Brandi’s Blog is up and I am going to run out of purple ink this week. Seriously. Brandi’s loons apparently have her convinced that her behavior is perfectly normal. It’s insane. She will be fine as long as she just reads the one or two sites that write blog posts as if she and Kim are not two embarrassing addicts on a show with comparatively very normal successful people.
Jaws drop in stunned horror if I reply, ”I’ll knock your teeth out” (empty words thrown out when under verbal attack on RHOBH). Admittedly, not my greatest moment, but you try putting up with some of the “ladies” of Beverly Hills (or wherever they pretend to live). I will sincerely work on other ways to get crazy people yelling in my face to back up. Anyway, it’s called hyperbole, Kyle. Yeah, smart people know what that is. Kyle, look it up.
This is an example of hyperbole, Brandi. “Well now, one winter it was so cold that all the geese flew backward and all the fish moved south and even the snow turned blue. Late at night, it got so frigid that all spoken words froze solid afore they could be heard. People had to wait until sunup to find out what folks were talking about the night before.” (Paul Bunyon) See, smart people know that hyperbole is exaggerating a story to draw in an audience.”
This is an example of a threat of bodily harm. “I’ll knock your teeth out.” In California, criminal threats can be charged whether or not you actually intend to execute the threat as a misdemeanor or a felony. Making threats to injure someone is not “hyperbole” if you later say you were just kidding.
As for the ladies pretending to live somewhere, everyone except for you (and possibly Kim) lives in Beverly Hills or Malibu. You live in the valley in a rental. Continue reading
Okay I know already this one is going to take awhile. I did no preloading and I didn’t have the First Look on tape.
The Dinner From Hell
Wow, it seems we go straight to dinner! But first Lisa Rinna fills in Eileen and Lisa Vanderpump. Yolanda wants to start the conversation talking about her daughter. Yolanda is trying to get the ladies to open up and talk about real things. Lisa Rinna is weepy. When Lisa was 6 her 21 year old daughter died of a drug and alcohol overdose. Lisa is worried about her own daughters family genetics with alcoholism. That was one of the deepest producer driven plots to try and get to Kim I think we have ever seen, and clearly it works. Lisa tells Kim she is sorry if she has come off as overly invested in her business. She just has a lot of traumatic history on the subject.t Kim looks at her with an evil, dismissive face.
Kim begins to go in on Lisa and say that she has been sober for three years and in three years her friends and family have never seen her like that. Lisa says she has seen her like that. Kim says that Lisa has gone around to everyone to discuss her. Kim shakes her finger at Eileen’s face and says. “you too! you too!” Eileen calmly tells Kim not to point her finger at her. Lisa says she is concerned about her.
Kim says she is concerned about Lisa and her situation at home. Eileen steps in to defend Lisa and Kim is jabbing her finger toward Eileen saying, “Shut your fucking mouth! I’ve had enough of you, you beast!” Kyle is already crying. Kim is pissed that Kyle didn’t defend her on the plane to Lisa. Kim makes fun of how Kyle curled up in a little ball in her plane seat. Kim starts in on Kyle saying that Brandi defends her more than Kyle does. Then she tells Kyle that Kathy would never act like this, she would have her back like a real sister. Lisa Rinna tells Kim that it is not okay to talk to people like that. Kim says “Oh really, why don’t you have a piece of bread and maybe you’ll calm down a little.” That’s interesting. I thought that Kim didn’t remember anything about the Poker Party night. Yet, she remembers being told to eat something to try and get her sobered up. Continue reading
Here, once again with feeling, is what happened to her lips, when she was 24 years old. This clip is from 2013. I think she has a pretty attitude about a dumb mistake she made in her youth. Hopefully, we can drop this issue now, or at least have a link to refer everyone to when it is continuously brought up.
At least it isn’t as bad as what young women and transgender folks on a budget are doing TODAY (shooting silicone into their chest and buttocks) despite having the facts and knowing it is illegal and has lethal side effects.
Gif Credit: T.Kyle
Lisa Rinna’s Bravo Blog this week manages to put Brandi and Kim’s crazy into sober (SWIDT?) perspective. The thing is, my brain is full. I’ve learned a lot of stuff in life. I’ve got a lot of memories. My hard drive is full. I have like 2% left of room to save shit. So Real Housewives is nowhere near making the cut for my memory bank. So since I save these blogs to discuss at the end of the week and over the weekend, I’ve forgotten more of the episodes than I remember. Reading Lisa’s blog is super helpful to me because I find myself saying, “Oh yeah, that is exactly how things went down. I had forgotten.”
I had hoped that she would address Kyle’s use of the word “sober” in relation to Harry. Frankly, I don’t know if Harry quit drinking because he was an alcoholic, or because he was worried he might be headed there, or because he had a drinking problem or because he didn’t want to drink anymore because alcohol killed so many of his family members. It really doesn’t matter. I don’t think whatever the situation is it is some shameful secret. Harry is living an alcohol free life according to Lisa. Good for him if that is his choice. I’m not sure why Kyle or anyone else is concerned with the time frame or whether or not he has a collection of poker chips on his dresser. Continue reading
So a funny thing is going on with Brandi Glanville, allegedly. We all noticed she had a ghost writer who had some writing issues over the past few weeks. I hope she is not paying her. Despite claiming to have a Master’s in “English & Writing” she seems to have missed the classes on punctuation adjacent to quotations. I know I hate quotations more than anything in the world because of all the punctuation involved. It is the worst part of covering WWHL and some trials. It’s tedious and slows down my ability to get things up in a hurry. But if I were putting someone else’s name on my writing, I’d make the extra effort.
So this person is also writing blog entries as a small gossip site using a pseudonym, “K.H.” She has written five articles for the site since beginning her Brandi campaign 11 days ago. Coincidently, all of her Brandi posts have people commenting with things like “This is the fairest article!” “This is the truest article!” “This is an accurate article” “Well thought out article!” “Excellent article!” It’s hysterical. The only comments not written by the author are slam the stupidity of the posts.
The post themselves are 1,000 word essays on Brandi’s “brand” and all of her accomplishments and how the other RHOBH have nothing going on and the show would be cancelled if she left. HILARIOUS stuff. Brandi is getting a bad edit. The other ladies are jealous. Lisa Rinna doesn’t know enough about Kim to call her an addict. You know, the same shit from Brandi’s blogs.
Anyway, someone sent me the link and the more I pay attention to it the funnier it gets. Clearly, I’m not interested in sending the site any traffic. You’ll just have to trust me that it is funny. Continue reading
I’ve been trying to do this post about Lisa Rinna on Kelly & Michael and my Dance Moms recap all day but between the PLATE SIZED snow flakes outside all day beckoning me and Banjo out into the hood and the Jodi Arias case going to the jury I have fallen behind. Sorry, me and Banjo LOVE snow. Sidenote: we were pretty much the only ones out in it which was problematic when one of us got tangled in a briar patch whilst the other one became impatient. Anyway. On to the show.
Lisa comes out in a skin-tight orange dress with black accents on the sleeves. Clearly, Lisa Rinna and Kelly Ripa are two peas in a pod when it comes to starving themselves to be tiny. I’m just saying. And they are both on something that makes them both very perky because you know they are starving and can’t possibly be that pleasant without some sort of medical intervention.
Kelly wants to know what Lisa’s survival techniques are for being on the show. She says well, first of all I knew everyone except for Brandi Glanville coming on to the show. She’s know them all for two decades or more. She says survival for her is telling the truth and being her authentic self. That is all she knows how to do. Kelly says so since you know them, when you are filming to you think to yourself, “Why are they doing that? What is going on?” Lisa says, “Yes, every moment of every day.” She says they have had a lot of fun and do a lot of fun things. This is not the hardest job. I go to parties and I go to lunches. I go to more parties, I go to more lunches. And then we go to Amster…DAMN!” Kelly says that seems like a recipe for disaster. Continue reading
Lisa tweeted before the show began that she was full of piss and vinegar. So that gives me hope this might be a good show. Also, Lisa was photographed being carried over a snow bank into the building to film. It’s all over the tabloids today. This Morning Wendy Williams threw some shade at Andy by putting up the picture saying Lisa was in town “for something.” She went on to point out that Lisa was wearing heels and no coat and if she was local she would know to wear her Uggs inside and then change shoes. I guess this feud has NOT been put to rest. Um, why would someone from L.A. need Uggs? Side note: Don’t you hate when Californians wear Uggs and scarves and knit hats in summer with shorts? What is up with that? I bet those knit hats hold in their hippie smells (patchouli and weed). Ew. Just EW.
Okay my stupid Charter DVR needs like a rest between taping shows so if you tape two things at 10 pm then whatever you tape at 11 is “clipped.” Because, Charter. So I missed the first minute but the deal is that it is Dakota Fanning’s 21st Birthday and for some reason at the bar there is both an ice sculpture of Giggy and some sort of Frat boy theme with a topless male bartender and jello shots. It’s basically something out of one of Andy Cohen’s wet dreams.
Holy Shit! Dakota is in the first chair. Let’s hope it is because it’s her birthday and not Andy throwing shade. Continue reading
We begin with Yolanda’s scavenger hunt. I assume that is one of her shakes from home she is drinking? I wonder what is in there! Camille Grammer shows up for the race! Yolanda claims she did not make up the teams. No one wants to be on Brandi’s team (except Kim). The scavenger hunt is done by a company who puts these thins on for corporate team bonding. It requires problem solving and teamwork. Kim is bitching about it already and they haven’t even started yet. This reminds me of the time we all had to stand in a circle in the parking lot of the school and throw a giant dead fish at someone in the parking lot and give them a compliment. I hate that shit. But this seems fun. I like scavenger hunts and keep wanting to go geocaching. But that would require leaving you fucknuts unsupervised.
Anyway, no time for fascinating personal stories, I have a Jodi Arias blog to get back to. Let’s get this recap up and done! Kyle is captain of Team #1 ( Brandi & Camille) Eileen is captain of Team #2 ( Kim and Lynn) and Yo is captain of Team #3 ( Lisa & Lisa) they select teams by random draw. Clearly this was not random at all and Team Three will win.
Team #1 has all the stupid people except Kim. They can’t finish the first task. Eileen is handicapped by Kim. I don’t know who this random Lyn person is. Am I supposed to? Actually, Team #3 is dumber than I expected. Eileen may have to win this despite her two person handicap. Yolanda sucks at cooperating with her own team. Kim is even worse.
At the finish line all the cheating comes out. Eileen’s team basically won for not cheating. The entire scavenger hunt took less than four minutes. They made it seem like it was all day event. In Brandi’s talking head she says there is nothing Kyle can say to make up for what she has said to her. Really? That’s hilarious. Production kicks Camille and Lynn out so that serious fake filming can begin. Yolanda announces that everyone is going to Amsterdam. Brandi says that they can smoke pot. Vanderpump and Rinna want to do it too. Brandi says “It’s amazing there’s hookers and windows!” While I did walk through the red light district with my parents as a kid, (what were they going to do with me?) I was more traumatized by the Anne Frank House and the Dutch boy who my parents and his parents made us take a picture together. #ChildhoodTrauma
Why would Yolanda have a man on standby to run out and fix the dishwasher but no maid in sight to load the dishwasher? She’s rich, and deathly ill! Two fabulous excuses not to lift a finger! Yolanda explains that the Dutch are assholes. You would know this if you had ever been to Holland, or even Curacao. I still think Germans are worse. Continue reading
Filed under Brandi Glanville, Camille Grammer, David Foster, Eileen Davidson, Ken Todd, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, Mohamed Hadid, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Yolanda Foster
Four months ago, Brandi Glanville was flashing her lady parts and acting like a whore on Steve Harvey and he saw a ratings draw so he had invited her back to be her trashy, classless self once again. The video about is just a taste of what you missed. A lot of this is as put on as the vocal fry so popular in Southern California. I get that. But why would a mother go on TV and act like a whore with no filter over and over and over again. I’m starting to think LeAnn doesn’t even want those boys. Which is sad because someone needs to raise them.
Last time that Brandi was there, Steve would not let her date either of the men she picked. He is back to try again. Did you know Brandi has an app where you can block yourself from contacting certain people when you are drinking? I need an app that keeps me from drunk emailing. Can someone get me one of those? We should be safe until Easter for that.
They talk about Celebrity Apprentice Steve asks if they have made up. Brandi says, “No, but I think you need to set her up because she needs love more than anyone I’ve ever met in my life!” Steve says she fought with everybody this season on RHOBH, he wants to know why? She says, ” They fought with me! I think they all sit around pretending to be perfect and it’s an easy bandwagon to jump on so they come after me and I fight back! ” Brandi needs to sell T-Shirts that say “It wasn’t me!” Continue reading
The RHOBH reunion was filmed on Friday. By all accounts it was a ten-hour ordeal for the gang. Andy said it was the most intense RHOBH reunion in five seasons and that wore him out. It seems he placated the Pump though as sources indicate that Lisa was not the victim this season and became quite aggressive with Brandi. Eileen and Lisa Rinna went hard on Brandi as well. Eileen was mostly composed but not particularly reserved when it came time to go toe to toe with Brandi. Brandi’s own twitter account says that she pissed off “everybody.” Her fans were delighted by the news.
Despite much online chatter about whether or not Yolanda’s health would allow her to attend, there was never any question in my mind that she would. And indeed she did. She may have gotten a few accommodations with breaks and such, but she was there. Continue reading
Seems like just yesterday…
So next week’s previews showed Lisa Rinna and Brandi chatting about Kim Richards. In this conversation, several innuendos are made. It seems that Brandi is saying that Kim is constantly high on Fentanyl from a patch she is swiping from Monty and according to Brandi, Kim is suicidal.
So now what? Clearly, Lisa and Eileen decide to forge ahead with some sort of intervention. We all know that doesn’t go well. What I am dying to see is how Brandi comes out of the situation smelling like a rose with regard to Kim. Does Brandi lie to Kim about what she told Lisa?
After the failed intervention, can we go back to some other storyline? We get it. Brandi is a wino. Kim is an addict. Will we at least be able to enjoy the Amsterdam episodes in peace? Can we maybe focus on the city and see the sites instead of forcing Kyle to argue with Kim on camera some more? I’m not holding my breath. Continue reading
GIF BY RealityTVGIFs a blog by T. Kyle MacMahon on Tumblr
I like to save my Bravo Blogs for the end of the week when other stories start to die down. Especially this weekend when there is not RHOA episode AGAIN. I need something to talk about with you guys then, which is why I don’t care for posts about the blogs the second they come out.
Anyway, Kim seems to have a new ghost writer this week. This one doesn’t even try to write in Kim’s voice. But she is expressing Kim’s message loud and clear and that message is “I DID NOT RELAPSE!” There are heaping helpings of blame to go around. Kim on the other hand excepts zero responsibility. It’s just like the time Kingsley bit Kyle’s kid and Kim blamed the kid.
If you are bored on a Saturday afternoon, give this collection of Kim Richards posts a read. Let me know if you sense a theme. Continue reading