Category Archives: Gia Giudice

Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Judgment Day

Twitter: John Bathke

Twitter: John Bathke

And just like that, RHONJ comes to an abrupt stop after only 12 episodes. This of course means that everyone gets about half the check for a normal season. What remains to be seen is whether or not Teresa and Joe will film a few more post sentencing episodes to scrap together a few more bucks. I suppose time will tell.

We start the show at the courthouse. I really think that is cool looking court house. Love the blind justice statue. Paul Fishman announces that Joe Giudice received 41 months and Teresa got 15.

Then we flash back to six months earlier. Teresa and Melissa are hanging out at her house with all the kids. The kids are bouncing off the walls. Teresa is stressed.

Meanwhile, Dina and the twins are at “Abbey’s House” where the Project Ladybug event will be taking place. It’s ginormous. Is that an actual residence or an event hall? There are giant dogs there that make it seem like maybe Abbey lives there. Oh, it is her home and Dina is worried about the hoodlums coming. Victoria is NOT invited. Teressa is still expecting an apology from Teresa. She makes snide comments about the Giudice family falling apart.

You know what would be great? Another segment about Amber’s cancer. I can’t wait or recap this shit. Continue reading

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Filed under Amber Marchese, Dina Manzo, Gia Giudice, Jacqueline Laurita, Jim Marchese, Joe Giudice, Joe Gorga, Kathy Wakile, Melissa Gorga, Natalie Napolitano, Real Housewives of New Jersey, RHONJ, Teresa Giudice, Teresa Napolitano

Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: #SorryNotSorry

rhonj kathy and jac

We are starting with a fake scene filmed in June. This time Kathy and Jacqueline will not be eating salad, or lunch, no dear readers, this time we get to watch them eat…..wait for it….Kathy’s cannoli! Because watching Jac, who did not film the entire season eat random food items is still more interesting than the new cast members. Let’s watch. Because sadly there is not enough for me to fast forward through. I think that must be why they are starting off with it. Bastards. Richard’s crude sex talk is also considered more interesting than the new cast.

Melissa and Amber are at a bar together. Melissa tries to explain why production has paired these two for this scripted dialogue by pointing out in her talking head that she does not hold Amber responsible for “douche Jim.”  I think Jim may have been called a douchebag more than Juan Pablo from The Bachelor at this point. Is there a trophy he should try to retrieve? Melissa wants us all to see the Chanel bag that she is carrying. She props it on the bar and turns the sparkly logo toward the camera. Here’s the thing. Chanel is not seeking promotional fees from a real housewives show. So, this is either a fake (most likely) or it will be used as evidence in an upcoming bankruptcy filing. I am not into the whole handbag thing so I can’t make that assessment.  Anyway, I think I would rather go back to Richard Wakile making cannoli jokes. I am starting to agree with production. There is really nothing about this scene to move the scripted plot forward. Melissa and Amber are fake storyline friends again.

Nicole arrives at the cannoli joke fest with Bobby in tow. He will fit in great with Richard and Chris. Nicole’s talking head is about Bobby treated her badly in Boca Raton. And here we go with the autism crap. Jac feels the need to tell a woman that she has known for five minutes about her kid’s milestones and that “autism is a spectrum.” I was proud that Jac pronounced her words correctly. Oh, and she wants Nicole to know she has had five miscarriages. You know, the normal conversations that two women have within two seconds of meeting each other. Nicole counters with the whole, “Oh by the way, people say my twin sister’s husband fucked out mother but that’s totally not true.”  Then the group of women decide to call Victoria Gotti, “vagina” as any group of grown women would do.  Jac wonders if she is going to get murdered. Sadly, I doubt it.  Rich calls Teresa Giudice “Felonini.”  Kathy and Jac and Rosie all gang up on Teresa Giudice and tell Nicole not trust her because she is a horrible person. Perhaps she is, but they just made themselves look equally bad. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Jim, Please Pack Your Knives and Go

RHONJ Amber florida

It’s time to tune in to RHONJ and find out how long Jim Marchese lasts in Florida before (hopefully) being thrown out in his pointy little head.

We’re back in Florida and everyone is drunk. Bobby confronts Jim over the rumor he is putting out that Bobby has another girlfriend. Jim says he say pictures of her in red lingerie. Bobby storms off again ranting that Jim is a lying sack of shit. He needs to stay with his woman or bring her up to their room with him. No man should leave their spouse around Jim Marchese. Amber is drunk and smoking and crying. Amber is having a full on drunken meltdown because Jim ruined everything. Teressssa says that Jim is a classic example of Napoleon complex.  The truth hurts so he starts attacking Rino saying the he tried to fuck Victoria Gotti, he slept with some rusty stripper… Teressa says,”Do you really think he fucked a stripper?” Jim says, “No, but I think he fucked your mom!” Awkward silence. Mouths drop. Joe Gorga tells Jim to go to bed. He minds him and giggles his way up the stairs.  Amber goes up after him and Jim starts mistranslating a latin quote to explain his behavior that quote is historically tied to….wait for it…..wait for it….Napoleon Bonaparte. You can’t make this shit up.

Joe and Teresa are going to NYC to have an overnight date night. Teresa threatens Milania with boarding school. She should follow through on that it would be great for Milania. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Time For the Fake Jacqueline Scenes

RHONJ S6 CastIf you recall, when reports of Jacqueline Laurita returning to RHONJ came out, I told you guys it absolutely didn’t happen on August 8th.  My source explained that filming had long been completed and the stories were false.  Then a month later, there she was on the Bravo Site previews and I was gob smacked as was my source. I was then informed that in post production it was decided that the new people were bombing and unlikable so they needed for find someone to bring back. Okay, I can see that, but Jacqueline? Do they really think she is a fan favorite? I guess Caroline turned them down. Anyway, Jac had come back to film a week or two before I reached out to my source, in July pretending it was winter time. I’m guessing we won’t see any outdoor scenes tonight. This is one of the more ridiculous things that Bravo has done.

Sidenote: It looks like the reunion will be filming at the end of the week, on Friday if I recall correctly. That’s less than a week before Teresa’s sentencing. Look for her to be heavily sedated.

On with the show…

The girls are all head off to Boca Raton. How is that just a two-hour flight? Why am I not going there? The ladies are flying down by themselves and have all the usual luggage struggles. I guess that Teresa and Joe were not allowed to leave the state. The ladies are glad that Amber isn’t coming. The ladies arrive at a beautiful home to relax and bask in the sun.

Cut to New Jersey where it is snowy and dreary. We are shown a house with a for sale sign advertising a property with a pool and a spa. Teresa and Gia are looking for a place to move. Teresa says she is no longer skeeved by looking at other people’s houses. She is not materialistic anymore, y’all. Her priorities have shifted. Ah, nothing like a pre-sentencing burst of morality and frugality. The house Teresa and Gia are looking at is still beyond their means. What happens when she goes to prison will someone move into the house to tend the girls for those two months or so? Is this simply so Teresa can say she has a rental where she can do her house arrest? There is no way anyone would give her a loan, except for maybe the cocktail weenie if he really is still employed in the mortgage industry. The house is nearly 9,00o square feet. He is talking to her about property taxes. There is no way Teresa can buy a house in New Jersey. I just don’t believe that is possible this is scripted shit. The list price is $1.4 million.

Oh Gawd. Here we go with the cancer story. We are about to miraculously find out that everything is fine and the shit stirrers will be able to go to Florida after all. It’s a scripted miracle! Continue reading

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Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: There Will Be Bloodwork

RHONJ S6 CastI’m not sure I can handle Jacqueline exploiting her kid and Amber’s cancer storyline ramping up all in one episode of the Real Housewives of New Jersey. UGH.

We start with the Giudice family waking up in the house that fraud built. Teresa is trying to keep things as normal as possible right up until she and Joe head off for college. Am I the only one that forgets that Gabriella even exists?  Teresa drives the kids to school in her PJs. Gia tells her mom she is proud of her for being strong throughout her trial.

I literally forgot I was supposed to be blogging during this scene with Dina. So boring.

Joe Gorga doesn’t seem to be having the easiest time dealing with his sister going to the big house.

Rino’s scene where he discusses his enlarged prostate and upcoming colonoscopy was made even more disturbing when he donned a pair of underpants with a cock sock which he twirled on national television.

Is this episode over yet? Continue reading

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Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Guilt Trip

RHONJ S6 CastFebruary 28th, Four Days Before the Plea Deal

Of course we begin with a scene with Teresa, mother of the year, cooking with her adorable kids while wearing an apron that says please don’t send the mother of these adorable children off to college!  Well, minus the apron part. Even Audrina is in on the act this time and she is like the invisible sister. Poor think is tasked with chopping onions and her eyes are all teary. Gia on the other hand looks to be on the verge of real tears and or a nervous breakdown sitting quietly at the kitchen table. Milania takes a bite of onion and acts like she is eating a jalapeno.  She’s a drama queen that one.

March 4, 2014 (and before and after according to me)

The plea deal happens. Joe watches what appears to be a new show with some random actress voicing over the program. Or the news people in New Jersey report hard news in the same voice as “news” about what Kim Kardashian had for breakfast. Amber learns about it on her cell phone via ROL. I’m telling you they are some strange bedfellows, Bravo and ROL.  TamaraTattles.com will be shown on an upcoming episode of Couples Therapy and I know a bit about how production and the websites work together or against each other. Amber cries while talking to Teresa. Teresa takes the call on speaker in front of Gia, age 13, who immediately laughs at Amber and her crying. I am waiting for her  to say this is almost as bad as that time I had cancer. Gia is laughing at her. Teresa says in her talking head maybe Amber was on her period OR THINKING BACK TO HER CANCER.  You can’t make this shit up. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of New Jersey: Roses Are Red, Dina is Blue

RHONJ S6 CastWith little to no explanation, Amber arrives at Melissa’s house with chicken soup of assorted food. Lots of hugs. Melissa’s aunt has died and Joe is very busy with work so she is struggling.  Amber was very sweet. She did have to point out that she had cancer just like Melissa’s mom. How long will this détente last?

Nicole and her mom talk about how they are going out to Vino’s restaurant with the family for Valentines Day. Nicole points out she has been with Bobby for a year. Nicole’s mother points out that he can go long stretches without seeing her. She fears that Bobby may be a confirmed bachelor. Nicole is ready to get married. it seems Bobby is not.

Next we are to believe that Joe took all the girls out for a date night while Teresa stays home and signs books. Melissia came over and they opened some Fabelini  made a fire and watched The Godfather. Teresa explains that it is her favorite movie and holds a lot of life lessons. I assume the main one would be that as long as you don’t get killed, crime pays very well.  Melissa and Teresa seem to have truly made up this time. Maybe. Continue reading

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RHONJ Recap: Chicken Shits and Nightingale Droppings

I have bird shit on my stupid face.

I have bird shit on my stupid face.

 

We’ll we are back to the shit stirring house husbands of New Jersey. Jim has announced that he has passed the bar (hmm I wonder what state that was in, I can’t seem to find any record of it) but that the is not an attorney.  Then in the next breath he is screaming in Joe Gorga’s ear that he “prosecutes bank fraud cases” and “works for the same Attorney General’s office that is prosecuting Juicy Joe.”  Um, hey there Mr. I Passed the Bar.  Federal fraud cases are prosecuted by an AUSA .  Sidenote: Jim’s second twitter account in as many days was suspended again just minutes ago. What the hell is he doing to get suspended?  Is threatening to sue the entire Internet a banable offense on Twitter?  Pity if true because it was really funny. He was also suing Bobby for breach of contract for some nonsense that seemed to be Bravo related. He is also ranting against Bravo who I am assuming is who really is having his accounts suspended. This guy is a joke.

Currently, he has Joe Gorga up in his face outside of Bobby’s house. Let’s watch how this turns out for him. He’s already threatening to call the cops. I’m sure he will be threatening to sue him any second. Oh and on his first twitter account, Good Ole Christian Jim said suing people was like sport fucking to him.  Do they not run psych tests on any of these people? Continue reading

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What Were the Real Housewives Up to Today?

RHONJ Tre and GIa

 

Teresa and Gia are having a beach day. Continue reading

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Filed under Brielle Zolciak, Gia Giudice, Kim Biermann, Kroy Biermann, Kyle Richards, Teresa Giudice, Yolanda Foster

Real Housewives of New Jersey Blog Round-Up

RHONJ Christmas tre joe

Time for a Real Housewives of New Jersey blog round-up! Ratings for this season are dropping like a rock. Personally, I think it is because Caroline is not there. And three new people is at least one too many. I have always said these shows would do better with less housewives. We would be able to get more involved with their lives and get a truer picture. Alas, we are programmed to live for the table flipping scenes which is not what initially drew me to reality TV. Dina promises there is a lot of drama to come, so perhaps the ratings will pick up.  Anyway, let’s see what the pertinent part of the blogs are this week! Continue reading

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Real Housewives of New Jersey: Oh Christmas Tre!

RHONJ Christmas tre joe

 

It’s Christmastime in New Jersey! I love a good Christmas episode! YAY!  We start at Tre’s house where Tre and her family are setting up the family tree. Tre says it is great to stay home this year for Christmas and be out of the public eye. Um, Tre, the public doesn’t pay you any attention during Christmas, unless you are putting your entire Christmas drama on TV!  With all of the ornaments breaking, I’ll be shocked if any make it to the tree. Especially because the parents are drinking Fabellini while Teresa tries to make out with a disinterested Joe.  Tre tells Joe that people were talking about her at the “harvest party.”  Joe says until they get their day in court to “prove themselves not guilty,” they can have any opinion they want because they know who they are. By the way, the words “not guilty” were frankenbite edits.

Joe and Melissa are putting up their Christmas tree too. And Melissa is saying crazy things in her talking head just like Tre.  Melissa informs us that they sold their Montville home and are “shacking it up in a rental.” While that last part is true,  after numerous issues with their rent to buy tenant, the deal has fallen through and Joe and Melissa claim they now want to move back to Montville.  Antonia screams she does not like this small disgusting house!  It looks to be at least 4,000 square feet on a couple of snowy acres. Poor things, their tree is too small for their little rental house. How will they cope?

The twins are at their parents to put up their tree. The twins’ mother is named Santa. For real. The twins’ father goes on some wine-fueled speech about Italian tradition as the family decorates their tree. Amber’s kids are making the most disgusting gingerbread house ever. But they seem to be having fun!  In spite of Amber, who is odd. Continue reading

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RHONJ Blog Round-Up! Nicole Said What????

 

Why Did I Not Post About Last Night's RHONJ? Let Me Count the Reasons...Okay, I started this blog days ago and then saw something shiny and forgot all about it. Now I am dying for you guys to finish reading it so that you can explain Nicole’s comment to me!

Teresa’s blog focused on her family, and all of the people who were in the pretty picture:

My kids always make things brighter no matter what though. I’m glad you got to see more of them just hanging out, cooking breakfast, doing homework, twerking…you know all the normal things kids do… Gabriella is growing up so fast and is such a good, responsible older sister. I love when she helps Milania with her homework. Milania is Milania. Yes, she is definitely funnier than me! She’s also a little caretaker and such a snuggler! Audriana is almost 5! Can you believe it? She wants to do everything her big sisters are doing, especially go to school. She goes to preschool and loves it, but she can’t wait for kindergarten. And Gia, my oldest, is a teenager now! She is every bit of a teen: taller, beautiful, and super sensitive and emotional. She has such a big heart and so much love for everyone.

Yep! Everything is perfectly normal!  I am gonna take a guess that the reason we rarely see Audriana is she was born into the chaos. By the time she was aware of her surroundings, Tre and Joe were already aware the end was near. Joe was allegedly cheating a lot and the home was anything but happy.

Amber’s Blog ended up needing its own post here. Continue reading

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