Category Archives: Roy Black

Real Housewives of Miami Reunion Part 2 Recap

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We are back where we left off on Tuesday with Lisa pissed off and hiking up her fake boobies to prepare for round two with Joanna. Lisa is mad that Joanna’s make-up artist called her all kinds of names, including whore.  Joanna seems to be implying that the reason Lisa can’t get pregnant is because she “parties too much.” So I was thinking drinking. But Lisa herself seems to defending herself against something more serious, yet unspoken. Interesting.

Lisa and Joanna apparently spoke on the phone the night before the reunion and promised each other not to hit below the belt. In other words, don’t go there. Alexia points out how ridiculous it is to call each other and get your stories straight before the reunion. Then Lisa pops out with, “What happened to that necklace that Romain bought you last season?” Joanna says she traded it in for a smaller diamond. (huh? who does that?) Lisa says it’s B.S. that it was a loaner for the show. Lisa has taken issue in the past with all of Lea’s loaners saying that Lenny has actually bought all of hers.

Lisa says she has heard that Joanna is a hooker. Andy says from who? I respond to Andy, “Um, the entire Internet? Including places that rate such services.” Joanna says she would love to meet whoever said that and Lisa says, “Oh you have met her, you are friends with her!” BOOM!  Adrianna pipes up to say that she had received a call from a Polish reporter… Joanna interjects, “Marta! Yes I know I am suing her right now!”….Adrianna continues that you (Joanna)  had been on several websites (I assume she is referring to porn sites) and that Joanna is an escort and a fraud in every way. The reporter says that Joanna’s home in L.A. is not owned by her but by a corporation. These houses and their homes owned by corporations. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Miami Reunion Recap

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And here we go…. on to Real Housewives of Miami Reunion Part One Recap… Sofa King many posts today.  Lea has a shit ton of  borrowed diamonds on. Good for her for being able to borrow, go girl!  Andy goes gently with the RHOM. I can already tell he does not care. Way too much fashion talk. So many softball questions. What is it like living in a tourist destination. Lisa says nobody works. Lea is trying to back her up. Even softballs make the girls fight for attention.

More softball wedding stuff.  The hot Brazilian guy broke his arm at Joanna’s wedding. Joanna apparently has been trashing Adrianna’s wedding because she was SO LATE.  Andy says that looking back,  making your guests change twice and being incredibly late was disrespectful?  Everyone seems to agree and Adrianna (whose name Andy refuses to say correctly) is pissed. So Andy asked what Adrianna thought about Joanna’s dress. She said it reminded her of a Flamenco dress. YES! I did not think of that before!  Andy has now pitted bride against bride and it is working. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Miami Finale Recap

RHOM real-housewives-of-miami-season-3-joanna-romain-wedding-15 When last we left the Joanna Wedding saga, everyone was hungover and had overslept. They were supposed to fly to San Diego from Vegas  at 8 am. Like that was even possible?  Who gets up at 5 or 6 am in Vegas to fly home? You might as well just stumble straight to the airport without sleeping. At any rate, they are now in a rental car driving across the California desert.

At some point they must have survived and gotten back to a studio to do talking heads. But WTF with Joanna’s hair? Did no one have a hairbrush? Lisa is seriously hungover and they have to pull over so she can puke.  They flashback to waking up and they discover Lisa sprawled out on the floor behind the bar. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Miami Recap: It’s All About Lea!

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This episode is going to be all about Lea. Oh joy. Perhaps I should have watched The Blacklist  first.  Even worse the next scene is Joanna and Romain.  Romain’s mother makes a excuse to avoid the wedding. So does his father and brother.  Awesome. Later Bravo Romain sets up a series of surprises for Joanna: an  outdoor picnic where he tears up the prenup, and a day sail on a boat where he gives her a puppy.

Adrianna’s son is going to his first formal and she wants to chaperone. Bravo paid for a Rolls to Alex is going with a guy. They are very young. It’s probably just how they do in whatever grade he is in. Continue reading

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Quotable Quotes From Tonights Real Housewives of Miami

RHOM3.2“It’s easy to take the high road when the low road is the gutter.” ~Lea

“I’m a trooper. I can always pull myself together!” ~Alexia

“Everyone loves Lauren Foster!” ~ Marysol

“What exactly is gay polo?” ~Lauren Foster Continue reading

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The Real Housewives of Miami Are Back!

RHOM3And so am I!  I have resolved my Internet issues and have been waiting to watch the premiere until I could blog while watching. It’s FINALLY time!

We are down to five ladies this season which usually makes for a better show, but I would have much rather have had Ana and Marysol than Lea and that slutty Polish chick whose name escapes me.  Anyway, hey Bravo, where is the author credit for Lesley  Abravanel’s Miami Herald story on Adriana’s marriage?

Are Purveyors of Pop still producing this show? The production is MILES better than it used to be, fresh editing, fantastic musical choices, eye catching scenery, it’s very well done so far.

YAY! Anna and Marysol are there! Those two and Alexia and Lisa are waiting on Adriana to plan her “wedding.”  Ana and Lisa are already clashing. I understand why, but I hope Ana cuts Lisa some slack this season. Lisa is just very young and um, not as well-educated as Ana but I started to like Lisa last season and would like to see her with the fun girls and not the Polish chick and one with all the male criminal friends. Someone needs to look out for Lisa.  Lisa said that Adriana and Marq were the only ones who came to her (unfilmed) 30th birthday party. That said, Lisa is the first to confront Adriana when she arrives to the bridal salon about the fact that she has been married for five years (not to mention her storyline was fear of commitment). Continue reading

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The LONGEST RHOM REUNION RECAP EVER!

Andy is so vain he thinks this reunion show is about him.

Andy is so vain he thinks this reunion show is about him.

Can you believe it is already time for the Real Housewives of Miami Reunion Show? I am so ready to see how this all goes down and what jewelry Lea rented for the show. Well, Lea said she borrowed over a million dollars worth of diamonds and they do not disappoint. I would not want to be the buyer after she got her bad energy all over them though. I’d have to have Mama Elsa do a cleansing with chicken feet and sage and maybe a handful of rice.

Andy is obsessed with plastic surgery so he wastes lots of time talking about that. He asks who has had it and every hand goes up. Marysol talks about her mother’s bad plastic surgery. She had an eye job go horribly wrong and some silicone injections during a time when doctors didn’t know what they were doing. The silicone can’t be undone. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Miami Recap: Two Divorces, Two Engagements and Some Plastic Surgery.

RHOMpic1It’s already time for the season finale of the Real Housewives of Miami? I feel like we just started. Plus, I’m having some sort of emotional girl mess today. Whatever. I am going in. The weather in Bimini looks a lot like what we had here in Atlanta today without the beautiful ocean views and the fancy hotel. Did I mention my Christmas present was dropped off outside today without so much as a knock on the door or a plastic baggie? WTF UPS?  Anyway, I would not be flying in this half-hour flight or not.

Who is this jailbird friend of Lea’s that she is name dropping now? Never heard of him. Lea says “All my friends from jail call me!” And Adrianna is all yeah you probably masturbate with them on the phone. No doubt Adrianna, no doubt. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Miami: Parental Discretion Advised

Here is Marysol being confrontational with Elaine….#eyeroll

And here we go with Real Housewives of Miami… James/Elaine comes to Lea’s son’s birthday party (Because why? Oh I know, because s/he can’t miss a moment of camera time) dragging Lisa Pliner in his wake for back-up. Lisa, who is also looking for some airtime. spits her lines out immediately by trashing Marysol. Nothing keeps you off the editing floor like good old-fashioned vitriol. The producers of RHOM practically film themselves holding cue cards this show is so scripted. I’m guessing entrances were filmed and refilmed more than a scene from Days of Our Lives. Lisa’s lines include things like “Marysol was attacking me. She told me to hire Lauren and not James.” Oh that Marysol, so confrontational, that one. Sigh. Shouldn’t the lines sort of make the storyline coherent instead of completely misstating what we saw on the last episode? Everyone in the room including Alexia, is acting like James is in the right. Alexia was not even there to witness the seven-foot man in a dress shouting at Marysol.

Ana tells her daughters what happened at Thomas Kramer’s she was very accurate in the retelling. Ana is hurt and still angry with Marysol for, in her mind, siding with Thomas. Her daughters tell her that she and Marysol will get past it. That ends the respite of sanity. Continue reading

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A Recap for my Favorite Followers of RHOM

Oh lord, supposedly Mama Elsa doesn’t know that Elaine is a man. WAIT WHUT? I backed it up three times and Lea is saying Marysol lost HER job because she didn’t support James. So this figures into what I read about Elaine working somewhere after Marysol saying it wasn’t a good idea and then Marysol lost the contract. Whatever.

Sidenote: Opera length Mikimotos on Lea? Pucci on Mama Elsa? Talking head multiple strands of seedpearls on Lea. If I had to be any HW ever, make me Lea Black.

Meanwhile, Marta, Joanna’s sister is moving back into the house. Whatever. I despise Joanna and whatshisface. If we don’t get on to the shoe thing this show is going to suck and all my twitter followers will hate me. Lisa Pliner is married to a shoe designer so she decided to design too. Sounds ridiculous but she designs for comfort so as an aspiring lesbian, I’m bi-curious about the concept. I guess I am a green bottom girl. Send me some in a size ten please, Lisa. Continue reading

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Tonight’s RHOM: A Lot of Queen and a Little Peen

This was Donald and Lisa Pliner’s backyard!

I am so excited for tonight’s Real Housewives of Miami episode and for tonight’s Watch What Happen’s Live. Here’s why.  Tonight’s episode was filmed way back in early April at the Star Island home of Donald and Lisa Pliner. Sidenote: They sold their house for $17million and moved to L.A. shortly after filming.  Donald is a shoe designer and his wife Lisa recently began designing shoes for his line as well. Lisa’s shoes have green soles and are advertised for their comfort as opposed to another designer of red bottom shoes which are notorious for being painful to wear. Anyway, Lisa’s shoes are featured in a fabulous runway show and everyone who is anyone in Miami was there. This is important because Marysol is a PR rep for a lot of the people in attendance. RHOM’s Elaine Lancaster, drag queen friend of the housewives and arch nemesis of Marysol, is the emcee of the event. What could possibly go wrong? Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Miami: A Drama-Filled Filming Update

I’ve been sort of ignoring the whole filming of the Real Housewives of Miami because frankly I just can’t stand Joanna Krupa.  Joanna is stunningly beautiful and should take a page from Cynthia Bailey’s book and try not to talk.  I’m not overly excited about Lisa Hochstein either simply because she seems like another airhead that I can’t seem to be bothered to try and tell apart from Joanna much to the chagrin of angry comments here. I’ve yet to see much redeeming value to either of them, but perhaps the show will change that. I do like Anna Quincoces at lot. Perhaps 
because she cooks and eats and tweets like an adult.  Those qualities have me worried she might be relegated to the status of “friend of the housewife” or “housewife junior” as I like to call them.  Karent Sierra has also been filming lots of scenes with the RHOM. Karent is a hot single brunette dentist and I imagine either Ana or Karent will be relegated to the friend role. Word is that there is some of the usually jumping in of the new girl when the other housewives chide her for being a dentist with a publicist. Karent is a spokes person for Colgate. I would prefer to keep both Karent and Ana and for Joanna to be the new Pam, but that’s just me. The interesting RHOM news is that the newest person who is definitely cast in the role of “Friend of the Housewive” is James Davis, pictured at right. Settle in with a beverage while I spill some tea…

James Davis is better know around the South Beach circuit as Elaine Lancaster.  As Elaine,  um James, works as a hostess for drag queen events in various clubs around town.  James, and by extension Elaine, was brought on as the “friend” of Lea Black.  I don’t remember much about the first season of RHOM, but I do know that Lea Black is married to Roy Black a high profile defense attorney in Miami.  Lea was a juror on the William Kennedy Smith trial and Roy was the defense attorney. Smith was acquitted. (Shades of RHOV)  Lea claims she met Roy socially a year after the trial. Anyway, that is a whole nuther talk show. Lea is very smart and a terrific fundraiser so it makes perfect sense that she is besties with a local celebrity drag queen. At least in the world of Bravo.
It seems more often than not that the “friend” brought in by one housewife is supposed to be the “enemy” of another.  In this case it appears that the enemy of James Elaine is Marysol. About two weeks ago the RHOM went to a luncheon/shoe fashion show (because aren’t all luncheon’s held explicitly for introducing a shoe line on Bravo?)  at the Star Island home of  Donald and Lisa Pliner which they recently sold for 17 million dollars. The shoe line was Lisa Pliner’s, whose line features green soles and are made to be comfortable. Unlike another shoe designer’s red soles that are made to be torture devices.  Elaine Lancaster hosted the event in way in which most drag queens host things, humorously with an evil underbite. Elaine is rumored to have poked fun at Marysol Patton from the stage and again in a scene where Bravo producers forced a confrontation between the two. Marysol is said to have gotten emotional enough to have threatened Bravo that she would quit if things didn’t cool down. Bravo producers reminded her that she is contractually unable to quit and that comment allegedly resulted in a Bravo Drama moment on the grounds of the fancy estate. Marysol’s version is that she had to get back to work and was over the heat and stupidity. Or something like that. Whatever. I’m team Marysol I hope she adjusted Elaine’s wig a la Sheree Whitfield. Nothing brings the Bravo ratings like a good wig snatch.

In other bits and pieces of RHOM news the show is already being called out by writers for the Miami Herald as being scripted to the point of setting a new real show scripting standard for Bravo. Bravo is always trying to take it to the next level of scripted reality. Bravo had a hard time finding Miami “socialites” willing to do the show this season but Elsa Patton is back and causing a ruckus so Andy Cohen is happy. And really, isn’t that all that matters?

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