Category Archives: Mauricio Umansky

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: “Welcome to Amsterdam?”

RHOBH Scavenger hunt

Photo: Twitter

 

We begin with Yolanda’s scavenger hunt. I assume that is one of her shakes from home she is drinking? I wonder what is in there!  Camille Grammer shows up for the race! Yolanda claims she did not make up the teams. No one wants to be on Brandi’s team (except Kim).  The scavenger hunt is done by a company who puts these thins on for corporate team bonding. It requires problem solving and teamwork. Kim is bitching about it already and they haven’t even started yet. This reminds me of the time we all had to stand in a circle in the parking lot of the school and throw a giant dead fish at someone in the parking lot and give them a compliment. I hate that shit. But this seems fun. I like scavenger hunts and keep wanting to go geocaching. But that would require leaving you fucknuts unsupervised.

Anyway, no time for fascinating personal stories, I have a Jodi Arias blog to get back to. Let’s get this recap up and done!  Kyle is captain of Team #1 (  Brandi & Camille)  Eileen is captain of Team #2  ( Kim and Lynn)  and Yo is captain of Team #3 ( Lisa & Lisa)  they select teams by random draw.  Clearly this was not random at all and Team Three will win.

Team #1 has all the stupid people except Kim. They can’t finish the first task.  Eileen is handicapped by Kim. I don’t know who this random Lyn person is. Am I supposed to? Actually, Team #3 is dumber than I expected. Eileen may have to win this despite her two person handicap. Yolanda sucks at cooperating with her own team. Kim is even worse.

At the finish line all the cheating comes out. Eileen’s team basically won for not cheating. The entire scavenger hunt took less than four minutes. They made it seem like it was all day event.  In Brandi’s talking head she says there is nothing Kyle can say to make up for what she has said to her. Really? That’s hilarious.  Production kicks Camille and Lynn out so that serious fake filming can begin. Yolanda announces that everyone is going to Amsterdam. Brandi says that they can smoke pot. Vanderpump and Rinna want to do it too. Brandi says “It’s amazing there’s hookers and windows!”  While I did walk through the red light district with my parents as a kid, (what were they going to do with me?) I was more traumatized by the Anne Frank House and the Dutch boy who my parents and his parents made us take a picture together. #ChildhoodTrauma

Why would Yolanda have a man on standby to run out and fix the dishwasher but no maid in sight to load the dishwasher? She’s rich, and deathly ill! Two fabulous excuses not to lift a finger!  Yolanda explains that the Dutch are assholes. You would know this if you had ever been to Holland, or even Curacao. I still think Germans are worse. Continue reading

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Filed under Brandi Glanville, Camille Grammer, David Foster, Eileen Davidson, Ken Todd, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, Mohamed Hadid, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Yolanda Foster

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Sister Act

RHobh CastIt’s time for more RHOBH! Are you ready? I’m not. So this recap will likely be later than usual. Still setting up. Is that a new opening ? Has Eileen’s always been in an blue evening gown with her hair up? What are they trying to do to her?  Are all of those evening gown things new? I normally zip through but tonight I was uploading pictures.

We are back at the gay mixer. Which reminds me I so wanted to do a post in favor of the whole “my gays” thing but I’ve been busy and hormonal. It could still happen. I think the new younger politically correct gays are being ridiculous.* (* except for @NewJerzeyBoy  who I love despite his PCness on this issue.)

Anyway. I hate when Kyle gets all up in her whining crying voice as much as the next person but I think she is being genuine in those moments. Kim’s talking heads on the other hand are such a put on.  Kim is crying in one corner. and Kyle in the other.  Brandi and her gay roommate finally get the hint and take Kim out of there.

Kim is clearly on something again and Brandi is clearly enabling. We don’t need to keep pointing this out.

Kyle is crying to Lisa and says that Brandi is always spewing wrong information. Vanderpump, in an attempt to commiserate says, ” Now you know how I felt last season.” and Kyle misplaces her anger onto Lisa and yells “This is not about you!” Oh Kyle, people can agree and share a similar sentiment and experience and that does not mean they are making it about themselves. It’s called sharing a similar experience. Lisa is trying to console Kyle despite the misplaced anger. Bravo production decides to play the creepy sepia (ish)  scenes with Kim and Kyle at Kim’s house. Why do they waste so much time reshowing footage like it’s a daytime soap?

Kim, Brandi and the dude, don’t really leave. They sit outside and film some more.

Lisa says that everyone is enabling an addict. Kim has everyone scared and no one wants to deal with it. Continue reading

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Filed under Brandi Glanville, Eileen Davidson, Ken Todd, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Recap, RHOBH, Yolanda Foster

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: It’s Just A Scratch

RHOBH Just a Scratch

We begin with the physical altercation between Brandi and Kyle in which a perfectly good piece of pizza was thrown to the ground. Kim recognizes the severity of the issue when she asks what happened to her slice and Brandi nonchalantly admits to throwing it on the ground. Kyle and Kim have a discussion in high pitched crying voices that makes zero sense. The two new girls creep around trying to listen outside the line of fire.  Brandi, realizing that she is not on camera once again tries to insert herself into a conversation between the two sisters. Lisa tries to get Brandi away from them and Kim’s cheese slides even further off her cracker. She is now accusing Lisa of saying something to Kyle about the car ride from hell.

Brandi grabs Kyle by the wrists and yells at her. I would have punched her right then and there. BAM! Right in the kisser. Brandi continues to scream at Kyle saying she does nothing for her sister and is never there for her. Vince is hilariously peeping through the garage door window. Brandi gives talking heads where she says Kyle is a worthless sister. Brandi whines about a scratch on her arm. She says it is swelling and she is going to kill Kyle. Eileen says, “How about a little Neosporin? Get a grip!”  I love Eileen.

Lisa rides home with Kyle who is still crying. Kim seems to want to leave with Kyle but Brandi is literally holding her back and telling her Kyle is a bad person. What a fucking loser Brandi is.

The two addicts leave together. Brandi tells Kim she is not making sense. Lisa tells Kyle that Brandi needs rehab. Kim has no idea where she is or what just happened. It’s all very sad.

Eileen and Vince drink some wine after everyone left. Eileen has sisters and she has been in fights with her sisters before but not as grown ass women. Vince is flabbergasted. Continue reading

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Filed under Brandi Glanville, Eileen Davidson, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Yolanda Foster

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: House of Cards

Why did you invite me to a wine tasting?

Why did you invite me to a wine tasting?

Tonight on RHOBH we are going to question Kim Richard’s sobriety! What a lovely storyline. Not. WTF is wrong with these people? But first, let’s take her to a wine tasting! On the two hour ride to the spa day, the ladies discuss their lady gardens in intimate detail. As a bunch of grown women are prone to do on road trips. I mean don’t you wonder about the personal grooming of your friends when on the way to the spa?

Vanderpump, Eileen and Brandi get massages in the same room. Brandi mentions herpes.  As grown women do when enjoying a spa day. Brandi’s second topic choice is anal.  Rinna, Kim and Kyle are in the other room. Rinna and Kyle are over Brandi but Kim is still defending her.

Yolanda is with Gigi in New York. She thrilled over Gigi’s Harper’s Bazaar spread. Bella shows up with headshots later.

Time to take the alcoholic with less than a year sober to the bar again!  The sommelier knows Kim is not drinking and prepared her a mango juice, and yet she asks her if she wants to smell the wine. Kim very quietly and discreetly leaves the event. But people go out to check on her and drag her back in.  On the ride home the women discuss their sexual fantasies of course. What else is their to talk about other than vaginas? Brandi’s sexual fantasy is about catching her man with another woman. So she can check that off her bucket list. In Brandi’s talking head, she says all the other ladies husbands are cheating. No dear. That was yours. And possibly Kyle’s. Go scratch. Continue reading

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Filed under Brandi Glanville, Eileen Davidson, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Yolanda Foster

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: If That’s Not White Trash, I Don’t Know What Is

RHOBH Lisa Brandi Lunch

It’s time for another episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, which once again will include a lot of Brandi behaving badly.

Lisa Vanderpump

Lisa is going to go to lunch with Brandi and hear her out. Brandi thinks she has is owed an apology. For what? I don’t understand what Lisa did to her? Lisa says that Ken is very hurt by Brandi’s backstabbing. Brandi thinks she and Lisa have a similar personality. Lisa disagrees.

Lisa wants to know what Brandi wants an apology for. Brandi says “the Scheana stuff.”  Lisa apologizes for not giving Brandi a heads up that Scheana was going to be at some filming they did. Brandi apologized for repeating gossip that she heard. Brandi says I was an asshole to you but you started it. Lisa says she can’t be the friend that Brandi wants. They agree to be cordial. Lisa makes Brandi pay for lunch. Only they don’t ever have to pay for lunch.

Yolanda Foster

Bella has a photo shoot. But don’t worry, Yolanda punished her by taking her phone away for three weeks. She’s also buying her an apartment in NYC.  Bella is 17. Continue reading

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Filed under Brandi Glanville, Eileen Davidson, Ken Todd, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Recap, RHOBH, Yolanda Foster

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: I’ve Had Enough Teenagers On This Show

RHobh Cast

I can already tell this one is going to be later than usual because it’s nuts here in real life. But the show must go on, God willing and the Internet holds out.

Why do people in LA wear winter caps in the summer? IDGI.

Lisa Rinna

Lisa’s mother had a stroke and her father has been ill and she and her sister had to put them in assisted living and sell the house. Lisa needs to get her belongings from the house because it has sold. Her daughters are typical teenaged girls who would much rather keep their plans to get their driver’s permit than go with her.  I look back at so many of these moments in my life now and wish I had been more compassionate toward my parents. But I get it, when you are that age, your brain is way more selfish.

Lisa and the girls go to Medford Oregon and immediately start mocking it.  One kid asks “Are a lot of people chub-chubs here?”  Lisa replies that “Fast food is king here.”  Or maybe they have just never been outside of Beverly Hills to see people who actually eat food without puking it right back up.  Then the girls find out that their mother went to church every Sunday. Brat 1 says, “You went to church? That explains a lot. You’re so weird.” Brat 2 says, “I feel bad for you. I gotta cut you some slack now that I know how you grew up.”  These two brats need a reality check. Continue reading

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Filed under Eileen Davidson, Ken Todd, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, Mohamed Hadid, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Yolanda Foster

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

RHobh CastHi, it’s me, Tamara.  I’ll be your blogger for the evening but I just had a heavy conversation and completely forgot to set up the technical crap for this blog. So apologies in advance for sucking. And newbies can not waste their time telling me how poorly written is. :) So I had an extra hour to drink and I’m really kind of off tonight. I’m afraid of my neighbors and now of my neighborhood.  I think it may be time for me to move and I can’t sell. So I may look into renting this place.

YOLANDA

Anyway we are back to Yo dealing with Bella getting a DUI. Wow Yo is totally lying about what happened. Yo’s version is Bella had a glass of wine and decided to the gas station (WTF?) and go stopped. Um real version is Bella blew through a stop sign and almost hit A COP CAR. and blew a .14 nearly twice the legal limit for an ADULT. She was also driving on a suspended license.  Yolanda is full of shit.

Yo thanks David for being  a great step dad.

EILEEN

Eileen’s niece was her nanny for years. Eileen says when she tried to quit acting Vince was fine. Until he wasn’t so she went back to work on Y&R AND DOOL!

Eillen has always taken her kid to work at Y&R .  lots of love triange scenes. Continue reading

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Filed under Brandi Glanville, Eileen Davidson, Ken Todd, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, Mohamed Hadid, Paul Nassif, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Yolanda Foster

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

RHobh CastI am obsessed with losing badly at a new game I found called Just Words that you can play free on your laptop here. It’s Scrabble only you can’t put letters on both side of a word which makes it harder. And the dictionary they use is stupid but there is no penalty if you try a word that isn’t a real word. Anyway. Sorry, I did not preload for this episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills  so it will take longer than usual.

Kyle goes to meet Kim who is sick and so are all of her kids. But she has to go see her mother of the bride dress and stuff. She is terrified of getting sick before her vacation to Spain but if she doesn’t go Kim will not get paid for this episode so, she dashes in and out.

Brandi is doing a podcast these days. Is that a lucrative thing? I’m serious I don’t know. Anyway the podcast guy is wants to advertise more but since it is Brandi Unfiltered he wants to make it more “family friendly.”  Um, no. Don’t do that Brandi. You are not a family friendly person. I don’t mean that in a bad way. But if a podcast is anything like a blog, you don’t get viewers by trying to please everyone. Don’t ask me how I know this. Be your usual unfiltered trash mouthed self. I promise you will do much better as you than worrying about offending people. Because  offending people is half the fun. I would not change a thing. Of course she says she will filter herself for financial gain. Sigh.

Why is Mauricio says he is trying to be sure he has the “right passports?” Um… a) does he have a stash of “wrong passports” because you turn the old one in when you get a new one and (TWO)  Aren’t they rich people that travel all the time? I know right where my “right passport” is at all times in case the Zombie Apocalypse comes and I have to book somewhere. Continue reading

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Filed under Adrienne Maloof, Brandi Glanville, David Foster, Eileen Davidson, Ken Todd, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Yolanda Foster

East Coast Meets West Coast at Rockefeller Tree Lighting

Kyle Mauricio Melissa and Joe

 

Kyle Richards and Melissa Gorga and their spouses attended the NYC tree lighting this week and ended up spending some time together.  Noticeably absent were the RHONJ convicted felons. It was clear at the reunion that Teresa wanted nothing to do with her brother and sister-in-law.  Teresa refused to even look at Melissa and was snappy with Joe Gorga.  I don’t expect those siblings to be in the same family drawing for secret Santa this year. Kyle was in NYC to be on WWHL and to do a bit of Christmas shopping. Do we recognize any of the faces behind them?

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Filed under Joe Gorga, Kyle Richards, Mauricio Umansky, Melissa Gorga

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (Recap) Pay Attention to Me!

RHOBH Pay Attention to Me Episode 3 Eileen

Lisa Rinna

It’s her birthday! She is going to dinner at PUMP. Harry is late to dinner because he is flying in from Vancouver. Kyle tells the story about how she met Mauricio when she was engaged to another man. They met at a party and she turned her ring around so he would not notice. The then fiancé was a news reporter for CBS and was 24 years older than she was.

Lisa Rinna says when she met Harry he was married. She was working at an eyeglass store and he came in to pick up his glasses. He was married to Nicolette Sheridan but she had recently left him to run off with Michael Bolton. Twenty one years later she ran into Michael Bolton and thanked him for making it possible for her to be with Harry and have two beautiful daughters. Then Harry shows up looking hot as hell. He’s so dreamy. He also arrives with a GIANT Cartier bag with a ring box inside a big box. It’s a lovely simple gold double band ring.

Lisa Rinna meets Eileen Davidson for lunch. They talk about old times and working together 20 years ago on Days of Our Lives. Continue reading

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Filed under Brandi Glanville, Eileen Davidson, Ken Todd, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Yolanda Foster

Will We See Don Johnson on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills This Season?

Don Johnson Home

 

Word on the curb is that we will be seeing Don Johnson on RHOBH this season. He has listed his property in Montecito with The Agency , Mauricios’s agency.  Um, Montecito is about 90 miles away from Beverly Hills. Mauricio is NOT the listing agent. Don Johnson just bought his place last year, but he needs a new place to have horses on the property. He didn’t know he needed a horse barn last year?  Maybe that sweet ranch property that Ellen DeGeneres flipped in Hidden Valley is back on the market. Or maybe he just wants to be on RHOBH?  We shall see if this listing makes the edit or hits the editing room floor.

From TwoParagraphs.com

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Kyle Richards is married to real estate mogul, Mauricio Umansky. His agency, called The Agency of Beverly Hills, has been selected to sell the estate of actor Don Johnson (Miami Vice, Nash Bridges). Johnson’s French country farmhouse in Montecito, California is listing for $14.9 million. Don’t worry, Johnson hasn’t gone bankrupt like Burt Reynolds. Johnson and his wife of 15 years, Kelley Phleger, bought the 11,229-square-foot estate in 2013 but the couple is “unable to house their horses on the three-acre estate, required them to board their horses off the property.” Continue reading

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Filed under Kyle Richards, Mauricio Umansky, News, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Way Too Much Brandi

RHobh Cast

I can already tell this episode is going to have too much Brandi.

Brandi and Kim are besties on this season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills it seems. Brandi tells Kim about running into Adrienne. Kim thinks that Brandi has grown as a person. At least that is what she is calling not having another other choice of filming buddies. Brandi has not just been dumped by five landlords in five years, she’s also been dumped by JR who decided the chick he cheated on her with is preferable. She is not going to go with out a fight though.

Lisa Vanderpump is getting a new shirt tailor made for her. It’s just and excuse to see her closet, really. We are focusing on the help this episode it seems. Lisa employs servants as a act of compassion for them. She’s nice like that. She also has decided to allow Kyle and Yolanda to share her airspace from time to time.  Lisa tells Ken she has no desire to reunite with Brandi. Continue reading

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Filed under Adrienne Maloof, Brandi Glanville, Eileen Davidson, Ken Todd, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Yolanda Foster