobs. So who knows when decisions will be made for next season. If there is a next season.

And we’re off and sadly the men are out there again. And the focus is on Jim just like he likes it. I am so over this little shitweasel. Our little Napoleon fan wants to point out he is the tallest between him and the two Joes. Is his fucktard 12 years old? I just don’t get a grown man acting this way on television embarrassing the shit out of his wife. Jim still says that he was working on cases with Paul Fishman the AUSA. #Delusional Jim did something weird off camera and Andy had to tell him to stop because he was freaking him out. Jim tries to explain why he hangs out on Twitter saying awful things to everyone. He says people were faxing hims “at his work” lol say they hope he dies, they hope he gets cancer, they hope his wife gets cancer etc.  Jim tries to say he did it to take the trolls off of Amber. Please. Andy points out that Tre and Melissa get trolled on Twitter all the time and their husbands aren’t on Twitter all day long (because they are working, at a job). Jim asks Joe Gorga if he gets death threats at his work. Joe says no, because I’m not a douchebag. Jim is stunned because he just got finished sucking up to the Joes and that didn’t work. Too funny. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion Part 2 (Recap): A Whale-Sized Douche

RHONJ Reunion 3

Before we get going on tonight’s recap, I need to take a quick minute to acknowledge the utter hideousness of this set. It looks like something off Dynasty circa 1984.  This is a NYC set? Also I hate all of the dresses. Every last one of them. Why are they allowing white? White on TV used to be a big no no. Maybe now that we have flat screens and high definition it isn’t an issue? I like TereSSa’s dress in theory but the boobs are a problem. Nicole’s is probably the best of the bunch but that sort of like winning the Special Olympics in this case. No offense to TeeCee’s kid’s accomplishments. It’s just a simile. I had more to say but it is already starting, so I better quit while I am behind.

We go straight in to Teresa and how she has changed as a person over the six season she has been on. Teresa looks so much younger in 2008. Teresa says she has definitely changed for the better. She doesn’t worry about petty things anymore and focuses on what is important. Cut to tight shot of Melissa trying to keep a respectable, face and not roll her eyes. You can see the effort. Andy asks if her values have changed. She says, “Everything, yes.” Cut to TereSSa turning her head and letting out a deep sigh.

Tre says she came on the show just to have fun and look where she is now. Andy asks if she blames the show. She says not the show but a lot of people who came on the show came on just to hurt them. Some were housewives and others just came to parties, but the all started a lot of trouble. I guess those trouble makers cause her to commit 41 counts of fraud. They sound like real assholes. They show a clip of Danielle season two talking about the house she lived in before they moved into the mansion. Danielle accused them then of being in foreclosure. Next it’s season 3 with Kim G. Then season 4 where Teresa tell Jac that if she was going to jail, she is sure she would know about it. Teresa laughing in a talking head about going to jail. Tre says to the others to be careful because people come on the show to try to hurt them. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion Part One

RHONJ ReunionAndy goes straight to Teresa Giudice and asks if she is doing any better and getting any sleep. She says no, she says that yesterday was Gabriella’s birthday so they had a party at a sports place and it was so sad because Milania said she wants to have her next party there and her birthday is in February and she doesn’t know if she is going to be there. Okay, dumbass, her you are on TV again talking about big birthday parties now that sentencing is over. I don’t care if the whole thing cost $100.  YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO HAVE PARTIES.  The Feds really need to go in and find the stacks of cash those two are hiding. Dayum.

Andy surveys the other ladies on their feelings. Dina chokes up and says it is surreal to her. There are murderers on the streets and she’s such a good girl. My god these people are in denial. She is a good girl who was charged with FORTY ONE FEDERAL OFFENSES FOR FRAUD. She’s a good girl who continues to this day to lie to the court!  Why is it that people think that “well I didn’t kill anybody” means they are not doing anything wrong.

Andy asks if Melissa has seen her since her sentencing. FYI this show was filmed four days after the sentencing. Nope. That means that she didn’t go to Gabriella’s birthday. Tre and Melissa are sitting right next to each other but seem very distant. Teresa doesn’t turn her head to look at her when she talks.

Dina says what she loves about Tre is that yesterday was Gabriella’s birthday and Teresa was right there with here. Teresa says the little ones don’t know anything. Teresa is clueless. Of course they do. They just didn’t get the courtesy of hearing it from their parents.

Dina says she didn’t want to do another reality show with family. She says maybe if it was a cooking show. Andy asks if she would do a cooking show with Caroline and she said, “Yes, I love my sister.” They talked about her previous season. Dina says she still has not filed for divorce. They are still friends with benefits. A viewer says it is slutty for her to date while she is married. She says they are separated. They are not separated if they live together at least not under the law.  Tre sticks of for her and says slutty is when you have sex. She hasn’t had sex with them (the other guys.)  Because Tre has enough time in her life to keep up with that and Dina’s vagina.

The question was asked about Dina’s funerals in her head. Did she have one for Caroline and Jac? Dina pauses. She says she usually doesn’t have funerals for family, but there might have been a wake. Then she laughs sort of maniacally. Dina says basically without naming names that it is healthier to love from a distance because Jacqueline is in both of their lives. She refers to Jac as toxic. I get it. I have a sibling with people who are toxic to me around as well. It’s just healthier to avoid the whole situation sometimes. Tre sticks up for Dina again. Andy says it was the show that was the issue and Dina says yes. Tre says she is glad Dina finally admitted it. Tre is not sedated at all. She seems to be in a good mood. Very chatty. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of New Jersey Secrets Revealed

RHONJ S6 CastOMG I was bingewatching Bad Judge and time got away from me. Suddenly, I am 9 minutes late into RHONJ and it is NOT taping!  I tuned in  just in time to hear Amber telling Dina about “Alana” the hooker side  of her? WTF? I feel like I missed so much in nine minutes! Did I miss Amber giving head to a bottle? Allegedly?

On to discussing divorce. And marriage. Dina knew her husband since she was 11 and he was 18. Is it me or is that kind of creepy? But Teresa chimes in and says she has know Joe since she was born. They used to play together as kids and Joe was always in trouble and her mother warned her to stay away from him.  Oddly, today? or was it yesterday was Tre and Joe’s 15th wedding anniversary. I’m assuming the ladies are in Atlantic city. When this was being filmed some sent me some information about Teresa winning $1,000 while she was there. I was a bit skeptical because the name was spelled wrong. Maybe we will find out. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Judgment Day

Twitter: John Bathke

Twitter: John Bathke

And just like that, RHONJ comes to an abrupt stop after only 12 episodes. This of course means that everyone gets about half the check for a normal season. What remains to be seen is whether or not Teresa and Joe will film a few more post sentencing episodes to scrap together a few more bucks. I suppose time will tell.

We start the show at the courthouse. I really think that is cool looking court house. Love the blind justice statue. Paul Fishman announces that Joe Giudice received 41 months and Teresa got 15.

Then we flash back to six months earlier. Teresa and Melissa are hanging out at her house with all the kids. The kids are bouncing off the walls. Teresa is stressed.

Meanwhile, Dina and the twins are at “Abbey’s House” where the Project Ladybug event will be taking place. It’s ginormous. Is that an actual residence or an event hall? There are giant dogs there that make it seem like maybe Abbey lives there. Oh, it is her home and Dina is worried about the hoodlums coming. Victoria is NOT invited. Teressa is still expecting an apology from Teresa. She makes snide comments about the Giudice family falling apart.

You know what would be great? Another segment about Amber’s cancer. I can’t wait or recap this shit. Continue reading

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Joe Giudice Is a Fucking Moron in Court

Jailbird Juicy

You had one job today, Joe Giudice. Walk in, take the plea deal, thank the judge and go home.  This morning in New Jersey court Joe went in to basically get a free pass on his charges regarding presenting fraudulent paperwork to the DMV. As I explained her last month, it was blatantly obvious that his attorney had a plea deal in the works for Joe to accept a sentence of some then unknown length that would be shorter than his federal sentence of 41 years that would run concurrently with that sentence. In plain English that means they would count his federal time served as punishment for his state crime. The only effect it would have on Joe would be another conviction on his rap sheet.  But this morning, Joe refused to accept the plea and wanted to go to trial, because he is a moron. Then I am sure based on the advice of his attorney he reconsidered and court was recessed so his attorney could talk some sense into him. Continue reading

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Teresa Giudice: The Mystery of the Missing $200K Solved

WWHL Tre and Joe 2

Remember all the confusion over the $200,0000  Teresa was supposed to pay as part of her PLEA DEAL when she was on WWHL? Well, she finally paid it!  It will be important for you to  bear in mind this was a condition of her plea deal and not part of her sentencing as you read through this post. Because even local legitimate New Jersey news outlets are reporting this wrong.  First let’s talk about the news.

From NorthJersey,com:

“As part of their plea deal, Teresa had been told to pay the $200,000 either before or at sentencing. But one of her attorneys told the judge at the sentencing that he was waiting for the checks to clear. About $150,000 was secured through a contract advance of Teresa’s, while the remaining $50,000 was obtained from a friend as a loan, he said. Salas said she didn’t understand why the funds weren’t secured in advance, given that the couple had months to prepare. Eric Breslin, one of Teresa’s lawyers, said on Tuesday that the $200,000 demanded by the court was paid on Oct. 6. But he declined to provide details about the contract advance.”

Continue reading

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Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: #SorryNotSorry

rhonj kathy and jac

We are starting with a fake scene filmed in June. This time Kathy and Jacqueline will not be eating salad, or lunch, no dear readers, this time we get to watch them eat…..wait for it….Kathy’s cannoli! Because watching Jac, who did not film the entire season eat random food items is still more interesting than the new cast members. Let’s watch. Because sadly there is not enough for me to fast forward through. I think that must be why they are starting off with it. Bastards. Richard’s crude sex talk is also considered more interesting than the new cast.

Melissa and Amber are at a bar together. Melissa tries to explain why production has paired these two for this scripted dialogue by pointing out in her talking head that she does not hold Amber responsible for “douche Jim.”  I think Jim may have been called a douchebag more than Juan Pablo from The Bachelor at this point. Is there a trophy he should try to retrieve? Melissa wants us all to see the Chanel bag that she is carrying. She props it on the bar and turns the sparkly logo toward the camera. Here’s the thing. Chanel is not seeking promotional fees from a real housewives show. So, this is either a fake (most likely) or it will be used as evidence in an upcoming bankruptcy filing. I am not into the whole handbag thing so I can’t make that assessment.  Anyway, I think I would rather go back to Richard Wakile making cannoli jokes. I am starting to agree with production. There is really nothing about this scene to move the scripted plot forward. Melissa and Amber are fake storyline friends again.

Nicole arrives at the cannoli joke fest with Bobby in tow. He will fit in great with Richard and Chris. Nicole’s talking head is about Bobby treated her badly in Boca Raton. And here we go with the autism crap. Jac feels the need to tell a woman that she has known for five minutes about her kid’s milestones and that “autism is a spectrum.” I was proud that Jac pronounced her words correctly. Oh, and she wants Nicole to know she has had five miscarriages. You know, the normal conversations that two women have within two seconds of meeting each other. Nicole counters with the whole, “Oh by the way, people say my twin sister’s husband fucked out mother but that’s totally not true.”  Then the group of women decide to call Victoria Gotti, “vagina” as any group of grown women would do.  Jac wonders if she is going to get murdered. Sadly, I doubt it.  Rich calls Teresa Giudice “Felonini.”  Kathy and Jac and Rosie all gang up on Teresa Giudice and tell Nicole not trust her because she is a horrible person. Perhaps she is, but they just made themselves look equally bad. Continue reading

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Teresa and Joe Giudice’s Supervised Release Conditions Explained

Photo: Bravo

Photo: Bravo

Oh for the love of Pete.  Pretty much everyone that follows me here or on Twitter knows I have spent the past few days whining about being sick. I have been trying to kill this crap with tons of soup and yogurt and marathons of Homeland.  During this time, I’ve been letting some things slide on the website. One of those things was some information I was sent about the conditions of Joe and Teresa’s  supervised release they will serve after they do their time. I figured I had some time to investigate that a bit further once my head stopped feeling like a watermelon.

This morning I woke up t the most ridiculous post on TMZ yet claiming that the judge told Tre and Joe they could no commingle their funds. What happened to their legal team?  They used to know how to read legal documents, but lately not so much. Someone there really thinks a judge can tell a married couple they can’t have joint bank accounts? Seriously, let’s see how long the phrase, “put a wall between the other’s finances” remains. What does that even mean?
Click through for the actual facts.

Continue reading

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Teresa and Joe Giudice Interview with Andy Cohen on WWHL Part 2

WWHL Tre and joe3

It’s time for part two of Andy’s interview with Teresa and Joe!

Andy starts right off by asking about their claims that RHONJ is little more than carefully crafted fiction. Teresa says there are editors and producers on the show. Andy asks if the table flip was scripted she says no. What about fighting with Joe and Melissa. She says she didn’t know they were even coming on the show. Andy points out she did not want them on the show. She manages to even deny that! What is it that chick on Below Deck says? “Deny, deny, deny. Lie until you die?” I think that must be on the Giudice family crest.  Tre says she didn’t like being portrayed as the villain on the show. Andy says that a lot of people think Tre was putting on a show this season to impress the judge. Tre says that is who she really is. She has grown. She is trying to be a better person. She’s learned from her mistakes.

Andy says some people think she should not be on the show do to her charges. She says she is a working mom. Everything she does she does for her daughters. Like bank fraud and lying, I suppose.  Joe says, “At this point, why get off?”

Andy asks about them blaming the show for their arrest. They say they take full responsibility. Andy says do you think you would have been arrested if you were not on the show? Tre refuses to answer the question. Continue reading

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Danielle Staub (who?) Makes Nice with Teresa Giudice on Access Hollywood Live

RHONJ Danielle

Um, the biggest news to me is that apparently NBCu has purchased Access Hollywood Live? Seriously?  I’m signed up to get daily emails from NBCu for all their daily press releases and this is the first one from Access Hollywood I’ve ever seen. Here’s a link to the Access Hollywood Live! (which I believe is digital)  recap of the video. I’ll translate Danielle’s comments in purple from here on out.

I wanted to be here with a message from my daughters and myself [to Teresa.] Your kids are really all that’s important right now. Don’t worry about what everybody else is thinking, don’t worry about social media, don’t worry about the press. Just live your life and know that whatever is behind you is done and you only have the future ahead of you. And this is not a lot of time that you’ll be away from them, but it’s going to be painful.”

OMG! This is so fucking awesome. I’ve been begging Andy to let me back on the show since he kicked my ass off, and now tabloids are calling me for comment! Thank GOD Caroline Manzo was on WWHL recently and Andy asked her opinion on the sentencing. She got a lot of props for taking the high road so I am going to follow her lead even though I could not be happier to see this bitch finally get what she deserves! Continue reading

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